#{ * 𝙳𝚈𝙽. 𝙶𝙻𝙰𝙲𝙸𝙴𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙴𝚂 : it's the same old story : a few people just trying ‚ one way or another ‚ to survive .

[benydikta]

 [     ･     @glacierites    :         asked for a random starter months ago.

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙲𝙷𝙴𝙰𝙿 𝙰𝙻𝙲𝙾𝙷𝙾𝙻 𝚂𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶𝚂 𝙾𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚆𝙰𝚈 𝙳𝙾𝚆𝙽.       cheap is cheap for a reason, eye-watering,        sharp enough to choke on.       but the point here is not for luxury;       those high-collar embellishments dealing in gold-coined gil and the smell of aged wine.       no, this is swill,       and they both know it     ━    benedikta and jill both.       but for either of them to get cheeks flushed they'll have to drink half the pub's worth.       no use in being picky.       crossing one leg over the other,       benedikta smiles over the rim of her tankard.         ‘‘  see someone you like, yet?  ’’      she teases, the dark warm of her eyes sly.         ‘‘  surely there's someone here that's your type if you squint hard enough.  ’’      

#glacierites #there's a pub and they're on a trip just the two of them #and jill! come on #let's find someone who's more fun than the stick up clive's ass #live a little #beat the shit out of half of the men at the bar #its a win win #:) #{ * 𝙸𝚁𝙾𝙽 𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙶𝙳𝙾𝙼 𝙰𝚄 : i have to get through this . all of this and my own life ‚ too . #{ * 𝙳𝚈𝙽. 𝙶𝙻𝙰𝙲𝙸𝙴𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙴𝚂 : it's the same old story : a few people just trying ‚ one way or another ‚ to survive . #{ * 𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳 : how i can only be as merciful as any ritual allows : to make tenderness a cleaving cut .

[benydikta]

[ bloody ] except it’s younger Jill going to younger benna ——

 ･     '𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙾���𝙻𝚈 𝙿𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙾𝙽 𝙸 𝙲𝙰𝙽 𝚃𝚄𝚁𝙽 𝚃𝙾'    :    accepting !

𝙸𝚃'𝚂 𝙽𝙾𝚃 𝙶𝙾𝙾𝙳 𝚆𝙷𝙴𝙽 𝙹𝙸𝙻𝙻 𝙸𝚂 𝙰𝚆𝙰𝚈 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝙻𝙾𝙽𝙶. when any of them are. you're waiting for the chip off a mountain. the smallest rock to fall. maybe it'll be a short tumble. most likely it'll be an avalanche, a mudslide     ━    and you're just hoping you felt the trembling before you're buried under the rubble.

benedikta is under no illusion that they can go unnoticed forever. but they've been good. quiet. obedient. jill's picking up things quickly. benedikta is starting to think there is more than how it first appeared when jill arrived, delicate lace trim and silk. she's too used to modesty, to keeping her head down, to the transmutation of a bright-eyed innocent to dull-eyed supplicant to be the spoiled girl of nobility. but benedikta doesn't ask what she isn't told, and if they're not dead today or tomorrow, what does it matter?

they were supposed to meet up outside the kitchens an hour ago. the half of dinner benedikta didn't eat to save for jill has gone cold. benedikta is starting to worry. it's a prickly sensation, wet sweat matted to the nape of her neck. jill is too young. she's got a few years before it matters. she's still got a few years.         ‘‘  and we've been good,  ’’       benedikta murmurs, ash clutched in her closing fists.

but she should've known better. being good only goes as far as she can reach     ━    her malnourished forearm, the worn down tips of her fingers, thin nailbeds    ━    and it barely crosses any distance. if only her body could be a shell; a complete suit of armor; an amber casing that would protect the knobby knees and pink cheeks of that girl who helped her remember how to dream.

fuck imreann. fuck the priests and fuck sacrifice and even if they tied her down to stone, a lamb to the slaughterhouse, she'd do it for jill who had somewhere to go after all this. beneditka couldn't even fucking read. all she had was her rage and her ability to survive. so if it was up to her or jill, if it was a decision at all, then    ━    and then jill arrives.

she's trying to hide a limp but failing; she's dragging her leg behind her. and when she looks up benedikta's heart crumples, cracks, a hammer taking a nail to the hairline crack of her artery, because jill's face is all red and bleeding and she's trying to smile, the cut on her lip making it all awkward with pain.         ‘‘  sorry i'm late.  ’’      

jill tries to be strong but she can't hold it in. her voice warbles, then fails, and benedikta is already bending at her knees to hold her when she starts to cry. she's just a kid. she's got cheek fat and baby teeth and has to mend her clothes because she keeps outgrowing them. she shouldn't be worrying about where her next food is coming from or whether or not it'll be her blood they'll be scrubbing off the flagstones tomorrow.

        ‘‘  no i'm sorry,  ’’      benedikta says, and all the words in her throat sting,         ‘‘  i'm sorry i wasn't there. but i'm here now, okay jill? i'm here.  ’’      she tears off part of her clothes    ━    it's fine, it's all just rags anyway    ━    and she wipes the blood off jill's face, dabbing away the grime with a gentle touch. benedikta swears she'll kill them all. she'll scream and tear until there's nothing of her left. in this moment though, she's got jill, and they're both alive, and jill probably isn't hungry but she'll at least save the bread for later.

and it'll be okay. it'll be alright for as long as they can manage.         ‘‘  if i'm here no one else can hurt you,  ’’      benedikta tries to reassure. she lifts jill off her feet    ━    the girl barely weighs anything at all, but she's not strong either    ━    and holds her close, chest to chest, heart to heart, swaying from the extra weight. jill's face is wet where she presses it into benedikta's collarbone, arms wrapped around her neck.         ‘‘  we'll find a good place under the sky, okay? and i'll tell you your favorite story, the one about wolves.  ’’      jill nods wordlessly into her skin.         ‘‘  and you can hold my hand until you fall asleep tonight. just this once.  ’’      

        ‘‘  promise?  ’’      jill's voice is shrill, feeble and damp.

        ‘‘  yeah.  ’’      benedikta's throat is closed. it's hard to talk through it.         ‘‘  yeah, of course,  ’’      she says a little stronger.         ‘‘  i promise.  ’’      

#glacierites #genuinely hate it here #{ * 𝙸𝚁𝙾𝙽 𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙶𝙳𝙾𝙼 𝙰𝚄 : i have to get through this . all of this and my own life ‚ too . #{ * 𝙳𝚈𝙽. 𝙶𝙻𝙰𝙲𝙸𝙴𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙴𝚂 : it's the same old story : a few people just trying ‚ one way or another ‚ to survive .

[benydikta]

 [     ･     @glacierites    :         asked to be hurt.

𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝙸𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙸𝚁𝙾𝙽 𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙶𝙳𝙾𝙼,        with the ash and fire choking the sky,        it was hard to see the stars.        on the days where the volcano dozed,        benedikta would ask jill to come out with her to peek at the strongest spread     ━    the duo moons,        the sharp speckled white against the red-tinged night.        in these quiet delusions they started a game;        a stuttering, ill-informed dream,        in which they believed they would escape together.        where would you go first?        benedikta would ask, smile small and sad,        the rims of her eyelids burning.        what's the first stop on our journey?        jill knew more of the world than she did. she had ideas. she had hope.        pinkies interlocked, they made a promise.        it wasn't one benedikta would end up keeping.

but it's five weeks into being at the hideaway.        benedikta's a wreck of a thing, skin still flecked underneath her chipped painted nails. she wasn't even aware of jill until she'd seen her up and about, haunted behind her eyes.        benedikta doesn't say anything at first. can't. won't. they were just misguided kids and there's a difference between the bonds you form when you've got no one else and the ones you choose.

but but but but.

        ‘‘  what's our first stop?  ’’      she asks. she doesn't say hi, hello, hey, how've you been? sorry i left.        sorry i never came back for you.        benedikta can barely move. all her outbursts keep reopening her wounds, and she won't let anyone touch her until her vision seeps black.        but she'd do anything than be trapped in this godforsaken place     ━    to touch at the cord she hopes can have another end.        her throat feels rough. her voice is sandpaper.        ‘‘  you look like shit.  ’’      

#glacierites #so u know how we talked about #yeah #{ * 𝙸𝚁𝙾𝙽 𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙶𝙳𝙾𝙼 𝙰𝚄 : i have to get through this . all of this and my own life ‚ too . #{ * 𝙳𝚈𝙽. 𝙶𝙻𝙰𝙲𝙸𝙴𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙴𝚂 : it's the same old story : a few people just trying ‚ one way or another ‚ to survive .