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this is a no good very bad day
#i just wish i mattered more than my ability to function as an appliance#i will find peace#but it ain't gonna be pretty
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oohoohoohooooo the shit keeps rolling and it won't stop rolling
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Well I am avoiding Facebook right now due to family drama so hey what's up hello void that I haven't screamed into in nearly 2 years.
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It makes me genuinely sad that my kiddo hasn't got to spend much time with her grandpa since we moved out of his house. Every time we've visited, he's been busy doing something. It's easter and he'd rather play Battlefield or COD than spend time with his grandkid who is crying 5 feet away. 🙁
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It's a really nice feeling to have everything you could do for others be so very all important until you ask for help accomplishing it. 😒
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I just gotta point out how frustrating and borderline traumatizing it is to live with a neurodivergent who pretends they are/was raised as a neurotypical. To have a person go to great effort to be as hypocritical as possible as often as possible. To have a person go to great lengths just to find things to criticize you for. To have just about everything that comes out of their mouth be a thinly veiled insult.
Extra points that right now, the person I'm talking about used to do home healthcare for autistic folks and now is trying to force my family into being her pet project in a very condescending way (but only when her bf isn't around because everything loses all importance when he exists) when we're arguably way more functional than she is regardless of our autism and the effect that has on our hygiene habits. 😒
My S/O has a good job so he payed most of the $600 power bill she couldn't afford before government assistance stepped in, I spend my day taking care of my child and doing what bit of cleaning I can muster depending on my sensory difficulty or physical ailments in a given day. She can't hold down a job, runs around with her boyfriend all day, only cleans when said boyfriend is busy and usually has me "help" (do most of the work,) but she cooks dinner and only dinner, has food stamps, is technically the person renting the place even though government assistance pays for it, and recently got us internet for about $20 when we were going to have it hooked up here in a week or two anyway, so she feels her contributions outweigh everyone else's. Boyfriend does nothing beneficial to the household as of yet, really just makes more of a mess for me to clean up.
I just need to stay quiet and get through it because I hopefully won't have to live here for too long. 😔 I just really hate feeling taken advantage of and talked down to. Like, I'm one of the most intelligent people I know and this person is not as bright as she'd like to think she is, yet she makes me feel like I'm about 4 years old and an absolute burden on everyone around me. Also she's a bit of a compulsive liar. 😒
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It's a shame when you feel destined for suicide and mournful that past attempts were in vain.
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One thing I don't see talked about a lot in neurodivergent spaces is how ones ND traits can clash with others'. For instance, I really love my S/O, I'm glad he's hyperfixating in a positive way on something that was ruined for him by others a long time ago, he's having fun and reliving something near and dear to his heart, and I can understand that he wants to share something with me that is making him happy, but if I never heard about the Borderlands series again, it'd still be too soon. It bores me near to tears because ADHD, I have no interest in the series, and he often interrupts my own hyperfixations or railroads conversations to talk about it or whatever other game he's focused on at any point (also involving my mom who I'm pretty sure doesn't care at all but he thinks she does) when he wasn't even a part of the conversation in the first place.
I know it's because he feels safe and I really don't want to take that away from him or be an asshole and devastate him because it has broke my heart in the past to be told by someone that they didn't care about what I was saying because I did what he's doing a lot as a kid and had to study tone and body language for my mental safety from how much I was irritating my family and making them angry, but it's being a bit detrimental to my mental wellbeing to be incessantly interrupted.
I'm not sure there's a solution here, unfortunately. 😔
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It apparently takes two hillbillies to mostly take apart a washing machine. Although I'm only here for cleaning help, googling of tutorials, and moral support.
God, this was nasty, tho. My parents don't take care of their appliances. It's no wonder we had to get another washer or dryer about every 2 years when I was a kid.
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So I still don't know when I'm moving, probably somewhere between a week and three.
My soon to be roommate asked me to have all of our cloth items washed before we move in because we have dogs, who are smelly, and she doesn't want the stink to transfer to her place. My neurodivergent ass has a lot of sensory and claustrophia issues so, due to the dog pads being placed directly in front of the laundry appliances with no walking room in a very narrow room, we've had a good chunk of laundry piled up for legit 2 years now. My kid's laundry gets washed often, just not mine and my S/O's.
Coincidentally, just as this news drops, the washing machine starts leaking so my mom doesn't want us using it. It's been a week and neither of my parents have tried to fix it. I have maybe $3 to my name due to my S/O being temporarily laid off (for about a month now, they keep saying it'll be about a week) so I can't take any of it to the laundromat. This stuff is so dirty, I'd be ashamed to take it to familys' house. Some of it is probably moldy by now. Roommate has no laundry appliances, so I can't wash it there.
They also really need to get S/O back working because roommate doesn't have a job and is 3 months behind on rent. The job is imperative, we'd have to move in with his dad if he couldn't pay these bills, which would be very cramped and could lead to our child being abused. 🙁
I'm panicking...
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Shout out to my stupid ass for giving myself the worst asthma attack I've had in years by deciding it was a good idea to take 5 trash bags out 40-50 feet across a yard in a t-shirt and basketball shorts when it's 24°F outside.
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I sure love it that my S/O just ensured that I'm getting no sleep by yelling and throwing a fit that the cat knocked over an empty ashtray and that he was "almost asleep" despite the fact he's been snoring for bout an hour while I had to wait on my meds to kick in before I could even attempt sleep, so that yelling completely woke me up. 😒 Sure am looking forward to the upset mood he's gonna be in and the 50,000 apologies I'm gonna receive when he realizes I got 0 sleep, as if he can do anything about what he's already done. 🙃
Meanwhile I have lots of chores to do within the next month because we are moving, I'm starting today, and I'm not going to be getting much help since he'll be back at work in a week and has to take care of our toddler while I'm busy in the meantime. 🙃
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gay men can use she/her. lesbians can use he/him. shut the fuck up
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