#Éka Méka Moo

[hussyknee]

Sometimes I look up from the news like, "Who is this miserable world even for?" Then I see this.

And I'm like, "Point taken."

#cats #cattos #kitties #kittehs #Éka Méka Moo #he's only five months but already so big #i miss when they were teeny already #knee of huss #Méka Mau Moo

[hussyknee]

Jiminy fucking Christmas on a pop tart.

My absolute brainless nincompoop of a five month old kitten went missing for two hours. They never wander far from me, but Éka is an escape artist with a fixation on the wet earth in the garden. I'll be shouting for him all over the house and finally find him sprawled lazily in the damp under a flower pot or in a bush. It's the only time he's quiet; otherwise he regularly echolocates wherever he is because he's 1) eternally dissatisfied with life and wants me to fix all his problems even when he doesn't know what they are, 2) his ADHD ass will follow a dandelion in the wind, and then panic when he realises he's all alone or he's climbed too high to get back down by himself.

This time though, the guy disappeared into thin air. We flung open all the cupboards, ripped apart the whole house, and my sister and the handyman we had in to repair the sink both went all around the house calling for him. Then I took their packet of kibble and walked my chronically ill, very fat ass all around the neighborhood, in Satan's own heat, yelling for little shithead. (Once following our dog, who was flattered but turned out to have no idea why I was stalking him, and once following our tomcat Kaha, who is usually vocally affronted by the kittens very existence, but turned out to have been yowling on general principle.)

Got home and collapsed in a puddle of sweat and misery, crying and hyperventilating for half an hour, only for the numbskull to wander in from the back of the house, yowling to remind me that it was lunch time and he hadn't been fed in one thousand years. Snatched him up to cover his idiot face in kisses and found he'd been investigating something interesting and stank like a hog. Immediately hauled all three of the brats into the bathroom and bathed all of us. We're now in each other's doghouses; the kittens damp, consternated and betrayed, their six collective braincells unable to fathom the reason for this cruelty, and I, flesh still sizzling like steak on a hibachi grill.

I've decided I need to 1) get some kind of religion, and 2) rename Éka. They say there are no atheists in fox holes, but being solidly unconvinced of divine intervention sucks worse when your idiot baby is missing. For the second, my former father in law, for all he is a twatwaffle, maintained that you should only name an animal something you can shout up and down the neighborhood without sounding like an asshat. This wisdom turned out to be pretty solid, because yelling for "That One! THAT ONE!" in Sinhalese* far and wide was quite embarrassing, panic notwithstanding. He's now going to be known as Mau-Mau, for his distinctive cry and chronic supplication to a higher power (me). It's what ancient Egyptians called cats, and they were really dead on about it. That there is definitely a Mau.

*The kittens' names are Éka, Méka and Moo, which in Sinhalese translates to That One, This One, and This One (emphatic, deragatory). Context:

(Five months ago.)

Mum: "Do not name them, because we're NOT going to keep them!"

Me: "Well, what are we supposed to call them meantime?"

Le Asshole, henceforth named Mau.

#Éka Méka Moo #kitties #kittens #cats #cattos #kittehs #cat mom #knee of huss #life update #Méka Mau Moo

[hussyknee]

We interrupt your regularly scheduled dash with a special bulletin:

Moo says hi!

So does Éka!

Méka is more a "hello" kind of girl.

(One brother was knocking stuff over on top of the cupboard and the other one having mysterious paroxysms in the scratching basket. This is the default expression of the big sister burdened with an extra braincell.)

We now return you to your scheduled dashboard.

#Éka Méka Moo #they're a week shy of five months fyi #kitties #cats #cattos #knee of huss #Méka Mau Moo

[hussyknee]

#kitties #Moo is powered entirely by cuddles #cuddle-crazed beastie #why is he so big 😭 he's only five and half months #i want them to go back to being tea cup-sized #Éka Méka Moo #knee of huss #Méka Mau Moo

[hussyknee]

Timeline cleanse

#Éka Méka Moo #kitties #timeline cleanse #knee of huss #Méka Mau Moo

[hussyknee]

Wabbit.

#this is Moo #he crawled into my lap and napped like a top #belly-up and legs spread wiiiide 😂😂😭😭 #my li'l cuddle bunny #he's chubby now. they all look like perfectly formed little cats. big for six months #i miss when they were palm-sized little goblins #Éka Méka Moo #kitties #kittehs #cattos #cat mom #knee of huss #Méka Mau Moo

[hussyknee]

I missed my kittens' Tricat booster shot in November! Will they have to restart everything??

I also didn't take our family tomcat Kaha for his follow up appointment and now his rash has spread all over again. I can't take the kittens today because I'm taking him for treatment. His rash only got so out of control because I was caught up taking care of the kittens the last few months.

I washed him (he disappears half the day and roams all over the neighbourhood, won't groom himself) and shut him up in the study so he wouldn't escape before I can take him to the vet in the afternoon. He's been yowling in outrage every time he hears someone outside the door. Poor baby. All I do is neglect him and then subject him to torment and imprisonment.

All my ADHD protocols went up in smoke the whole of last year because my mental health went up in flames and it was life crisis after crisis. I haven't even visited my dogs in months because I'm so tired and borderline agoraphobic after being sick so long.

I can't even take care of cats. What kind of a Mum am I? 😭

#exhausted all the time but idk what im exhausted of #im so fucking scattered #it's like trying to scoop marbles off the floor one-handed #my babies are all suffering and neglected 😭😭😭 #well the kittens arent suffering but i'm still letting them down #Goddamn it I wish I had help. #i want to neuter Kaha and keep him inside but that woman screams at me for ''torturing the poor animal'' every time i bring it up #wish i was a cat so someone would take care of me too #life update #cat mom problems #Éka Méka Moo #kitties #knee of huss #Méka Mau Moo

[hussyknee]

(Video description: tiny orange kitten climbed up on the shoulder of a short-haired bespectacled brown woman (me) in a raggedy t-shirt whose face is obscured by an smiley emoji sticker. He pokes his tiny head out from behind my head in the first frame. In the second frame he's sitting on my other shoulder, surveying the scenery below. He reaches up to groom my ear with his tongue, making me squeal and gently bring my hand up to tug my ear away from him. He then attempts to scale down my arm and cheeps anxiously, subsiding when I gently stroke a finger down his little head, sitting on his haunches and placidly blinking around. End VD)

Apparently kittens do this when they're looking for their Mama. Moo, the shyiest and most retiring of the three, used to be the only one, but now both orange boys have taken to using me as a jungle gym. I know Moo wants the closeness but I think Éka mostly likes perching over everybody like the Lion King.

We tried to avoid naming them but defaulted to calling them ඒකා, මේකා and මූ (Éka - That One, Méka - This One, Moo - This One (accusatory)) so now those are their names. Moo used to be the spastic ginger one with the chronic life dissatisfaction, but "Moo" written in English sounds gentle, so now it belongs to the sweet tag-along runt, who is my favourite. Méka is the only girl, a loner and a leader but never a follower. She seems to have two or even two and half braincells while the ginger boys only have like one each. Which seems a bit unfair since she's also the biggest and prettiest.

You wouldn't think three tiny fluffballs would be so tiring to look after, and yet here I am four days later too exhausted to move. Need to advertise more on FB but tbh I'm so tired I can't make my brain work.

#knee of huss #life update #kitties #Méka Mau Moo