#〣♚{ headcanon }

[greedbent]

one another thing i'm supremely feral about when it comes to this crowman edgelord mcshadypants is that he legit can be so blindsided by people being legitimately heartless and uncaring

. . . allow me to explain— awnjgoha

yes, he himself is ruthless because the life he lives and the environment he lives in forces him to be. because he cannot risk having any softness or attachments that can be exploited because that's the thing !!!

everyone has a weakness no matter how typically cold and detached you are, there's always at least one thing (and oftentimes one person) that is a . . . shall we say pressure point that can be used against you

and the most interesting thing to me is that kaz often uses people's families and other similar attachments as his leverage. he basically banks on the reality that "hey, this guy cares about his wife, so if she's threatened, he'll do what i ask" or "this woman's love for her children is stronger than anything in the world; she'd bend over backwards to protect them, so let's do something with that"

kaz himself grew up with a good family he had a brother he adored he had a great dad he cannot fathom the dysfunctional families where a parent legitimately despises their kid or vice versa, so when he does come across that reality . . . ?

cough Wylan and Jan cough

it honestly always throws him off similarly to coming across someone who has zero attachments or genuine affection for anyone else; it's wildly outlandish to him and honestly disturbing if he just cannot find anything to them

#〣♚{ headcanon } #i've talked about similar things before but i just !!! always find myself thinking of this stuff #one of so many reasons kaz tries so damn hard to at least SEEM heartless and uncaring #bc bOY HOWDY DOOOOO people CAN AND WILL use that against him #and the other interesting thing ??? :3c #people will use that against him in the worst and most TWISTED ways -- they won't bLUFF #meanwhile kaz may be a heckin bastard but he ain't about to hurt an innocent person #he utilizes that pressure point simply by putting on a convincing show ;) #let the person FEAR that their precious child is in danger and OOP his work is done #buuut he knows how cutthroat people of his ilk are #they would absolutely destroy those he cares about without blinking an eye just to get to him soooo #him gotta be careful ovo; #anyway don't mind me always finding ways to hyper-analyze this freak and be obsessed #i'd be here more often ACTUALLY WRITING with folks if yaknow #kaz was more cooperative and didn't just give me the biggest stink eye #each time i want him to go and interact with someone #honey i know you hate 99% of the population but we're here for a REASON-- plS

[greedbent]

please remember that as calm and composed as kaz appears on the outside

on the inside he is consumed by rage and just barely keeping it together 99% of the time (´◡`)

#〣♚{ headcanon } #kaz externally: :| #kaz internally: aaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #which is why when he's finally set off #he's heckin SET OFF #that scale topples over and the rage must be unleashed #on whatever poor sod happens to be present at the time #him “overreacting” to anything is literally just #an accumulation of so much anger from other things finally hitting a breaking point #it's beautiful tho we love to see it

[greedbent]

good luck trying to keep any secrets from kaz good luck x10000 attempting to lie to kaz

but in the latter case, dependent on who you are, he may just let you think you've gotten away with it until the opportune sike moment strikes ( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖) (or maybe just the most entertaining moment :|c)

if you do successfully pull the wool over his eyes... 1) he'll be more pissed at himself for being gullible tbh and/or 2) he'll... honestly be extremely proud

#〣♚{ headcanon } #and “proud” here means he won't actually make it obvious he's proud bc #why would he :) showing actual POSITIVE emotions @ someone? insane #but he'll likely just internally be snickering to himself like “well played uvu” #i'll never not adore this very present aspect of the books tbh #every time no one has any idea what's going on ever #which is... 99% of the time lbr #kaz is over here having already thought 500 steps ahead #already knows every nook and cranny of everyone's brain #ready to heckin dESTROY #let us not forget the time(s) wylan totally thought he had successfully lied to kaz brekker #(ツ) honey buddy boy pal my dUDE #we were ALL proud of him for the effort tho u.u

[greedbent]

rises from the ashes just to remind everyone that kaz is a pathetic simp when he has feelings for someone so pls don't be too intimidated by him

externally he looks like he's about to commit about 5986485 crimes of the murdery variety (and probably is), but internally he will always just be consumed with so much love and appreciation for That PersonTM . . . it's almost disgusting tbh

he's literally the concept of a cat

pretends he wants nothing to do with you cold shoulder most of the time gets annoyed when you bother him

but also . . . ? goes out of his way to be in the same room as you gets jealous when you give someone else attention/affection kills and maims for you (basically no one messes with you)

side note: he's 100% aware he is undeserving of affection and love in return, so he's honestly not pursuing anything when he knows the person he cares about is "too good for him" (＾▽＾)

#〣♚{ headcanon } #when i'm writing him and he has some feelings for the muse in that thread ??? even just STIRRINGS of A FeelingTM ??? #the whole process of writing him becomes SO DIFFERENT -- his internal monologue just SHIFTS #not him paying attention to every tiny lil thing the other person does #no ofc he's not obsessed wym ?? #he's such a silly crow man smh #deep down a lovesick idiot when the right person comes along :)))

[greedbent]

day 56695967 of thinking about kaz wanting to be physically intimate with someone

but incapable because of his body's instinctual reaction to touch

pirouettes into the canal

#〣♚{ headcanon } #kaz: what if we just ... held hands #hands slightly brush #kaz: nopenopenopenOPEnopenope abORT NOPE-- #not me forever crying over the kanej scene 8') himb going for a cheeky lil neck smooch only to have PTSD it'S FINE #also imogen too u^u kaz “i want to learn to be ok with touch bc this cute girl smiled at me” brekker I'M #i love him and cry for him as much as i hate him and want to strangle him

[greedbent]

kaz is absolutely the most stubborn pos when he's been injured. a(n un)healthy mix of pride and his phobia making it so that he doesn't want anyone touching him, he will absolutely just deal with any of his ailments alone—at least as far as he can before he has to begrudgingly allow a healer to take a look (and even then, the healer is permitted to do a bare minimum before kaz is shrugging them off and going about his business)

it's incredible his own pigheadedness hasn't killed him yet tbh

#〣♚{ headcanon } #the good news is he's at least learned a great deal of first aid throughout the years #but that doesn't really help in ALL situations honey u.u; ffs #never forget him coming back from throwing down with some thugs #bloodied and bruised and just #locking himself away in the bathroom to tend to his wounds alone gfnhjaogdfnhja #sb: o.o boss r u okay #kaz: i will be once everyone stOPS ASKING ME THAT #//mainly bc the answer is always no

[greedbent]

so, kaz dresses in all black, tailored suits bc AestheticTM, obviously i mean look at this edgelord but he's basically sticking it to the merchants who also wear this sort of attire just to be the lil shit that he is

that being said

he does have a particular dose of vanity to him where he definitely enjoys looking ✨Fine✨ and cares about his appearance (not him legit getting offended by nina telling him his hair is stupid, more or less awnjofgdhnajo)

so, yes, he hates when a suit gets dirty and he's prone to grumbling over blood stains despite him usually being the cause of them

boy's gotta look good while stepping on people otherwise what's the point

#〣♚{ headcanon } #his fashion sense started out as a joke #and then it became real #much like memes in general

[greedbent]

in case it's not already 1000000% obvious how goddamn awful kaz is—and gives everyone reason to want to dropkick him, which i invite—i also want to shame him by announcing his lack of sympathy toward other people's problems

the way he sees it, moaning and groaning and whining incessantly over some sort of issue (even physical injuries) isn't going to solve any problems and just makes you look like a Soft Baby who will be taken advantage of if you keep behaving like that

sure, not everyone is built to get back up again after they've been knocked down not everyone has the strength and resilience to keep going no matter what, but those people who don't have that strength...?

aren't worth kaz's time

you have a problem? do something about it. don't just whimper oh, you've been stabbed? walk it off

but hey, yknow? if he cares about you enough, he'll absolutely make the life of whoever wronged you a living hell, so... romance isn't dead—

#〣♚{ headcanon } #kaz will see someone he cares about with a life-threatening injury and just be like #no sympathy no comfort NONE of that #bUT pure and unbridled anger and vengeance for the people who have caused you harm #but yea pls don't walk up to him complaining about literally anything bc he will be a bitch about it #no one held his hand after jordie died -- no one offered HIM sympathy; and he didn't WANT it #and neither should you; take care of yourself bc no one's gonna tuck you in #let me reiterate that he's the worst--ty for coming to my ted talk #i'm exhausted and writing is hard but i still have many thoughts always for feral crow man

[greedbent]

kaz is the type to equally have backup plans for his backup plans and also just Wing It to the point of looking like he's a genius who anticipated all possible complications

he keeps people guessing at all times

did kaz know this issue would arise? or did it shock him just as much but he's at the expert level of poker face and managed to navigate the situation like a pro? who knows???

the point is, he never lets anyone see if something's jarred him, so. for all intents and purposes, he's Ready for Anything

#〣♚{ headcanon } #i will never get over how often in other characters' POVs in the books #they're like ??? did kaz know this would happen #all the damn time #but is that question ever answered? nope #he's got a healthy mix of planning 50000 steps ahead at all time #and having the capacity to make up new plans on the fly

[greedbent]

for the most part, kaz can sit very still for a long time. he's the kind of guy who doesn't bounce his legs or fidget with anything and can pretty easily just be as motionless as a statue

however

when this guy does get fidgety, it's usually a bad sign. it means he's under some sort of emotional (lol as if) mental distress that's causing him to be "twitchy": anything from drumming his fingers on the head of his cane to twiddling lockpicks in his hands (and even doing some unconscious "street magic" with whatever object is in his possession)

he has his "scheming face" and then he has his "one mild inconvenience and I'm going to kill the first person I see" fidgeting

#〣♚{ headcanon } #either way he's unnerving and it's a huge benefit for him lbr #he's sitting there looking cold and intimidating as ever just 100% motionless #or fussing with some object with that same deadly look in his eye #bonus points if the object he's messing with is one of his knives gfhnjjaodghnao #spoiler alert: he's just mad inej didn't smile at him today u-u

[greedbent]

i think it's easy to forget that despite how cold and detached kaz is, despite how much he turns up his nose at sentiment and love, he actually is incredibly knowledgeable on the way it affects people

he uses people's attachments against them in fact, he banks on it a lot of the time, puts him (and his Crows) in life-threatening situations simply because he is relying on his enemy's sentiment to be their achilles' heel

which is exactly why he always feels so confident and ahead in the game; he thinks that as long as he has none of that in his life, it can never be shaped into a weapon that'll be his downfall

ᕠ( ᐛ )و good thing he totally doesn't care about anyone at all— ᕕ( ᐕ )ᕗ

#〣♚{ headcanon } #kaz “this is everyone else's weakness but absolutely not mine” brekker #my ASSSSS #loses his heckin cool when someone lays a finger on inej mhm mhm mHM MHM

[greedbent]

this bastard will use overly sappy terms of endearment when he's being sarcastic af

but sooner die than call someone his "friend," much less anything more than that

i- i'm gonna curb stomp him

#〣♚{ headcanon } #kaz with the most sarcastic drawl and simper: “dear” “darling” “treasure of my heart” #kaz talking about his actual friends and folks he cares about: “my investment”

[greedbent]

kaz is the "learn from your mistakes" kind of person i.e., even when he sees a friend an investment making a horrible decision, he'll just let it happen and wait patiently for the other shoe to drop

ofc if the outcome will negatively affect him, he'll intervene, but otherwise...?

where else would he get his entertainment? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#〣♚{ headcanon } #kaz out here like “i'm not your nanny; go ahead and make ur dumb choices” #and when sb comes whining to him about it he'll just be the supreme dick who's just #“it's not my problem you didn't see that coming” #once again i must reiterate that kaz does NOT coddle #he'll be caught dead before lending anyone his sympathy #shoves him into the canal

[greedbent]

few people know this—if anyone knows at all—but kaz has a surprising appreciation for poetry

he doesn't hide it; he's not ashamed of it but obviously, given his uhm... "profession," there's not much reason for it to really come up in daily conversation

but boy howdy this sappy mofo's internal monologuing being as dramatic as possible and using so much imagery for the tiniest things ??? can't tell me he doesn't pick this up from an occasional dabble in the Arts™

#〣♚{ headcanon } #kazually musing about 'bottling up' inej's laughter and getting drunk on it every night? 8) excuse me ?? #all the ways he internally discusses how broken he is like the most melodramatic edgelord #kaz externally: 🗿 #kaz internally: 🧐🌹🍷 #i mean 99% of all of this is directed at his feelings for inej bc jeez can this boy simp but even so #he's seriously such a dork beneath his cold exterior it kills me

[greedbent]

wake up and smell the crow man thoughts

i think a very integral part of kaz's character is the fact that he's cunning and ruthless not because he necessarily wants to be, but because he feels he has to be

it's certainly not over-dramatic to say that the shit he went through with pekka is 100% to blame for the way he is today; without being swindled and supremely screwed over like he was, he might still be that generally happy, magic-enthusiast kid finding ways to delight in what the barrel has to offer, but

PekkaTM happened

and so we have a tainted, vengeful, cold-hearted man where that wide-eyed and eager lil kid used to be

but like he's not genuinely cold-hearted

that's his front that's his defense mechanism

that's the only way he survives in the barrel, and he honestly relies so much on his reputation to guarantee his success in most cases: the fact that rumor spreads and paints him as this totally unfeeling and horrible man who can and will do anything for personal gain, no matter how awful

there's a reason kaz thinks of himself as crooked and terrible. because that's the persona he projects: that's who he needs to be to get the job done. but is he happy about it?

ffs this man isn't happy about anything ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#〣♚{ headcanon } #i mean the barrel life in GENERAL would have tainted him to some degree #he'd obviously be less naive and learn the ropes of life in that shithole and make do #but he'd probably be far cheerier and maybe have much more of a “lil shit” personality than uhh #gestures at him ??? “big shit” energy??? #pekka unwittingly created a monster jfc #you made your bed now lie in it mfcker

[greedbent]

listen.

for someone who—on the surface and to most outside eyes—looks like the greediest mofo in the Barrel (always taking on jobs for the right price, lighting up when he sees a good score, etc.), kaz has… so. much. SO. MUCH. disdain for greedy people

he’s “greedy” by necessity at this rate. building up the proper resources to take down the pos who ruined his life, yadda yadda—we get it

he relies on the greed of others to use to his advantage as much as he uses sentiment as a weapon, too

greed absolutely destroys a man. (it honestly does most of kaz’s work for him) and it’s that very sin that got him into this situation in the first place

jordie’s greed let them get swindled. landed them penniless on the streets. ultimately caused jordie’s death…

and all this shows now in just how kaz treats people who are similarly ruled by it

how harsh he is toward jesper’s gambling??? literally 0 sympathy for the debt he’s under, actually pretty miffed at how jes’s actions have harmed jesper’s DAD more than just himself (someone’s greed negatively impacting a loved one??? SOUNDS. FAMILIAR.) the way kaz stays pissed at jesper for sO LONG after he nearly screwed up their ice court heist before it even began—again, gambling

how he has so much infatuation for someone like inej who is so. damn. selfless??? not a single greedy bone in her body? somehow not corrupted by the shitty world around her

greed, man. greed. 😔💦

#〣♚{ headcanon } #and here we explore kaz projecting his animosity toward Jordie on poor Jesper 8’))) #who isn’t even ruled by greed more than just the thrill ??? #but kaz is still out here being sO HARSH on the poor boy #bc of his own unresolved trauma hfhvhbbfdfg #anyway tho yes I find this so interesting 🤔🤔🤔 #mr. 💸💵💸💰💰💸💰 out here legit hating the greedy bastards so fckn much #he has to become who he hates to truly destroy them; it’s the only way