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#//Also Cultist-anon if you wouldn't mind giving me your Cultist's pronouns/with your next letter I'd appreciate it.
hush-house-yard-sale · 8 months
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Hey Librarian, I just wanna ask, how fortified is your house against thieves? Specifically people who might take a peek at books? Specifically diaries? Specifically looking for pages that might imply your true feelings for someone and all this "I don't like you" is just an act because you developed affection towards someone but want to push them away cause the m-word is not a place for love and so you just pen these memories away in a book so all that love will not die? Cause I would HATE it if someone sent an expedition of talented followers to break down locks and seduce guards just to infiltrate *my* inner sanctum and read about all these things I actually wrote myself.
I'd hate it and I'm just... Checking how you prepare against those?
-Cul... cumber. CUCUMBER
How... fortified is my house against... thieves? You... you want to know how fortified my house is against thieves? Oh, for the love of—
First of all, Mx... [scoffs] "Cucumber," you should be well aware that there is no need to resort to breaking and entering if you wish to look at books. This is a library. The purpose of a library is so that patrons can come and look at books. No, I daresay that the only reason one would need to resort to breaking and entering is if one were trying to, oh I don't know, bypass the librarian and steal the books for yourself. And I assure you, Mx. "Cucumber," that that is something for which I will not stand!
Second of all, the only book in Hush House authored by me contains my life's work. You are very sorely deluded if you think I have not made arrangements for its publication, should my endeavors succeed! If you want to read my "diary," as you so dismissively call it, you can purchase it from any reputable retailer of occult works in 2-4 business years. But frankly? I doubt you will even bother, given the disdain you've had for my "nerdy essay." At best you'll flip through it searching for confirmation of this theory you've concocted to fill the void left by the Forge-of-Days' various rejections, and fall back to your opium when you find nothing of the sort. I could translate it into— into Vak if I so desired and it wouldn't make a difference to the amount of information you'd retain upon reading! Perhaps I shall! Perhaps I already have!
Furthermore, for all your obsessions—oh yes, I know all about your obsessions. Do you truly think yourself subtle? Or clever?— you clearly have no pride and no self-respect if you intend to send your followers to discern my feelings for you. Did your followers also write this letter for you? Do they choose the people you woo? When you kiss your lovers, do they position your head for you? There are some things that must be done personally Mx. "Cucumber," if they are to be done at all. And if you will not then you are a coward, and have no hope for earning even a crumb of my respect.
You may be obsessed with me, for what reason I cannot possibly fathom, but you have shown that you have no respect for me, no respect for my library, and no respect for my life's work! You hide behind a false name, and pretend that I am too stupid to see through it. No, I know only one person this callous, this self-centered, this entitled, this... immature.
YOU ARE THE DESPICABLE THIEF OF THE HISTORY OF INKS!!!!!!!!
You will receive no further correspondence from me until the tome is returned.
Firmest disregard,
The Yard Sale Librarian
Post Scriptum: Please inform your followers that my legion of guard vipers is ever-growing. And soon I will overthrow the world.
Post- Post Scriptum: Every last one of them is asexual.
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