#( she hasnt celebrated one since red and shes forgotten HELP )

[multiicolor]

silently panicking. what do you get a human for a birthday present ................

#` 🥚 wyverian guardian || ena. ` #( she hasnt celebrated one since red and shes forgotten HELP ) #( jsdbfhjbjdbfjs )

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Della Arc Reviews: The Great Dime Chase!

Welcome back all you happy people, to my look at the series first arc! I covered the pilot last week and this week i’m going full speed ahead with two more review for this arc, one more for the Lena arc all leading up to BOTH finsihing up next week for DUCK WEEK, my huge celebration of the final episode of Ducktales 2017. So with all that in mind when we last left off the kids moved in, webby gained friends, Donald and Scrooge made the first steps to patching up.. and Dewey found out his mom was also invovled with their adventures setting this arc off. 

This is also where the airing order reshuffling started as this episode was pushed up by two replacing impossible summit as the third episode... and where said order reshuffling for both this arc and the Lena arc really bit Disney in the ass by giving fans the wrong idea about the series pacing. See the original idea was to have a few episodes as a buffer, since this arc itself is only about 5 episodes long, so the pacing would be more spread out and fans while likely getting impatient for the della mystery to be resolved, would expect it to take about that long after a while. The same was clearly planned for the Lena arc. 

The problem is Disney didn’t give one shit about proper airing order, story pacing or any of that at the time despite their most popular show at said time having the same pacing structure and having been aired in the right order. So as a result and as most of you already know, season 1′s structure was a mess: The globetrotting adventure episodes were off ballance with ones set in Duckburg itself, Scrooge sometimes felt like a supporitng character in the first half due to his two focus episodes being crunched to the back for holidays... it was bad. And it was worst here as by having both the Della and Lena arcs progress pretty quickly in the first 6.. it was thus jarring and grating that there was zero progress for either in the rest of the first half, and they had to move the spear of selene up a few episodes when they came back just to make up for it.. which still messed with pacing as that arc wouldn’t be picked up until the final three episodes solving nothing. This made fans blame the creators for sloppy pacing and for taking too long to get to the Della thing when they’d done nothing wrong and HAD staggered it out. It wasn’t till Frank later revealed the order was a bit bungled we got the message and until a few months into the series being on Disney Plus we got a proper order for the series. And again, the arc has pacing issues we’ll get to without this.. but they were made so much work by Disney blatantly disrespecting and ingoring their creative team. 

I will give credit where it’s due though: Disney learned from it. While Season 2 had a few episodes shuffled around, this time it was due to trying out that binge airing strategy they were doing to get shows on Disney Plus faster, airing DuckBombs (Woo-Ooo!) frequently, so they wanted the airing to flow properly with that without screwing up the flow fo the season more than they absolutely had to. They were being careful and delberate this time not to make the same mistake and with season 3, they simply havent’ shuffled the airing order at all> The only two episodes aired out of order were holiday episodes purposefully made to air at the right time and detached from the season as a whole. This stretches to other shows too: Amphibia is two seasons in and Owl House got through it’s whole season with at worst minimal changes to the airing lineup and the arcs all being properly spaced and aired as intended. I give Disney a lot of shit, rightfully so, but I will give them all the credit when they learn from their mistakes and they REALLY did here, learning to trust their creators to know when to actually make an episode and simply having them set aside holiday episodes if they want one. 

Otherwise not a lot of lead in for this one: It introduces a bunch of the supporting cast, reintroduces the board in full, and in general is a pretty good episode. Find out why under the cut. 

We open with the introduction of the shows go to Show Within a Show Ottoman Empire. And what I’d forgotten was Louie wasn’t always into it but there’s a subtle arc to it: he gets into it, slowly obesses over it, by the end of the season he’s got his brothers into it, it’s not a huge thing but it’s a little detail I can’t help but enjoy a hell of a lot.  But him not liking it is part of a larger problem Scrooge has picked up on: Louie’s laziness has reached godlike new levels: he’s opened about 7 cans of PEP! and only taken a sip from each, won’t change the channel because the remote, which is right next to him and would only take him hopping slightly to the left to get to it or incnching over a bit is “too far”. Scrooge finally blows up at the sight when Louie tosses his phone away for not being charged and assumes he can get another one because “We’re rich”. Scrooge corrects him “I”m rich!” and then drags him off by the hoodie with him to the office so he’ll learn the value of a hard day’s work. And really.. the scene is a good showcase for Scrooge: Louie is acting like the embodiment of all deadbeats and Scrooge is still VERY patient with the boy until it’s very clear he needs a wakeup call. Given Scrooge has a temper on the best of occasions it really shows he’s trying with the boys, and only really snapped when it was clear Louie NEEDED someone to snap at him and snap him out of his bullshit. 

Meanwhile Dewey sneaks into Webby’s room to read her secret file on the McDuck family only to LITERALLY be caught red handed as she put glitter on her outside.. because it looks pretty. And as a security measure. Given she lives with a trained spy who likely has riffled through her stuff at least once, or would at least solely try to check her files just to make sure their secure, and lives in a place that gets broken into or nearly blown up, both by Glomgold, on a regular basis, i’d expect no less. But she also points out the obvious once he explains he’s looking for information on his family: He could’ve just asked. As we saw back in Woo-ooo! like yours truly webby will gladly go on about things she’s obsessed about at the drop of a hat and has likely been dying for someone to share her vast conspiracy board with. As for why he didn’t do the obvious, keep in mind he doesn’t know Webby well this point, so he dosen’t know what questions he asked might set her off and also doesn’t know WHY his uncles don’t talk about her, so he’s being cautious and it’s a nice foreshadowing for his secret keeping throughout the arc.. and how it’s an inherently dumb and selfish idea that only slows down his investigation. 

So naturally given the sequel hook at the end of the pilot, he asks about Della. And after drawing the curtains and making sure Scrooge isn’t around to listen Webby asks what HE knows. Naturally given this is a whole story arc he only knows what she looks like from an old photo of her dunking donald’s head in his birthday cake, and Webby.. knows even less. No one talks about Della and the last time anyone did, a mailmain brought some junk mail with her name on it, Scrooge bought out the post office and they never saw that mail man again. Webby naturally thinks Scrooge murdered him... and while I don’t think he went THAT far, I pity that poor shcmoe and whatever ice floe he’s been banished to. And not a small villiage in the arctic mind you like an actual ice floe scrooge left him on with a lifetimes suply of beans.

 This also admittedly answers a question i’ve been griping about for some time that turns out had a logical answer: I thought he’d somehow wiped her out from public record and the internet and then magically put her back. I was wrong and simply hadn’t rewatched this episode and connected the dots. He likely didn’t do.. any of that, but the triplets likely never thought to internet search her with Donald because as far as they knew Donald was an average person, and thus their mom would be too and looking her up wouldn’t tell her anything about them. It still leaves the plot hole of how they knew about Scrooge and not the Della search, I have no answer for that one, but hey sometimes these things happen and it’s a good enough show I can ignore it. Point is they had no reason to research her before then and Donald likely went out of his way to hide anything about her when they visited places.  Likewise Scrooge was likely so miserable and consumed with his search, and once that was called off his failure, he likely pulled every archive and artifact for his own personal collection to pour over them in sadness and loss and simply put most of it back into the public once the boys helped him heal by the end of the season and the truth was out there. Likewise while the internet info was likely there after this episode too Dewey, as foolish as he can be, likely wasn’t stupid enough to look up his mom’s name on his uncle’s wifi. While Scrooge likely isn’t tech savy, given how paranoid he is and how much of a sore spot this is, it’s not a stretch to have him ask gyro to monitor his wifi for certain key words. So yeah i’ll admit when I was wrong and there was a logical explanation, if still with some holes, all along.

Anyways Webby has one place she hasnt’ been able to get into that might have the answers: Scrooge’s Personal Archives. And as it turns out, both parties are heading to the bin: Scrooge since, much like the comics, that’s where his office is, and Webby and Dewey for the same reason The bin being Scrooge’s buisness center, where his office is where he has meetings where a lot of his emoployees are is very accurate to the comics, as while the layout was never entirely consient apart from “Scrooge’s office is the only way in and out of the bin itself” and said office having a very consistent and iconic look that the series didn’t change. But as we’ll see they added two extra parts to it that in the comics scrooge would Balk at the expense of but this scrooge, whiel still probably not happy about the extra money, knows are vitally necessary. 

Speaking of which the plot splits in two pretty cleanly once we actually get to the bin: Scrooge has no real issue with the kids going to the archives and no glimmer of their real intention, so the plots don't’ meet up again outside of when Louie’s literally crashes into Dewey and Webby’s for a second. There’s some thematic connections, cutaways and an intercut montage, but nothing outside of that. So as is tradition for me i’m covering them seperatly and since it’s both the reason why i’m covering this episode and our B-Plot, let’s start with the archives Webby and Dewey in The Mad Archivist of Scrooge McDuck!

Webby and Dewey head to the archive where we meet Quackfaster. In the comics she’s scrooges long suffering secretary, emphasis on suffering. He barely pays her, takes expenses out of her paycheck and she generally seems once minute away from a nervous breakdown at any given time. What i’m saying is the character and the “gag” have not aged well in any way shape or form so instead here she was revamped. Frank and Matt leaned on Scrooge’s love for adventure more than his greed at first, and had his thrill-seeking be his vice more. It does make sense as greed isn’t nearly as good as it was to people in the 40′s and especially the 80′s, but they eventually clearly realized they made it a bit too subtle, as it’s still an iconic part of the character and played it up a bit more in seasons 2 and 3, to the point two of his worst moments in backstory, both revealed in season 3, come from his greed. They found a nice ballance and I do think having his adventuring also be a vice was a nice change of  pace.  As such, they came up with the idea that he’d hire people who like him are exceptionally talented but also a bit reckless and unhinged. The kind of people most employers would unfairly shut the door on but Scrooge sees their true talent and worth and treats them with the respect they deserve. People who in most other works would be super villains, but here are kept from that by being given honest jobs for their talents and a boss who has no intention of ripping them off or undermining them. IT’s a great concept and I wish we’d saw more than two people hired with that in mind, but the two we got are great.

So with all this Quackfaster was reinvented with this idea in mind to someone entirely different but infinitely more entertaining: She’s now a ham of the highest order, not literally, and slightly unballanced. She also refuses to help Dewey until he completes some challenges for her, sorting out a code in the dewey decimel system

And in sorting the books to get to know the archives. Webby is all for it naturally as this is a dream for her: she’s likely tried to access the place for years and couldn’t as a non-relative, something Scrooge hopefully relaxes in the future, so a giant pile of books about adventuring, Scrooge (including an apparently 7 volumes on his favorite smells one of which Webby gives a happy “I knew it” upon finding out it was fresh baked cookies), and places he’s been, including a sly nod to Plain Awful. This is a hallmark of the show making smaller nods to the past incarnations without going into them or doing those adventures again and while I was at first disappointed those tales already happened in some form, I now get they simply wanted to tell NEW ONES, and were a big as fan of the olds ones as most of you reading this and myself. Though between you and me I was never a big fan of the square eggs story. Good idea just a weird and not all that funny execution. 

Dewey however has the patience of a coked up ferret who also took some shrooms and being Dewey tries simply demanding she tell him. Naturally yelling at the weird hammy lady intrusted to guard the private library of someone whose a certified badass.. is not a smart or correct move and Quackfaster decides if they can’t respect the archives they’ll become PART OF THE ARCHIVES and pulls out a crescent shaped sword to apparently murder them. 

So a chase ensues with the two trying to simply throw books at her, escape her and only narrowly doing so for a minute when Louie pops up being chased by a giant robot made by a smaller robot using a giant change machine. I love this show. 

Eventually their backed into a corner while Dewey defiantly demands info on his mom. And his impatience and anger is understandable: this is the first time in his ten or so year old life he’s had ANY chance of learning anything on her.. and he’s having to do various fetch quests. While he could use some tact, may not get him stabbed so much, his viewpoint is understandable. 

Thankfully it turns out Quackfaster was just doing a Mr.Miaygi and secretly testing them, having chased them to the book Dewey wanted, and said code she had them find earlier is the login for the vault. Granted it also has them put away some books (”How much of this is us just doing your job for you?” “About fiffttty perceeennnt”), but she works for scrooge. While he thankfully pays her a living wage here he still can’t be paying her much. Still they find their way to a secret vault and Dewey gets stabbed a bit to verify he is a mcduck.. and let into Scrooge’s secret room, full of treasures Della likely gathered. As I said, he DID put them aside somewhere, and likely just wanted them to cry over and donald didn’t fight it since the last thing he wanted was the boys learning their legacy. D

The telling part here though, despite accusations later.. is that Dewey’s first instinct upon finding this is  to tell his brothers.  Keep in mind Dewey’s all consuming need for attention and validiation, all of which he could possibly get and only have to share with Webby. He has every selfish reason for not telling them.. but he wants to. He knows they deserve to learn to. The only wrinkle is webby finding a note saying “Scrooge i’m taking the spear of selene, i’m sorry”. He decides to hide it for their sake right then and there. But while part of this as we’ll get into later in the week is him simply being afraid of what he’ll find personally.. it’s fair to NOT want to tell them. To try and protect them from the horrible truth whatever it may be. He has no way of knowing the betryal was nonexistant here and neither did we. It’s not the right course of action, awful truth or no they deserved to know too and both would say as much later, she’s their mom: good person or bad they know.. but like his uncles he’s not hiding this out of malice but because the truth might genuinely hurt them.. and as we’ll learn.. it will.. oh boy will it ever. But more on that next week and more on the arc itself later this week. What about the rest of the episode?

Louie in The Great Dime Chase! and Scrooge in The Boardroom Full of Heartless Assholes!

Winding back a few hours, Scrooge drags Louie up to his office, where the boy is genuinely impressed.. before naturally trying to take a swim in the money while Scrooge tries to tell him about his number one dime. Scrooge stops him before head injury occurs explaining that yes, even the money thing requires proper training: Louie would’ve just cracked his skull open and this would’ve either gotten really dark really fast or turned into a horrifying and hilarious child death version of weekend at bernies. It’s what Louie would’ve wanted. Scrooge can do it because he’s built up the muscle and resistance over time, strong enough and skilled enough to travel through the solid metal and dive into it. It’s a nice nod to life and times: While Scrooge didn’t necesarily train to swim in money, he bathed in it at first and when he needed to during an adventure discovered he could swim through it going from one barrel of his cash to another. So tweaking that slightly to an earned skill, and one Louie will have leanred by the end of the season, was a billiant move..and a way of silencing all those head injury jokes. 

But their soon interrupted by the board, who Scrooge dosen’t recall having a meeting with and likely pull this kind of shit all the time when they can get Scrooge. It makes even more sense after the Della reveal, as he likely has to be forced into dealing with the men who, while as far as he knew were trying to help him, still pulled him away from Della.. and in one case, had a shit eating grin about it. Seriously Bradford you smirked evilly about your nemesis not being able to rescue his daughter how do you NOT get that your the bad guy?

The meeting ends up being boring with Louie asleep and Scrooge almost there, as let’s face it most board meetings probably are, until Gyro barges in! It’s our first apperance of 2017 Gyro and a lot of people were upset by how much more of an ass he was. Me, while I like the kind and gentle original, like the more mad sciency version here and feel Jim Rash did a good job with it, and  I only really hate it when he’s around Fenton, and the show eventually addressed how fucked up that was in Season 3 after downplaying it in Season 2 by having them barely interact and have Gyro genuienly show some pride. Otherwise I like my insane prideful version even if I get why some don’t like it as it is nothing like the comics, but as we see with Donald not being a lot like the comics version isn’t a bad thing. 

IT’s one hell of a character establishing moment, as he barges in, is rude to everyone and has to read cue cards to properly intro his latest invention Little Bulb, Gyro’s most iconic invention whose made here to help people not do work. The Board is skeptical though as most of Gyro’s inventions have turned evil, a nice nod to the fact that most of Gyro’s robots in the original series, who are in fact on a list of previous inventions.. turned evil and tried to kill people. IT also shows his warmer side as he insists they aren’t evil just misunderstood, or at least half were anyway, and tries to cover for Little Bulb shaking his fist at them and doing a throat slitting gesture... which while Bradford plays dumb about what that means.. he’s worked in organized Villainy for at least 55 years. He knows what that gesture means. It’s Heron’s favorite. And even if he didn’t he’s also worked with Scrooge for around 30. It’s also Scrooge’s favorite. So it’s rejected though Scrooge encourages Gyro who vows they’ll understand one day and they’ll all pay. Really should save that for outside. 

Scrooge vouches for the board to Louie who questions such a slam dunk, pointing out he trusts their judgment.. mostly because he dosen’t know they’ve been embezzling from him to fund an evil spy orginzation the whole time but still, he usually trusts them. He would’ve found a way to fire them if he didn’t on the Della thing. But sometimes they overstep and they undermine that statment by suggesting cuts to the Bin’s budget, starting with Magical defenses “Do you know how many curses I have on my head?”. And props to the creators as they apparnetly had the whole Bombie idea in mind this far back, and as Bradford later shows towards the end of next season when he lures Louie into cutting it, he KNOWS where that money goes. He just was trying to feign ignorance to get Scrooge killed if he could. Clever bastard. 

So Louie goes to get a drink, and naturally scrooge’s drink machine in his office not only charges but requires an extra ten cents. Louie assumes the dime in his office is an emergency Dime only to walk in on Scrooge giving the full story. As you all likely know, it’s his number one dime, with the origin taken straight from life and times: He was a poor shoe shine, and he worked hard to clean off a ditchdigger’s muddy boots, working himself to the bone.. only to get an American dime which inspired him both to work harder and smarter than anyone and to go to America to seek his fourtune. There’s some extra steps in the original material, and another bit that the show would also adapt later that we’ll get to next week, but point is it’s his symbol of all his hard work.. that Louie just sent into the vending machine.  So said great chase insures as Louie follows the dime, as it’s emptied from the vending machine.. by a gull janitor we only see this season. And he’s a really likeable guy I wish we’d learned more. He then faces his and Charles Xavier’s greatest enemy THE STAIRS. There’s a runner about Louie having to constnatly run up and down the massive amount of stairs the bin has as someone else takes the elevator and by the climax it’s been taken out entirely. It’s pretty great.  So Louie’s seemingly screwed and instead looks up how to pick a lock on YouTube.. no really. That’s what he does. Frank outright mentioned this in an interview, pointing out they wanted the kids to act like a kid would.. and props to him that’s what a kid would do. Hell that’s what I would do if I were locked out of a place and time was of the essence. Either that or look up a step by step instruction on google. He then runs into Gyro though, and gets the idea to use LIttle Bulb, convinces Gyro he has money and would like to invest and just needs to borrow the little guy and Gyro is happy to agree to it. 

Naturally though, Louie’s laziness and a volatile machine who only likes one people just like his daddy, do not mix and Louie leaves sorting the coins to it while he watches Ottoman Empire, actually getting really sucked into it. IN fairness he did start with the Glomgold episode. Little Bulb meanwhile shows just how awesome he is by turning himself into a giant coni sorting mech by rewiring and reconfiguring the coin sorter.. and naturally given who made hi going mad with power. So while he did get the dime out.. he’s not horrifyingly obessed with chasing it and the real great dime chase begins. 

Back at the meeting Scrooge continues to debate the Buzzards who now want to cut staff, both of whom Scrooge rightfully defends. While Gyro is a bit unhinged, his inventions have likely made the company millions and saved them billions, and while Quackfaster is the same as we just saw, there’s a method to her madness and her laziness. And given Quackfaster works two additional jobs to afford a nice retirement, it’s clear that while he pays them decently he’s likely still not paying them gobs. With the power of hindsight i’ts very clear Bradford just wants to try if he can to eliminate two sources of chaos and backup for Scrooge and when Scrooge sarcastically suggests just getting rid of the bin, Bradford goes with it with a shit eating grin, but it’s very clear by that and Scrooge’s frustration this is a non starter, and Bradford’s likely doing it just because he frankly knows it’ll piss Scrooge off. 

So Louie runs for it working harder than he has in his whole life, with Gyro eventually trying to talk little bulb down, to no avail.. though we do get a nice moment of it registering him as father. Awwww. So the chase naturally eventually leads to the bin and Louie stuck in it, slowly swimming across, until Gyro gets to LIl Bulb, and realizes he’s in the wrong time of wattage and has literally gone mad with power and puts him back in his tiny old body fixing the problem. Gyro also crashed in with the bulb mech earlier, and while it disproves Scrooge’s point he’s stable.. he simply rolls with it and points out his staff is dangerously insane, and would likely swear vengeance on the Board if they were fired. And while he dosen’t say this part of it directly given Scrooge treats BOTH Quackfaster and Gyro exceptionally well, he knows they’ll know EXACTLY whose idea it was.. probably even tell them. So the board agrees to keep things as is to not die horribly as supervillains or not they have limits. 

So the day is one, Louie finds the dime, replaces it and passes out with Scrooge none the wiser. it also turns out the Dime isn’t even the real deal, to Louie’s frustration. But Scrooge is proud he clearly worked hard, and gives him the fake dime as his own number one dime, a nice setup for their bond and a nice showing that Louie really has the potential to be as rich as his uncle one day, and it’s clear by this setup there was a lot of potential here for an arc.. which is why we got one. More on that some other time. Louie accidently spends it while Gyro ends realizing if he put himself int he robot it wouldn’t go mad with power.. and thus Project Blatherskite is born. And we all know where this is going. 

Final Thoughts: All in all a decent episode. It has great pacing, some excellent world building, and some really good gags. While the series would do better episodes as it went, for an early episode helping set things up including Louie’s charcter arc, Gyro, Gizmoduck and the board as proper characters, it’s still very good and one of the series early standouts. 

Next Time on Della: Donald is forced to confront his adventuring past when he runs into his old sorta friend THE INCREDIBLE STORKULES, Scrooge is forced into games of the gods by their resident Douchebag Zeus, and Dewey is forced to confront his own fear of whatever it is his mom did. Confront this review later this week. 

Next Time on This Blog: It’s Lena’s Dark Night of the Soul as she and Webby head into “The Other Bin of Scrooge McDuck!” 

If you liked this review share it, feel free to commission your own and feel free to join my patreon at patreon.com/popculturebuffet. Even a buck a month helps, and helps me reach my stretch goals, the current one being just 5 dollars away, and netting you reviews of the super Ducktales arc of Ducktales and a Darkwing Duck Review every month. See you at the next rainbow.

#ducktales #the great dime chase #louie duck #gyro gearloose #emily quackfaster #scrooge mcduck #dewey duck #webby vanderquack #bradford buzzard #F.o.w.l. #reviews #animation #disney channel #launchpad mcquack #little bulb

[switchdnp]

i sent the ask about femdom and sub!dnp and CAN U PLEASE WRITE THAT??? PLEASE UR SUCH A GOOD WRITER IM BEGGING YOU

word count: 2533 

warnings: dom/sub themes, praise, teasing, fingering, blowjobs, dan eats pussy thank the lord, way way WAY too much buildup its ridiculous

a/n: hi yall my mental and physical health hasnt been the best lately so this took me like a billion years, i hope it was worth the wait !! not proofread at all and some of it written in the middle of a flare lmao so im super sorry if theres any obvious obnoxious typos!!

“Hey, are you sure you want to do this? We can always back out if you want.”

Phil hadn’t been expecting to say those words tonight, not when they were just going out for a small party, invited by a few of their friends for a celebration over something they couldn’t even quite remember. He especially hadn’t been expecting to say them in their current context, with him and his boyfriend in the bed of someone else–someone else who happened to be a woman—waiting together for her.

They’d met her at the party, a few drinks and a whole lot of flirting leading the both of them back to her house. Maybe it was just how sweet she was, how both Dan and Phil had been longing for the possibility of another threesome, too long a time since their last one (A whole seven months, actually, and honestly, they shouldn’t keep record of those things, but Dan demanded they mark the occasion every time.) But really, what most likely ended them up in this situation was how curious they were.

It had been so long since either of them had sex with a woman. Even when they invited in others to their bedroom, however rare that event was, they were almost always men. It wasn’t like they didn’t want to, it just seemed like for whatever reason, it never happened. So when the chance for such a thing happened to arrive, nothing was stopping Dan or Phil from snatching it up the second they could. They were both horny bastards, after all.

Samantha was her name, Sammy for short, and the way she held herself piqued Dan’s interest from the beginning, all the way back at the party. She was so confident, absolutely taking control of the room with her self-assured presence. He mentioned it to Phil absentmindedly, and Phil had burst into a fit of giggles, murmuring that Dan acted the same way.

“You must be attracted to yourself, then.”He’d laughed, taking another sip of whatever moderately alcoholic thing they were drinking together—always together, of course. They couldn’t not share anything, not even drinks.

“You’d be into that. Two Dans, going at each other.”Dan teased in return, chuckling at the way Phil blanched immediately.

“Surprisingly, no. And even if I did like that, I’d much rather be actually involved in the action.”

“Oh, so you want all the attention,” Dan continued to banter, wrapping an arm around Phil and kissing the side of his head, even as he frowned and cringed at the words. “well I can’t deny you that, you are pretty cute after all.”

“Is that the only reason you keep me around, to be cute?”Phil asked, giving into Dan’s affections and resting his head on his shoulder, wanting to be closer, as close as they could be in a public place. Dan didn’t get a chance to answer, however, because that’s when Sammy came over. She initiated the conversation so easily and flawlessly it nearly made Phil’s head spin, unable to imagine how someone could socialize with so little effort.

A few minutes in and they were already head over heels, Phil especially. She reminded him so much of Dan, had the same attitude and personality, even down to the way she smirked when she teased them, and giggled when she got teased back. It was so easy talking to her, like they’d known her for years, instead of what was probably only half an hour. The flirting and questions came naturally, questions about what they wanted to do, if they really wanted to do anything.

The decision was easy to make, and that’s how they’d ended up here. Dan was curled up with his head in Phil’s lap, too lazy to properly sit up until Sammy came back in the room. He took a deep breath, let out an even deeper sigh, and after a little bit of thinking he was ready to answer Phil’s question.

“I mean, I want to, I honestly do. I’m a little intimidated since it’s been so long, but it’s not like anything bad is gonna happen.” He muttered, tapping his thumb against Phil’s knee. Phil giggled, and brought Dan’s hand up to his mouth, pressing a kiss to his thumb to try and sooth his fidgeting.

“Besides, it’s not like eating ass and eating pussy can be that different, right? And I eat you out all the time.”Dan added, making Phil whine and scold him. His cheeks were red, and as embarrassed as he was, Dan could tell he loved it. Before he could further fluster his boyfriend, Sammy was opening the door, walking in with the same confidence she’d had at the party. She’d undressed, down to her underwear, and somehow that made Dan and Phil feel self conscious about still having their clothes on. Just as Phil started tugging his hoodie off, Sammy stopped him, murmuring out a stern, yet gentle, “Wait, hold on.”

Phil froze like he’d been caught committing a crime, and Dan couldn’t help but snort at the expression on his face.

“Don’t worry, I just wanted to ask you what exactly you wanted to really be doing tonight. Before we actually got into stuff.”She reassured, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Her slick brown hair was pulled up into a pony tail, and it bounced every time she moved. If they were in any other context, Dan would’ve commented on how cute that was. As things were, he didn’t think now would be the right time.

“Well, we’re good for anything, really. Is there anything you had in mind?”Dan explained, knowing Phil would rather him speak for the both of him. He was much shyer, stumbled over his words in situations like these, and it was just easier for Dan to say what they wanted.

“Actually, I kind of wanted to maybe be the one in charge? If that was okay with you?”

That question set off a reaction in Dan’s head, a sort of rush of adrenaline shooting through his body, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Neither of them had ever been dommed by a woman, but the opportunity seemed incredibly appealing right now. He glanced over to Phil, and his boyfriend nodded in response to the question he didn’t even have to ask. He liked the idea too.

“Yes, we’re both okay with that. More than okay with it, actually.”Dan replied, his knees starting to feel a little weak as he realized what was about to happen. He’d never done this before. Sure, he’d fantasized about it, especially when he was a lonely teenager with only his hand and a whole lot of low quality porn to keep him content, but the idea that that fantasy was finally coming true was more than a little nerve wracking, and a whole lot exciting.

“Okay, how about you two start by getting undressed then, yeah? Make it quick, be good for me.”Sammy instructed, the grin on her face turning cheekier as she let herself slip into headspace. They both did as they were told, Phil struggling with his jeans a little more than Dan. Sammy chuckled playfully, helping him tug them down, and that relieved any of the excess nerves and tension in the room.

She let her fingers trace delicately along Phil’s thighs once the jeans were off, skimming over the sensitive skin, and dragging her pointer finger all the way down to crease of his hip. Her hand was dangerously close to his quickly hardening cock, but Phil knew it was far too early in the night for her to be touching him yet. He was familiar with that method of teasing, Dan using it on him all too often. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it though.

Sammy noticed the way he was holding back, trying to keep his hips from bucking, and she smirked at him.

“Good boy, just stay still for me.”She praised, her other hand drifting up to Phil’s chest now. She didn’t miss the way Phil quivered when her thumb brushed over a nipple, glancing over to Dan and asking “He’s sensitive here, isn’t he?”

Dan nodded, “Yeah, he goes absolutely crazy. I made him cum just from his nipples once, took a lot of work to get him there.”

Phil was just about to tell him off for bringing that old memory up when one of Sammy’s hands finally wrapped around the head of his cock, just the faintest of touches, but more than enough to take him by surprise. He leaned forward with it as she started to jerk him off, resting his head in the crook of her neck. Sammy reached up with her free hand to run her fingers through his hair, and that little jealous instinct in the back of Dan’s mind piqued at the sight, something in his chest growing tighter when he thought about how many times he’d been in the same position with Phil. But he pushed it aside, instead focusing on how gorgeous his boyfriend looked getting pleasured, his eyes fluttered shut and lower lip caught between his teeth now.

Sammy turned to face Dan as she continued to get Phil off, eyes glancing down to his hard, neglected cock. She gave him permission to touch himself, and within seconds Dan was wrapping his hand around the leaking tip, rubbing a thumb through his slit repeatedly. The sudden onslaught of stimulation was enough to have Dan shivering, his hips twitching sporadically.

After a few more minutes like that, Sammy switched her attention over to Dan, pressing their lips together first. It was odd, kissing someone who wasn’t Phil. Dan had almost forgotten he was capable of it. It was even more with Phil sitting right beside him, watching everything go down, and getting off to it. Before he knew it, Sammy was leaning back and spreading her legs, leading Dan down to where he could sit comfortably on his stomach in between them. Her hand tangled in his hair, and she pushed his head down, letting him know what she wanted from him.

He kissed over her labia, letting his tongue dip between the two folds, lapping up the growing wetness there. Sammy moaned, and Dan could hear Phil moan in time with her, hear the sound of skin slapping gradually speeding up, letting him know just how much Phil was enjoying this. They both spurred him on, encouraged him to try even harder as he licked over her clit, dragging his tongue slow and careful, almost hesitant as he tried to remember how exactly he’d done this with his old girlfriend.

“Just like that, keep it up sweetheart.”Sammy half-instructed half-groaned, letting herself get caught up in the sensations. It felt so good, too good, and for a moment she was almost worried about losing her composure. She whined again, and Dan’s confidence spiked. He buried his face deeper, alternating between sucking on her clit and circling it with his tongue. He was so invested he barely noticed when Sammy brought Phil over to let him kiss her too, her tongue slipping in his mouth.

She pulled away for a second to speak, “Phil, I want you to finger Dan for me, make him feel good and later I’ll let you cum, okay baby?”

Phil nodded and pulled the lube out of her bedside drawer, slicking his fingers up before circling one around Dan’s rim. Dan moaned against Sammy, the vibrations from his mouth making her thighs shiver around his head. She wrapped her fingers around Phil’s cock once more, dipping a thumb through his slit, and playing with the leaking precum there. He shuddered, hips bucking up without control now.

A second finger pushed past Dan’s rim, and he clenched tight around it, wanting to remind Phil of how nice that felt squeezing around his dick. He was successful, if the way Phil started finger-fucking him faster then, dragging his fingers in and out and rubbing roughly against his prostate, was anything to go by. His cock was practically throbbing now, wound up beyond relief and ready to cum at any second. Honestly, he hadn’t gotten this close this quickly in ages, and maybe it was from the extended foreplay, but Dan had a feeling something about the rush of a whole new experience was playing a part in how he could already feel his orgasm building in his gut.

Sammy was getting close too, he could tell, and he doubled his efforts in hopes of getting her there just from his tongue, it’d worked for Phil plenty of times, after all. Sammy’s fingers gripped tighter in his hair and pushed him even harder, as if trying to keep control of Dan’s mouth, use him in the best way possible. The thought, combined with Phil pressing in a third finger at the same time, was enough to send Dan over the edge, and he came whimpering into her, hips rutting pitifully against the soft bed as he rode out the last waves of his release. Phil pulled out his fingers when the stimulation started to border on painful, Sammy followed soon after, her lips parted, mouth dropped agape as she hit her high. It reminded Dan of how Phil looked when he came, and honestly, that shouldn’t have turned him on as much as it did.

Just as Dan started to properly settle down, Phil was whining for the attention back on him, his cock now completely untouched, dark red at the tip. Sammy didn’t even need to give him instructions before Dan was pushing Phil’s dick past his lips. suppressing what little gag reflex he had left after years of sucking cock, and taking him down to the hilt. He swallowed around Phil, his throat fluttering on the tip of his dick, and Phil was cumming within seconds, not needing much after having been teased the whole night.

Phil panted as he came back down, falling back on the bed, and savoring how nice the cold sheets felt on his overheated skin. Sammy chuckled at the display, getting up and grabbing a wet cloth from the bathroom. She cleaned him and Dan up, praising them both for having done such a good job, and helping them shift out of subspace.

She climbed into the bed next to them, seemingly unfazed by the concept of sleeping with two strangers (if they could really be called strangers after all that) beside her, but Dan and Phil took it in stride. The mattress was comfortable anyways, more comfortable than the one they had at home. They could sleep here for the night.

– mod sasha

#phan smut #phan hc #phanfic #phanfiction #phansmut #sashawrites #im exhausted fgdfgdfgd woops

[myfuckingfanfictionblog]

THERE WAS A SEQUEL TO RED BULL PENIS

dallons in the hospital. he was diagnosed with osteoporosis.

he would be leaving the hospital the next morning after spending months in intensive care. they found socks and red bull in his bones and had to remove them. now he’s boneless. hes just skin and muscle.

like chicken nuggets.

but theres one body part u dont need bones for ;)

ur ears.

when he is released from the hospital, they tell him he has to pay 20 million dollars for all of the water he consumed during his stay. he ignores them. he puts on his sparkly pants and exits.

hes only wearing his pants. no shirt. no sexy lingerie. no socks. he hasnt worn socks since the… Incident.

he has nightmares about the Incident every single moment of his life, even when hes awake.

they had to amputate his leg and his dick stump too. he got a prosthetic dick but no leg. he has a peg leg now. just a stick glued to his leg. sometimes he likes to sit and chew on his stick. then he is reminded of the Incident and cries until he falls asleep.

he shakes away his memories and walks into the hospital parking lot, barefoot and shirtless, wondering what to do next.

he sees a strange vehicle in the parking lot. the door opens and zack hall exits. dallons heart races, he hasnt spoken with anyone associated with panic since the incident.

“fuck you dallon” zack says. he throws a cigar at dallon and drives away. the cigar hits dallon in the face and he falls over. his peg leg snaps in half. hurriedly he shoves it up his butthole, no lube or condom.

he pulls out his cellular device and contemplates who to call for help in this crisis while the peg leg leaves splinters inside him. he knows that brendon is probably smoking with zack, laughing at dallons misfortune. he scrolls through his contacts and suddenly he is hit with an idea. his one friend through everything. his main man. the guy whos never left him for anything. his bro.

he calls josh dun.

josh answers after a few rings with a confused “dallon?”

“hey josh please help me im in a parking lot there are splinters in my rectum”

“ok dallon im coming im bringing tyler” josh says and hangs up.

josh sighs and grabs his keys, giving tyler a nod as he quickly rushes to his skateboard. josh gets on his skateboard.

tyler quickly goes to sit on joshs shoulders. “onward mighty steed” tyler yodels and kicks josh in the ribs. josh screams in pain and starts obediently skateboarding.

they skateboard to the hospital gracefully and spot dallon laying in the parking lot. “ew is that dallon” tyler says.

“stop being rude” josh says

dallon cries as tyler picks him up

tyler holds him bridal style on joshs shoulders. josh cries because dallon is really heavy. tyler doesnt know what to do so he sticks his toe thumb up dallons ass.

dallon cries and smacks tyler, causing josh to wiggle and swerve. everyone shrieks. josh skates over a pebble causing tyler, dallon, and tyler’s toe thumb to fall over. josh gracefully backflips off the rogue skateboard but tyler and dallon smash into the pavement.

the peg leg is jammed deeper into dallons rectum and tylers toe thumb is still in his butthole. tyler gets a splinter. everyone is getting splinters.

josh is lying on the ground dead

tyler screams and pulls his thumb out, crawling to his dead band mate. he puts his thumb in joshs butt, but josh is already dead. tylers efforts are useless

tyler buries his face in joshs chest, mourning his lover when a car pulls up. the door swings open and two high heels drop down, and they see breezy. breezy stomps on dallon. the kids are shouting from the backseat about minecraft and fnaf.

breezy throws a grenade into the car, killing the children instantly. it hasnt detonated yet. she leans close to dallon and whispers “i fucking hated your kids anyway” then she gets up and steals a random car and drives away. dallon sobs and looks over at tyler

tyler is convulsing on the ground

before getting very far, breezy crashes into a juice bar and dies, cursing the one thing she ever loved for killing her as she takes her last breath

another car pulls up

dallon whimpers, he just wants help

a greasy kenny appears in the window

dallon sighs. he would rather have anyone else to help. kenny presses his face against the window and dallon can see the glass fogging when he breathes.

“r u ok” kenny shrieks. “is that a toe having a seizure over there”

dallon yells “fuck off kenny”

kenny gets out of the car and slips on his own grease puddle. he breaks his hip. “i am an old man” he cries “i need a hip replacement”

“ya i need one too you fucking grease whore but do u see me complaining no go shove ur dick in a pumpkin” dallon says. kenny cries and begs dallon for help but dallon just crawls over and starts beating the shit out of him. this is all in the hospital parking lot and nobody is helping

“not even my guitars can save me now” kenny says

“u can shove ur guitars up ur greasy butthole” dallon says. “at least u have natural lube"he adds

tyler is still having a seizure on the ground. foam starts to drip down tylers cheek as his body shakes and convulses

"hey tyler do u want some taco bell” josh says

tyler screams. josh is a zombie. rest in pepperoni.

“JOSH UR BACK” tyler starts violently fucking josh in the ass in celebration.

“tyler stop i just want some taco bell ur a bottom anyway please stop” josh says

tyler is out of control at the moment. there is no telling what he can do.

dallon crawls over and tries to join. tylers dick kicks him in the face. josh seems to be okay with a threesome, but tyler punches dallon in the throat. dallon rips joshs hair out in clumps. josh cries.

“my luscious straw locks. what have you done” he laments. josh now looks like tyler.

“tyler can we please get taco bell” josh says. tyler ignores him and keeps going. josh shits himself. tyler moans even louder.

“how did u know my kink” tyler says. josh cries and runs away. tyler screams.

now that josh is gone, there is only one other person to turn to. dolan. dalon. dallon.

tyler pees on dallon. “golden shower” he says. dallon screams.

another car pulls up, crushing tylers legs under its wheels. the door opens and smoke pours out.

josh comes back and beats tyler with a stop sign.

brendon and zack get out and walk over. zack gets lung ccancer suddenly.

brendon starts throwing weed at dallon. clumps of weed hit his face. everyone stares at zack as he dies of lung cancer. rip zack. sarah urie is sitting in the car drinking a smoothie and angrily tweeting fans. “bee kind” she yells from inside the car. brendon ignores her

brendon whips his dick out. its not a snake dick anymore.

“shove a bee up ur asshole!” tyler yells. tyler pulls out his toe thumb and gives them a thumbs up.

jenna joseph crawls up out of the sewers and flashes her wedding ring to everyone. tyler takes the wedding ring and eats it. jennas ugly eyebrows fall off in shock. breezy comes back from the dead to repair jennas fallen eyebrows even though her own are shit

“tyler can we get taco bell now” josh says

breezy spits on dallon and kicks the shit out of him. brendon begins eating zacks corpse.

there is still a peg leg in dallons ass.

tyler and josh come back with taco bell holding hands. sarah and breezy scream

“UNHEALTHY!!” they both run away and probably fuck in some grass

dallons ass gets an infection and he speed shits out the peg leg and all the splinters onto tyler. tyler spits his chewed up taco on dallon.

tyler moans as the peg leg pierces his nipple

jenna sees tyler nutting then cries and makes a noose with her shirt. breezy makes a green vegan gluten free extra protein smoothie shake. josh sees jenna and pushes her back into the sewer. shes gone

breezy makes some minecraft snacks and brings them to the squad. they eat the ugly torch pretzels and vomit everywhere. kenny gets up, broken hip forgotten, and roundhouse kicks her in the face. dallon swallows a pretzel stick torch whole then proceeds to drop dead

dallon says “werent the pretzels for knox and our failed abortion child amelie”

kenny drops dead

breezy says “ya but i killed ur dumbass children”

dallon puts on socks because hes cold. he cries and chews on the peg leg that was in his rectum. he has a flashback to the incident and screams. dallon stares down at the socks, the whole world slowing down around him. breezy shoves an icing pretzel torch up his butt. he cries.

brendon starts singing bohemian rhapsody in the background, demanding attention. nobody cares.

dallon lifts his foot into his lap, peeling the sock back slowly exposing the hair on his toe knuckles. he presses the warm sock against his cheek, taking a long whiff. he starts to eat the sock. he closes his eyes in bliss, remembering the moments he had with socks. he moans. his prosthetic dick has never been this hard

brendons eyes turn black as he notices, scales covering his limps. his dick starts wiggling. it elongates, until it is a wriggling tentacle.

he crawls over to dallon, head spinning around and limbs cracking.

someone drinks a diet pepsi. it is not known who.

the tentacle pokes dallons ear. brendon shoves it in dallons ear, literally fucking his brains out. dallon, still nutting to the sock, is dazed and confused. dallon nuts twice at the same time.

his brains spill onto the pavement. the pavement cracks open and ground beneath them splits, opening the underworld. tyler jumps in eagerly.

zack crawls back from the dead and mutes dallon on twitter. “you are muted. idiot” zack says then jumps into the abyss. the underworld sucks everyone in. it sucks in a mild sauce packet from taco bell, and josh cries and jumps in after it. the underworld is filled with socks and mountain dew

dallon floats up off the ground. brendon grabs onto him, afraid he will float away like a balloon. a dalloon. but brendon played himself, as dallon does not stop floating. they float until they reach space. brendon feels the gravitational pull of uranus

screeching, brendon pulls dallon into the core of uranus, where they are vaporized instantly

the end