smallcactus22

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me staring at my calculator app for 45 seconds before i remember i was trying to open my clock app to set an alarm

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YES I'M GAY:

faGgot

dykAe (the a is silent)

trannY

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what if instead of creeper it's named freaker and instead of blows up it blows you

#this should not have been this funny

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Danny: "Bye kids! I'm off to do some shady shit! Enjoy the dinner I made! (With love btw...)"

Frank: "Are these fuckin' dinosaur chicken nuggets?"

Frank: "Dude, this is bullshit! We're adults! We aren't going to eat this-"

Susie: "We're not?!"

Frank: "..."

Susie: "Frank, make sure to eat the head first so that nugget doesn't feel you eat it!"

Frank: starts eating them backwards on purpose.

Susie: "FRANK NO!!!"

This is kinda lazy but I had to get the idea out. Danny can't cook, there ain't no way.

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happy 420 and day i reserve a spot in hell

#IM LATE 😭 #missed it by 48 minutes #happy weed or something idk

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English added by me :)

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making a collection

#my ideal relationship /hj

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Source

#i need her

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Wild that folks keep saying beekeepers abuse bees as if bees are not both venomous flying animals and fully unionized

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why do grooms get one boring black jacket and brides get the most jawdropping gowns ever like when i get married i want pearls and lace and a train is that too much to ask??

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Having a vagina honestly sucks bc it's like you have to do fucking alchemy just to prevent yourself from getting sick. You've got an intricate ecosystem of microorganisms down there that you're dependent on for your own well-being and they can be set off by the tiniest fucking thing

Keeping your pubes too short can cause yeast infections, but letting them get too long can also cause yeast infections. Washing the area with specialized soap can help prevent yeast infections, but it can also cause them. Your periods can cause yeast infections, and so can the medicine you take to stop your periods. Having sex can cause yeast infections, especially if the person you're having sex with is diabetic (???). Being diabetic can cause yeast infections. Wearing the wrong clothes or eating the wrong things can cause yeast infections. Not getting enough fucking sleep can cause yeast infections. The list is neverending

Luckily, yeast infections are fairly easy to treat with OTC medicine that you can find at any Walmart. BUT! Even if all of your symptoms indicate that you have a yeast infection, you have to take a test first to confirm that it's a yeast infection (they do not sell the tests at Walmart) bc you might actually have the opposite of a yeast infection (bacterial vaginosis) which has the exact same symptoms as a yeast infection but is caused by an imbalance of different microorganisms. And if you use yeast infection medicine to treat a bacterial infection it will light your pussy on fire. So if you have a bacterial infection, you must instead visit your local witch doctor (gynecologist) and get prescribed special potions (antibiotics) to treat it

Antibiotics can also cause yeast infections

#literally what even is the point of having a pussy #i dont get game I'm not even using this bitch 😭

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Basically, our reaction to a walrus knocking:

Vs

A fairy knocking:

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i mean this from the bottom of my heart: no one is impressed by your loud ass car. actually we talked about it and we all want you dead.