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New goalie lore dropped:

Videocredit: mikagoalielife on TikTok

#becoming a goalie for the hugs

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hey guys what if the penguins logo, but it was jimmy buffett’s parrot instead? this is just a rough mock-up. i’d get this tattooed probably

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pasta a la erik karlsson

THE INGREDIENTS: pasta. alfredo. meat sauce. raw (red) onion. hot sauce (cholula, judging by the video). ketchup (heinz, i think?). a little salt and pepper.

THE RECIPE: boil pasta, chop the onion, serve with all sauces. eat and not die.

hi my name is emily and welcome to jackass

instead of liveblogging this process, i'm just going to add my thoughts to one big post to make it cleaner <3

6:48 pm: the pasta is boiling. i keep looking over at the Pile of Sauces and giggling. i have whispered "what the fuck" to myself a few times now. i'm cooking the whole box, because we're all having spaghetti tonight, but i'm the only one brave enough to try... This

6:54 pm: erik did not mention this as part of the meal but i poured myself a glass of rose. the onion has been chopped. i tried to get them chunky to match the video but that's like too much man, at least have your onions DICED why are they in CHUNKS ERIK

7:05 pm: writing these time stamps i'm realizing i'm a slow cooker because i keep getting distracted by my playlist (rn it's rebel rebel by david bowie). i am starting the alfredo sauce and it's sinking in that i'm about to actually. eat this. like a few bites, there's no way i'm eating this whole plate (this is NOT foreshadowing)

7:07 pm: i almost panicked because i didn't think i had enough milk for the alfredo but surprise, i had EXACTLY enough. this is a good omen.

7:15 pm: everything is done, i am just waiting for the meat sauce to warm up. i'm still whispering "what the fuck to myself".

7:21 pm: it's time. to assemble.

i grabbed a small plate, but i'm realizing. maybe i should have grabbed less. this is revolting. and i'm not even done adding things

added and mixed. i'm laughing. erik eats this. before every game? it overwhelmingly smells like cholula which is fine but oh my god. oh my god? no. no. this poor man's stomach. oh my god

7:30 pm: i've put it off. it's time to take a bite

IT'S JUST. IT'S JUST A LOT OKAY. THIS IS A LOT OF FLAVOR AND NONE OF IT REALLY GOES TOGETHER? it's like way too acidic. biting into a red onion is a terrible surprise. it's too saucy and it doesn't feel Good in my stomach, like i have taken two bites and it's settled so heavily already. okay no three bites. it's... it's just upsetting. this is an upsetting experience. what the fuck is wrong with you erik karlsson. you eat this and then you go and play professional hockey?

FOUR BITES IN AND IT DOES NOT GET BETTER. why does he do this to himself like can we send someone to check on him fr i am genuinely concerned about this man like i made this meal for the bit but he willingly does this to himself?????? 82 games a season???????

IN CONCLUSION: i managed five (5) bites. they were all bad. don't make this. someone arrest erik karlsson immediately i am so serious.

#[sound of an italian dying in the distance]

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2024 Stanley Cup Playoffs: Round 1, Game 4 Canucks @ Predators | April 28, 2024

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#chomp chomp

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that's what the leader gets (lund coffee delivery)

#servito e riverito

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happy Sharks Publicly Groveling week to everyone celebrating ✨

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i was trying to make a list of who GMMG might hire so i googled "people from boston" and google said our new coach is going to be sylvia plath

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in honor of the end of the cuda's season, here's a ranking of every ad on their broadcast that i have memorized, in order of least to most obnoxious:

termites, rodents, and other pests never rest. call 1-800-7-orange. orange YOU glad you called? (honestly kinda a bop)

'IMMA NEED SOME WHISKEY GLASSES' 'DRINK BEER ALMOST AS COLD AS YOU' ... and bobby bones in the morning! (that luke combs song is in my spotify likes now)

the hilton san jose is the preferred hotel of the san jose sharks (i'd stay at the hilton san jose idk)

your to-do list needs one more thing. chill. just crack open an ice cold coors light, and chill. (this one's been on the ad roll for as long as i've been watching the cuda. it's white noise to me)

welcome to the annual trading cards auction. yes, the gentleman in the teal shirt! (shut up about the jumbo tech cu card signed by the entire barracuda team that u can get in a raffle by opening an account w tech cu. shut UP about the jumbo tech cu card)

'your doctor will see you now' but do they really? do they see a mother who's also a daughter and a caregiver? (tell me one more time about being a health nut with a french fry habit. try me, kaiser permanente.)

WESTERN DIGITAL THINKS YOU SHOULD BE INSPIRED AND EMPOWERED BY THE DATA THAT SURROUNDS YOU. ON THE OTHER HAND I WILL BURN WESTERN DIGITAL TO THE GROUND IF I HEAR THIS AD ONE MORE TIME

#I'm glad I'm not the only one who can recite the kaiser permanente ad by heart #q

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omg 🤣

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he’s found himself an intern to bring him coffee …..

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back to the world of the living (?), after a cancelled flight that entailed a taxi ride of approx 3 hours and two delayed ones that ended up in me sleeping in paris one night (i kiss the ground where whoever invented protections for passengers is), i am IN JAPAN AFTER 11 FUCKING YEARS WHOOOOOOOOOOOO

although I'll probably miss most of the playoffs for the next dozen days bc, well, i am in japan doing stuff

I'm deactivating tumbrl and twitter notifications while I travel so in the remote case someone contacts me, I probably won't be seeing anything for approximately the next 24 hours 🫡

#personal

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I'm deactivating tumbrl and twitter notifications while I travel so in the remote case someone contacts me, I probably won't be seeing anything for approximately the next 24 hours 🫡

#personal

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Kalle Rovanperä — Winter Testing in Finland

#😌

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Kappy crumbs!! Source - Matleena's tiktok

#hockey cats

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on their way somewhere

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just an undersized father and son...

#hockey doggos