starvingforhelp

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Me logging back into ED tumblr after spending a month binging and calling it “recovery”

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Hate myself

The more I eat the more I hate myself. And it repeats and repeats in my head

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when people say that “well at least you’ll never get fat bc of your ed”

i would rather fucking DIE than have this crippling disorder

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it’s skinny september

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Me: *purposely trys not to eat for two days and fails not even three hours into it*

Also me: *is in a depressive episode and unintentionally doesn’t eat for a week*

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Me: I impulsively buy stuff when I'm sad

Person: but you're always buying stuff

Me: *finger guns*

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shoutout to the plus size anas

to the ones who will need skin removal surgery by the time they reach their gw

to the ones who don’t get cold when they starve because of all the extra fat on their bodies

to the ones who are praised for skipping meals because everyone’s just so happy they’re finally being “healthy”

to the ones who are at such a high weight that losing 30 lbs shows no difference in their body at all

to the ones who get annoyed at posts saying “reblog to get skinny by…” because that’s physically impossible for us

to the ones who are still considered obese even after losing 50 lbs

to the ones who are made fun of no matter what they eat, whether it’s pizza or a salad

to the ones who have a medical condition that makes them gain weight or have trouble losing weight, such as pcos or hypothyroidism

if you’re a big girl suffering with an ed, i see you. i appreciate you. and i understand your struggles. i am one of you. don’t ever let ed tumblr make you feel invalidated or unwelcome

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POOR GRANDMA!!!

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there’s a post going around about mixing nyquil with 5 hour energy and I’m thinking about the time my parents were both out of town and my brother was in charge of dropping me off at school and I must’ve been 15 or 16 and I was really miserably sick so he gave me nyquil and but the time we were pulling up to the school I was crashing so his friend who was driving said ‘I have a redbull in the glove compartment” and they said “drink it and it’ll like even it out” so I did and I walked into school at 7:30 AM

and then immediately the last bell rang and school was over.

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if youre reading this i am so sorry that youre following me bc that means youre probably going through the same thing i am and i hope you all can find peace in your lives and beat your illness, disorder, sadness

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Fasting Tips

Fasting is hard. I just got done fasting for 42 hours (yay!) and it was sooo difficult. But because i now have control i’m going to fast again soon.

So i’d like to share my best tips on how to take control, stay in control, and fast.

NEVER EXERCISE WHEN FASTING!!

1. The first 12 hours are always the hardest. Distract yourself for the first 13 hours. yes 13 because by then the hunger pains will have subsided greatly. Read a book, watch movies. STAY AWAY FROM FOOD.

2. Drink diet soda when you’re stomach starts grumbling loudly and you feel super hungry. The carbonation will trick your mind and plus, the flavor will help you stay sane.

3. Chew sugar free MINT gum. The flavor will actually make your stomach feel at ease. It tricks your mind that you’re full. And i mean… who can actually eat something after that strong mint taste?

4. Brush your teeth every 6 hours. One, it’s keep your teeth hygienic and strong. And  same with the gum, the mint taste will make it harder to eat. And if people ask if you want food, you can tell them you just brushed your teeth so you can’t.

5. If you must eat dinner with your family; say you have a stomach ache, sore throat, or even that your heads hurts too bad and you should take a nap.  

6. If step 5 doesn’t work; hide the food. In your sleeves, down your shirt, in your pockets. feed it to the family pet. You can even do this trick-

(Get a cup and fill it with a little bit of water. Put the food in your mouth and chew DON”T SWALLOW and every few bites act like you’re about to take a drink drink, but actually spit the food into the cup.)

7. If you fast for more than 36 hours and you feel faint; take a nap, drink diet soda, chew gum, or you can even chew food and spit it out.

8. Look at thinspo constantly. This way you won’t lose motivation.

9. Do your makeup and/or have a spa day.You deserve the self care. And this will make you want to look beautiful, thin, small, perfect. Search up clothes you’ll wear when you reach your goal weight.

10. Stand in front of the mirror naked. Remind yourself why you’re doing this.

STAY STRONG!!

If you can have enough control to say no, then you WILL reach your ultimate goal weight. Just keep going.

It’s going to be hard. But it will definitely be worth it.

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The best part about weight loss is feeling it, finally, after being uncomfortable for so long. It’s running your hands over your hip bones, feeling your collarbone and sharp shoulders, the space between you and your clothing when you move. It’s sitting down without your stomach bulging. It’s walking without your thighs slamming together. It’s placing your hand to the side of your face and feeling that delicate cheekbone in your palm. Looking thin is great, but feeling thin is amazing.

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Developing anorexia is weird.

It’s like you get this free trial where you can just skip a meal or two and BOOM you’ve lost 10 pounds in like a week and then after a few more weeks that trial runs out and you pay for the full version with crying and pain and isolation and sadness and so much math.