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Final Thoughts

As this term comes to an end and I am completing the final few touches on my script, both narratively and technically. I believe it is time to speak on my final thoughts on this process. 

Firstly, I think it important to note that I have thoroughly enjoyed this process, not only the creation of my script but also being introduced to new scripts and new readings, that I otherwise wouldn't of been exposed to. If I got the chance to redo this module I would read more feature length scripts, rather than sticking to short film scripts. The reasoning behind this is that in feature length film characters have the chance to go on a complex journey, more so than in an 8 minute film. If I read some more of these scripts I could may of enhanced the characterisation of both Jack and Bill. 

When reading over the final draft of my script I showed how successful I can be in creating a comprehensive story. Before I started my script it was an aim of mine to include certain pieces of information that weaved in and out of the story, that could be understood as the story unfolds. In ‘Nightowl’, these included Bill telling jack that he should not smoke, the mug, the asthma pump and even the neighbours dialogue. This technique not only help build a solid story but also help create realised characters.      

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The Re-write

Earlier in this process book I stated that I was unsure about how to end my script. I was told by some of my peers that my original ending should be modified to in such a way that didn't show Jack murdering Bill, but instead just elude to the murder. With this in mind, I started to re-wrote the final acts. 

The first element that I wanted to include was a sequence that showed Jack having a psychotic break triggered by a power cut. The power cut mirrors Jack’s mental state at the time, as when the power goes out at his home his delusions of Bill stop, as if he was momentarily brought back to reality. 

The second technique that I wanted to include was the motion of fast paced scenes, to suggests Jack’s franticness at the time. I did this by including several flashback sequence of Jack and Bill in the library mixed with Jack searching for Bill in his home. Not only did the flashbacks allow for the script pace to increase but also allowed me to show the murder of Bill. Unlike the original ending, the new ending doesn't explicitly show the murder. Instead it shows obvious signs that Jack murdered Bill, including Jacks bloodied shirt and a pool of blood creeping into shot. 

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Second Draft

I have now completed the second draft of my script. Although the basic structure of the script has stayed the same, the characterisation of Jack has improved due to all the information I have picked out from the reading. 

Before I started writing my script I had imagined Jack in a certain way. I imagined him to appear as a ordinary elderly man, but who on a deeper level suffered from varies kinds of mental illness. Having said this, after reading through my first draft and after receiving peer feedback I realised that the way that I imagined this character wasn't being properly portrayed in the script. To combat this problem I had to go back and introduce new dialogue and actions for Jack. Having gone back I included a scene where Jack isn't happy with the placement of a knife next to a chopping board, so he moves it serval times until he is. Although small this action indicates to the audience a sign of OCD behaviour. Another quirk of Jack’s that I added was his obsession with routine. This is clear to see with his habit of smoking cigarettes, even though he has asthma and also seen with his routine in waking up at 11pm and making Bill his coffee out of the same coloured mug every morning. It was vital to me to write in this information about Jack as I needed him to appear slightly off kilter, but still passable as an average guy. The reason that I wanted Jack to appear this way is because I wanted the murder of Bill to be a surprise to the audience, in hopes that its would increase the tension was the script moves towards its climax. 

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What I Have Been Reading This Week.

‘Scene structure and basic dramatic units’ - Paul Lucey 

Creating your character 

 In this reading Lucey discusses the importance of creating a three dimensional character. He uses this diagram to suggest that a characters actions, personality and emotions are all connected and all influence by each other. When I was reading through this text I became aware of the importance of really knowing who your character is. The importance of knowing your protagonist backstory, as elements of their childhood, their first love, their views on politics effect who they are and how you present them to an audience. It is key to create a backstory as all the elements that make a backstory are all linked to the personality of a character, the personality of the character determines there emotions and emotions cause actions. If you really and truly know your character you should know what they do and what they will not do, this will allow for a cohesive character that will be understood by an audience. 

‘The more you know about your character the more well rounded they will become in your writing.’ 

Lucey also discusses the creation of the secondary character. He states that a secondary characters should have an equally in-depth backstory. However, this does not mean they should have equal footing of screen time or dialogue. Instead, it means that the interaction between your protagonist and secondary character should be fully realised, rather than surface level conversation.  

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K.I.T.

‘K.I.T.’ is another short film that I have watched. This film follows a women struggle to make new friends and to keep those new friends. I didn't enjoy ‘K.I.T.’ as much as the other films that I have watched for this course. One reason for this was due to the dialogue. the dialogue in ‘K.I.T.’ lacked originality, especially when considering the main character. The film lacked conflict, in fact the only conflict in the script was between the the protagonist and a minor character. The lack of conflict contributed to the lack of interest I had for the protagonist, because there was no struggle I didn't care about her desire or if she achieved it or not. 

Although the protagonist lacked emotional depth, her costuming did show, at least, some character progression. When the audience are first introduced to the character her costuming suggests she is a somewhat wealthy millennial with a decent job. However, as she struggles to connect with her new friend to becomes increasingly dishevelled appearing in lounge wear, messy hair and no make-up, a stark difference compared when she first appeared. Like I have said before in previous post, it is not only the job of dialogue to indicate who a character is or how a character might be feeling. This is defiantly something that I want to think about when writing the second draft of my script.   

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‘Pronouns’

‘Pronouns’, the second short film that I watched depicted a gender non-conformist character who debuted their authentic self for the first time at a poetry recital. The film opened with an establishing shot of an urban environment, possibly of Chicago or New York City. The first shot of any film is extremely important as helps paint a portrait of were the character lives, and this will have a huge impact on how the character acts, speaks and on their view of the world. In short, a successful establishing shot should help show who a character is without introducing them to an audience. 

This can be achieved in a script by scene directions and actions. For example, in the opening sequence in my script I chose to have Jack and Bill wake up in there bedroom. A space that I described as ‘rundown’ and ‘slightly stained from nicotine’. The descriptions of their bedroom prompts an audience to make snap judgments of the characters, which in turn helps build up strong characterisation. The words ‘rundown’ and ‘slightly stained from nicotine’ encourage an audience to see the characters as reclusive and unimpressed by the outside world. 

In ‘Pronouns’ there was a scene that showed poets preforming, as they did so the camera would cut to the main character transforming themselves from male to female. Every cut of the camera and every transition linked to the previous scene. For example, one poet was reciting their work saying ‘Phoenix rising from the ashes’, as she did so the camera cut to the main character putting on make-up. The main character literally rising from the ashes, rising from a life that they no longer want to live. 

My aim is to incorporate this technique when transitioning from present day to the flashback sequences. To do this I will match either dialogue or visuals. If I successfully achieve this is will defiantly help my script as the flashback sequences are meant to arise because as something had triggered the memory in Jack’s head.  

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‘Florence has left the building’

This week I set a challenge for myself to watch as many short films as I could. I did this for a couple different reasons. These include: to get a better grip on how dialogue is used to convey a character, to see how a transition from one scene to the next can be used as a story telling tool and to see the ratio between dialogue and screen actions. All of the things listed above I want to get a better grip of before I start my second draft. 

This is where ‘Florence has left the building’ comes in. This was the first film that I watched after setting myself this challenge. ‘Florence has left the building’ is a film that follows Florence, an elderly women desperate to get out of the nursing home she is a resident at. The film opens with a monologue from Florence, she discusses her life in the past and in present day. This monologue is used as a way of introducing the character to the audience. It gives information about the character, her outlook on life. It almost acts like an analysis of who the character is, allowing information to passed to the audience without having a backstory sequence. This is a clever idea as in short films time restrictions (and therefore script length) is an issue, its a short film after all. By using this idea In my own script it will allow the complex character of Jack to release more information about himself. This in turn will increase the audience understanding of the character. 

similarly, another element in this film that I thought work well was the use of sound. Although sound wasn't necessarily at the forefront of this film, it’s subtle use boosted its characters. With overly squeaky wheelchairs to the final song preformed by an Elvis impersonator, the sound was closely linked to the characters feelings, physical and mental state, but also how each character is perceived by there wider contextual surroundings. 

After watching ‘Florence has left the building’, I went back to look over my script to see if I could make any changes based on what I have enjoyed about the film. The first was the use of sound. This was relatively easy to add, as I had already created scene that would have a lot of sound within them. The one scene that I focused on was the scene were Jack is in the kitchen cooking a roast for Bill. As jack carved through a joint of beef I included the words ‘SPITTING’ and has the vegetables cook, I included the word ‘SIZZLING’. These words, although small, actually have a to of power in this scene. They suggest a sinisterness about Jack, a sort of uncomfortable claustrophobic feeling comes across. The same feeling that jack has everyday. 

Like I discussed earlier, another element of ‘Florence has left the building’ that I liked was the opening monologue from the title character. I said that this helps divulge information about the character that otherwise have the opportunity to be said. Although I like this element in this film, I do not want to use this technique in my script. One of these reasons is because I want Jack’s past to be told in several flashback sequences that give tiny pieces of information each time. I want jack to be a mystery right up until the end.    

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Visual Screenwriting

I have touched on the idea of visual screenwriting earlier on I this progress blog, however after coming across a short video with Phillip Eisner I now am fully engaged with this concept. 

Eisner describes a scene from ‘Jaws’ as the perfect example of showing visuals through dialogue. He describes the scene of ‘Quint’ discussing the tale of one of the great maritime disasters. By using dialogue instead of visuals for this scene it meant that the audience were focusing on ‘Quint’, making the whole scene about this character. 

The idea of using dialogue to direct an audience to focus on one character, is appealing to my script. My script is focused on ‘Jack’ and how he sees the world that he lives in. By showing Jack’s interactions with others from outside his delusions as negative and hostile, it shows how Jack perceives the outside world through dialogue. 

In the same short video Eisner describes how not to director when writing a script. This is something that I have been struggling with when writing my first draft and now my second. This is as I feel myself almost wanting to write camera angles and movements. He describes how to avoid doing this in a very basic way. He states that we as writers have to write a script based on how we see the film in our heads. However, the one thing that writers should never do is to write shot types . For example do not write, ‘a close up of a hand on a gun’. Instead write, ‘ His finger tightens on the trigger’. By writing it in this way it suggests a close up but does not directly state that it is a close up.      

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Short Films - ‘Your Mother and I’

I think it is important for me, while writing my script, to watch other short films and analyse what I thought was successful about them and elements that were not so successful. In my analysis of ‘Your Mother and I’ certain elements of the script I enjoyed and will definitely use in my own script. The first technique that I found extremely successful was how a clear division was shown between the father and his daughter. Rather than using using hostile and aggressive dialogue to create conflict between the two characters, the writer used subtle indications to suggest conflict. One of these indications that suggest conflict was the daughters use of her phone throughout a conversation she was having with her father. The next, the daughters dismissive and uninterested behaviour when her father was telling her about his career triumphs. By using these subtle indications it creates a ‘show don't tell’ scenario, were the audience are expected to be active participants in the viewing experience, being expected to pick up on even the smallest hint of conflict between the two characters. 

Linking this directly to my script, my aim is to apply this technique to the scene in which Jack and his neighbour have an altercation. Although In this scene the dialouge will indicate a conflict between the two, I also want other subtle factors to hint towards conflict. The first Is that Jack, who lives out his day during the night, will be dressed a daytime smart casual clothing. This compared to the neighbour who will be dressed in a nightgown and slippers. Another indication of conflict in this scene is clear different types of personality that two characters have. The characterisation of the neighbour as someone who is clearly fed up of being awoken by Jack, however is still trying to be mindful of Jack’s feelings. This is in complete conflict with Jack’s characterisation, as Jack doesn't think twice about blasting music through all hours of the night and ultimately causing his neighbour high levels of distress. 

The elements that I didn’t find completely successful in this short film, was the length of the second scene. The second scene consisted of dialogue between the father and the daughter. The father dialogue about his career went on for two long. This made me an audience member begin to lose interest in the story. To improve this, I would shorten his dialogue into key points or by making the scene actions more dynamic adding more movement to help retain viewer attention. This is why I am going back and looking through my script to see if I can shorten any unnecessarily long pieces of dialogue.  

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Writers Block

After I received the comments and feedback about the final scenes in my script, my aim was to re-write those scenes to try and make them less predictable. My first target that I want to hit, is to still have Jack murder Bill without showing it directly. The second target that I set myself was to write in a  breakdown for jack, a breakdown that will lead to a temporary halt of his delusions, having him snap back to reality for a few seconds. 

Although I have created these aims for the direction of my script. I have not come up with how I will show them. I need a triggering plot point that will snap Jack back into reality and a way of addressing the murder without actually showing it.     

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What I Have Been Reading This Week.

Edward Mabley - Dramatic construction - outline of basic principles. 

Now that I have completed the first draft of my script, I am looking at the readings in a different way. I can use what I have learnt in the reading and now directly apply it to my finish script. I have created a sort of check list of all the useful information from the readings that I have read so far. For example, in the Edward Mabley reading several pieces of useful information divulged in the chapter I have taken and applied to my script. The first being the varies obstacles that the protagonist must go through in a script. 

The main obstacle that Jack faces throughout the script is not evident in the first read. However, only when you reach the end of the script and look back you realise that Jack’s main obstacle are his delusions of a life that he wanted with Bill. Once you understand that this is Jack’s main obstacle, others began to arise. One of these obstacles, that is linked very closely to Jack’s delusions, is Jack’s issue with loneliness. Jack’s loneliness is the catalyst of his delusions, as he is forced into a make believe world to help combat being constantly alone. 

Mabley, also discusses the importance of conflict and desire within a script. He states that ‘without desire there would be no conflict, with no conflict there would be no play’. While writing my script it was key to have multiple points of conflict that include Jack. The first being the argument that Jack has with his neighbour. This conflict is a key point in the script as it prompts a flashback sequence of when Jack and Bill first meet. By writing this conflict it not only moves the plot on by giving background information about Jack and Bill, but also gives insight into Jacks personality. 

An vital element in the script is for Jack and Bill to have as little conflict between them as possible. This is because Jack has created his perfect fantasy of Bill, and within his fantasy Bill is a timid and subservient. 

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Peer and Teacher Assessment of First Draft.

I have now finished my first draft of my script and shown it to several different people and asked for their feedback. After showing Jeremy my first draft, he had several suggestions to improve my final piece. The first suggestion was based on the character arc of Bill. After reading my script Jeremy told me that it was obvious that Bill was just a figure of Jack’s imagination and that if I wanted to have a successful climatic moment, that is the audience realising that Bill is just a figure of Jack imagination, I need to include Bill as a more central character. To do this I am thinking about including a short scene with Bill pulling at his aged skin in the mirror, without being in the presence of Jack. By including this scene, it not only allows the audience to build a relationship with Bill, but also has a link to his own murder. This is as Bill never made it to his 30th birthday, as he was killed by Jack in the library. So my choice to include the scene of him tugging at his wrinkled skin and being confused by his own complexion is a foreshadow of his own grizzly murder. 

The second group of people that I showed my script to were my peers. The over-riding consensus within this group is that the murder of Bill is to graphic, and predictable. One way to help combat this problem is to have the murder be shown through shadow and silhouette. This would then create an air of mystery around the murder, although still not completely disregarding the predictable-ness of the murder. 

The elements that both Jeremy and my peers enjoyed was the scene between Phillip and Jack in the library. I was told that the dialogue between the two was the best piece of dialogue in the script because of the characterisation of Philip and the actions between each piece of dialogue.      

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First Draft of Script Outline.

I have now cultivated an fully realised original script idea, that slightly differs to my previous blog post. I am still sticking with original character Jack, an elderly recluse. However, the story will follow a day in the life of Jack and his partner Bill.  The script will start with the pair waking up at 11 o'clock at night, an unusual habit that the couple have fallen into. The story starts in a social realest style, inspired by the Ken Loach film ‘Kes’. I will do this by including plot points that mirror everyday life for many people. For example, Jack cooking a Sunday roast and the pair getting into a fight with their neighbour. As the plot continues the story will become increasingly surreal, until it reaches the climax were it is revealed that Jack, riddled with mental illness, is imagining his life with Bill, who he actually killed 50 years prior.

Script Outline

Scene 1 -  Jack and Bill’s alarm clock wakes them up at 11 o'clock at night.

Scene 2 -  Jack makes himself and Bill a cup of tea, while smoking a cigarette

Scene 3  -  Jack and Bill are sat in the living room watching the TV. They are watching a news channel when a segment on the legalisation of same sex marriage in Australia is shown.

Scene 4 -  Jack is in the kitchen cooking a roast dinner as classical music blears  through the house. This prompts their neighbour to angrily confront the two about the noise they are making.

Scene 5 - This scene is a flashback that will be triggered by dialogue from the neighbour. The scene opens up with Jack, now a young man, being shouted at by his boss for being late.  

Scene 6 - The flashback ends and the neighbour continues to shout at Jack.

Scene 7 - Flashback - The flashback continues and now Jack and his colleague William are making tea while chatting about everyday life.

Scene 8 - Flashback - Jack confesses his love for Bill in a library aisle. Bill not impressed with what he has just been told verbally lashes out at Jack. Jack angered by Bill’s response reaches for a pen in his pocket and stabs Jack in the eye.

Scene 9 - The neighbour finishes her rant with ‘ You are just a lonely old man’. this sentence triggers Jack and snaps him back into reality. He realises that he is alone I the house and all links to Bill vanish

Scene 10 - Jack in his house begins to have a meltdown prompting him to smash his coffee mug. The coffee mug shatters by his feet causing a shard the plunge into his foot. Blood pours from his foot. (The image of blood causes a brief flashback to the blood of Bill on the library floor.

Scene 11 - Flashback - Blood on library floor.

Scene 12 - Jack goes into the bedroom to see Bill in bed (The delusion continues)  

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What I have Been Reading This Week.

The Inciting Incident - Robert McKee 

Whilst reading through this chapter by Robert McKee, a couple of points stood out to me. The first, being the idea of power politics between the characters within a script. McKee described this in terms of the ‘uneven disruption’ of power between people in public settings (Corporations and religious systems being a couple of examples). McKee states that those at the bottom of particular systems have no power, those in the middle have some, but those at the top hold the majority of power. This idea could heavily relates to the characters in my script, Jack and Bill. Within Jack and Bill’s relationship Jack will hold most of the power. This power dynamic will become increaslingly evident throughout the script. This is as Bill is just a figure of Jack’s imagination, this means that Jack has created a compliant life partner for himself. 

To portray this difference in power between the two characters I will include several different plot points. In the flashback scene Bill tells Jack that he shouldn't smoke, making Jack put out his cigarette. However, when Bill tells jack the same thing in present day Jack ignores him and carries on smoking his cigarette. This is a clear indication of the increased power that Jack now has over Bill. The same power struggle will then be introduced again at the end of the script after Jacks meltdown and sudden flash back into reality when Jack fins Bill smoking in their bed. The script makes It clear that Bill doesn't like the idea of smoking cigarettes, so by including him smoking it suggests that Jacks slowing losing the power that he has created for himself. 

In the same chapter McKee describes the importance of rituals. He states ‘in all corners of the world life is bound by rituals’. It Is key in script writing to produce a number of rituals for your character. By including rituals it helps build a stronger, more complete and complex characters, one that is believable and would be able to pass if they ever found themselves in the real world. When writing my script I will be including rituals that Jack does. One of which will be moving inanimate objects slightly until he is happy with the position. Even Jack smoking cigarettes is a ritual of his, a ritual that keeps him suspended in the real world by to stop him fully entering his delusions.   

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Cultivating An Idea - Dr Linda Segar

The First Step in Writing A Screen play 

As I have now cultivated an idea, I have to start cultivating an actual script. However, not sure what the first steps are in writing a script I decided to watch a short clip of Dr Linda Segar discussing the first steps. 

The first piece of information Segar gives is that I should consider if my idea  have a clear beginning, middle and end. Once this is established it becomes a lot easier to fill in the missing spaces of my script, as the narrative structure is already in place. If I analyse my original idea in relation to what Dr Linda Segar said, them I believe that I have a good starting point as the outline that I have created does have a beginning, middle and end.    

Dr Linda Segar also states that it is important to share your ideas with others, especially if you have several (At this point I do have several ideas) The importance of having others analyse and discuss your script ideas allows for character and narrative growth, as well as a encouraging a deeper understanding of the work that I have created. By having my peers question certain decisions that I have made it suggests points of weakness and areas that need improving. This is a integral point in the creative process as most people, including myself, are to proud or precious over what they create, becoming blind to the weaker elements of the script. 

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Project Idea

Sticking with my original character that I created in the first workshop, I have decided to make him the central character of my story. My first thoughts on the basic outline of the script, go as follows.  Jack, a grumpy elderly man, decides to go on his weekly shop. Before Jack is ready to leave he decides to make a cup of tea and watch the usually dull selection of programmes that daytime TV has to offer.  As he is flicking through the channels he lands on the BBC news discussion on Australia's decision to approve same-sex marriage. Jack, seeming disgruntled, turned the TV off and heads out. On the way to the supermarket Jack stumbles into  several unfortunate events. The first of which is a group of young teens that decide to leer and snigger as he walks past. This in turn gets a reaction out of Jack, making him want to cross the road and comfort to tweens. However, by doing so he narrowly misses being run over by a transit van.   Finally jack makes it to the supermarket, he buys everything on his list, makes it to the till, has a few harsh words with the cashier and leaves. Before jack gets the chance to exit the supermarket perimetres he gets struck with an out of control train of trolleys, and dies instantly. Paramedics make it to the scene, but unfortunately jack is dead. Lucy, the paramedic in charge of finding Jacks relatives, as no luck and decides to look further into Jack’s life herself. What she discovers about jack and what he got up to will change her perspective of Jack all together.    

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What I’ve Been Reading This Week.

This weeks reading was based on characters and character struggles. The reading followed the conflict the arises when creating a screenplay, do you create a script that is plot centric or character driven. 

The reading states that ‘that storytelling presents characters struggling  with  change of various kinds.’ This statement encourages me to start to think about the struggles that my character will face. This in turn then pushes the idea of narrative structure and narrative devices that help move the story along. 

This idea brings me on to the plot-centric way of screenwriting. This technique is based upon what the character does, rather then who the character is. When examining the plot centric technique it is important to focus on the basic narrative of beginning, middle and end.   

While I was reading through this text, I didn't think it would be helpful to think of plot and character as two separate things, ut instead it would be important to think of them as contrasting ends of the same entity. This was discussed later on in the reading. The reading states ‘It seems worthwhile, when designing and writing stories, rarely to think of plot and character as separate elements.’. By the time that I start writing my script I hope to focus equally on the plot and the character as it will increase the dramatic effect of my characters struggles s the audience will be fully connected with my character and the struggles that the plot will throw at them.   

The reading was also discussed in class. As s group we talked about the idea of creating a complete character and what that means in relation to the plot. Jeremy discussed the importance of struggles within a narrative, and the importance of having serval different struggles as a way of progressing the narrative. By having your character face more than one struggle it helps build a relationship between the character and the audience, by encouraging the audience to place themselves in the characters shoes. This help an audience relate to a characters and therefore begin to route form them.