#(we're only a week out and I still haven't had to wade into a meltdown.)

[cesium-sheep]

since I was watching ~spooky analyses~ suicide clauses in life insurance policies came up. she confirmed hers has one that is long expired, and I rambled some stuff about still preferring she not kill herself, and she seemed to reject the notion that she would more strongly than she has in the past. so that's definitely something (positive), especially in conjunction with the earlier thing.

#suicide ment #ask to tag #still Fuckin Stressful but like. a positive sign. can't let my guard down just yet but. #(and hey I've yet to lose anyone and that can't be 100% dumb luck so) #(at least while I was active in their lives) #(it is definitely not 0% dumb luck either for the record. I know I'm good but no one's that good.) #(just stressful to have to keep track of at all is all) #(but I don't expect this year to get as ugly as last year.) #(in large part because it hasn't yet. it was already bad in like. december last go round.) #(we're only a week out and I still haven't had to wade into a meltdown.) #(plus he's here with us so even if it does get Just As Bad it won't actually get As Bad.) #(I don't have to handle it all alone.) #(ah trauma :) )