speaktopoojasingh

[speaktopoojasingh]

The Blind Date

Shane disheartened with his spirits low, headed his way back towards his home. He looked for the keys in the pocket hurriedly and quietly shuts the main door without uttering a single word and goes straight into his bedroom.

“Shane, how was it? Why do you look so low? Was she not pretty enough for you? Come on man, you can’t be that picky”. Austin asked, being muddled, scratching his head, as he was the one who had set this date up.

“Austin, I just want to be left by myself, please don’t pester me right now. I want to be alone with my thoughts for a while. Could you make me a drink?  A Rum may be? Montilla?”

Did I not ever imagine meeting her again? But today when she was right in front of my eyes, why did I stutter?

He did not even in his wildest dreams expect that Rosaline would have changed and grown into a mature young woman and could leave a drastic impact on him. She looked so beautiful in her soft ivory halter neck dress. Her pearls which she wore radiated her pure heart, reminding of how she used to wear her heart on her sleeve. It wasn’t her honey dipped brown eyes which reflected her generosity or her mellifluous voice which felt as if the angels had come down on earth and playing the violin wearing those chaplets. It wasn’t her appearance which made her turn heads, but to be honest, her silly crooked nervous smile made him fall in love with her all over again as if he hadn’t tasted what loving a woman had ever felt like. His stoic personality often made her giggle like a young teenager. There was just something, her aura so strong even cleansing the air.

Rosaline was looking forward to this date as she was an enthusiast and a sucker for crazy ideas to find her prince charming. At times, it seems that Rosaline herself is the prince who is fighting battles against all these emotionally unavailable men, swimming through the creeps, and finding the one who yet struggles with commitment issues.

She removes her favourite crimson coloured slit dress to make the guy fall in love with her at first instance, but again she is a bit old fashioned and not too bold in her appearance. Cream or an ivory color dress would do justice to her soft personality. White pumps to match and look more put together even though her life is not too organised, but as they say fake it till you make it. Rosy tint on her cheeks to make sure she looked interested in him and he thinks that he is an interesting person who is making her blush, well only heaven would know the little trick she played here. A classic mauve lip shade would be perfect, not too loud nor too dull.

“Lucy, come here”, screamed Rosaline.

“Yes yes what’s the matter?”  “Did you find out who Samirah is dating?”

“No you nut head, how do I look for the date? Good enough?”

“Enough to destroy his life.”  “I wish I were that lucky boy, even being a lesbian would do, I mean I could turn gay for this beaut,” squeed Lucy.

Too cheesy Lucy, appalled Rosaline.

Rosaline was sitting at the backseat of a retro-looking cab, thinking about the date Austin had set up. She had met Austin at the Durjoy Dutta’s book signing event. He was the only guy, while all the other girls including her were fangirling over his quirky dimples. Not that she took less interest in his novels, but when there is a complimentary dessert, how could one resist? Durjoy Dutta writes romance, and seeing him come for the book signing, without feeling embarrassed, did impress her. Guys reading romance novels other than science fiction or some thriller novels did set the bar high for her. From that moment she knew, that if he would be a hopeless romantic, their talks would be like the typical cliché new lovers who talk about laying in an empty dry grassland, star gazing while he would call her the most beautiful lady that the moon would hide itself as it might face inferiority complex. Rosaline had to burst her bubble when she found out that Austin was gay. She laughed at her own self for letting her mind wander in that direction. Their first meeting was smooth and in no time, they enjoyed each other’s company and started hanging out a lot more. He was a true friend to her, and would often talk about each other’s lifeless romance journeys.

I am being way too optimistic for today’s date. I should try and relax, but if Austin has set this up for me then I’m pretty sure he would have kept in mind about all the kinkiness I am filled with. I can trust him on his.

Rosaline was supposed to meet him at café named Poetry, which was in Juhu. She specifically chose the café because of its name and the amazing macaroons it sold. She had been obsessed with macaroons since the day she has been learning French. Je peux manger dix maracons à la fois.

Another reason for her to choose this café was that because she herself is poetry in itself. Well that’s how the men flirted with her. She reached the location and was nearly fifteen minutes late, for as to say fashionably late. Austin had informed Rosaline that the guy is tall, sturdy, and would have the prettiest set of eyes in the room. For a second it did remind her of Shane, her ex boyfriend thinking about how he had big round sparkling eyes where her own reflection could be seen when she looked for way too long into his eyes and drown into the pool of loveliness. She looked specifically for the glowing eyes as Austin had described and the next moment she is blunt.

I used to see his face in the crowd, on advertisement posters, even on the television but it was never him. Is my mind playing tricks on me again? I feel like I am being haunted by my imagination and fear right now.

Rosaline is dumbstruck. Mixed feelings rushed into her body which can’t be put to words to what she was feeling. She actually had to pinch herself to make herself believe that Shane was her date.

Shane had no serious plans of meeting Rosaline. He came on the date to cheer him up but instead knowing the fact now that he was having a blind date with his ex-girlfriend left him astounded. All of these thoughts racing in his head trying to surpass one another was overwhelming him. He still had a minute to wash his face and to fetch his breath. He glanced at his watch and his heart started to beat twice as fast. It was a chilly evening, yet he was feeling sweaty.

What am I supposed to talk to her? What am I going to say to her? Will I be able to face her once again? What would she say?

“Shane, hey” said Rosaline trying to sound as warm as she could.

“Rose”? Said astonishingly

It’s Rosaline, not Rose, she corrected.

Yes, Rosaline, he stuttered. Please, please just take a seat, make yourself comfortable. Shane requested.

You are talking as I am your first candidate and you are going to interview me, but seemingly you look more nervous than the interviewee, joked Rosaline.

I have successfully managed to embarrass myself once again. You know, I tend to get nervous around gorgeous women, he defended.

Should I take that as a compliment or should I be salty about it? I choose to accept that you very smoothly flirted with me, actually I would say tried to flirt, said Rosaline.

Well whatever you take it as, it is what it is, stated Shane.

Rose didn’t feel the initial nervousness or the awkwardness which Shane was facing that could be seen but as usual his old trait of hiding back or holding back his real emotions, rather call it as toxic trait than it being a part of his personality. Holding back what he really felt like, made Rosaline a bit edgy.

Rosaline wears her heart on her sleeve. She believes anyone who cannot be vulnerable is not worthy enough for her to trust. Shane wondered if she still thought the same or would she be a little easy on him.

So, how has life been? Shane trying to break the long pause, forgetting for a minute that Rosaline was here.

“Well, it’s been amazing for me. I feel like I am growing as a person a lot more. I always thought that I was wronged; hurt and as broken as a piece of glass shattering and the more force you apply it breaks furthermore, that’s exactly how it had been for me. You know Shane, there is always, always something that one can learn, ways you can grow and I’m in that learning stage” being as gentle as she could be.

“I am pretty sure you might not be expecting a response like that from me or should have I rather said, Shane, I can’t live without you, I won’t be able to, I still need you,” as Rosaline plays around with Shane and his consciousness.

“Did you not want that too”? Shane responded with dismay.

“What? Startled Rosaline.

“Did you not say that all to me, did you not mean all of it then?” feeling a little restless, Shane asked her.

After a pause, Rosaline answers him saying, “I did think that I did, but you know when your body can survive the breakdown process then it as well can heal itself. It’s similar to a physical wound, instead, here it’s just your heart begging for mercy and the brain wouldn’t stop overthinking it. It’s like when you fall down and start bleeding, the platelets principal function is to stop bleeding, but we anyways bleed a little. They release chemical signals to promote clotting. Our brain tries to make the heart understand the same way, but still, it does bleed a lot of emotions. When you fall, it will hurt, it is supposed to hurt. And when I learned that, I knew I can, I definitely can live without your presence. Even though you kept hurting me, gave a million reasons why I should not stay, but I was looking for that only one reason for you to stay, but sooner or later I had to accept the reality that I was a tenant in your heart, or maybe lesser than that, I, I do not know if I actually did have your heart or not, but it doesn’t matter to me any longer because I don’t feel drawn towards you anymore or I do not seek any closure, I think I have had it enough”

Shane not knowing how to respond to her feels heavy. His body starts feeling the burden, his energy levels dip down drastically. The intense discomfort reaches to a peak that his heart is pounding; legs feel shaky and felt shortness of breathlessness. He has mastered the art of keeping a straight face even though he certainly is near experiencing a panic attack.

“Why couldn’t you stop me?” Shane trying his level best to mask it up and keep a poker face by default.

“Are you seriously asking me that?” Rosaline fumed. “I gave you everything, every element, every atom present in my body. I devoted all of it to you. I was on my knees for you. I let myself down for you, yet you left me by making such a statement that I wasn’t worthy enough for love. You were just my fantasy, was I only worthy of being so small? I did not deserve that”.

“Do you not love me anymore? How can you stop loving me?” Shane was curious to know.

“Could you tell me where did you get the nerve to ask me that”? Rosaline trying to appear poised. “I don’t. I don’t love you anymore, Shane Gosling”.

 He couldn’t understand what was going on, Rosaline’s harshness and the sharp words were causing him to blackout. Shane couldn’t anymore hold himself back, he had to acknowledge and take his leave before his heart is left upon the floor.

Keeping her hand on Shane’s cold fingers, with a warm sense of love, Rosaline said, ‘We should take our leave. Please take care of yourself,’ and left with a tender smile.

The date didn’t go as it was supposed to go, as they couldn’t meet each other’s expectations. They decided to end the conversations; both of them would return to their empty walls, thinking of what was and wondering what this could have been, perhaps, is left to realize the beauty and mystery of their lives, the realization towards closure that some people can stay in our heart forever but not in our lives.