sophrsynes

[sophrsynes]

out of all the times na lumabas siya sa mga panaginip ko, ngayon lang ako pinakanaapektuhan. tbh di ko talaga alam kung bakit, pero madalas ko na siyang napapanaginipan ngayon, unlike dati.

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#2017 #archived

[sophrsynes]

so to sum everything up: kahapon, nagpatarot cards reading ako.

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#2017 #archived

[sophrsynes]

one of three

actually, medj matagal-tagal na tong nangyari, mga february pa tong camping kaya lang di ko siya agad nasulat kasi as in, dead tired ako paguwi. like di ko na magalaw buong katawan ko tapos ngayon ko lang ulit naalala na isulat to somehow somewhere kasi parang nagfafade na siya sa memory ko. makakalimutin kasi ako like kahit ung mga importanteng nangyari sakin bit by bit nakakalimutan ko rin. ugh, nakakainis talaga pag makakalimutin ka pero anyway, mahaba-haba to at day one palang to out of three, so tama na daldal.

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#2017 #archived

[sophrsynes]

there’s this guy i like.

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#2017 #archived

[sophrsynes]

idk kung may pinapahiwatig ba ang mundo sakin ngayon kasi despite sa mga kalokohan na nagawa ko ngayong week, ang daming himala na nangyari, lalo na on the terms of crush. actually, ineexpect ko ngang dapat kakarmahin ako dahil sa mga ginawa ko pero eh, i guess i’m going to settle on the fact that the world is indeed just testing me.

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#2017 #archived

[sophrsynes]

nakakahanga ang week na to, tbh. ang daming nangyari, idk kung anong nagtrigger sa mga pangyayari ngayong week. at by means of pangyayari, di lang on the terms of crush, pero marami akong kalokohan na nagawa ngayong week na ikinagalit ni kuya lol.

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#2017 #archived

[sophrsynes]

may malaking himala na nangyari kahapon. as in, sobrang nakakagulat seryoso. HAHAHA. ung tipong is the world testing me type of nakakagulat. kasi by all means, seryosong nakakagulat. i mean medj oa pakinggan pero pagbigyan niyo na ko pls.

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#2017 #archived

[sophrsynes]

april 7th, 2020 — 4:27pm

i used to be a goal-oriented person; the type of person whose notebooks were filled with lists of goals for the year, for the summer, and even just for the day. the type of person who had her visions and aspirations in her line of sight, whose focus were entirely on what was in front of her. the type of person who would not stop until she accomplished what she wanted.

stumbling across my old notebooks where i used to write every single goal i wanted to achieve in life, may it be short-term or long-term, small or big, made me realize that i wasn’t the same goal-oriented person i used to be anymore. i found it difficult to write even just a list of at least five goals and things i wanted to accomplish for the year or the season. i’ve lost my focus and concentration on my goals and the things i yearn to accomplish.

maybe it was because at one point in my life in the past year, i’ve decided that it was completely useless to create goals for myself that i couldn’t even have the time to at least put some effort into because life and school were depriving me of any free time. if ever i had some extra time, i would just use it to relax or give myself time to rest because i was just. tired. of school. of everything.

i sincerely wish that this year, i could bring that goal-oriented person i used to be back. maybe not all at once, bit by bit. starting with small goals. setting goals for myself again was something i wanted to do again this year, as part of trying to love myself. and mostly because it’s fun, and i think it’s good for my mental health to allow myself to set some time for the things i really wanna do. i also hope that this year, life would give me time to try to be happy again.

i don’t want to set goals and do things as a form of distraction from being sad or depressed or anything. i want to be genuinely happy again, and i hope that accomplishing the goals i’ll be setting will make me genuinely happy instead of being a temporary fix for the sadness and emptiness i feel.

#040720 #2020