#(hence the lack of workday sendoffs the past few days)

[jontheredrc]

venting below

I tried! I really did! and I kept at it for years! but the longer I’ve done so, the worse I’ve felt! and at this point, my symptoms are so disruptive that I’m not sure I can ever hold a full-time job!

what set off this post is that I haven’t been able to keep food or water down lately...every single meal ends up coming back up, at least partly, and water gets rejected within a minute!

I’m upset at it now because I just tried to have dinner, but it was a huge, huge problem at work...only one person ever stopped me to ask if I was okay, which is weird because I was always disoriented and confused and my eyes were frequently glazed over and my breath was haggard

I know I complained a lot about my job and my health here, but...lately it’s gotten so bad that I’ve simply had to leave that job--it was already starting to affect my performance, but if I can’t even retain water, that makes working in the summer downright dangerous, y’know?

which brings me back to my original point, of being upset...because my overall health has affected my home life, too, and it still does (and perhaps it always will--I’m so scared that I’ve managed to permanently damage myself somehow from the overexertion of that job)

I’ve mentioned that a few times here too, being so low on energy that I have to ration it out and stagger chores across several days--or even some stretches where work literally took every ounce of strength I could muster! and now I’m afraid that every job will be too strenuous for me, that I am destined for perpetual failure, that this exit was already too late and my health will continue to spiral...

I know the job I had was genuinely physically demanding, and I was already kind of expecting some of my symptoms to hit me hard for awhile, now that I’m no longer trying to ignore them and push through them to do that demanding work...but some of these symptoms weren’t there until this year, like the vomiting! so I don’t know how long they’ll persist! and while these symptoms are here, it’s still a struggle to take a shower, much less find and work a new job!

I’ve been struggling my entire life! I’m sick of it!!

#the gist is that my health has gotten too dire for my job so i've had to leave #(hence the lack of workday sendoffs the past few days)