spikebit

[spikebit]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

#and this is why the only time i can feel normal is when im home alone or late at night after everyone has gone to bed. #yippee

[spikebit]

dolphin graffiti in osaka

[spikebit]

why are bathroom sinks designed like that. infuriating

[spikebit]

Haha stupid normie coworkers I am better than them because I am more online than they are

#real but then i meet someone who is as online as i am and im FLOORED #this is about u segan #mf quoted the fucking vaporeon thing at me 5 mins after meeting UGHFUHGDKFGH

[spikebit]

#once every 2-3 days or so #my hair looks better 1-2 days post shower and also i don't have time for that shit that's like 40 mins a day at least #if i smell bad or if im gonna be in close proximity to others (rave) i'll do some spot washing though

[spikebit]

PATRICK TABERNA

[spikebit]

it’s been very rainy here lately

[spikebit]

wishing all women and all my mutuals a very awesome day i hope all yall see a cool rainbow or a very lovely tree or a cute bug

[spikebit]

ever since i was a little girl i always knew i didn't wanna talk to anyone

[spikebit]

#2x #once from high school and once when i tried to get my ged. #teehee #i am feeling more confident about schooling these days now that im medicated

[spikebit]

[spikebit]

u can take vyvanse but watch out. the sweat

#i got my meds refilled and i am so sweaty

[spikebit]

if i just started painting on the sidewalk in the park if anyone would question it or try to stop me or anything

#i scratched a drawing into the bathroom wall with my keys at the bar the other night >:3 #extremely minor pansy ass vandalism i know but im a good girl and i don't break the rules #gotta microdose being bad and work my way up to bigger shit

[spikebit]

oh yay, the porn bots are back...

[spikebit]

[spikebit]

How to feel like a person?

dont live with your mom

[spikebit]

🌈GL00MY!!🌈

Testing out some more things on IbisPaint!