#& also why he is cripplingly dependent on the idea of a) past with diluc b) present/future with diluc being at least a little bit sometimes

[bitbrumal]

you ever think about how kaeya is constantly on guard, scared, & simply -- not okay. that regardless how good he gets at handling all the threats he anticipates, that does not give him the power to make himself feel safe. just prepared. just capable. & it is something alike safe, it really is ----- but absolutely not the thing itself.

anyway all he truly craves is to just feel safe again & he lowkey highkey wishes he’d never felt it. that the ragnvindrs were less kind.       it was easier when he didn’t know what he was missing.

#hc ✦ kaeya #which is why galactia's zhongli rocks his whole entire world #& also why he is cripplingly dependent on the idea of a) past with diluc b) present/future with diluc being at least a little bit sometimes #MAYBE that good again.... #sad littol boy. it's like damn he could handle almost literally any problem you could throw at him. #oh wouldn't necessarily win but he's your MAN he's the guy you want in your corner if you'r trying to do .. anything difficult #but be okay ? feel okay ? no. #he has always needed a home & never had one he could trust. it's still all he wants; what he wants more than ANYTHING #.........................not sure if 'except independence/control'. like if you'd go into the extreme of making him a puppet would he pick t #his one thing I MEAN... he'll find some other way or let himself think he will. #but yeah i think for survival he wants self-control & as wish to actually LIVE it's a home. #zhongli who is both extremely capable/powerful AND loving/safe: #;DFLKJA;LSDKFJASLDKFJ IT'S REALLY NO WONDER MY BOY FELL ON HIS FACE FOR THIS GUY ok i'm fine i'm ok #becca getting slid in here every time kaeya's true bottom of his heart under the dregs of all his rotting hopes & wishes dreams come up