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sunflowersunshinevol6 · 4 years

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Lights

Summary: They meet on a bus, neither of them knowing where they're going, both hiding something. An unlikely friendship forms and protecting each other has never been more important.

Warnings: explicit content, sex trafficking, murder

He gazed out the window as the bus pulled out of the station. He wasn't exactly sure where it was going, flashes of what he'd just done playing in his head. He closed his eyes, wishing the sounds would go away, begging the images plaguing his mind to leave.

"Hi," a sweet voice startled him. He turned his head to see a girl leaning over the empty seat, a shy smile on her face. "Everywhere else is full, could I sit?"

He examines her. She's got beautiful black curls that fall to just above her shoulders, soft brown skin and big bright brown eyes. He moves his bag, setting it on the floor at his feet.

"Sure." His voice is thick and deep from not being used. She grinned, sitting down next to him. She held out her hand.

"I'm Naya." He took her hand and shook it. Her skin was smooth and soft, her fingers thin and nimble.

"I'm Harry." He replied quietly. He dropped her hand and let his head fall back against the head rest again.

"Not much of a talker?" He opened one eye and looked at her. She was smiling at him.

"Depends on the topic love."

"Are you from England?"

"Originally."

"I like your accent." Harry turned his head, the screams and images in his mind getting louder with every passing moment.

"Does this conversation have a purpose?" He immediately regrets his tone, seeing the embarrassment and hurt on her face. He sighs, running his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry I just….I don't feel well." She smiled kindly at him, shaking her head.

"Don't worry about it. I'll let you rest." She pulled out some headphones and what appeared to be a sketchbook. Harry watched her for a moment as she settled back in, losing herself in what she was doing. He watched her draw lines and shade with charcoal, brow furrowed and tongue pressed against her top lip. It was cute.

He closed his eyes, finally falling into a fitful sleep.

Naya pulled out one of her headphones and looked over. Harry was whimpering, twitching in his seat. She watched him for a moment, unsure if she should wake him or not, concern growing when he started to bite his bottom lip.

She'd been relieved when the bus was still there. She didn't know where it was going, only that she would be on it and never looking back. They were driving North now from L.A.

When the bus stopped at a gas station for a bathroom break she decided to do something nice for him.

He could see their faces. Feel the fear and the agony as he attacked them. Lashing out, never stopping. He could feel their blood on his hands, hear the screams for mercy that he wouldn't show. They'd never shown him mercy.

Harry's woken up by the feeling of something nudging him. Slowly he opens his eyes to see the girl, Naya, standing over him with a bottle of water and some crackers.

"We stopped. I didn't want to wake you but I thought you might be hungry." He takes them wordlessly, surprised by her kindness.

"Thank you." He says as she sits down. She smiles at him. He notices the sketchbook in her lap again. "You draw?" She nodded.

"Keeps the demons at bay you know?" Her words struck him, confused him. He looked her up and down. She looked so well put together.

"What demons could you possibly have chasing you?" He asked, careful to keep his tone light and not too condescending. Her face fell slightly, he could feel her discomfort and wanted to kick himself.

"We all have demons. Some are just better at hiding them."

Day Two

The bus pulled into the station early. Naya had somehow fallen asleep on Harry's shoulder at some point and he hadn't bothered to move her. He let her curls tickle his neck and could almost drown in the sweet smell of her shampoo. He took the time to admire her, her long eyelashes and plump pink lips, the freckles that danced lightly just beneath her eyes. She was a beautiful girl and he wondered if in another life they could have been together.

They had spent the whole second day talking. She shared her headphones, talked about their favorite artists, their favorite movies. Only surface things. She danced around questions about where he was going and he did the same with questions about her past, but the subjects were always dropped quickly.

"Naya." He whispered gently. The girl groaned and shifted closer, draping an arm over his waist. He froze, unsure for a moment, but gently, he placed his hand over hers, rubbing softly. "Naya you have to wake up." She lifted her head. Eyes bleary with sleep.

"Where are we?"

"The bus station. We have to get off." He helped her stand, handing her, her bag as they shuffled off the bus and into the dark night. Naya looked at her Ipod, groaning.

"It's two am. I won't be able to catch another bus for hours." She crossed her arms, the cool night air chilling her. Harry began to shuffle out of his jacket.

"Here," he offered it to her.

"No, no I can't-" he draped it over her shoulders, wrapping her up in the warmth of his own body heat. Under the street lights she could see his arms, tattoos littered across one of them. He followed her gaze.

"I like art."

"I can see." They stood awkwardly, unsure of what to do or where to go. All Harry knew was that he needed to get as far from L.A as possible.

"Do you...Do you know where you're headed?" He felt stupid for asking, until he saw the shake of her head.

"No….No I just….I needed...I needed to get out of L.A." she says quietly, looking at the ground. Harry's eyes stay on her. He wonders, maybe for a moment too long, but let's the thoughts consuming him go.

"Let's stick together then. If you want? We can look for a hotel."

"Don't have enough for that." She said.

"I do. It doesn't have to be fancy. We can get two beds, sleep and figure out our next move tomorrow." He adds as an afterthought. "It's late and I'm not comfortable leaving you out here alone." She sighs, pushing her hair back out of her face.

"I suppose you want me to give you something in return?" Her voice is hard. Harry shakes his head, unsure of her meaning.

"No, course not. Consider it payback for the water and crackers." She watches him warily for a moment before nodding slowly. She shoulders her bag once more.

"No funny stuff."

The motel is sleazy. Hookers hang out outside and drug addicts stand in doorways of occupied rooms. But it was cheap and the room was cozy. Harry set his bag down on one of the beds, before turning to Naya.

"You want to shower first?" He asked. She sighed gratefully.

"Yes please."

"Go ahead. Save me some water yeah?" He called after her as she went in. When he heard the water running he turned on the tv. The first thing that flashed before his eyes was the news, he felt his heart drop to his stomach.

".....The leader of a sex trafficking ring and his lover were found dead in their home. The suspected murderer is on the loose. If anyone has any information as to the whereabouts of this man please give us a call at Crime Watch." Harry's mouth fell open when a picture of him walking out of the house flashes across the screen, his long hair pulled back into a bun. He shuts the tv off, his face in his hands, heart pounding. He was scared. It probably wouldn't matter that he'd been kidnapped at ten. Stolen from his mother and step father whilst on vacation and forced to do things no child ever should. He had killed them.

"Shower's ready for you." He jumped, startled by Naya as she left the bathroom. He didn't say anything, just brushed past her and into the bathroom. He locked the door.

It was the first time he'd seen his face since getting on that bus. His eyes were sunken, dark circles beneath them, his lips chapped and cut from being chewed anxiously, his skin a sickly pale color. He let his hair down, brown locks falling down around his shoulders. He pulled a pair of scissors from his bag and began to cut.

Chopping away every piece of hair that a john had ever touched.

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leoninapelliolovesconchitawurst · 3 years

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ENGLISH TRANSLATION (Mandy Pitulle)

FM4 INTERVIEW with TOM NEUWIRTH

https://radiothek.orf.at/podcasts/fm4/fm4-interview-podcast/fm4-interview-mit-tom-neuwirth

Queer visibility also plays a role in the life of Tom Neuwirth, also known as Conchita Wurst. Seven years ago he won the Eurovision Song Contest. In an interview with FM4, he tells us like it is to grow up as a gay boy and experience pride for the first time.

. "Hello Tom, nice to have you here." "Yes, hello, I'm happy to be here." "It's June and that's a very special month for many people. It's Pride month and for queer people it's Pride all year. How are you feeling with that? How is June for you?"

Tom: "It's very special, it's been relatively commercialized in the last few years, which makes it special in another way. It's more visibility than it used to be. Pride has always been" The place to be ", especially when I was 16 / 17. Oh God, that I am now at an age to be able to say that. It was suddenly possible to visibly live out our sexuality, even if it was just being there, to hold hands and to have a save space and to know "Nothing will happen to you". It might sound strange, but being able to be an LGBTIQ person out on the streets was not easy back then and is still not always easy now.

FM4:" On 19th, it is the Rainbow Parade in Vienna. Do you have plans?"

Tom: " Not really concrete plans, but since the lockdown has fallen, we all feel the need to go out and celebrate. That is why the spirit to celebrate that I feel has not necessarily to do with June, but also with the current situation. I will of course be there. After 1 1/2 years where you couldn't see a lot of people and queer visibility has not taken place, I think it is important that we go out to the streets together and maybe come back to the origins of Prides . We noticed that the pandemic was not good when it comes to questioning ways of thinking, to stand up for more equality and that is why it is important to go out "as fabulous as we can".

FM4:"Do you still remember your first Pride and your first rainbow parade? How did you feel and how old were you?

Tom: "At my first Pride, I was with my best friend, Flo. We were 14/15 and told everyone we were in Graz, but secretly drove to Vienna. We then went to trendy scene bars and the rainbow parade and it was the amazing feeling of not having to hide, to not have to expect people to talk bad to me or look at me for walking in the street with my boyfriend. It was an extreme feeling of freedom. It still is a little, I have to say. I always dismissed it when you kiss in public and then get harsh comments. “I couldn't care less.” ...But then you ask yourself “Does that have to be?” “Why do you have to put people in a situation that is uncomfortable in some way. "So this year I am a little more aware of why it is important to have a rainbow parade. The first memories ... it was just Heaven ..You danced, met new people every minute and made out on the dance floor. It was "everything you can ask for".

FM4: "Do you know how old you were?"

Tom:" At my first Pride kiss? 15....*mumbles*...14/15"

FM4: "Nice. You have certainly been to many Pride events. Have you ever been to Prides outside Austria in June?"

Tom: "If you're known in the queer community, people like to book you for Prides. That's how it was for me and it has increased exponentially since the Eurovision Song Contest. One of the most impressive Prides was Amsterdam when I was there for the first time. I didn't know it from Austria when you turn on the TV and the country's TV stations are flagged with rainbow flags and Pride is advertised in the mainstream. Then the canals and streets were full. The whole city celebrated this part of society. The kids were all painted with rainbow flags and these floats that drove through on the canals. It was extremely impressive. And I didn't know that from Austria. With the Europride, that changed. That was extremely cool. You really had the feeling that the whole city celebrated with us. I also think that Vienna has the potential to become a queer Hotspot. Barcelona and everywhere else too, but Vienna has such charm and courage. Vienna is so uncompromising. I love that. Uncompromising in any way and especially with this topic. I think that's cool. I would like it to get bigger in the next few years. It's Pride month and we have so much to offer. From queer history in all museums to theaters and clubs. Lectures, artists ... we talked about queer footballers today ... This city has so much potential.

FM4: You already gave the cue. Queer Visibility. Where does it start and where does it end?

Tom: "That has to be viewed individually. I think, a drag queen, for example, that is activism as soon as she steps out of the dressingroom. For me it is ... well I don't know. I've spent a lot of my life, pushing myself into the hetero norm and I don't do that anymore. So not at all anymore. I'm hysterical and loud and scream and laugh and talk to everyone and wear what I like. I've come to a point where I'm no longer afraid because you think “it has to be like that.” And that's where it starts with me. Everyone should start with themselves. Sometimes I find it difficult because I don't want to ask anybody, “Now be extra bad”. Everyone should be what he or she is. I express myself a lot ... Now I want to say, through my clothes, but that's not true. I'm just uncompromising and try to break the boundaries again and again and make people think. Yesterday we were on the Donaustrand and did a photo shoot wearing black lace underwear. The people who watched, the reactions differed. But they'd go home and say, "Well, I've seen something today ..." And they'd talk about it, it's the first step in a conversation.

FM4:"This month is Pride month. Do you remember the first time you were proud of yourself? That you "owned your space"

Tom: "I think that was already at the first Pride events. Although I still have it. Pride means to me .. that's a power. When many people work together towards one goal. Or something in common ... It has so much power. You are not alone as an individual, you are among so many like-minded people where you have the feeling "I breathe". The visibility. That makes us strong against everything queer people struggle with."

FM4: "You already talked about Vienna. You have been living in Vienna for a long time. But you grew up somewhere else, in Bad Mitterndorf. I checked, it has about 5000 residents."

Tom: "They have grown."

FM4: "How was it for you to grow up as a queer person in the country?"

Tom: "It was a bit ambivalent, I never really held back in my being. I often heard from my mother" You can't wear that now. You can't wear a dirndl or a first communion dress, none of that works. "But I'd always found my ways to portray myself and just did what I felt". On one hand, I totally demanded it, but on on the other hand, it was bad for me to get the attention because it wasn't positive. My parents run an Restaurant and they were a bit dependent on the opinions of their guests. They don't think like that anymore. I am happy about that. To do everything right for everyone is simply not possible. It was this duality of "I am there" and "It hurts" when you are insulted, laughed at. And so many queer people feel like that. And you ask yourself "Why?" For example, if it's a child and the adults react like that. You think "Get yourself together."

FM4: "You said there were painful things. What helped you?"

Tom: "Definitely my friends, but I also loved to go to the attic. I never wanted to work, there were too many people and too close for me ... I told my mother." I'll sew every button on you, but please don't let me work in service." And then I fled to the attic and did everything there. Drew, sewed, danced, sang. I sang out loud because nobody heard it. My Idol: Celine Dion ... high and loud. Of course I had to train that first. Yes, me and my friends. It was always my safe place. It is still like that today.

FM4: "That is also very important to have."

Tom: "I'm also very grateful that I can feel myself and enjoy myself ... not in all situations ... that I can love myself. And I have fun with myself.

FM4: Many queer people have queer role models. That help even in difficult times. Did you have someone there too?

Tom: "The first time to hear" I will always love you "was eye-opening. And the first time to hear" My heart will go on ", I think it was my" queer wakening "and comforting. Power balades, the 90s. .. then I could shout it out. That's why maybe I can let myself go so well when I sing emotionally. Because that was always my outlet and still is today. If I don't sing for a long time, it's still like that today. ..I'm in a bad mood and singing, the bad mood is gone. Singing does something to us ... it's like jumping. You have to grin and get in a good mood.

FM4: When we talk about Conchita Wurst, we also talk about identities and breaking the binary system, which has stood in our way for billions of years. You also show that identities can be fluid and can change and can be many things. Can you still remember when you let Conchita "wake up"? And maybe also when you first appeared as Conchita?

Tom: "The first time was ... now I forgot the club, but it was with the Saloon Kitty Revue. Kitty Willenbruch is one of the most famous burlesque dancers in Austria and I was out in drag once and moderated something. She was in the audience and then asked me whether I would like to present the revue. At that time it was every week, I think, and I said “Yes, I would love to.” And then thought to myself that I shouldn't shave. I look like 12 without beard. I let my beard grow and then the day of the revue came. I love to entertain the audience. I think that's my greatest talent. To be able to let go on stage. First was Starmania, then I finished school, and it was basically my first show business experience again. That's when I noticed. Despite all the worry about whether you can make a living from it, I want to go this way.

FM4: "When you think about your queer future, where are you going? What should change?"

Tom: "It would be nice if at some point no one asks the question," Are you into boys? "Because I think, or in my circle of friends, we sometimes also discuss that. We are just gay and that is totally one-sided and totally restricts you. What if I miss the love of my life, which is a woman. It would be nice if the understanding of the world goes so far that it just doesn't matter. Then we would all be Queer, which we all actually are.

FM4: "A good final word. Thanks Tom."

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acerstella · 3 years

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On music and American media

Tl;Dr - American media discrimination sucks and it makes me angry and sad.

This is probably the 4th or 5th article I've read in the last week that boils down to "Wow, they're amazing...especially because they're not American"

*sputters*

Why do we need a qualifier there? Because Americans think they're the absolute best and if it's not what fits in their specific niche, they're not going to care. The niche in this case, is that the song is completely in English and reminds them of American/British boy bands.

Don't get me wrong; Butter is an absolute delight and I'll probably have it playing on my music player til I die. Whatever accolades BTS gets for the piece is well-deserved and bravo to them for making such an all-round pop song that almost anyone could dig. But I've got at least 20 other songs of theirs on my listen-til-I-die playlist and aside from Dynamite, they aren't in English. This is also nothing compared to the 60-70 other artists I listen to that are not in English and multiple songs I listen to from them.

I really don't wonder so much as secretly seethe as I know it's sadly true. Had this song been at least half or fully in Korean, only their fans would be talking about it, certainly not most American media. It wouldn’t have mattered if it broke every YouTube record, did crazy good outside the US, or became part of some widely released movie soundtrack. American media does not promote those that do not cater to their supposed wants, especially "foreigners."

Actually come to think of it, they don't even promote domestic acts if they don't fit either. Case in point, Backstreet Boys didn't find American media welcome to them either at the start. They built their fan base in Europe years before the US finally gave them any airplay and even then, they weren't considered a US success until much later. American media often has to be "convinced" that things are worth their time (read: money).

Perhaps I'm a bit jaded about this. I'm saddened because American youth have been given far more tools to experience our multicultural world (far more than millennial me) and yet, due to the influence of the US media, this is either ignored or shoved away because it's "other."

Bless my parents for not restricting my what little access I had to the outside media world. I know of some parents at the time that would have mocked or threatened them if they blasted Japanese pop songs, watched subtitled / imported TV shows and spent many days researching the rest of the world while the super bowl was on or some other All-American event. Mine, while rolling their eyes occasionally at my fervent excitement about all things outside our borders, encouraged me to explore and try the new. Thanks to their moderate support, I enjoy my pop-influenced music in multiple languages without a second thought. It's art and just because you don't recognize the words, doesn't mean you can't recognize the intent, the heart of a piece.

I felt the same way during the Grammys, knowing ahead of time due to only the biggest categories getting TV time, that BTS hadn't won. I still stuck around to watch the performance but I felt the gnaw then, questioning if Dynamite hadn't been in English, would the academy even have given it a second glance? Possibly not. Not that they're an exceptional pulse on good music, as much like the Oscar's, they're a few generations behind and thus slow to recognize anything decent. But they're respected as authorities so on and on we go.

It made me think back to other artists. Celine Dion didn't make it big in the US until she began singing in English. Same with Enrique Iglesias, same with Ricky Martin, Shakira and others even though these artists already had large followings in their native countries and among speakers of their native language. The common thread was obvious and disheartening.

While understanding that radio stations have to cater to their audiences and tailor their playlists, I believe doing the first purge of anything not English (although on occasion something Spanish will slip through) robs the listeners of experiencing the greater diversity of the music world as whole. In fact, it's not even just non-English songs this applies to but even English that's not American in origin. Country music, possibly one of the more American genres out there, discriminates by generally not playing country artists from Canada and Australia until they're endorsed / promoted by an American artist!

This may be why younger people have walked away from broadcast radio and the like. They can cultivate their own playlists and with the wide open internet, they can cast a large net to find their own loves. I whole heartedly hope these international fans find what they crave that they can't find at home, like I did (and still do) and embrace it.

But I'd also like the American mainstream media to get their collective fingers out of their ears and quit treating the rest of the world with such xenophobic tendencies. We're not the best. We’ve never been, in terms of being better than anyone else. We're one country out of a couple hundred. Our cultural bias needs to be abandoned before the world abandons us.

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