sweetbloodsings2me

[sweetbloodsings2me]

fucking limerence is so embarrassing and cringe i cant believe i actually PROYECTED MY TULPA INTO A PERSON THAT KINDA FIT THE DESCRIPTION this is so stupid

[sweetbloodsings2me]

me: *has an entire week of mental breakdowns, constant crying, repenting all of my decisions, repenting my abortion, oversleeping, anorexia, PTSD flashbacks, realizing my bf was just a character i made up all along, missing my ex and torturing myself with memories, Frank from Donnie Darko is always in my bathroom mirror*

me: no im fine im good im happy actually yeah...

[sweetbloodsings2me]

CRINGE

[sweetbloodsings2me]

limerence

-we get upset when they dont live up to expectations

-understand the function

-made me feel protected and relieved

-find another way to feel that way

-i like the feeling of inferiority, that they know better

-take them off he pedestal

-it's not real

-focus on the actions not interpretation

-separate reality from fantasy

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

[sweetbloodsings2me]

OMG SHUT UP

AAAAAA

THIS GUY ENDED UP ABUSING ME WHICH ISNT A FUCKING SURPRISE BUT

I HAD HOPE!!!!

He had such a way with words and illusions that I literally allowed him to dominate me so that I could be punish for my crimes and hurt to him.

IT WAS A TRAP

ITS ALWAYS A TRAP

HE FUCKING HIT ME OMG

WE DIDNT EVEN DATE FOR A MONTH

[sweetbloodsings2me]

june 28

I'm getting drunk just looking for something to do while looking at my phone for no reason I'm not expecting anything, i have to do shit in phone but not this shit.

I have to

Take a shower and then

Idk look around my clothes and make outfits

Drink and do meth

I have to pretend to feel beautiful for a while I don't even want to look at myself I've been feeling horrible.

Because...

I'm not good enough for my own standards

Or for my own perception of the standards of someone's else

I'll be skinny and empty and warm and silky and soft and pure and mad as a hatter

I think I'm in my phone all the time because when I put it down i see them everywhere and

Idk

What's wrong with me?

I'll try.

[sweetbloodsings2me]

I need to diet and be skinny and sickly and heroin chic.

Breakfast

Coffee & meth

Lunch

More meth

Dinner

Xanax y una cuba de agua

Also water during the day and coffee and tea.

Always carry meth with u. Put some thinspo up...

[sweetbloodsings2me]

Whoa okay I'm trynna pause for a checkpoint and write down wtf is going on.

Wtf is going on???

Had a moment of lucidity in the shower and then did more drugs.

I guess no matter what I care about him and I miss him and I don't want him to hate me...

And I miss that soft warm place and hugs and kisses and conversations

At the end everything is always another one of my ploys to suck the life out of someone I love.

I'm full of love yet my love is just the tip of the iceberg of what boils inside me. I won't be a slave for long. I don't plan on keeping my head down. For some reason I feel the need to compete for who's the true and better incarnation of God.

I love fucking drama and to have my delusions validated. Sometimes I'll say something straight out of Twilight and cringe hard and it turns out that was the best choice of words.

Let's see what happens

[sweetbloodsings2me]

[sweetbloodsings2me]

[sweetbloodsings2me]

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills ‘Cause I know I’m a mess he don’t wanna clean up

[sweetbloodsings2me]

[sweetbloodsings2me]

[sweetbloodsings2me]

[sweetbloodsings2me]

Follow me on instagram 

(C.B)(1.7.19)

[sweetbloodsings2me]

I want to put out cigarettes on my thighs and kiss until my lips tear. I want to feel alive.

[sweetbloodsings2me]