sluttykumos

[sluttykumos]

[sluttykumos]

I hate it when ppl ask me to eat for them. It's my body, I can do what I want to it.

[sluttykumos]

Looking for a non pervy ED coach. I’ll take anything atp

[sluttykumos]

[scenario meanspo] pov: you’re fat and you confess to your crush

You’re approaching your crush on the last day of school before you move out of state during the summer. You two DO NOT EVER speak, he has no clue who you are besides a fat classmate. That’s all the context there is.

You’re in the school auditorium, waiting to leave from an assembly. Coincidentally, you see your crush’s tall, slim form slightly tower over everyone else’s. You hadn’t planned to tell him you like him— EVER. Do I really need to say why?

Don’t get me wrong. You’re not unbelievably fat, no, not at all. Maybe you do look porkier than everyone else in the room. So what? You’re a little jiggly, a little wide. I bet all of the skinny but insecure girls there feel better knowing they’re far from ever being your weight. But all of the fried junk you hog up is worth it, isn’t it? Who cares about their comments, anyways? Who cares about the chuckles you hear from boys when you walk ahead of them?

You feel your face get a little warm from self hatred. You pull the back of your shirt down, realizing it’s been riding up the rolls on your lower back. You hear light snickers behind you, but you refrain from glancing back for fear that your face will become the laughing stock instead. As you feel your swollen body start to tense up as you near your crush, you realize he’s intentionally slowing down and stops by the side of the door. He’s talking to a teacher! You feel your face flush when you hear his voice, and you stop in the middle of the walkway, blocking the progressing line behind your tubby body. People grunt in annoyance behind you, many not afraid to shove you aggressively as they push their way through.

“Fucking land whale.”

“Look at her socks.”

“Did you smell that?”

“Hahaha…”

You feel anger and frustration well up again inside you, your face burning up. But as soon as you realize your tall crush looking your way awkwardly, you feel your heart light up. He looks uncomfortable, a mild grimace on his face as he turns away and starts to readjust his backpack. He’s heading out.

The last day’s almost over and this is your only chance to get your big secret off of your chest. You call out suddenly: “[Crush’s name]!” He cranes his head back and raises his eyebrows subtly, making soft eye contact with you. You shuffle towards him, your thighs rubbing against each other. The center of your jean shorts has been riding up, to which you hastily yank down with your hands.

Yeah, that’s right. You, a fat girl— a sweaty, smelly, ugly fat girl, just yanked down your pants in between your thighs… right in front of your crush. He cringes, but quickly makes sure to hide it when you come closer. You try your hardest to suppress your gasps for air as you slow down in front of him. Even that short walk over left you breathless. His eyes are dark and curious looking, which is one of your favorite things about his face. “Did you need me?” he asks.

“Yeah, ah…” You pant a little, laugh and look around. The last people are leaving the auditorium. “I just wanted to tell you something before the year ends. I’m moving to Oregon, and…” you continue as he watches you absently, occasionally glancing at your stomach.

“I wanted you to know that I like you.”

His face remains blank, but his wandering stares suddenly lock onto your eyes. After a few painful seconds, a small snigger paints his lips, but he stays dead silent. Fear starts to swell in your fat belly, stretching up to your throat. “U-uh… and I have for a long while. I just… wanted to get it off my chest,” you say. He is beaming now, but not in a good way. There’s evil in the way he’s looking at you.

“Really? Oh…” He chuckles, suppressing a full blown laugh. You suddenly see the realization hit him, as his eyes start to scan you up and down. His smile fades for a second, almost as if he was in horror of your enormous frame. He eyes your thick ankles, your calves round like a caveman’s, your square shaped thighs, your jumbo sized stomach that barely fits your high waisted jeans. Disgust quickly piled onto his expression fifty times worse than you had imagined, as if he had imagined sleeping with you right then and there. “Jesus christ,” he says, accidentally too loud enough for you to hear. “Ah…” is all he comes out with, his voice now sounding nauseated.

“You…” he starts, trying to recollect himself. You don’t feel much sadness, but tears are growing and falling from your eyes. You feel fear, like the fear an oblivious deer feels before becoming road kill. It’s not painful fear, it’s numbing fear. Seeing your tears, he humanizes himself and leans back. The light from the hallways illuminates his handsome face, which then mutters,

“I’m sorry, but you’re the last girl in this school I’d ever consider dating.”

There it was. The big no. You wipe your tears like a freak, covering your fat hands with your long hoodie sleeves and smearing them all over your jiggly round face. He watches you in a repulsed pity, shuffling his legs as if he was eager to leave. You felt guilty, both for ruining his and your summer. “It’s okay,” you hiccup, “I expected you to say no. You’re way out of my league.” You thought that making a little self deprecating comment would lighten the mood a little, or even allow him to befriend you.

You were miserably wrong. He leers a little at you, then says with a voice like hot oil, “I’m not out of your league, you’re just not even anyone’s option to begin with.” You hear a low “sorry,” come from him again before he eagerly walks away to enjoy his summer.

He’s probably going to go on vacation and see so many pretty girls at the airport, you think to yourself. Slim girls in bikinis. With pretty smiles and tiny hands. You stand there, feeling stinging memories flood back of a certain tumblr user Katzya telling you:

Don’t even bother if you aren’t thin. He won’t even look at you. He sees you the same way he sees the lunch lady, you’re not even an option to him. You’re not human. You’re like the character in a video game that the player can’t interact with at all.

Want to be seen? Want to be noticed? Stop fucking overeating. Unless you want to be this girl. Prove to everyone who ever fucked you over that you can be just as mean to yourself as they are to you. Prove that you can take pain, prove you have resilience. Express the agony everyone put you through by having desperation. Don’t be the one who gets laughed at, you don’t deserve that. Staying fat isn’t just an appearance, it’s a sign of your lifestyle. It tells me who you are. Every time you lie, every time you promise you’ll starve, you hold yourself back another 24 hours you could have enjoyed being absolutely beautiful. Diet and exercise in silence, feel pain and cold in silence. Have patience in silence. No fat girl or boy will ever forget the pain, no matter how much weight they lose. Internalize that pain and anger and use it as a weapon to achieve your goals. Beauty is pain, skinny is diligence.

[sluttykumos]

TW MEANSPO

you cant control yourself. once you start eating you cant fucking stop, can you? the reason no one wants to hang out with you is because when they do all you want to do is eat. it isn't cute to eat 600+ calories for a meal, you're not Nikocado Avocado so go keep trying to be skinny, and cute, and tiny even though we both know your going to go straight back to eating a dinner for 4 each night. everyone messes up their diet sometimes but how much are you messing up to look like that? for 10 pounds that's 35 000 calories... gross right? and now think how many calories you've needed to shove down your throat to get where you are. fucking disgusting.

[sluttykumos]

Me and my mom have a flight to texas tomorrow and I think it’s hilarious that our seat numbers are ED 😭

[sluttykumos]

Reblogging this every time I purge

[sluttykumos]

Reblogging this every time I purge

[sluttykumos]

I never would’ve imagined I’d spend my teenage years hunched over a toilet with my fingers down my throat.

[sluttykumos]

would you really eat that in a room full of people? mhm that’s what i thought. put it back.

[sluttykumos]

She’s adorable!!!

[sluttykumos]

Tommie

[sluttykumos]

@shotoking04

i hate it whenever someone tells me im skinny and that I dont need to be on a diet, bitch if you saw me without any clothes on then you would see the reality and tell me not eat

[sluttykumos]

I just saw someone put a trigger warning for a firetruck..

Like an actual firetruck

What have we as a society come to that we need trigger warnings for FIRETRUCKS

[sluttykumos]

I wanna get skinny so that my mom will feel bad for hitting me. I want her to think “why would I hit this frail girl? She’ll surely break.”

[sluttykumos]

i wish i could be morning skinny all day.

[sluttykumos]

Mmmm fasting today, it feels so good.. I feel so pretty not having that disgusting food contaminate my pure body

Last meal I had was yesterday, and it was a salad, which I purged.

The meal before that was a few hours before the salad, it was some steamed veggies w/ cheese and steak seasoning

Can you believe I ate CHEESE how gross, no wonder I’m so fat🤢

#pr0m1a #prooooomia #bullimia #notprojustusingthetags