shokenfi

[shokenfi]

sometimes you find a reusable tupperwear in the back of your fridge that. well. you could wash but. goodbye. Remember the real problem is Taylor swift .

[shokenfi]

[shokenfi]

ill spend my twenties investigating the healing properties of salt i dont know about you guys

[shokenfi]

Happy pi day to the greatest video of all time

[shokenfi]

[shokenfi]

if I say "I have to Austin Powers my car out of a parking space," do you understand what i mean

[shokenfi]

Ok it's very funny to laugh at Tuxedo Mask for showing up and doing nothing, but his job was never to actually fight the monsters.

His job was just to show up and believe in Sailor Moon so overwhelmingly resolutely that she remembers she's a fucking demigod long enough for HER to fight the monsters.

Because she's the only one strong enough to do it in the first place, and in this regard Tuxedo Mask is the first example of being "Kenough" in this essay I will

[shokenfi]

internet friends are kinda like illegally downloaded friends. you don’t get the physical copy but you still get all the great content

[shokenfi]

this is the best sentence ever typed

[shokenfi]

In the spirit of Halloween, due to my own experiences as of an hour ago, I have come up with a new horror video game.

Because of the low atmospheric pressure, two things have happened: my blood pressure levels are somewhere in the vicinity of my ass, and there is. Fog. Fucking. Everywhere. The kind of weather only Jack the Ripper could enjoy.

No sane person would go outside. Except the people who still have to walk their dogs.

(This was when the fog was actually still traversable and I theoretically still knew where I was. The moment you hit a less lit area, you're toast)

So the game would be first person POV, and you get lost in your own fucking neighborhood. Your only guide is your scaredy-cat of an idiot dog, and you know you can't let go of the leash for even a second because you're not going to see the damn dog ever again. Which is also bad because the dog is the only creature around who knows how to get home.

So you're feeling sleepy and headachy and yet somehow have the anxiety levels of someone being hunted for sport, your dog who is the only one who knows how to get home keeps jumping at shadows. You wonder if that's because he can hear things you can't in the dark.

Suddenly you see the fucking grim reaper approaching on a fucking skateboard. You nearly piss yourself, only for the geim reaper to pass you by, whirling fog around him, then reveal it's actually a kid on a bike with his friend standing on the seat behind him. You're vaguely happy you didn't actually scream.

But the next monster you see? Might not be kids.

So you better hold that leash tight and hope the dog can get you home before you're both eaten.

Happy Halloween. If you need me, please leave a message and I'll get back to you when I get out of the damn fog.

[shokenfi]

[shokenfi]

i m;iss when u could touch a tv and feel its fur

[shokenfi]

“you should be the bigger person” absolutely not. i’m cursing his entire bloodline.

[shokenfi]

this is the best sentence ever typed

[shokenfi]

[shokenfi]

Another fun thing I do with customers - specifically parents of very small children who don’t know they’re alive yet - is directly imply I think the coffee is for the baby, not the parent. and lemme tell you, like 70% of parents eat that shit up. They immediately go along with the bit and start discussing it with their newborn child, while the baby just stares at us like 😮

[shokenfi]

i’m gonna strap a wii remote to my dick. call that a wiiwii