sober0805

[sober0805]

Realization

You know, it never really occurred to me that I would miss someone this badly. I always used to view this action or even the words quoted "I miss you" as somewhat distasteful, vile even. Yet here I am, in my small and cramped room, reminiscing about the yesterday's that you were a part of and the what if's. To be honest, I didn't think I was capable of such profound yet scary emotions, yet here I am, this repulsive urge that lurks within me proves to me how human I can be. "Human I can be". It's cringe-worthy and I'm well aware, but it defines the current situation I am in right now, being a human, which means I am a slave to my own feelings and thoughts. Having no full control over them, no matter how much I try to master and tame them, they always seem to get ahead of me. A year before this, I would have laughed my arse-off thinking that I would be in such a situation. I guess it's not so funny now huh. No number of words, language, actions, or non-verbal communication styles could ever entirely express my sorrow at not being able to talk with you. To think I've only met you for a short span of my life, yet it extraordinarily felt like it was beyond time. I'm afraid of you. To be exact, you drive every fiber of my being disquieted. I mean, who wouldn't be? Everyone would be scared shitless if they knew someone could influence everything in their lives so easily. But do you know what else I'm afraid of? I have to live my life without you being a part of it. To others, fear might be such a burden, but for me, fear is such a wonderful feeling. It's wonderful because now I associate this sentiment with you. The emotion "love" is too mainstream and something we link with anything and everyone. That's why I want you to be the only one I "fear". You see, unlike love that fades and changes every now and then, fear remains constant. It not only leaves a mark on our delicate hearts, but also on our delicate souls.People can easily move on after loving someone, but dreading something or someone lasts for a lifetime.