soccerspoofsongs-blog

[soccerspoofsongs-blog]

Flashback: When the Stars Come to Town

I did not have this account back in 2012, but I fished this OLD spoof song out of my email vault. --- * From 2010-2012, Minnesota Stars were in 2nd tier NASL and league-owned. * In the 2012 USOC 2nd rd, MN Stars beat Des Moines Menace away. * MN won coin toss to host 3rd game vs Real Salt Lake. * Strapped for cash w/o an owner, MN sold home rights despite pleas from Dark Clouds. * MN Stars front office did ensure that RSL would provide a live stream for MN fans. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PQEiQV9-dA ---

"When Stars Come to Town" based on "When Love Comes to Town" by U2 and B. B. King http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38_dBew9YT0

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I love my soccer but was lost in plea I was looking forward to a third round at Nessie I was a Dark Cloud but couldn't do more than spit Now Garth stands accused of the things he said

When Stars come to town Dark Clouds still rave When Stars come to town Matt's gonna make that save Maybe 'gainst Dallas, their starters should've sat down But Salt Lake did what they did before the Stars came to town

I drank a Surly under a red sunset Garth was making promises he was soon to forget J. Kreis was pale, his face had an '05 frown As Viva left Steele standing when the Stars came to town

Ran into a handball -- Olave heard Salt Lake scream, The Stars were turning Blue when Hlavaty struck a dream As Kallman's ball crossed, I saw Number 10 go around That was the day when the Stars came to town.

When Stars come to town Dark Clouds gonna rave When Stars come to town Matt's gonna make that save Maybe that Check(etts) should not have paid down But he did what he did before the Stars came to town

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah...

[Notes] * Garth = Garth Lagerwey GM of Real Salt Lake on buying out home field advantage: "I think that shows our commitment to winning. We literally did whatever it took to give our team the best chance to win just a first round game." -- aside: actually 3rd round, but 1st USOC rd for MLS teams

* Matt = MN GK Matt Van Oekel (now backup GK for Real Salt Lake) * Viva = MN MF Kevin Venegas (now FB for MN United) * Steele = RSL MF Jonny Steele (also played against MN w/Carolina Railhawks, Puerto Rico Islanders, Tampa Bay Rowdies, Railhawks again, brief stint with MNUFC in 2015) * Olave = RSL DF Jamison Olave, called for an obvious handball in the box * Blue = the color of MN Stars kits (and MN Thunder) * Hlavaty = MN MF Neil Hlavaty, hit the PK after the handball in the box * Kallman = MN RB Brian Kallman (the elder) * Number 10 = MN FW Simone Bracalello

* J. Kreis = Jason Kreis, coach of Real Salt Lake, scored 3 goals for RSL in their 6-4 extra time loss to the '05 MN Thunder "I've said this once before in my coaching career and I'll say it again now," said Kreis. "I would not want to be a player under me right now."

* Check(etts) = David Checketts, chairman of SCP Worldwide, owner of Real Salt Lake

http://www.insidemnsoccer.com/2012/05/30/minnesota-stars-fc-take-the-money-and-run-over-real-salt-lake/

#MinnesotaStars MNSoccer USOC 2012USOC USOpenCup

[soccerspoofsongs-blog]

Coming Home (rough draft, no hyperlinks)

Hey, loyal readers/listeners,

My hard drive went down last week, and I’m almost 2 weeks behind. This is my attempt to make up.

May 12, 2014 New York Cosmos vs. Minnesota United FC 7:15 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4saeHd0jyIM

May 17, 2014 Minnesota United FC vs. Fort Lauderdale Stikers 8:19 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CO1Sl1gZCY

based on “Coming Home” by Diddy, Dirty Money, feat. Skylar Grey http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-ImCpNqbJw

[MN United FC - intro] We’re coming home, We’re coming home Tell Dark Clouds, We’re coming home Let the wind blow away Cosmos’ win of yesterday We know the Nessie awaits And they’ll skillet our mistakes We’re coming home, We’re coming home Tell the league that we’re coming …

[Dark Clouds] We’re back where we belong (yeah) We never felt so strong, yeah (We’re back, baby) We feel like there’s nothing that we can’t try And if you wid me, put your scarves high (put your scarves high)

If you ever lost a game before (high, hey), This one’s for you (and if you with me put your scarves high, scarves, high) And you, and you, and you, and you (your dreams are filled, you’re playin’ with the best) We’re at home now

They hear the Oompa-Loompa They hate that song Nuñez feels like we’re singing to him when it comes on (come on) Another go another stop Another home game Hey, result same Do the math, we’re on top!

[MN United FC] What are we ‘posed to do when Nessie’s lights come on? It’s easy to be Jamie, but it’s harder to be Sean (de Silva) What if Dark Clouds ask why we ain’t cover Senna (why, damn?) How do we respond?

What if the fans stare with faces like our own We’re distracted on corner kicks, like driving with yo’ phone Shit, but we ain’t finished growing Another night the inevitable prolongs Another day, another dawn (come on) Just tell Dethloon and the Dark Clouds We’ll get better and move on Another game, we must carry on We need to get back to 1st place where we belong

[MN United FC - chorus] We’re coming home, We’re coming home Striker guys, We’re coming home Let the wind blow away Cosmos’ win of yesterday We know the Nessie awaits and they’ll skillet our mistakes We’re coming home, We’re coming home Tell the league that we’re coming … home

[Dark Clouds] “I wanna be an NSC”, that song Nessie is always our home no matter where the Loons have gone Do Stirkers got the nerve to blame King for it? (come on) Well we know he didn’t palm the ball, he handed it (that’s right) But King felt it and still feels it Nikolov can’t make up for it or conceal it Simo deals with it and we keep ballin’ (that’s right) Drink up some Surly, play ball and Loons keep ballin’ Nuñez, we heckle you in song 'cause we miss you so much Can’t we forgive and be friends? (yeah) So now you’re a guest in your old home (come on) Hey, look you scored a goal of your own Loons, pickup the D, come on

[MN United FC - Chorus] We’re coming home, We’re coming home Striker guys, We’re coming home Dark Clouds’ songs drown away The pain of Nuñez’s run of play We know that 3 points await And we’ll do everything it takes This is our home, this is our home Strikes, know that we play at … home

[Dark Clouds] “Minnesota Goal” now, I love that song Whenever it comes on it makes me feel strong I thought I told y'all Ibarra won’t stop Christian’s cruiser missile makes these stands rock A pass made, C,. Back heel drives me crazy Then Ibarra scores, amazing! Forgive Loons for all of their shortcomings Welcome to your homecoming Yeah, it’s been a long time coming Lot of fights, Lots of scars Nuñez’s shoulder check, more cards! Sore muscles and stiff joints Made it back, got 3 points (I miss you BIG) But here Loons stand (here Loons stand), a better team! (a better team) Thank Dethloon Thank all Loons

[MN United FC - Chorus] We made it home, we made it home Tell the league, we won at home Let Dark Clouds sing away Wonderwall of yesterday We know that Railhawks await and Tobin doesn’t make mistakes We win at home, We win at home Tell the world that Loons win at … home

[soccerspoofsongs-blog]

And We Welcome Indy Eleven

Sat. May 3 Minnesota United FC vs. Indy Eleven 6:50 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pG4UURG5umA based on "Stairway to Heaven" written by Jimmy Page and Robert Plant music by Led Zeppelin VIDEO: live in Madison Square Garden There's an Indy unsure Of that Soccer Bowl berth With fans buying the seats to Eleven So they got to the league, With some first game intrigue But absurd! they'd get 3 points they came for?!

Ooh, ooh, and we welcome the Indy Eleven

Bracallelo runs deep As Mendes box-creeps And Ramirez waits unmarked at the backdoor. With a cross and a touch Chris does not need much And look now Simo feeds Mendes for one more Ooh, Indy-fense assunder Ooh, it makes me wonder

There's this feeling, unrest When I look to the west And the own goal is laughing and jeering! But Miguel through the seams Hits Pitchkolan with ease And the voices of Dark Clouds are cheering Ooh, Indy-fense assunder Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

And with tifo Dethloon If we all start the tune Then the capos will lead us all season Heard Cosmos score wrong? No, the Railhawks stood strong And the WakeMed did echo with laughter If there's a Pablo that's injured, don't be alarmed now It's just a Spring rest for the Campos Yes, there are two halves in the season, but in the long run There's still time to heal, the road you're on And it makes me wonder. The drum is beating and it won't go, in case you don't know The capo's calling you to join him Dear Indy, can you hear our songs now, and did you know Your standing lies on the losing end

[guitar solo]

Next we play Cosmos on the road Dethloon Darkness in our soul There is a question we all know Although a long long way to go Who will be in the soccer bowl? And if you listen very hard The tune will come to you at last. Dark Clouds and Loons sing Wonderwall We are on top of the ta-ble

[slowly] But we welcome the Indy Eleven

#MNUFC NASL2014 #IndyEleven #Led Zeppelin #spoofsong #Dark Clouds #Dethloon #3points

[soccerspoofsongs-blog]

A Visit from Ed Monton

(based on "A Visit from St. Nicholas")

Minnesota United FC v. FC Edmonton Home Opener https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y43RYqYjbto

'Twas the night before Nessie and in my apartment I unloaded groceries to their own fridge compartment The brats and wheat buns were set aside with care In hopes that some sauerkraut would also be there

The growlers were set on the open wood floor So i wouldn't forget them when I head out the door And I in my new scarf and some tickets in hand Just had stopped drinking, I could barely stand

When out on the web arose such a chatter Lance Parker's portfolio . . . or ego, which is fatter? Away to the Nomad I flew like a loon Knowing the opener would be here soon

Springtime is here! Nessie has no more snow! The Montons' have some new players to know. When what to my wondering eyes did appear But a yellow school bus with canned Surly beer!

The school bus in West Bank ain't hard to miss I knew in an instant: it's the Dethloon Express More rapid than eagles, Dark Clouds ride to the game To hear the announcer call United by name

Now Davis, now A-Pitch, Now Tiago, Takada On Simo, on Vivo On, Ramirez y Ibarra! To the front of the goal, to every loose ball! Defend away, defend away, then counter with all!

As wild shots that head for our net are repelled Van Oekel and Dias make sure attacks are all quelled So up to the midfield and attacking they flew The Loons quickly run with quick passes too

The Montons had suffered a few early yellows Now United sub in Greg J. and Bracalello Then a pass to the box, Simo's leg came  around His shot hit a hand, the ref's whistle did sound!

He spoke not a word, but put the ball on the spot Smits tried to fake one way but then came the shot The PK that Simone struck hard hit the net Lance Parker's briefs couldn't even stop that

The Dark Clouds rejoiced and lit marine flares We belted out Wonderwall; light raining, who cares? The Scorpions win in New York that same night. Top-of the-Table United, never give up the fight!

Bracalello interview vid + David La Vaque's article here: http://www.startribune.com/sports/256859711.html

#MNUFC #FCEdmonton #NASL2014 #3points #TopoftheTable #XmasPoemsInSpringtime

[soccerspoofsongs-blog]

O, Fury, Be Crappy

Sat. April 19, 2014 Ottawa Fury vs. Minnesota United FC 5:46 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XbpEftivzY

based on "Don't Worry, Be Happy" silly music vid by Bobby McFerrin

Here's a team from the PDL Wants to play in NASL O, Fury, be happy Ramirez makes a back heel pass Ibarra strikes, your D smells like ass O, Fury, be crappy O, Fury, be crappy now

Ooooh, ooh ooh oo-ooh oo-uh-oo-ooh oo-oo-ooh  (O, Fury) oo-uh-oo-ooh oo-oo-ooh  (Be crappy) oo-uh-oo-ooh oooooh (O, Fury, be crappy)

Ain't got no place to play, oh well Carleton cares, not the CFL O, Fury, be happy Sponsor names new stay-dee-um The season's here, but not the RedBlacks one O, Fury, be happy (Look at Pugh, he's happy)

Ooooh, ooh ooh oo-ooh oo-uh-oo-ooh oo-oo-ooh  (O, Fury) oo-uh-oo-ooh oo-oo-ooh  (Be happy) oo-uh-oo-ooh oooooh (Here, we give you a ball watcher Dantas hits Donatelli he make you happy) Ooooh, ooh ooh oo-ooh oo-uh-oo-ooh oo-oo-ooh  (O, Fury) oo-uh-oo-ooh oo-oo-ooh  (Be happy) oo-uh-oo-ooh oooooh A whole six minutes stoppage time You trip Greg Jordan, now that's a crime O, Fury, be crappy Gorrick swats Vivo's free kick Ramirez' header goal was sick O, Loony, we're lucky Ooooh, ooh ooh oo-ooh oo-uh-oo-ooh oo-oo-ooh  (O, Fury) oo-uh-oo-ooh oo-oo-ooh  (Be crappy) oo-uh-oo-ooh oooooh (O, Fury, be crappy) [someone stop that annoying whistling]

#Bobby McFerrin #NASL2014 #spoofsong #MNUFC #OttawaFury

[soccerspoofsongs-blog]

Mascot from an Oval

April 12 San Antonio Scorpions vs. Minnesota United FC 5:48 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugeBhsKCgy8

Inspired by Brad Baker’s tweet and a “new and improved” San Antonio Scorpions (with only 5 returning players)

* * *

"Mascot from an Oval" based on “Message in the Bottle” by The Police

Just a castaway He’s Bingham the goalkeeper On loan from San Jose And ex-Silverback, Menjivar

More "Transfers In" Than any team could bear When Ramírez scored  They fell into despair

They send an S.O.S. as they wail They have a big white egg to unveil They hope that someone likes their They hope that someone likes their They hope that someone likes their Mascot from an Oval Mascot from an Oval

A year has passed Since Harmse punched Campos But we should watch out ex-Railhawk bastard

Julius can’t Keep it together Stomps Tiago in strife And then he gets a red card

New brutes for S.A.S.? Spikes impale. Ref still sends foot-ball thugs to jail. They hope that they distract with They hope that they distract with They hope that they seem cute with Mascot from an Oval Mascot from an Oval Mascot from an Oval Mascot from an Oval

Now in the second half Don’t believe what I saw Touray leg sweeps a Loon Venegas’ free kick drops my jaw

Seems Loons scored a third As Davis beats the keep But goalkeep had control?!? Was ref watching or asleep

They send an S.O.S. in disguise Owner Cornfield accuses with lies They hope that someone likes their They hope that someone likes their They hope that someone likes their Happy Meal Restrepo Eddie dude Shaun Saiko Chivas guy named Soto (Norway) 2nd tier Borrajo (Hey) Cann played with Toronto

Mending up an S.A.S. Mending up an S.A.S. Mending up an S.A.S. Mending up an S.A.S. [fade out]

#Season Opener #ThePolice #Sting #spoofsong #SAScorpions #MNUFC #NASL2014

[soccerspoofsongs-blog]

Get up and Kick It

and why I can't be at the AmsterdamBar this Tuesday

much credit and thanks to my fellow Dark Clouds, MN United FC, and sports media * Soccer Centric blogger Jon Marthaler * photographer Jeremy Olson * video producer Brad Baker * podcasters Bruce McGuire and Wes Burdine * all of the Dark Clouds, who have welcomed me if I need to change or remove any links, please let me know.

Get Up and Kick It based on Heiruspec's "Get Up" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LV1QI_uaXvs with all the respect to Felix

I'll be at pool league waitin' for the break to happen waitin' for some action like some sort of film Dark Clouds at Amsterdam as season fever builds the scarves'll all be wavin' but I'll be at CR's still

I've been here before where ever here is same league on first day some team from San Anton' right now I'm wishing that I could get LOUD and go and hang at the Amsterdam wid my Dark Clouds (Pool) teammates out-of-town, gotta step up at this moment Mid-job crises in my mid-30s No fans aboard this ship that ain't be funny Team stayed, good vibes, thanks to Bill McGuire's money Know yo' new players Got Ramirez an' Mozzi Heart beats over and over And y'know i got tickets Yeah, I be helping with more tifo, let's hit it Talkin' Dark Clouds out Saturday, an' y'know where we kick it If you had a weird fear of no scarves, get up Are a family man and bring your kids out, get up Saw some bad Harmse come to Pablo, let's get up No time for hiccups, we gotta get up, GET UP [repeat] (I wanna) Take a trip down south, to see what that's about What's it like to kick a ball in a Toyota house? We headed England's way, had some time to play Now back and read the web, yo, what did Mr. Cornfield say? Hey! Texas owner be makin' trouble And internet critics don't get paid enough cents du Nord and local nets should pay attention Only 5 Scorpions return, and the others went? This is N-A-S-L, and we all got choices Is diving your game? Trickin' ref's minds -- a game we don't have to play Put some goals away Bingham didn't see much field in San Jose Hack around, Lay around Punch around, lie Dive to ground, why?! You tell me I'm not pissed off but your owner irks me Come a little louder, what you tryin' to tell me? If you had a weird fear of no scarves, get up Are a family gal and bring your kids out, get up Just found out we have a pro team? get up No time for hiccups, we gotta get up, GET UP [repeat]

#MNUntiedFC #SanAntonioScorpions #Heiruspecs #spoofsong #townhall #NASL2014

[soccerspoofsongs-blog]

Dream On, Robin van Persie

based on "Dream On" by Aerosmith -- Every time when you look in the mirror All these pounds in your eyes getting clearer The past is gone Arsenal's dark age, like dusk to dawn Isn't that the way Everybody's got a price for Glazer to pay

I know nobody knows Where wealth comes and where it goes I know money's no sin Without the Gunners, you sure know how to win Half your life You're with Arsène Wenger Live and learn Score goals, Fergie angers You know it's true, oh All these things you do come back to you Play for us, play for some years Dutch '12 disaster, no wins just tears Play Man U, just for today Maybe tomorrow, Mancini will take you away Play for us, play for some years C-L disaster, Madrid proved fears Play Man U, just for today Here is your motto "for the goods kids" you always say: Dream on Dream on Dream on Dream until your dreams come true Dream on Dream on Dream on Dream until the Man buys U --- "Dream On" live at Woodstock '94 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACg5W_nCniU

#RobinvanPersie #NoOffense #NotAnArsenalFan #Idon'treallycare #Aerosmith #spoofsong

[soccerspoofsongs-blog]

Lose Yourself, Win the Game (2nd draft)

based on “Lose Yourself” by Eminem/Resto/Bass w/sample from Led Zeppelin ——

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment Would you capture it or just let it slip? Yo

Our palms are sweaty, tifo can get heavy Dome’s gettin’ wild like hot Serengeti, corner already Simo's nervous But on the surface He looks calm and ready To kick bombs And he keeps on and steady Da ball's put down The Dome crowd goes so loud Fans open their mouths “Here we go” gets sung out He’s thinking “how?” Everybody’s singing now The kick goes out, Bends up over, wow!

Pulled back by Hlavaty, Max now feels gravity Oh, there goes head ref, he points Neil’s so mad, ‘cause he don’t Like that penalty No, he won’t have it, he knows All the rules and he mopes It don’t matter -- PK’s dope Lance knows that  an' he broke  He’s not stagnant but he knows When he looks back in his humble goal

(And then it’s) Back to our Cap again, Long free kick happenin’ Rodriguez he captures the Moment from Pitchkolan!

You better lose yourself in the few kicks The moment You own it You better never let it go You just may get one shot Do not miss your chance to blow This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo

United, we choose to belt out the music The moment We own it We start the chant and then we let it grow We gonna sing and shout Let’s not miss our chance to blow Horns as community, Dark Clouds for life, right? yo.

Original "Lose Yourself" by Eminem http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hO2wA0Te0wM

#MNUnitedFC #2013FCEdmonton #Eminem #spoofsong

[soccerspoofsongs-blog]

Call Us Loony

based on "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepson, Josh Ramsay, Tavish Crowe ---- We threw a Sattler in goal Van Oekel saves all but your soul We want the soccer bowl And the rest are in our way I'd trade my scarf for a cup Can't stand to be runner up Will our wins be enough To go all the way Don't need Stuart Holden We have Connor Tobin You'll hear our horns a-blowin' United fanbase growing, baby

[chorus] Hey, I just met you But we share this duty Let's cheer "United" And call us loony It's hard to cheer right When Pablo's goony But we accept him Just call us loony Hey, I just met you But we share this duty Let's cheer "United" And call us loony And some United fans Drool for Rooney But we'll take Kyle Altman Just call us loony [end chorus]

Ref took his time with the call Carr touched no part of the ball Ref gave no card at all But then a red went our way We use to beg, borrow, and steal Now we have an owner that's real We didn't know how we would feel When we got our way Our backline is holdin' Midfield has speed to show 'em I'm no Leonard Cohen But Carl Craig might like this, maybe? [repeat chorus] Before McGuire came here We missed him so bad We missed him so bad We missed him so, so bad Without our pro team to cheer We'd miss them so bad And we'd be so sad But United we're all so, so glad! So call us loony!

#2013Domeopener #2012-13offseason #2012Silverbacks #MNUnitedFC #carlyraejepsen #spoofsong