shavemustaine

[shavemustaine]

“what’s wrong”

“i’m still messed up about what happened yesterday”

“it’s gonna be fine, you’re never gonna see that guy again”

#and the award for missing the goddamn point and doing the exact oppposite of whats necessary every time goes to my mom

[shavemustaine]

i have not desire to speak to my father ever again but i wonder now if i would have been less fucked up had i lived with him growing up

wait

sratch that

no

it’d be the same amounts but different kinds of fucked up

glad we had this talk self

np

[shavemustaine]

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYY NOTHIN LIKE GETTIN SLAPPED OUTTA NOWHERE BY THEM PAST TRAUMAS WHO COULD FORGET ABOUT SUCH GREAT HITS AS “RMBER THAT TIME UR MOM THREATENED TO KICK U OUT FOR WANTING TO VISIT UR OUTTA STATE GF AT THE TIME” AND “KINDA FUCKED UP THAT UR ONLY JUST NOW STARTING TO FEEL VIOLATED PHYSICALLY AND SEXUALLY BY ALL THE TIMES UR FAMILY THOUGHT IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS TO ENCOURAGE UR SISTER TO FORE AFFECTION ON YOU BY HOLDING U DOWN SOMERTIMES SO SHE CAN KISS U AND THEN SHE JOIN IN ON THAT CLOWNING BY SNEAKING KISSES ON U WHILE U WERE SLEEPING DESPITE THE FACT THAT YOU MANY TIMES THRU UR LIFE GROWIN UP EXPRESSED HOW MUCH YOU DIDNT WANT ANY OF THAT BUT ITS HILARIOUS WHEN A CHILD IS BEING TORTURED APPARENTLY”\

i wanna cry i wanna vom

#mari don't look

[shavemustaine]

my tar ot ca rd of the day on the tar ot app has drawn a lot of pe nt acle ca rds in the R eversed position lately

[shavemustaine]

I wish setting my alarm didn't tr1gg3r me every damn time

#can they just use the word finished instead of d0ne when you're finished setting the alarm clock

[shavemustaine]

Ta r o t app: gives me 8of 🌟 rever sed. Message of the day: don't be lazy My Robberto rott ed ass: icant read suddenly, idont know

[shavemustaine]

my sister is so fuckingstupid

her: “i had se x with a sd and i was expecting he’d give me money afterwards but he didnt and im mad :/”

me: “did he tell you he would”

her: “no :/“

me: “then that’s your own failing as a human for having that expectation”

[shavemustaine]

Man the amount of time I spend thinking about ripping out my own teeth is not normal nor healthy

[shavemustaine]

my si ster is so fuc king stupid

[shavemustaine]

I need to calm the hell down I've got work in a half hour but I can't help how pist I am rn ok I thought I was gonna be able to drive today but nope In the midst of getting ready mom asks me when I'll be done bc they all wanna leave early which not ok nly signals that I cant drive today bc of some bullshit probably but ALSO fucking pressures me to gst done faster like you gotta tell me this shit either the Night before or in the morning when I START GETTING READY NOT WHEN I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF MY MAKEUP we al know how long it takes me to get ready do you not fucking think? But I'm still so livis bc I NEED to drive if I'm ever going tk gwt my lisence mom Like you want this our of me but never give me the opportunity to drive or when the opportunity is perfect you give some bullshit or even nit any shiy at all! God I need to stop typing I wanna trow my phone rn

[shavemustaine]

im putting chee--sy inspirat--ional quo--tes in my planner bc why not ya know?

[shavemustaine]

i did all i wanted to do today! i feel accomplished! I did things! I’ve made plans! I wrote in my feelings journ and in my tarot journ!

[shavemustaine]

i made a plan

short term for the next two weeks

goals for the next year and methods to achieve them

i consulted my tarot app after writing down as much as i could, asking if my plan was a good one

i used the past present future spread and here’s what i got

past: page of cups present: four of wands future: the hanged man

im not entirely sure what it means

I checked the card of the day, judgement, which i understood

[shavemustaine]

this sounds like such a procrastinator sentence but

tomorrow, i will start to get my shit together

somewhat at least

i dl’ed that tar ot app for validation and answers and every card spread, every card of the day has consistently told me to get my shit together

make a plan

something

everything is terrifying but if i move a centimeter out of my comfort zone out of my depression shadow, it’ll probably at least start to be a centimeter less terrifying

i need to try

[shavemustaine]

tfw u see a vid on ur dash and go “what’s the punchline here, i wonder” and click play but it jus t turns out to be pjorn

[shavemustaine]

I'd totally reblog that photoset of military ppl with their real selves in the mirrors or w/e but I can't bc it's got neb****a th*******ck and I cannot stand by her

[shavemustaine]

mentions how (what im like 90% sure of at this point) “my a&ut1$t1c ass” likes this tarot app i downloaded bc u can shake ur phone to make the cards shuffle

s(is&ter: still s&el&fd&xing? (in a goddamn condescending tone about it)