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chimcharstar · 5 years

Note

1-50 ho

you got it ho

1. What’s your favorite candle scent?

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED. ive been Purchasing various smelly candles for my gay divination activities, and i have a few nominees. i first thought of the candle i have now, a pink one with a very sweet vanilla smell, i love very sweet smells because it makes me think of candy which i tend to try to fill my inner void with. however im going to go with the first candle i bought, a dark orange one with a citrus smell. citrus scents are my next favourite and specifically this one reminded me of curiously smelling candles at my piano teachers apartment when i was very young.

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?

idk. ive been listening to her lion king stuff lately. dont judge me i needed to hear remixes of lion king music i was lost in that sauce in high school. and i just think shes neat. i dont think she would aggressively make me feel bad about everything, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?

Look……. i really don’t know???? what is the criteria?? do they need to be like my siblings? dare i criticize my arguably criticizable siblings by picking out my ideal siblings? if i pick an ideal sibling, what does that say about what im lacking in my life? do i pick celebrities i hate so theoretically my family shames them into becoming silent and self-defeating

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?

50. i think im going to have to figure myself out for a long time, and achieve some personal goals first. thats my excessively confident prediction and PERHAPS educated guess

5. Do you know a hoarder?

nnnnnoooooooo????? not a real, cant function because of hoarding hoarder. i can see in a few family members, including myself, liking to hang onto things that maybe become sentimental/unnecessary clutter but that sounds like something many non-hoarders experience?

6. Can you do a split?

lemme try one sec

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?

Idk maybe 7? Or 11? i think my parents taught me at a children age and then i started biking for fun like, later, like pre middle school?

8. How many oceans have you swam in?

1. i dont really remember swimming in an ocean but i may have faded childhood memories of salty water and seaweed

9. How many countries have you been to?

2… i went to idaho for a band trip… my dad really doesnt like travelling

10. Is anyone in your family in the army?

HAHAHA

NO. ACTUALLY YES. but its funny because the specific brand of christianity we are supposed to be is super pacifist so ive heard. but then i remembered one dude apparently who joined the us military?????? it seemed like it was… an unusual choice. i dont really know anything else about this guy, not even his name

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?

🙏 *inhale* buddy. oooooohhffffff i want to say something gender neutral honestly. i dont want to rock the boat being unconventional or something but im just thinking of all those years trying to live up to a feminine name

12. What would you name your son if you had one?

same i guess… why have i never thought about this????? was i preoccupied naming myself.

13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test?

hmmmmm hmmmmm trying to unlock the vault. i think i remember a 1 or a 0 on a math quiz. i think i got 30% or something very very bad (i dont even want to know) on my last english exam, but to be fair, i was having such a bad mental breakdown my professor did an intervention

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?

like a very very small child? i was obsessed with the save-ums (?!?!?) for some reason. i would sing the anthem… no. theme song? i dont know. i guess it was catchy and there were lots of fun characters. OHHHH I SEE WHATS WRONG

ITS BECAUSE WE ONLY HAD A TV TILL I WAS LIKE 5 OR SOMETHING. what are you cultured people watching as children? what are the shows?

15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?

>:(

My Halloween experience:

i dont even remember i probably had some kind of fairy wings? i think i remember fairy wings. we went to one (1) house. later on, since we werent allowed to go trick-or-treating, we were each allotted a certain amount of candy, and if we ate more than a designated amount per day, we were in trouble and wouldnt be allowed anymore. i do remember getting in trouble for this. i think i stole someones candy. sibling against sibling. finally we were allowed to go trick or treating, i went with my younger brothers and by then, was a teenager and felt too tall and really uncomfortable

LMAO I JUST REMEMBERED THAT LAST TIME WE WENT TRICK-OR-TREATING NOT IN A RURAL AREA, my dad drove us around in a van and watched us like a hawk i believe. it was very tense and methodical.

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?

i read the harry potter series (I WROTE SIBLIGS LOL) more times than i could count while growing up. i read the first hunger games book and didnt fancy it for whatever reason, and i had an obnoxious twilight-hating phase.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?

sometimes, though, im really genuinely worried about what accent i do have. im worried i read so much harry potter growing up, it rubbed off on me. when i was a server, people would ask about an unusual accent i apparently had, and once, when i was talking to a super british guy who called me luv at walmart, he was like STOP. WAIT. YOU HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT. and i was like WHAT UHHH BYEBYE AND HE WAS LIKE NO. I HEARD YOU. STOP and i was like that michael jackson meme where he covers his face running away and everyone else in the line was staring

18. Did your mother go to college?

i believe she went to a bible college where people put a grand piano on top of the roof.

19. Are your grandparents still married?

all of my grandparents are dead.

…. hmmMMMM yow. ok. my grandparents who werent estranged stayed married for as long as either of them were living… however, my OTHER grandparents, i mean the fucking kidnappers, my abuser grandpa… remarried? when he was… really really aging. im judging him for it because i know what kind of person he was.

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?

I WISH. my parents didnt seem to like that sort of thing (surprise). im interested in it now but… as usual… i feel like its too late, im too old.

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?

….. i… i thought i did… hes blessed… thats all.

22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to?

ಠ_ಠ

*crickets*

how could you ask me this?

no wait! i went to the waterslides. then, later on, i was never allowed to go to the waterslides.

23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?

Spanish. ive been “intending” to learn for a long time, and a lot of people who have been really good influences on me and been genuinely kind to me speak it, id like to learn it

24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?

grey

one sec

yup thats canadian!

25. Is your father bald?

on the top of his head, yes >:(

26. Do you know triplets?

no?

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?

no? what is this straight stuff? i listened to the dramatic titanic song and felt nothing.

28. Have you ever had Indian food?

i guess so, at a friends house! i dont think otherwise ive gone to a restaurant and actually had indian food

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?

*gazes tearily at my OWN FUCKING OLD WORKPLACE

the food was sO GOOD MAN. IT WAS SO GOOD. im just not saying because despite how stalkable i probably am already, i dont want to be specific

30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?

no whats that

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)?

belong? whats bjs? whats a warehouse for?

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?

i decided at one point they would never tell me this and it was no use asking. i do know they almost named my brother a very fusty old fashioned name fitting in with the thomas the tank engine theme

33. If you have a nickname, what is it?

G is the ONLY one i will accept so far.

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world?

i……… hmmmm…. i really dont like picking favourites. each person in my life has a unique relationship with me (even though a lot of them arent very warm, trusting or close). because of unhealthy middle school friendships ive grown an aversion to ranking relationships as if they have material value.

35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?

rural, i think. i need nature in my life!!! but i also need to be able to have connections to people.

36. Can you whistle?

yes, but not very loudly or accurately

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?

no, but ive always wanted a nightlight

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?

ive started to, yeah! this morning i made a whole thing with bread and mushrooms and eggs, and coffee, and i ate it outside watching the traffic. im really trying to treat myself nicely you see. its what id do for someone else.

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?

THAT

BOY

JUICE!

WELCOME TO MY BUILD A BOY WORKSHOP!

SHOTS!SHOTS!SHOTS!

and im really fortunate to be in pretty good health, and have access to things i do need

40. What medical conditions do you have?

I dont think… i actually have any. id say gender dysphoria but i think it was informed consent. (im VERY lucky)

im pretty sure there are SOME mental conditions running around undiagnosed. MY BRAIN IS NOT WORKING PROPERLY

41. How many times have you been to the hospital?

for myself? once… when i got hives and started swelling up all over, but otherwise was fine. i really wonder what that was. other times was visiting sick/dying relatives which has made me feel sad and apprehensive whenever i enter a hospital or smell the food

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?

yes! i had a gerbil named nemo!

43. Where do you buy your jeans?

i dont … remember … really nowhere special i actually have yet to find some jeans i LOVE. sometimes there is a pair of jeans that sparks joy. i do not have such a pair

44. What’s the last compliment you got?

my sister said my pants looked good on me. they are actually their pants, which they left on the floor in my room for an unknown reason, and they want them back. of course.

but because im excited about it and want to brag, the real compliment was when i made borscht and my sister not only ate it faster than me, but wanted a second helping. and my roommate stuck his face in the steam and said it smelled good. hell yes. i put fucking cilantro in it. fcking beast mode.

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?

yes. theyre usually really emotional and symbolic. if ive been talking to my parents, theyre usually nightmares. ive been reading about dream interpretation for a long time to deal with some of the ominous images that can come up

46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?

red rose reminds me of wheni was little my mom would make really sweet sweet red rose tea for me (thats the kind she drinks all the time) and it brings me those good feelings. otherwise licorice spice really appeald to me for some reason.

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?

LMAO UHHH…brb

six. because of social pressure.

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?

i never thought about this kind of thing…. i really don’t know….. id just want them to know how to be kind to others and themselves and thats literally it.

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?

i was one of those edgy kids trying to spoil it for everyone. guess what other common fun thing my parents didnt do

50. Why do you have a youtube?

i dont! so i dont know what this question means! :)

HOLY SHIT I MADE IT THRU HIGH FIVE

#rambling #WOW #bug

2 notes · View notes

carmineclock · 5 years

Text

Why Don't You Do Right

Snowman 11:10 PM

> Fade from black before Scratch's desk. "James. We have a situation."

Scratch 11:13 PM

> You look up at her with eyes strained from reading. Why cant it ever be good news. "Oh good, Id begun to worry the quiet would last." > Sit up and prepare for the worst.

Snowman 11:14 PM

"Diamonds Droog's daughter is dead. Three has killed her."

Scratch 11:17 PM

> Your first thought is that shes not really his daughter, but they never see it that way. "Trace has. I knew he shouldnt have been left alone. I assume hes on his way." > Youre actually a little impressed. Pissed, mostly. But still.

Snowman 11:21 PM

"Yes. Three, Five, and Seven here are on their way here. I will also call for Nepeta shortly. Five has known of it and has been covering for Three, perhaps since it occurred." > You light up a cigarette. "You know what this means."

Scratch 11:24 PM

> You stand and stretch, joints popping dully as you shake the exhaistion from your bones. "It could mean quite a many things, my dear. War, being the foremost."

Snowman 11:30 PM

"Diamonds torched the scene of the crime--a lashing out quite unlike him. Trace has brought war to our doorstep." > Take a deep drag. "It's only a matter of time before the Crew comes to our doorstep as well. Time we have lost a precious amount of while these...fucking imbeciles tucked tail and hid the truth from us to avoid consequences." > Blow the smoke at the ceiling. "If this were the old regime, they would be culled and recycled for parts the moment they walk through these doors. This is the last straw, James."

Scratch 11:37 PM

> That brutality is one of the many things you love about her. And she has a point, in this being the last straw. "A fair point, though humans are far more difficult to recycle than carapaces." > You set about making tea, strangely calm despite the slowly building rage. Maybe its shock. "We'll have to be ready, though preperations for defense can wait until I have all the details. The grievous misstep was in waiting to say anything. Selfish man, we'll have to do something about that terrible personality."

Snowman 11:44 PM

> You lean against the ledge of his desk, arms crossed, as you consider the back of his head. "I do not know all of the details myself. So far as I was aware until a few minutes ago, there had only been a shadow magic fire that took out a funeral home in the Crew's territory. I had Three and Five investigating--god." > Click your tongue distastefully. "They lied to me. To my goddamned face. Fin made some excuse, said Trace was still... I bet they never even left the comforts of their room. I cannot... And to tell Clover before me. Who else have they told? What were they thinking."

Scratch 11:54 PM

> That pulls a frown across your previously placid face. That wont do at all. "That will be our opening, I should say. Whatever the war ahead brings, the lying must stop." > Your hand grips the kettle tightly, anger rising as steam billows around your face. Lies, deciet, fear, and cowardice to top ot all off. You should have nipped this in the bud before. "How is it such a small man can cause such large problems."

Snowman 11:59 PM

"By getting off as easily as we've been letting them." > You ash your cigarette and nearly miss the tray. "Should have broken every bone in their miserable goddamned bodies after all the backsass and trouble they've been giving us. Especially together..." > Chew your lip. "If only your lot were as easy to reprogram as my lot. That would solve these issues in less than a heartbeat. But it never should have gotten to this state in the first place. How did it come to this?"

Clover 12:00 AM

> Knockknock, knockknock.

Scratch 12:02 AM

> Tea done, you call for him to enter. Though you werent expecting him first, you were expecting him. He likes to get involved,even when he shouldnt.

"Its true, there is something to be said about the faulyt of unruly soldiers lying in thoer commamders. I blame myself as much as them."(edited)

Clover 12:04 AM

> Let yourself in and close the door behind you, hands hooked behind your back and a rather somber expression on your face.

Scratch 12:06 AM

"Stay quiet, stay calm. If you make a scene, youre out. Understood?"

Clover 12:06 AM

"Understood."

Crowbar 12:16 AM

You lead the way to Doc's office. The door is cracked so you announce your arrival and let yourself in, standing aside so Trace can go ahead. You're both surprised and unsurprised to see Clover. You acknowledge him with a nod.

Trace 12:18 AM

> You're on your way, tailing right behind Crowbar. Time for the walk of shame. You pass him, and when you spot Clover on the way in- Urgh. Here you thought your heart - or you, for the matter - couldn't sink any lower. You enter and quietly wait in the middle of the room. Quiet, but far from calm. A stress headache is pounding in your head and being stared down by all three bosses and the guy next to them that probably hates you the most does not help in the slightest.

Fin 12:26 AM

Your face is still red from the slap you got from Snowman. You get inside the office noding to your bosses and wishing you could hug your husband. Clover is completely ignored for now as you stand right next to Trace hands behind your back

Nepeta 12:31 AM

You finished quickly throwing on some clothes and trying to wash your tears away. Water doesn't hide your bloodshot eyes though, or the fact that your hair hasn't seen a brush today so far. You look like a mess, fitting to your mental state. You briefly glance at Fin and Trace as you enter the office but quickly look at your bosses instead. Less painful.

Snowman 12:36 AM

You remain poised, leaned against the edge of Scratch's desk, arms crossed tight over your chest. The cigarette between your lips is smoldering, filling the air with its smoke, but it is not near so smoldering as the glare you send around the room.

Clover 12:39 AM

Fin is likewise ignored as he enters, but for Trace you briefly glance to his eyes before tearing your own away. Nepeta, though, is given a sympathetic look and an attempt at a tiny smile.

Scratch 12:54 AM

An absolute party, and you, the ever gracious and gentle host, will be the one to kick things off, as it has always been. "Now then," You say, standing behind your desk. "Lets start with the facts, only. We can deal with emotions later. As it stands, and as I have it, Trace has taken it upon himself to end the life of Diamonds Droogs adoptive daughter, one Aradia Megido. Resulting in a funeral parlor in crew territory being burned. After this, an investigation of the events was carried out by Trace and Fin. Those are most of the facts, but we are missing some." Deep breath, steady eyes, looking around the room slowly. " Snowman, Crowbar, when were you notified of Traces actions, and by whom. Trace, how many days has it been since you killed the troll girl. Fin, when did the investigation of the fire take place. Nepeta, what was your roll in this. All facts we must add together to have the full picture."

Crowbar 12:58 AM

You stand in front of the door like a sentry, holding your crowbar behind you. "I found out moments ago, sir. I instructed Trace to inform the rest of the Numbers promptly before being called into your office."

Trace 1:11 AM

More people enter, first Fin, and then Nepeta. You turn your head just enough to recognize her, then fix your eyes back towards the front. On the desk, not Scratch himself. You can't stand to face anyone right now, but least of all your lovers. You've managed to drag them even deeper into this. Great. You collect your thoughts to answer to Scratch. "I have killed her on New Years Eve." (Which would be maybe a day ago. No more than a day and a half. This should be the evening or night of the 1st, considering Trace didn't want to wait too long after talking with Kankri.) With that, your response to Doc should have been finished. He's not looking for more words from you just yet, you know that. But if there's any time left to do stupid mistakes, it is now. Quickly, before anyone else can speak up, you continue. "When given the order to investigate, I knew it would be too dangerous, with police and crew about and surely watching the scene. Green would have been more than a bad look. So I told Fin to stay put while I figure out how to approach you with this topic. Nepeta has purposefully not been involved in any of this. The plan was mine, and mine alone."

Fin 1:24 AM

After Trace finishes you clear your throat and answer " I did not follow Snowman instructions of investigating the burned building , I wanted to give Trace time to talk about the truth to all of you and because as Trace mentions it was a dangerous thing to do"

Nepeta 1:37 AM

You do look at Trace when he speaks, even though it hurts. He wants to talk for you and you aren't sure how much you appreciate that right at this moment. You know he means well but it leaves a small frown on your face. You speak up on your own anyways. "I was unaware about all of this until the day after, when Trace confessed to me. I should have immediately contacted you but..." But you didn't want to rat them out, even after they hurt you. You don't think you have to spell it out. "I only told Clover. I'm sorry."

Snowman 1:51 AM

You clutch tighter to the inside of your elbow, eyes leveled between Trace and Fin both. "I knew of the fire shortly after it happened, and had tasked both Three and Five with investigating it, should it prove to useful to us. I found out about the murder a few minutes ago, when Clover called me and forced Fin into a position to confess to me."

Clover 2:42 PM

Discontent and distaste boils in your stomach as you watch all of them, though still all your expression shows is a deep worry for Nepeta. She's the worst hit here, and she never deserved this. You wish you could help.

Scratch 4:20 PM

You let each of them speak in turn, waiting patiently, logging the information to write down for later. The timeline is slowly filling in, giving you a much better picture. "So there it is, all the facts are out in the open. The deed was done a day or so prior, and it was only today that any of those with actual power found out. Very interesting." You let that sit for a moment as you pour yourself some tea. "So, then, as it stands, of the three of you, none of you are without fault. Nepeta, yours is the least, only in that you told no one despite having the information. For that, consider this your second strike. Im sure Traces actions will find a way to punish you further. Fin, your fault is almost equal to that of Traces. You knew of his plans, allowed them to take place, and not only that, when given an express order from your superior, you ignored it in favor of your lovers instructions. If it was dangerous, if it was a bad idea, then you should have blamed Trace for whatever may have occured. Instead you decided not to follow orders because you knew. You knew what would happen. You should be on your knees, begging for forgiveness, because Snowman will be in charge of your punishment, as it was her order you shirked." Your eyes turn to Trace, thin, icy, a muted rage in their depths. Your gut had warned he would do sometging stupid, but you trusted him.

"As for you, Trace. You dont get hand out instructions. How dare you contradict Snowmans order. If something befell Fin in this investigation, then he should have suffered the consequences doing his duty. The plan was yours alone? Are you an idiot? Did you really think your actions wouldnt effect others around you, especially those closest to you? If you needed time to approach us, all that tells me is that you knew what you did was the wrong move. Nepeta was left out of it? Really? After eveeything shes been through with Droog, you think this incredible offense wont effect her going forward far more than it will you? Cruel, cowardly man, to bring ruin on your own partners" Your tone turns darker. "Worst of all, Trace. Worst of all, is that you left it for us to find out. Fearful of the reprecussions? You dont know fear. But you will. A man who knows fear does not make fruitless mistakes for the sake of his own vanity. It seems our last talk left less of an impression than Id hoped. So let me make this clear. You are going to lose everything. The specifics will take time, we will have plenty of time to go over them. Snowman, please escort Fin and Nepeta out of my sight. Crowbar, stay, I will have need of you."

Crowbar 2:26 AM

You can't help but swallow, your collar feeling tight around your throat as Doc speaks. Even though he deserves it, you empathize with Trace. He is your friend at the end of the day. You fear he will not be the same person for very long. Stepping aside, you leave room for Fin and Nepeta to exit.

Trace 2:30 AM

You listen with quiet horror. Of course, not even a day was good enough. Of course all of it is getting turned against you. When the strike for Nepeta is mentioned, you go as pale as your green skin can. You open your mouth in protect, but you don't say anything. Bullshit. That's. That's not okay. That's not fair. Your mouth closes as Scratch continues with your own repercussions, almost numb to what you hear. A loud ringing takes over your senses. Fuck. You're frozen to the spot. He didn't say that you're dismissed yet. Even if, you're not sure if your legs could carry you with how weak in the knees you feel. From the sound of it, your first punishment may be delivered by Crowbar himself. Great. Not like threatening and punishing your lovers was already bad enough.

Fin 2:38 AM

Your eyes are ringing with the blood that is flushing when you hear about Nepeta's strike. This was not the way you two intended things to go, even with Trace assuming all the blame you know you were there to encourage him and offer him help so obviously you are partially to blame for what happened too but she didn't deserve this at all. You almost miss the moment when Scratch dissmisses you as you were too tense and that shows in the way your shoulders slouch once you have to walk out of the office. As you get escorted outside you take a second to reach for Trace's hand and touch it for a second, you wanted to say so many things but you just softly whisper that you will be waiting for him.

Trace 2:56 AM

Your heart skips a beat when you feel Fin's touch, but you don't dare looking up at him, nor at Nepeta when she follows him. You don't need to see their worried looks. You know them well enough to imagine how concerned they might be about you, the idiot that got them into this, while the guilt over the trouble you caused them is already quickly eating away at you.

Snowman 10:34 PM

You feel nothing much beyond, perhaps, pity for the part of Nepeta, though even that is minimal in light of the circumstances. Though you are curious to know what will lie beyond this door once it closes behind you, you have other things on your mind: namely, the man already slinking out of the door ahead of you. Nodding to James, you take Nepeta lightly by the elbow and steer her out of the room, eyes fixated on the back of Fin's head as you walk.

Clover 10:53 PM

Some part of you deeply wants to get up and bolt out the door to follow her, to protect her, to be her lucky charm- but you know there's nothing you can do until this is through. You watch them go until the door closes, and then you watch Scratch alone.

Scratch 1:17 AM

Silence takes the room as they file out, and you find a sort of solemn sadness taking the place of anger. Youd trusted Trace. Of course he was always going to be an idiot, but you never expected...well, it doesn't matter now. "So here we are." You say quietly, in almost a whisper. "You know, however it may seem, Ive always had high hopes for you, Trace. Youre strong, and fiercely loyal." Thin, gloved fingers trace the rim of your teacup idly. "It had been my hope to one day groom you for leadership. You have everything youd need, except the brains. Youre not half as smart as you think you are, Trace. You dont know, but you act like you do. Did the thought ever occur to you that I might actually want the girl dead? That there were ways to take her out that may have benefited us all? I hope you understand that youre not being punished because you killed her. Its not so simple." You sigh, looking up to Crowbar and beckoning him over with a sharp flick of the wrist. "You need to learn to think before you do, Trace. That the things you do effect other people. That there are other ways than your ways. I know you hate me, I dont pretend to be kind or pleasant, but I do know what Im talking about. Its why Im in charge, and have been for longer than youve been alive. When I call for your respect, its not because I think Im better than you, its because I have experiences that can help you be better and I want you to learn, I all but begged you to learn. Unfortunately now you have to learn the hard way." You move around your desk, standing in front of it now. "Its going to be a slow, painful process, but with any luck, youll come to understand why this has to happen. Come here, hold your arm out, place your hand face down on the desk."

Trace 3:39 AM

Suddenly the room felt much quieter, despite the fact that barely anyone but him has talked the whole time. Maybe it's also just your senses your senses going more and more numb by the second. What a lecture, all these wonderful backhanded compliments, just as he's about to give you probably the worst time of your life. You're left with a sour taste in your mouth when he mentions all his grand plans. Groom you for leadership. God, just what you need, a job you hate even more. You try not to look around the room much, eyes still fixed on the desk, the very platform that's about to become your scaffolding. You do take notice that Clover didn't leave the room yet though. Does he really want to watch this? Boy, does he hate you that much now. You welcome any thought that distracts you from what's about to happen, but this train of thought leads you to even more unpleasant places. Makes you wonder just how flippant his feelings are, or if he ever really cared about you if he is so easily swayed. You know what is expected of you and step forward. You briefly consider which hand to offer since it hasn't been specified - they're your most important tools after all - but decide on your right one, keeping the one with the ring safe, if at all possible.

Crowbar 8:33 AM

If you're nervous, it doesn't show. You take a swift breath and approach as you are motioned to do. You stand by Trace, a chill running through your veins to numb any sense of sentimentality. You have to distance the personal from the business. Looming over Trace, you turn your attention to Doc, awaiting further instruction.

Scratch 7:42 PM

"Nothing to say? You pleaded so nicely for Fin and Nepeta, nothing for yourself? The bravado died rather quickly once your lovers left, you may want to think about why that is." From your jacket pocket you pull out a dark green marker. Such a damn shame. Not only do you have Trace's mistakes to clean up, you also have to ruin a perfectly nice suit. Whatever his flaws, the boy has has style. You step over to his outstretched arm, eyes wandering up until you find a spot you prefer. Its so hard to stay classy when doing dirty work, but you do what you can. You mark the middle of his arm, drawing a fat line across his sleeve. You think the instructions speak loud and clear, so you pop the top of the marker back on and tuck it back into your pocket. Now you'll see what Crowbar's word is worth.

Trace 8:38 PM

You stay quiet. No, nothing else to say. What would even be the point? Beg for forgiveness? There's nothing that will sway Scratch from his ruling, and frankly you had it coming, right? And the last thing you need is talking yourself even deeper into trouble. You purse your lips and close your eyes, preparing for the pain. You don't need to watch that, you'll be feeling it soon enough. If anything, you're sorry for Crowbar having to do this. He's stern and hard-working, sure, but still caring at his core.

Crowbar 8:42 PM

You watch Scratch carefully and when he watches you, in turn, you know it is your time to step forward. Gripping your crowbar tight, you focus on the line drawn on Trace's arm. Your heart gives a single empathetic squeeze before the cold steals away your remorse. A job is a job. You plan to do yours well. Without a word, you raise your weapon up and bring it down with a sickening crack.

Clover 8:45 PM

You flinch, just a bit, as the weapon swings down. You don't have the job that he does for a reason- you don't know how to willingly remove yourself from someone you've spent so much of your life with. You didn't watch.

Trace 8:57 PM

A sharp excruciating pain shoots through your arm. You do your best to hold back your reaction lest someone out there hears you. It's not quite a yell, but an agonized grunt escapes you. As the pain dulls, your head starts getting dizzy and you slowly sink down onto your knees before your body can force you. Last thing you want is to pass out right here. You pull your arm close to your body, lean against the desk for some support and wheeze heavily as you wait for further instructions. God, he better not plan to break any more bones.

Scratch 10:09 PM

Your eyes never stray. You watch the crowbar hits its mark, the way his arms snaps like a biscuit under the weight of the blow. This is your order, and you'll see it through. Theres no room to flinch, or to look away, not for you, not for Crowbar. He did well. In a world of self serving men, you're glad for someone like him. "Well struck, Crowbar." You compliment easily, eyes moving down now to Trace as he falls. You have more to say to him, but not here. Not on the showroom floor. "Though I really should have the other one as well, we'll let that stew for a bit before taking any more. Please escort Trace down to the holding cells."

Crowbar 10:12 PM

"Yes, sir." You slip a hand under Trace's good arm, hoisting him up to his feet and placing him between you and the door. "Come on, Three," you say, an almost gentle tone hiding beneath the stern command, "You know the way."

Clover 10:24 PM

It's been some time since you felt your heart pound with so much raw emotion that you can't even pin down what it is. Your chin is tilted down to the floor, and you await your father's comment or command.

Trace 10:39 PM

You go along with Crowbar. You have little intention to resist any of that, but his support certainly helps getting up and walking out of the door. Off to the cells, huh. Sure will be an unpleasant night, it seems.

Scratch 10:48 PM

So the curtain falls on another show, well performed all around. The only one who reacted differently than you expected was Clover, but you have your own reasons for wanting him to be here. You turn to him as they leave, stepping between them and him as the door shuts behind them. It was important for him to be here, as far as you're concerned, there was more accomplished here than just the breaking of bones. "My, that was certainly exciting, wasnt it?" You say cooly, tilting your head towards him. You wonder if it was worth it for him. You wonder if he was glad to be here.

Clover 12:20 AM

"You could call it that," you reply with a shrug. Your expression is something around the ring of neutral, and you lean against his desk. Your heart cries at you to chase Trace down to the cells, to tell Nepeta everything as soon as possible. You silence it. "Word I'd use is tiring."

Scratch 9:19 PM

"Tired, are you?" You move back around your desk and pull out your notebook and a pen. "It seems to me the tiring times are only just beginning. Especially for you and your position so delicately balanced between the factions." You start writing. It will be easier for you to remember all the information if you write it down for later. This is just one of many outrages you have documented.

Clover 9:23 PM

"Shocker, right?" You shoot him a lopsided smile, stare up at the ceiling. "Everything I've worked for is going to have to be rebuilt."

Scratch 9:40 PM

"Hmm. Can it be rebuilt? Thats good to hear." Youre only half listening now, trying to recount things as they happened. You still have to clean Traces room out and also go and see him in the holding cells. "Do you regret being here when it happened, or the part you played in it all?'

Clover 9:46 PM

You consider it for a fair moment, as you often do before you give him his answers. Would you have rathered someone else in your place? Would you have preferred that you didn't act as you did? "....No."

Scratch 9:55 PM

Interesting. Such a complicated boy, this one. Even though he didnt watch, he still preferred to be here for it. "They certainly wont thank you for it." They meaning Trace and Fin, if you have a proper understanding of their relationship, that is. But youre glad he was here, and that he stayed. It shows them how much more hes like you than them. "Ah, just for my own curiosity, when did Nepeta tell you about all of this, and how long after Fin explained the situation to you did you involve Snowman?"

Clover 10:24 PM

"About an hour and a half or so ago I spoke with Nepeta, then immediately sought out Trace. Once I had spoken with Trace, I left him to make the decision if he was going to inform Crowbar of the situation as he should himself and sought out Fin. I found him not long before this meeting was called and called Snowman shortly after confirming he was complicit in the plan."

Scratch 4:18 PM

You make a note of it. An hour isnt bad at all, timing is everything in these matters. In most matters, really. Not that you would honestly know how to punish Clover if he did make the wrong move. Lucky for both of you he's smart enough to know better. "Right. If thats all for now then, you're dismissed. Please keep in mind that Trace is not allowed visitors." Except for you, but you're the exception to all rules, considering you make them.

Clover 4:24 PM

"No hug or gossip?" > Little smile. "I s'pose you've got a lot to do."

Scratch 4:31 PM

You smile, taking a pause in your writing. "Unfortunately you're right, theres much to do. In any event, I didnt think you would be in the mood for a hug, everything considered. Last I recall you were rather close to those three."

Clover 4:41 PM

"You'll get it eventually," you say, the tiniest hint of teasing in your voice.

Scratch 8:55 PM

Honestly, you're not entirely sure what he means. Whats there to get. "What is it I'm meant to be getting?"

Clover 9:03 PM

"Me, of course!" > It's on that note that you turn to leave, humming.

Scratch 10:01 PM

You dont go back to writing right away. Why do you feel like he got you? Did you just get got? Whatever. You have too much to do, and as always both too little and too much time to do it.

Trace 12:57 AM

Shortly before arriving at the cells, you stop. It's hard to think or remember much of the conversation through the fog of pain and shock, but parts are slowly coming back and one hits you especially hard. 'You're going to lose everything.' It's hard to imagine the extent that Scratch means, but if he says everything... you have little doubt that he very much means everything. "Crowbar. Can I- can I make a request."

Crowbar 1:01 AM

You pause. Take a deep breath. Doc might not appreciate you showing hesitation or concern in this situation but he isn't exactly around. Can't hurt to hear him out. You ask, "What is it, Trace?"

Trace 1:05 AM

You wince a little as you let down your broken arm, now without support, as your other digs into your pocket. You pull out a little bundled tissue, inside the rings from your most recent engagement. You hesitate for a moment, not sure if you should really dare to ask. But you're not sure what else Scratch got planned for you and you don't want to put these at risk if you can avoid it. "Could you... give these back to Nepeta?"

Crowbar 1:09 AM

You furrow your brow, taking the tissue and inspecting the rings. Your mouth opens and closes as your mind conjures up conflicting responses. Cold, warm, understanding, curt... You can't decide. With a heavy sigh, you tuck the rings safely into your breast pocket. "Anything you'd like me to tell her?" you ask.

Trace 1:20 AM

That's actually more than you expected. You think for a moment, trying to find the right words. "That I trust her. I want to trust her. I really do." You blink a few times as tears are welling up again. You wanted to tell her yourself, but you're not even sure when you'll get the chance for that. "Thank you.."

Crowbar 1:24 AM

You nod, patting the rings hidden away on your chest. You keep your words of sympathy to yourself but you feel it goes without saying. You continue on your way, regardless of your heavy heart.

Trace 1:25 AM

You follow, at least one little worry lighter, but still too many remain.

#logs #I can't believe Trace is gonna die #violence tw

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terramythos · 4 years

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Thoughts/reactions master post for October Daye #13 “The Unkindest Tide” or "major deja vu"

Excellent Start: it fuckin opens with The Luidaeg showing up and dumping a bunch of lore

-There are some things to unpack here after thinking on it. The Roane predicted that Toby would bring them back. We knew already that they were seers and could predict the future. But this implies they did not predict their savior being Toby SPECIFICALLY, just someone from Amandine's line.

This is interesting for a couple reasons. First, it's a solid explanation for why The Luidaeg, the oldest and one of (if not the) most powerful Firstborn took interest in Toby, who's a changeling and thus beneath the notice of most of Faerie. On a related note, it's also an explanation on why Amandine was so keen on turning Toby into a human. The character who prevented this happening was, no surprise, The Luidaeg.

But while it appears Toby will indeed fulfill this prophecy, it's been implied if not outright stated that Amandine's line is also prophesied (probably by the Roane) to bring back Oberon. This is a wild guess, but I feel it makes more narrative sense and would be an interesting twist if we set Toby up to fulfill that prophecy, only to ultimately have August (or both of them as a team) do it. I'm pretty sure August is redeemable, unlike Amandine, and her character arc so far is based on trying to bring Oberon back and FAILING, so...

-I could be reading too much into this, but hey. I do think I should go back and read (1) The Luidaeg's short story where she confronts Amandine and (2) the scenes in book 5 where Toby talks to one of the few surviving Roane. Said Roane predicts Connor's death, but she says so much cryptic shit there may be something else hidden there relating to this.

...OH. OK. You know that makes a lot more sense. All the setup for this (which has been going on since book 5 lmfao) pointed to The Luidaeg being morally questionable and possibly evil in this one but like, this is way more in line with her character lmfao

Though I guess theres plenty that's morally questionable about forcing an entire race of people to turn into another one whether they like it or not

-Side note: The Luidaeg and Quentin's friendship remains adorable

-Gillian's magical signature is officially fennel and primroses.

-OK but like, we have to approach the fact that Gillain's skin is still basically sentient in some way? Like Firtha's consciousness is a big part of the short story. And can glean from that that the others probably have something to them. So uh, what happens to the souls (if you can call them that) when we fuse the skins to the Selkies?

New Firstborn?? New Firstborn! New Firstborn.

-ok so like correct me if I'm wrong but practically every Firstborn we met has been female. I think the only dude we've met is Blind Michael, who was a basket of crazy and Decisively Killed Off in book 3. Otherwise we've got The Luidaeg, Evening, Amandine, Acacia, and now Captain Pete.

The Luidaeg is such a fascinating character. One of my favorites from literally anything. This scene really exemplifies why I think. Seemingly cruel yet compassionate, coping with horrific tragedy, yet also a supernatural and terrifying monster. SORT OF. it’s complicated

-There's a scene after this where she verbally takes down an adult man, then is so kind and patient to a child who approaches her. And that contrast really hits. She has been consistently kind and protective of children through the whole series. It makes it more brutal when she says she doesnt even like them much because she misses having her own, and you know she can't lie. She's kind to kids because it is the right thing to so.

-Shit goes down in a bad way (seemingly unrelated to the main premise?). Like Dianda gets kidnapped by her evil brother whom we have not met before

SIMON TORQUILL REDEMPTION ARC IN THE FUTURE...... 2!

-Not to be rude October but like, werent you already planning to rescue Simon ANYWAY. That one's basically the freebie of those 3 favors you just promised

-ok I'm writing this part WAY LATER cause my dumb ass forgot that Simon returning is CONTINGENT upon bringing Oberon back and now this line makes way more sense.

-little lore tidbit on why it's so easy to transform October and not the other characters... its the whole Tam Lin thing we figured out last book. Guess that should have been obvious

Not to be het rights on main but oh my god. Oh my fucking shit oh my god. (Its not really het rights cause tybalt is bi but oh my god holy shit)

-I am laughing at the fact this is a tense moment with lives on the line and an obvious time limit and Toby and Tybalt just go "time to make out a little in front of everyone"

-Lmao right after I typed that the Luidaeg basically said the same thing

-lmaoo she fuckin slices Tybalt's finger for his part of the spell then just does a tiny pinprick for Quentin because she likes him more

-random interlude in the Undersea where toby rescues Peter

Ok Quentin's reaction here is funny

This scene's got a little bit of everything

Explanation on why Gillian can talk to her skin, since it's a "lost" one and hasn't been worn much. Also sort of an explanation for the Luidaeg calling the skins by name.

-anyway it's pretty obvious that Dianda's brother is the one behind Isla's murder, right? Like, why else introduce him at this point

-"maybe sending The Luidaeg to find Pete has been the wrong call" I'm starting to feel that way to be honest

-Yeah Torin being responsible is confirmed. There’s a scene where Toby gets badly injured and it’s borderline torture porn, which seems to happen once a book now. There is a cute somewhat angsty scene with her and Tybalt, which is always fun.

-There's some fun bits when they take down Torin but nothing particularly noteworthy. The interactions with Pete and The Luidaeg are fun when both return to the scene. I'm trying real hard to like Gillian but she's been pretty ineffectual this book, and every time she shows up it seems to be whining about Toby, which is a shame.

Luidaeg feels and The Moral, which is pretty good! Found family is a reliable weak point of mine.

-They do find an alternate solution (splitting the “dead” skins), and everyone who wants a Selkie skin gets it. They also let some of them stay Selkies for a few more years, but most get turned into Roane. And happy Luidaeg!

-Though the whole “Gillian has a sentient selkie skin” is not addressed again and she’s the first one who gets turned. did Firtha/her ghost just get annihilated from existence? i don’t know man

-Overall I'm pretty lukewarm over this entry. Like Once Broken Faith, it feels like a book made to Address a Big Lore Change but doesn’t have a solid conflict to support it. Torin is some one-off Merrow dude i’m pretty sure is never mentioned until he suddenly shows up and is the bad guy here, and the whole kidnapping Dianda and long interlude in the middle where they go to the Undersea to rescue Peter seems just... really random, considering the setting (Duchy of Ships) and the Selkies are supposed to be the center of the story.

Nothing wrong with one-off villains, but ones like Blind Michael and Rhys were way more memorable/interesting than Torin. This just felt way too much like the randos from Once Broken Faith who were just villains cause someone had to be. can’t even remember their names or their motivations

It's a shame cause there are some things I did really like in this novel. There’s some good character development. Captain Pete was cool (even if the conclusion basically writes her back out of the story). But imo this book should be a big Luidaeg entry and she's absent for like 70 percent of the book, which doesn’t help

I guess what I'm saying is this would have been fine as a novella if there wasn’t a big novel-defining conflict to use. January’s resurrection was done in a novella and that’s pretty damn major, Lore-wise.

I cant complain too much, cause the last 2 books knocked it out of the park. But I hope the next one feels more relevant.

-One thing I do want to mention (which I didn’t picture anywhere) is there is a lot of cryptic shit in this entry surrounding... Marcia of all people? Captain Pete and The Luidaeg both seem inordinately interested in her. And she seems very nervous when they speak to her and ask her questions and says a bunch of weird cryptic shit. I think this is setting up for something with her, but I’m not sure what. We basically know none of her backstory, which is unusual for a character who’s been in the series since book 1, so it wouldn’t be out of place to explore her more. I do think there’s something up with her birth/heritage. We know she’s a mostly human changeling (like only 1/4 fae?) but she’s very involved in the fae stuff, which is unusual. We don’t even know what the 1/4 is and the main character is literally a bloodhound for that sort of thing.

-Anyway, there’s a novella at the end of this one called "Hope is Swift" starring Raj. So we'll see how that is!

-I like it so far. Lots of Cait Sidhe lore. The premise is that Raj gets hit by a car in cat form and then taken in by a vet and mistaken for an actual cat. There's also a they/them nb side character named Cal.

-Overall I did enjoy the novella. Not a lot goes down but there’s good Cait Sidhe lore and character development for Raj. We also got to formally meet Ginerva, who was a character in name only to this point. I liked it more than the base novel i think

-and not to drive more on my point in previous reads but BLIND MICHAEL. IS MENTIONED A LOT. mostly re: trauma and recovery, which is nice, but still.

-I hope book 14 throws us back into the meat of the story. i mean, 10 was probably the weakest entry but it was surrounded by good ones, and since this one was preceeded by 2 of the best books in the series i hope the pattern stays true

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