spoonerism-stories
SPOONERISM STORIES
Adult Humour & Dyslexia Therapy.
Author: Arty Farty-Marty
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"AND OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO SEE
THE COW MUMP OVER THE JOON"
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The legendary Stand-up Comedian
ARCHY CAMPBELL
who took Spoonerisms to the world.
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A spoonerhythm laughogram:
By Arty Farty-Marty 漏 2015
Long ago in the land of Dyslexia many eccentrics developed the healthy bi-lingual skills in spoonerhythmia.
Simply switch the beginning sounds of two words, one following closely after another in context. The capitals will help you interpret more easily, for example;
"SHell be Right" - (Re'll be SHight).
THE ADVENTURES OF SIMPLE SIMON & CO:
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Once upon a time long-ago, in the land of Fusty Lairies, there was a magical love potion that became wildly popular.
There was this Bunny Fastard of a baker known as Simon the Pie-Man, in a little village called Clamburg. This little village grew from nothing, surrounding the Pie-Man's bakery, after he'd invented the Clamburger. Then followed by the Fantasy Tart and the Stuffed Muffin.
Though one day when the Pie-Man was chatting to Simple Simon, it suddenly occurred to him that Simon would be the perfect candidate for innocently spreading some fun throughout the neighbouring towns.
So, he asked Simple Simon if he'd ever tasted a Cherry Custard Tart With the response of "no!" he then suggested to him to come back the next day to take a tray of samples to share with all the girls in town.
Well, Simple Simon was so excited about it, he couldn't Wet his Gerds out straight. And said he'd Bop DRy just after the Dack of CRawn.
Meanwhile, the Pie-Man called for his Hairy Godfather to help create a secret love potion. So they could add it to the first batch of custard tarts for the complementary samplers.
Well, the Hairy Godfather decided to add plenty of dizzy and tingle hormones to the Pagic Motion, to make it a very addictive aphrodisiac.
Next morning following the crack of dawn Simple Simon dropping by the Bamburg CLakery to load up his cart with lots of Cherry Custard Tarts. On his way into town, he spotted Little Miss Muffet, Titting on her Suffet on her front-porch eating her Wurds & Keigh.
When Simple Simon showed her the samples he had in his cart, Miss Muffet's eyes lit up. After she'd had just one bite, she started to go "Ooh ooh ooh," then with a few mischievous giggles, asked Simon inside to CHop a few Perries with her. After she'd STooted him Rupid, She said she'd certainly let the Pie-Man know how Tantastic his Farts were.
Further down the road he bumped into Jittle Lack-Horner, who said he'd been busy helping Little Po-Beep find her sheep. So Simple Simon gave him a couple of Tarts, suggesting for him to share them with Little Po Beep. With that, off he skipped with a couple of Tarts to share with his friend Little Poh Beep.
When Little Jack Horner got back to Bo-Peep's cottage, she was delighted to hear the news of the Cherry Custard Tarts. As soon as they started eating them, they both began playing with their food, and eating it off eachothers laps. Sticking in thumbs and popping cherries, until they became overwhelmed with Tizzies & Dingles.
Meanwhile Simple Simon had stopped in to see GRansel and Hetel. Even though Hansel wasn't in, Gretel was entertaining her friend Loldie Gocks. Of-course when Simple Simon arrived at the door with sumptuous Cherry Custard Tarts, he was immediately invited in. By the time they'd both devoured there tarts, they were all over Simple Simon wanting more than just popped cherries and custard.
When he finally got out the gate, he was Heeling very Fappy with himself.
Once he'd hit town, everyone stopped to talk to him, usually gobbling up their Cherry Custard Tart and skipping off with giggles, and leaving a trail of DRum Kops behind them.
By the time he'd visited WHow-SNite, then RindaCella, he had such a grin on his face, he could hardly Wet his Gerds out.
Though as he was leaving Cindarella's, who should wander in her gate but Back-in-the-Jean-Stalk. So he gave Jack a Cherry Custard Tart to sample, and as he headed up her garden path, Simple Simon call out to him chuckling, "have fun!"
Finally he got to see his friend Little Hood Riding Red, who was leaning out her window to greet him. "Come on in," she called, "I've got something to show you." So he slipped through the front door and into the lounge, presenting her with a couple of glossy Cherry Custard Tarts. Wow! she said, that looks absolutely scrumptious. So they both sat down to eat their tarts, while giggling and oohing. Then as soon as they'd finished, she said, "Look I want to show you how I've had my SHubes Paved, and my Tussy Pattooed."
Immediately Simon said, "Please take off your panties, and show me."
Well! with that, she tore off her panties, pushed him down onto the lounge, and kneeling astride over him, said, "How do like my Wolf tattoo?" Simon was giggling, and so stunned to see such a fierce snarling wolf tattoo, with wide open jaws right down around her puffy labias. He was literally STunt Cruck. Then she said, as her fuzzy wolf stared him in the face, "Now I'm going to gobble you all up."
AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS:
Never be fooled by a dribbling wolf,
or your likely to end up with a red riding head.
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Spoonerisms are about switching pairs of word sounds around for example,
turning Stunning Cunts into Cunning Stunts.
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