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sorry i got scared by the passage of time. can yuo hold my hand

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girl are you okay? you’ve been consuming so much media lately that you haven’t allowed yourself to feel one single human emotion for months

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Small to tall and back again

TW: Don't read if little, discussions of suicidal ideation

Coping with the mounting stresses of adult hood is messing with my head more than I anticipated. I've always had a fear of getting older, some of my earliest memories are me realizing I won't be a kid forever and I'll have to one day be an adult and do the things my parents do. I was panicked for days after I realized this.

I tried to take the advice that adults were giving me, to enjoy being a child because it all goes by so fast. I quickly realized they were right. I enjoyed the care free days of my childhood to the best of my abilities, though always with the pervasive anxiety of adulthood looming over me. This wasn't the easiest though, as there were stressors in my childhood I had no control over.

For a while I really didn't mind birthdays all that much, I did get gifts and things at least. My parents usually made them fun too. Around the age of 14-15 or so my feelings around birthdays started to change. They just began to stress me out. It just became an annual reminder that I was getting older and there was nothing I could do about it. People wanted me to celebrate but I was having a harder and harder time seeing the joy in it. I couldn't wrap my head around why anyone would want to be an adult. This was confounding upon itself as I learned more about the world, and the abuse suffered by nearly every person for the sake of profits and personal gains. I saw more flaws and horrors than I thought were possible and I started to spiral farther into depression. Around this time I started to plan to kill myself after HS graduation, simply out of fear of being an adult. I ended up taking SSRI's for about 5 years.

My teenage years I mostly remember fondly. I was able to break out of my shell more and developed my social skills that were lacking at the time thanks to high school, but that's not to say it was entirely easy. But I had a nicer go at it than others. If I wasn't 6'2" by the time I was 11 I probably would have been picked on a lot due to my idiosyncrasies.

COVID started when I was 17, nearing the end of my junior year. The rest of that year and the entirety of my senior year were over zoom calls. In a lot of ways I feel cheated out of the last of the good years of my life. But there's no one I can blame, it's just circumstance.

Much to my surprise, I turned 20 a few months ago. I didn't remind any of my friends that it was my birthday and thankfully no one remembered. I spent most of the day crying. I told them a couple weeks after the fact.

Since I didn't really ever plan to be an adult I'm having a very difficult time getting myself together in really any fashion. I've had a multitude of jobs, mostly retail, since graduation. None of which I have been able to hold down for more than a month or two. I'll just break down and cry and leave without telling anybody and block my bosses numbers. Usually the last check gets to me one way or another at least.

My parents understand that I'm pretty fucked up, though not the full extent of it I don't think, I don't think I do either. Thankfully they still tolerate me and let me live here but I don't know how long.

But here I am, I cry and age regress almost everyday. I hold onto my childhood teddy bear, desperately clinging onto a feeling I can hardly remember and dreading a bleak future.

Sorry if this is just kind of a dump with no real conclusive end. But thank you for reading regardless.

#age regression #age regressor #agere

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ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴘʀᴇꜰᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇꜱ | 🧸

-> waking up too early.

⏝̅⏝̅ ୨ ♱ ୧ ⏝̅⏝̅⏝̅⏝̅⏝̅⏝̅ ୨ ♱ ୧ ⏝̅⏝̅⏝̅⏝̅⏝̅⏝̅

shh, little one, it’s so early, why are you awake yet? c’mon let’s try and get you back to sleep hm? don’t want you tired later on, do we?

don’t worry, mamma’s got you. that’s it, settle back down, good little one.

⏝̅⏝̅ ୨ ♱ ୧ ⏝̅⏝̅⏝̅⏝̅⏝̅⏝̅ ୨ ♱ ୧ ⏝̅⏝̅⏝̅⏝̅⏝̅⏝̅

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activities to do with ur cg/little one !!

If you are irl together!!

— Watch a movie! Movies are such a good bonding activities and such fun to watch! My personal favs r older disney movies

— Make a fort!! Forts r sooo comforting!! Getting all comfy wif ur stuffies and cg/little, is amazing! Absolutely lovely <3

— Have a tea party or picnic! These are a great way to create yummy foods and drinks and socialize!! Even if its with your stuffies and just the two of you, its amazing!

Now if you two are long distance!

— Watch a movie! Theres a few apps where you can watch the movie together, but if ur like me and dont wanna download those, u can use the discord share screen thingy to watch together!

— Play games together!! There is a LOT of multiplayer games that are sfw, and so amazing! Even if its just one person watching the other play, its a great bonding time <3

— Create gifts for each other! Now if your love language is gift giving, I think you’ll like this one! Either you can create something 4 ur little/cg and mail it, or just draw a picture and send it to them via photo! <3