#‘healing isn’t linear’ yeah fuckin tell me about it

[gregmarriage]

i have GOT to stop cursing myself for my mental health not being good, or for having literal human emotions, (as if i didn’t suffer a manic episode literally two months ago and i’m still recovering and healing from it)

#okay but literally why was february the longest month of my life and march was five seconds long? #and now april is going fast too #my dad has being going on about our holiday for like months and now it’s less than two weeks away #i’m anxious about it tbh #it’s my first big trip in like almost five years #and like i wanna go i wanna live my life #bc i know if i stay home i’ll regret it #but every time i think about going i feel a little nervous #for reasons that i don’t even really know #residual manic depression feels and the internalised ableism that *reallly* got bad during said episode is making me feel sick with nerves #a lot lately and i don’t know i want freedom and independence and a life and i’m trying so hard and ehhhhh #idk i repeat the same shit a lot but it’s a big problem but it’s not something i can change but that doesn’t mean i just stop feeling bad #about it #‘healing isn’t linear’ yeah fuckin tell me about it #idk if i dip in and out that’s why #not that most people would really notice or care #but if you’re interested yeah wow gwen’s off on a weird one again! big surprise! #i take the piss to cope but anywaysssss #just feel like a clown lately like ‘honk honk’ that’s me #said i wasn’t gonna curse myself for feeling bad then immediately did #i’m trying to unlearn that amongst many other things sighsssssssssss #anyways whatever