steen-to-live-life

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Our sleep has gone to shit again and I am starting to get verrryyyy over the tears. He literally just sits there doing his winging cry, it's not even he's proper one. He won't lay down or anything.. he's getting so over tired from not resettling anymore that our nights are shit. He was awake 2h40 last night, 2 other nights he slept 9h total, the other day he started the day at 4am. Some days he's napping 50min - 1.5h all day.. It's all over the show.

I think we will pay for a sleep consultant again becsuse Joel's starting his days anywhere from 1am-2.30 and that's wayyy too early, and I am very much over the tears and moody reuben again.

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While I'm nap trapped, have a brain dump..

I have been very lucky that I haven't had to return to work full time. I started as 1 day a week, then the odd second day, and next term I'll be 2 days. I love teaching so I feel so lucky to have the best of both worlds.. teaching and being home with reuben. Currently I have every Friday in the same classroom and i do planning and reports for this, and then it'll be wednesdsy doing CRT which is where I release a teacher and have their class. This is no extra work outside the hours of 815-330 type thing.

But I need to work out what to do next year. I have officially told my current school (D) that don't want to return to my classroom full time. I just don't have the time or energy to be a full time teacher at the moment.

Where I currently teach is 40 minutes away, and can be 1h20 if the road it shut. They have said I can have as many days as I want. I can do 1,2,3 or 4 days CRT, and then take that same classroom every friday again. She said it would be pernament and i could also pick up an extra day in July as our new agreement means an extra CRT day for teachers.

I love my school, they are supportive and amazing. But my problem is the travel and time. Reuben will have to be in daycare early, Joel will be home late because he'll gym in the afternoons instead of mornings, Ru is 45km away from me if anything happens to him.

But with the amount of CRT days teachers are now entilited too, and the lack of relievers I'm wondering if I take a risk and try get work closer to home? I have thought I could write a cv and a cover letter to a couple of schools asking if they have any regular days avaliable and then still do 1 at my current school. I need 3 days really.

Im worried that I'll tell (D) that I only want one day they will fill the rest and I won't be able to get 2 more days anywhere else and I'll be in the shit. Sigh. I hate making decisions. If only my current school was 20min closer :(

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Ha so weird reading this.. because then I went to bed and went into labour the next morning at 4am and Reuben was born at 11.51pm the following night. Gosh I miss that belly (and also my pre-pregnancy body which was 8lg less than now looollll)

41 weeks today.. getting closer and closer to being induced.. which I do not want, so I have started project 'get baby out' and today it was with house work.

Today I:

-cleaned the oven fan, the dishwasher, all the kitchen doors, the rubbish bins, the fridge, the toaster and microwave

- cleaned 2 bathrooms

- walked the dog

- Planted some veggies

- did groceries

- had an ultrasound (baby is doing great).

- dusted all surfaces in the house, including all the skirting boards, vacuumed.

- folded a load of washing, did another load, and deep cleaned a load of the tea towels and kitchen cloths.

- sent a few emails

- had a long bath

And would u believe that after all that I felt fine.. like how am I 41 weeks and doing all that with no aches, pains, tiredness 😩. It just makes me feel like this baby is never exiting, he's way too comfy. Can everyone just cross their fingers that he decides to come in the next few days 🤞🤞

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I'm so very blessed 🥰🥰

We have had an awesome weekend.. nothing different jas happened but Reuben has been in a good mood! He's slept well (and even slept in till 7 - he's normally up at 530/6), and been so happy and it's just made a big difference to our days.

I have been working 1-2 days a week and its sooo good to be teaching and to be with my people again. I always race home to see Ru of course but love my days at school too.

I have sooo much love and appreciation for Joel. He works so hard - at work and at home - and I truly would not be able to parent without him..I'm very lucky.

Let's hope Reuben sleeps well tonight too.. it didn't start great with us having to move him back to his stomach twice because he was crying and can't roll back ha.

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Playing the game of..

Do I shut my eyes and rest, or will Reuben wake as soon as I do.

Hahha.

He had an incredible first part of the night. Just 1 wake before 4.. then it took ages to settle and so I've just kept him on me becsuse he keeps waking at 530/610 to start the day and I want to try get him to later today and that's easier with me beside him.

When will he wake 🤪 620?

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This boys sleep is so crappy and I am so bloody over it..I feel like I've tried sooo many things and getting no where.

At the moment his nights are awful. Snd everything he wakes up I instantly feel myself starting to feel s bit mad towards him about it.

I just don't get how some babies at this point are sleeping 8-12 hours stretches and I don't even get that over the full night.

I'm so so soooo over it. And so sp sooo tired.

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He's just so gorgeous 🤩🤩

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Shit Man, 'm exhausted. Reuben only has 30min naps during the day and they are normally on me because transferring him and rhen him waking up is crap. He cries for about 10min before we can even get him to sleep.

And his nights he's wakes 5-7 times too.. including every hour from whenever he wakes at 3/4. I don't really get any sleep after that point and I'm soooo tired.

We are working with a sleep coach but it's really hard whennI don't have the energy to try resettle him for 20-30 minutes when he only sleeps 30 minutes. Like my body is a zombie. I'm really really h9ping it takes only a week and then we see some improvement.. doesn't need to be huge but fingers crossed. Zzzzzz

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Confession..

I am not enjoying this whole parenthood thing and my new life.

Prob doesn't help that Ru is a pain in the ass and I see so many others with chilled babies who sleep.

How many more years of this??

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This is why I had him. He is pretty damn adorable!

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Baby I'd back asleep and I'm too busy wide awake stressing over money because we are not going to be able to sell our section.

Fuk. We have ended up in such an awful position by wanting to do that dream and I'm so so sad about it and the future.

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Boy, I knew this newborn life would be hard but I didn't expect it to bw THIS hard.

Ithink Reuben has reflux/colic. He is so unsettled and screams a lot in pain, especially ij the evening. He screamed for 2 hours yesterday evening and I ended up calling mum at 10pm for help as we were exhausted and really struggling. I could hear him scream for another 20ish min and then I fell asleep. She said he finally slept at 11pm.

We try everything.. lots of burps during and after feeds, holding him up right, bed raised slightly, infacol (to help with wind), leg and tummy movements and massages, dummy, sleeping on us, rocking while upright, showers, boob, etc etc and can't settle him. It's incredibly hard when we know something is upsetting him.and we can't do anything about it.

We've decided we need to go see a counsellor each of this is going to continue because I got so frustrated I swore and put him on the bed, then cried my eyes out because I'm a terrible mum who can't settle her own baby. I love him but gosh when he screams for most of the day and has very little sleeps, it's exhausting, I'm exhausted. I juat really hope this gets better..

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Gosh iits been a busy week and a bit. We've been home from hospital for almost a week and have been finding out feet.

There's been ALOT of tears. Those hormones really are wild, plus add in exhaustion.

Reuben was having day time wake periods of 4-7 hours and it wad killing us all. He was so grumpy, we had no idea what to do and it was hard.. but we are learning more about each other and getting there. We've learnt that he loves his arms so can't be swaddled, and that the best way to get him to sleep is snuggling/rocking. It's hard because it means he won't let Joel do it.

My recovery is okay. I had a few days of feeling great.. I could shower without feeling dizzy/palpation, qnd despite lack of sleep I was good. But I've started having a lot of pain which I'm worried is a prolapse. I'm just keeping an eye on it wnd if it still sore then I'll book an appointment

My new mum bod is so soft. I'm really proud of all it went through snd sometimes find it crazy that little Ru lived in there. I'm also 10kg down since having him which shows me I really was mostly baby like people said haha.

He's gone to sleep on me now.. he didn't drink much so we will see how this goes. Hopefully 3 hours of sleep please bud.

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41 weeks today.. getting closer and closer to being induced.. which I do not want, so I have started project 'get baby out' and today it was with house work.

Today I:

-cleaned the oven fan, the dishwasher, all the kitchen doors, the rubbish bins, the fridge, the toaster and microwave

- cleaned 2 bathrooms

- walked the dog

- Planted some veggies

- did groceries

- had an ultrasound (baby is doing great).

- dusted all surfaces in the house, including all the skirting boards, vacuumed.

- folded a load of washing, did another load, and deep cleaned a load of the tea towels and kitchen cloths.

- sent a few emails

- had a long bath

And would u believe that after all that I felt fine.. like how am I 41 weeks and doing all that with no aches, pains, tiredness 😩. It just makes me feel like this baby is never exiting, he's way too comfy. Can everyone just cross their fingers that he decides to come in the next few days 🤞🤞

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I ended up cleaning out all the kitchen drawers and recipe book cupboard and sorted out the first aid kit, attempted to clean the oven and gave up and emailed someone to do it haha, booked an insurance broker and emailed about swimming lessons for Fro. Also prepared dinner too and listened to podcasts while doing so.

Tomorrow I was meant to see my SIL but her girl is sick so I have the whole day to myself. Might clean out the garage, do some puzzle and actually read 3 chapters of my book (Ina May) otherwise Fro will be here and I wouldn't have read it hahah.

Wondering if I need to do a low key fb post about some rules for Fro too? I dunno? I don't care about vaccinations or that jazz, just more please give us time, bring food, and don't post anything on social media of him?

Just went for a 1.5 hour walk with a friend, her 5 month old, and both our dogs.

Think that might be me done for the rest of the day 😴😴😴😴🤣🤣

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Just went for a 1.5 hour walk with a friend, her 5 month old, and both our dogs.

Think that might be me done for the rest of the day 😴😴😴😴🤣🤣

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20 weeks vs 38 weeks. Got a whole lot of extra fat everywhere 🤣🤣

I'm feeling Fro move every day now and it's just so so amazing 🥰😭😭. I regularly get teary eyed and cry about this whole pregnancy and our future. We listen to the heart beat and cry, I caught a glimpse of my bump in the mirror and cried, I am just so so grateful we are experiencing this, especially because we were going to head towards suggoracy.

I'm still unwell, but its much less often now, 1 or 2 days a week where I vomit, and it's so good! I'm really hanging out for 7 days vomit free, like it feels like a milestone 😂

We have our 20 week scan next friday, and then a small gender reveal with family. We know Fros gender but I'm so excited to finally have others know too ❤.

I cant believe we are almost half way. We do really need to sell our house now, but the market is not very good right now, it's a really bad time..however I want to settle into mums before Fro arrives.

Here's an updated bump photo!