standing-up-we-are

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oh fuck this is a really good hill i gotta die on this

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Jonathan archivist sims being the default text to speech voice in the magnus protocol universe is so fucking funny to me. Imagine downloading bonzi buddy for a laugh and the funny purple monkey starts reciting your home address and credit card number in the voice of god himself

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i don't get women who fuck stone butches

u dont get them because theyre all over me n my brothers instead u fucking loser

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Ribcage is a hell of a word. Like yeah my bones trapped my heart inside my chest if u even care. I don’t know if it wants out

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just found out that if i stay in my room all the time my life will eventually shrink to the size of it and i will lose all memory of how to function as a person. shocked & upset

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I love it when people use "shrimp" to mean "beyond the human range". like "shrimp colors" but applied to other things. "shrimp emotions" "shrimp sounds" "shrimp morality", as if shrimp are living some kind of transcendent existence that humans can never comprehend

#they are

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many trans people have terrific bird names (jay, wren, raven, robin, piper) but it feels like shorebirds are underexplored territory.

avocet: 7/10 great sound, very elegant. fails the starbucks test

killdeer: 9/10 imagine meeting a killdeer at a party. banger

woodcock: 3/10 probably not worth it but extremely funny bit potential for a trans dude

plover: 10/10 this one's real actually. where are all the plovers

heron: 8/10 you'd get a lot of "hera" but that's good too

dowitcher, godwit: 4/10 but very dark souls

sora: this one's taken actually. sorry.

brant. willet. whimbrel. grebe. we're missing out folks

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it's december happy "I Heard a Bird Sing" by oliver herford season

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The hardest I've ever been roasted is when I joking asked my friend what circle of Dante's Hell we'd be sent to, and then I said, "Oh, I'd go to the circle for homosexuals, right?" to which he immediately replied, "No, that's a mistranslation, it's a circle for the sodomites, not the homosexuals, meaning you'd have to actually have gay sex to go there."

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Day like today (good omens renewal) makes you believe in a higher power (neil gaiman)

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a fun thing about winter is how you can get sunday scaries everyday after five pm

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rent should be negative money you should pay me to live in your gay ass flat

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I saw myself in the mirror

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if it had the opportunity, i feel like a cow would walk through a car wash. it would know exactly what to do, it wouldn't even get scared when the water jets spray