#;____; OAUGAOGAUOGAUGOUAOUGAAAAA

[mickmundy]

hiii (again lol) just wanted to elaborate a little, but there is so much in the way you write particularly Sniper and his struggles with shame, loneliness, that hunger (in all its forms) and complex parental relationships that just resonates so deeply. Reading (and rereading) through the series and the evocative way you describe everything and break down/talk through it within and in bonus posts has really helped me put words to some of own feelings and motivated me to work towards improvement!

(i hope its okay that i combined both of your asks, i didn’t want to risk mixing up my thoughts or leaving anything about either one unanswered! ;-; <3) FIRST OF ALL…… i’m ltierally so speechless ;;; thank you SO much for sending me this, it really means the entire universe to me… like i genuinely adore that something that i wrote from such a personal part of me is emotionally impacting people who read it… like it fills me with so much love knowing that there are people out there who can relate to….. sniper’s…….. yes… of course…. sniper’s……… journey with falling in love, internalized homophobia, sexual repression, rental trauma etc… sometimes being a human feels So Much and i really don’t know how else to describe it LOL but it’s… A Lot. in good and bad ways. and sometimes i’m just overwhelmed with emotion and i don’t know how to feel or what to feel or what i’m even feeling, i just know i’m feeling a LOT! and i’ve always felt like a total freak for how i process emotions and how i see love and so it just brings me so much comfort and joy to know that not only do people understand and appreciate sniper’s journey, but they also relate to it too ;;; i am holding all of our delicate hearts so close to my chest!! ;u; <3333

and YESSS ;;;; i love both of these things too, they were Big Deals to me to write. i cried when i wrote the first two chapters of fever over a year ago and back then i didn’t have anywhere near the amount of engagement (on here, twt, ao3, anywhere really) and so i was so scared that when i Would post this fic, i’d get laughed at or misunderstood (couldn’t decide which was worse lol) and so it’s really… like.. idk how to describe it… but it feels like a heavy hand on my shoulder in a really good way.. like the reception it’s gotten, i’m genuinely blown away… ;___; and i really appreciate people being comfortable enough to be Vulnerable with me like i feel like i’m being Vulnerable with you by posting my fics.., ;; i’ve cried a lot of tears as i’ve been writing these fics and they really are a massive part of Me (and my gf + our relationship heh) and i’m just so happy that people enjoy them…

the tenderness hurting more than pain..,., like idk how else to describe it lsdkfjsdjf. being told your whole life that you can’t let your emotions dominate you, you can’t let your feelings get in the way of What Really Matters (which as it turns out.. is… nothing really at all lol. or nothing that can’t be Enhanced With Feelings…!) and realizing later in life like oh my god. i’ve wasted so much time being This Person and now it’s not working anymore… and you cling to That Person because they’re all you’ve known how to be… and the idea of putting yourself out there as Who You Are and not Who You Were Told To Be… god it’s horrific. and so scary. and it sucks. but for the sake of love… you want to try… but how do you even try… well… with a lot of attempts! and after a while it starts to get a little more natural.. and a little more natural…. <3 hehe.. and the feeling of rejection from your parents (who you are desperate to please) for things that you can’t help or don’t even understand yourself… it feels really bleak. and sniper’s only been taught to just “power through it” but it’s like… that can’t work forever.. sometimes you need to turn around and Face what you feel… and shoving through it only works for so long…!

i’m so happy to hear that you’ve been inspired to improve yourself too, i’m right there with you!! being in a place emotionally where you find the ability to like. Look Within Yourself and at least Try to improve,, it’s really hard!! and sniper and medic doing it in their own unique ways (and the slow crawl that they do it at!) and seeing them be… not so great at it but they’re getting better! i think that’s a really human trait… like it’s okay that things don’t magically fall into place all at once Conveniently, you know what i mean? and i think with tf2 characters especially it’s like… they’re all immature, they’re far from perfect, but they’re also so capable of love… in their own ways hehe!! but i think that’s fun. i like that we can all have a little emotional vulnerability… together! :’)

thank you SO much again for this wonderful message, i sincerely adore talking with you about my writing and i am always so glad to hear that you enjoy it!! ;_; <333 ILYYYYYY MY DEAR FRIEND ;_____; <3333333

#thou giveth fever #poisonedflame #dutchfoolery #asks #;____; OAUGAOGAUOGAUGOUAOUGAAAAA