#(from which‚ I might add‚ vicki drinks greedily.)

[widowshill]

r/v + loneliness.

102 / Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca, ch. 4 / 4 / 8 / Art Wallace, Shadows on the Wall / 603 / Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca, ch 4. / 473 / Richard Sherman, Demo: "Lovely, Lonely Man/Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Finale" / 2

#➤ roger collins & victoria winters. ┊ pain sometimes precedes pleasure，miss winters. #➤ edits & art. ┊ the evans cottage art gallery. #compilation tag #idk I have just been Thinking about this since that gifset lol. #‘I’ll blame it on you‚’ she says — because you are the one who has brought me here‚ she thinks #because she seems to anticipate even in their first meeting that she will play Eyre and he Rochester. #there had better be many more such tête-à-tête’s on the cliff side or she’ll be terribly disappointed ! #[and not only cliffside proselytizing: barging into her room at all hours‚ chasing her around town‚ dragging her bodily into the drawing #room‚ and‚ occasionally on a good day‚ an actual genuine date or a meal sometime.] #Roger has –– in theory –– everything that she wants. a family‚ a home‚ a wife and child‚ history and ancestry! boy does he have that! #and yet he is terribly terribly alone in this well he has poisoned. #(from which‚ I might add‚ vicki drinks greedily.) #''What do you want out of life?'' when he's already achieved (or so it appears on the outside) the midcentury blazon of success: #a family‚ a well-to-do office position at which he really does nothing‚ a succession of american-made sports cars. #he may be separated from his wife but together‚ he and elizbeth and david and carolyn form a mimetic image of the nuclear family. #to which vicki is desperate to grasp onto‚ even in its most nightmarish form‚ whether or not she realizes that's why she stays. #but what does he want? he wants the same thing she wants. love and companionship. (that he hasn't yet ruined. that he can't stop ruining.) #she may not precisely understand his type of loneliness but she knows about loneliness among people. she's lived it. #and she knows too about ... a visceral loneliness pushing you to push people even further away (as in the childhood story she tells david). #so she sees through his fronts a lot of the time‚ whether they be a layer of charm‚ or terror. and boy does he hate that. being seen for #something real. where his actions matter and produce consequences. where feeling is real – good or bad. #the little governess and her capacity to find shadows to throw light on! whether they be locked chambers in the basement or the atria.