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obsessed where stories where it is like. the mistakes are unfixable and the worst thing that could happen happened and nothing can go back to how it was. but there was still love in this and love will continue after this and love endures always.

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Yearning

#sighs

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wouldnt it be funny if leon uhh if leon .. woman........ w .. .uhh

#leon is a woman. to me. #ok i know that its complicated and im being more than a little flippant but what if if

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the girls are fighting

#cries

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need aeon yuri

#god if nothing else i just need hot women with guns kissing each other Please #im dying

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["i could love someone even if i wasn't paid for it. i love you and you don't pay me" // "i love you" "it will pass" // "am i intolerable" "if you are intolerable, let me be the one to tolerate you" // "you dreamt of me?" "no i thought of you" // "i'll take care of you" "it's rotten work" "not to me. not if it's you" // "i figured you'd love me jo" "i don't see why i can't love you as you want me to" // "if i loved you less, then i might be able to talk about it more" // "even though you have broken my heart yet again, i wanted to say, in another life, i would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you" // "you're in a car with a beautiful boy-"]

#don't look at me

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sitting in my room for a half hour thinking about how if we lived in a better world Ada Wong would be the Ilsa Faust of Resident Evil (primarily in how she's introduced in Rogue Nation), with a dynamic to leon not unlike Fujiko Mine's and Lupin's in which they are both extremely competent and in situations in which they may have to work against and occasionally with each other on a mission, but ultimately are forced to stay apart and while they may be apart and even have different love interests from each other, ultimately still care deeply for one another. They are compelled to go after each other in part because it's so difficult and they are so often in circumstances in which they can't be with each other. The thrill of the chase and all that.

Ada being only tangentially related to the other character's stories because the world is simply larger than them and she has her own concerns and problems to deal with, and to have that be given any care or weight in a story, let alone focus. That she can be cunning and even manipulative but because she needs to and will still choose not to when the chips are down because she is genuinely caring--which I know none of that is new ground for her but I wish it was done in a more interesting way and *without leon at all*. She chooses to show mercy in a key point not because she's in love with that other character.

And also that she has more personality. I dig the subdued nature of her in 4r and her subtle sarcasm but it's just crumbs. I want her to be silly on occasion and say dumb jokes because she's alone like in 2r. I want her to shed a bit of that seriousness when she's on the clock because she's confident in herself as a professional and again has no one to put up a façade to.

It's honestly kinda embarrassing reading this back as I realize most of what I'm writing is not only already present in the games but incredibly tropey in and of itself, and wouldn't improve the character much. Dear god I think too much of my view of the character has been marred by shallow fanworks depicting her. I think if anything it's a sign that:

I'm a shit writer and need to do way more than watch movies and gesture vaguely at them to come up w a decent story or character (that being said as much as I prefer Fallout as a film, I stand by my earlier statement of Ilsa Faust being the ideal spy woman as she's depicted in Rogue Nation as she has a distinct set of goals and needs that are complex and developed largely tangentially to the protagonist's, at least initially).

It's going to take a completely new approach to her character to get something remotely interesting and that takes advantage of her potential.

For as mired in tropes as she and every other character and story in Resident Evil is, Ada could be far more memorable and enjoyable if only there was more care and effort to giver at least some interests and goals (perhaps even...characterization) on her own other than being a sexy love interest and potentially traitorous (as so many femme fatales already are).

#I mean she basically already is Fujiko I just wish it was more fun and gave her shit to do that didn't exclusively revolve around leon #I have a lot of thoughts about leon as a character and as much as I enjoy their over-the-top mr & mrs smith romance also fuck leon #Sighs....I know I'm asking too much from a franchise that has famously bad writing and largely archetypal characters but it's maddening #Mostly to me personally because I love spy shit and femme fatales for how messy and misogynistic the archetype is it's my favorite #So it kills me that a cool femme fatale like Ada who has so much potential as a character is relentlessly squandered #And it's the most annoying thing in the world to me to complain about fandoms/fans but I'll be a hypocrite and vent that it bugs me #How much fan media revolves around a*on and coming up with idealized domestic fantasies for them which can be chopped up to misogyny #And how tropey fan shit is but still it's so dull and often bends Ada into an ideal wife/gf for leon but not explore Anything Else At All #Not every romance has to end in marriage and kids like what about the inherent drama of them being forced apart isn't #Compelling to fans? What I'm trying to say is I want them to have a painfully messy divorce and a game or movie exclusively about Ada #*and I mean like they never marry just break up but emotionally it's a messy divorce that's ultimately for the best given their jobs #Also I am far too out of my depth to go into it but many have pointed out how her characterization often falls into pretty #nasty tropes that Asian women often fall into in Hollywood films which considering how much US blockbusters influence re it's not surprisin #But it's unfortunate and I'd be remised to at least mention that it feels at best dicey to have the only recurring Asian woman be mostly #reduced to a love interest of the white protagonist and sexualized with little else to go off of as a character #Yes she's competent and a super spy and saves his life constantly but I Want More And She Deserves Better #And yes everyone is super tropey and flat and the women in general often take a back seat to male charas but like I said #this whole franchise is badly written and honestly it kills me how women are written in general in re but I was thinking too hard about Ada #And maybe a sign that this series needs an even bigger overhaul than the remakes are doing character writing-wise #Or just don't and jettison the bloated lore once and for all and be episodic and silly b-horror idk if I can care about established charas #Coming back if they're in such dull forms. Maybe the mercy kill option is ideal and have re9 and all new installments be different #Ugh why can't I care about something useful like computers or cooking or job applications

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Aaaaaaaa i keep putting off hw i dont want to be at school i havent improved mentally or academically theres no way i can go to a university and get a degree oh god I keep putting off making a fucking resume i dont get why every time i have to DO something I panic so much it feels lile hell plus it feels awful when someone contronts me about these things Im at therapy but its not really doing much and i struggle to keep up good habits and i keep putting off contacing that specialist whatever its called to get a prescription honestly at this point i think meds are the only thing thats gonna significantly help me but i never DO Anything I know i have these problems yet all i do is distract myself or wallow in self pity. I know i need to change and do something but i dont!!! I need to move forward but im so anxious and scared that i hardly do anything and i get so frustrated that i never do anything God i just want to move out. Thats it I hate my fucking family and i just want to be alone and functioning and i keep making things worse for myself. I got myself kicked out of a university in one fucking semester from doing nothing!!! How am i supposed to get a job with that on my record??? How am i supposed to transfer to a four year uni??? How am i supposed to afford it??? How am i supposed to cope with classes i dont care about and an inability to do anything when i know thay if i fuck up im done???? fail fucking community college classes im gonna fucking go nowwhere i dont know anyone and i can never talk to people even online so im basically alone I have a few people but they have their own lives and i keep latching on to them to sate my lonliness but theyve got other things. They cant spend time on me forever. They wont be around foreverr and i cant count on them to fucking house me I act like a child and i do notjing about it im so sick of everything I wish i could stop being a fucking anxious little brat and stop hating myself for one minute so i can accomplish soemthing but even now its a dead end. god i dont wanna die but i dont want to do this anymore what do i do what do i do what do i do whay do i do what do i do whay do i do what so i do wjag so i do whay so i do whag so i do what woi so whay so i do what do i so

#vent #dont reblog #please

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Today is the day

#happy halloween #🎃🎃🎃

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i’m in love with this game

#I've just started it! It's super cute! #butterfly soup