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Adler and Goal Oriented Behavior
I enjoyed reading about Adler and his theory. Thank you, Dr Adler.
Adler emphasizes goal-oriented behavior, which made me think about the importance of setting goals for ourselves and working hard to obtain those goals.
But what if the child is not allowed to make their own goals? What happens when your goals are made for you?
My parents would always tell my siblings and me that we were only allowed to become a “Doctor, Lawyer, or Indian Chief.” One day, as a small child, I was in the car thinking about my future goals. I expressed to my mom that I did not want to be a Doctor, I wanted to be a Nurse. My mom pulled the car over and told me to get out. “You are not allowed to be a nurse, you won't make any money, you WILL BE a doctor or a lawyer.” (Apparently, the Indian Chief thing was a joke.)
A parent creating a fictional finalism for their child prevents the child from setting their own goals and making their own choices. Parents who force their own goals onto their children may result in the child believing they cannot think for themselves or that they aren't smart enough to determine their future endeavors. When a child is told what they will be when they grow up and how they will do it and groomed through their life to be that, the child is not able to create their own subjective experiences. As a result, the child may feel inferior because they might believe that they will never succeed with these impossible goals that were set for them!
A question to my colleagues: What therapeutic techniques and procedures would you consider implementing to help this client move from feeling inferior to feeling superior?
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Adlerians view...
“Adlerians view most human problems as social in nature, they emphasize relationships within the family as our earliest and, perhaps, our most influential social system.”
Parents are a direct example to their children. Children grow up observing and believing that the values, beliefs and goals that their parents instill, are the right ones, moral ones and will help them grow into productive, superior and stable adults.
However, when a child grows up with a psychopathic parent, can the child prosper and become a valuable member of society?
According to an article by Scott Bonn, Ph.D. in Psychology Today, “psychopaths are unable to form emotional attachments… tend to be aggressive and predatory… view others as objects for their amusement… they lack empathy… often have disarming or even charming personalities. They are manipulative and can easily gain people’s trust. They learn to mimic emotions, despite their inability to actually feel them and will appear normal to unsuspecting people. Psychopaths are often well-educated and hold steady jobs.”
My father was all of these things, smart, charming and seductive, yet aggressive and mean. He appeared normal to the outside world, but behind closed doors, he was emotionally detached and demeaning towards my mother and siblings. He was always putting them down, calling them fat. He would laugh and say “Just kidding, I love you,” and buy a gift to make up for the hurt. Any friend he had was screwed over. He would lie, cheat and steal to get what he wanted by manipulating the system and defrauding his friends and the government.
As a young, naive, child, I looked up to my dad, he was my hero, he could never do wrong or let me down. He loved me, I was Daddy’s little girl. One day all of that changed. I was 10 years old, and my mother and I were watching my older sister play tennis at her high school, I remember it vividly. She took me for a walk and we were next to railroad tracks when she finally spoke. “Shannon, I need to tell you something and you cannot tell your baby brother, can you promise me?... Your father got into trouble and he will have to go away. He walked into a bank and saw a pile of money that wasn’t his and he took it. That was wrong and he got caught. Now daddy has to go away for a bit, but everything will be ok.” I was shocked, caught off guard, my father was going to jail, only bad people go to jail!
Many years later, I would bring this memory up to my mother and she would deny the conversation ever happened, calling me a liar and saying I make stories up. It was very confusing and frustrating, however, I learned in therapy that children can make up stories to understand and interpret a stressful situation. So, did it really happen, who knows… but my father did spend time in jail.
As I matured into my teenage years, I became distant and did not trust people. I found it difficult to make new friends and have real emotional connections. I was shallow and chose a lifestyle that was immoral and chaotic. My behavior and attitude reflected what I observed and perceived growing up,I actually believed that I was supposed to act like this because I was superior.
I started therapy in college when I began getting into trouble and having turmoil with my friends and in my relationships. I felt lost and wanted to have real friendships and be a valuable addition to society. I spent years focusing on my subjective experiences, dissecting the emotional and cognitive impact my father had on me and my resulting choices. I explored the dynamics between my siblings and my place in my family constellation. It took a lot of psychoanalyzing and maturity but I CHOSE to change, I chose to act differently. I altered my perspective and re-trained my thoughts. I practiced empathy and kindness. I learned to face my inferiority complex by raising my energy level and becoming strong-minded.
It was painful to recognize as an adult my father is not a hero. He is not kind and his thinking is abnormal. The things he says are not funny, they are abusive and racist, he is toxic. To be successful in life, a person must surround themselves with the kind of people that they would like to be. Being around good, ethical, honest and sincere people rubs off on a person by helping to influence their behavior. Having relationships and real friendships gives meaning to one’s life.
Corey Gerald. (2015). Theory and Practice of Counseling and Psychotherapy.Cengage Learning.
Bonn, S. (2018, January 18). How to tell a sociopath from a psychopath | Psychology Today. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201801/how-tell-sociopath-psychopath
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What is a clinical mental health counselor?
A Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) is a person that went through an accredited Masters program with the curriculum that follows CACREP. LMHC’s focus is on wellness and prevention, implementing a holistic approach to counseling and effectively teaching life skills the client may have never been taught. The counselor will initially assess the emotional instability that the client is presenting and affecting their relationships, intruding on their daily life tasks. Once assessed, the counselor would diagnose the client and create a treatment plan that maps out the counselor’s and client’s goals.
In the mid 1700s, the first asylum was opened to act as a peaceful place for the mentally ill to live. However, these “sanctuaries” eventually turned into overcrowded, abusive and unsanitary institutions. Eventually, Psychiatrists intervened and became advocates for the mentally ill.
In the 1800s, Philosophers began theorizing the concept of the mind and the effects of the world around them. Out of Philosophy came Psychology which is also seen in Greek Mythology and Theology. Eventually, in the late 1800s Sigmund Freud coined the term conscious and unconscious mind assisting Psychiatrists in understanding the thinking processes of the mentally ill and an idea to treat the illness.
Licensed Mental Health Counselors were not always well-regarded in the Psychology world. It was not until John F Kennedy signed the Community Mental Health Act in 1963 that opened the door for Mental Health Counselors. This Act recognized the need for counselors and prevention in our communities. After the Vietnam war, soldiers were coming home in bad shape, most showing symptoms of “shell-shock,” now known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The Community Mental Health Act helped establish community wide centers to help individuals and their families dealing with disorders such as, mental illness, for example PTSD, intellectual disabilities, such as Autism, and addiction disorders, such as substance abuse, eating disorders, gambling, etc. It established a clear need for treatment in multiple stages, like prevention for healthy people before an issue begins, programs like DARE and suicide prevention, as well as establishing a crises hotline. Prevention during, such as inpatient care and treatment centers and finally, prevention after treatment, continuing to learn life skills and group/individual counseling in the outpatient setting.
In 2011, after many years of lobbying for our profession, the Department of Defense finally recognized the demand for Mental Health Counseling, finally becoming eligible to be credentialed with TriCare, the military insurance for soldiers, retired military, as well as their families. Eventually, in 1997, Mental Health Counseling was recognized by the ACA, but not eligible for licensure until 2009.
Licensed Mental Health Counselors have come a long way, proving to be an asset to the community. Unlike other allied professions, Mental Health Counselors focus their attention on prevention and wellness. They assist in helping to eliminate the hardship that the client or their family may be experiencing. They teach important skills such as, stress management, time management and other important life skills to alleviate the feelings of anxiety, pressure and worries. They assist in the teaching steps to take care of oneself. Often, patients that are in inpatient treatment might need to be taught necessary life skills in order to get by once they are out of treatment. Such simple tasks as waking up at a normal time, brushing their teeth, showering, even washing their dishes after they eat and not leaving them in the community sink, are just some of the elementary skills that the client can use in the “real world.” Often, mental health counseling may be short term, as once the client is functioning in daily life without emotional stress, they may not feel that therapy is still beneficial. Counselors do recommend maintenance, such as a session every month or quarterly, just to check in.
In conclusion, as one can clearly see, it was an exceptionally long road for the Mental Health Counseling Profession but we made it! We have proven to be a respectful and needed profession in the community and I can not wait to continue my journey towards licensure in Mental Health Counseling.
References
Gerig, M. S. (2018). Foundations for clinical mental health counseling: An introduction to the profession. (3rd ed.) Pearson Education, Inc.
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Ethical Issues in Therapy
When reading about “ethical issues related to multiple relationships in counseling practice,” I can't help but look back on my own childhood.
It is unethical for a therapist to accept the treatment of a child who they have a personal relationship with the parents. Informed consent is necessary or it becomes an ethical matter. Confidentiality is imperative when working with clients and making them feel safe. If a client does not feel safe enough to disclose information to the therapist, there is blatantly no therapist and client centered relationship. The therapist has a moral obligation to the client to refer them out to another therapist.
At 14 years old, I was a Baker Acted. I woke up in the hospital with my family by my side, we were all understandably scared and angry. I was transferred from the emergency room to SandyPines Residential Treatment Center in Jupiter, FL. The doctor that treated me had multiple relationships with myself and my family. Prior to my stay in the treatment center, our families would spend weekends together, go fishing and deep sea scuba diving. This personal relationship compromised our therapist - client relationship and devalued anything the therapist might have tried to implement.
This multiple relationship was harmful and unethical. Since the therapist was a family friend and close with my parents, she was the last person I wanted to confide in. It’s unfortunate, because if that therapist acted ethically at that time, I may have had a better chance of being diagnosed earlier and not suffering for almost 25 more years with undiagnosed mental illness. I may have utilized the treatment instead of rebelled against it.
What do you think of a parent using their friend as a therapist to intervene with their “disturbed” child?
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Authenticity!
Authenticity!
Authenticity is a big trigger for me. I spent most of my life hiding who I was because I was different. My decision making and personality were not similar to my peers and I felt lonely, frustrated and scared most of the time.
I was a liar. I found myself making up stories about my family and who I was, isolating myself from people so no one would know the true me.
When I was finally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder at 37 years old, I found being who I truly am is what makes me special. I am authentic because I am different. I am different because I am real. I no longer hide who I am. I am proud and resilient.
In the summary, the author asked the reader to ask ourselves, “questions such as “What do I personally have to offer others who are struggling to find their way?” and “Am I doing in my own life what I may be urging others to do?”
It took me many years to figure out who I am, and to be myself. To be proud of who I am. When I finally opened myself up to acceptance and non-judgment, I was able to not only be a happier person but much better friend.
Since I have faced many challenges similar to that of my clients, I have knowledge personally and professionally inside of mental health and treatment centers. Having this unique experience allows me to relate to my client and understand what he may be going through at that time. Projecting confidence, having real empathy, knowledge and education, makes me a model for my client to be more successful in their road to recovery.
What I do currently in my life that I urge others to do is take care of themselves. If I don’t take care of myself, then I wouldn’t be able to take care of my patients. Take time to yourself each day, even if it’s only five minutes a day!
How have you changed over the years to make you the best therapist for your client?
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“Is mindfulness keeping your conscious thoughts positive?”
Does working on your thought process and bringing in repressed memories to work through, mean that we can change our thinking to positive and we will be more mindful?
Reading about and listening to the lecture on defense mechanisms was not only intriguing, but quite fun. I enjoyed comparing the defense mechanisms to my own personal life (and that of my husband), it really sparked a thought that has been nagging me for days!
Do I use the reaction formation defense mechanism to protect my own ego and self esteem from the judgments and negativity of others? Reading about this defense mechanism made me question my own current state of being. After so many years of my own psychoanalysis, did I alter my destructive, repressed thinking and create a new defense mechanism within myself? Am I really the positive, cheerful person I portray outwardly and worked so hard to become? Or am I exaggerating my friendliness and empathy in order to keep people from knowing the authentic me?
I tell my son that he can look someone in the eyes, smile, and it could totally change their day for the better. I love doing this, it really gets me off when someone smiles back. However, am I doing this to be kind or am I going out of my way, projecting kindheartedness, to make other people feel good so I can feel good about myself? Is this even a bad thing?
Not all defense mechanisms are negative. Defense mechanisms are implemented when one may be in a stressful or uncomfortable situation, for example, being in public. Social anxiety can absolutely result in a reaction formation defense mechanism. Utilizing this defense mechanism myself, allows me to be in the moment, rather than stuck in my head with strange, cynical thoughts.
Another great example of a positive defense mechanism is sublimation. Taking out one's inconsistent feelings, aggression or destruction, and turning that into something upstanding is quite a mechanism.
My husband, Eric's, father left his family when he was only six years old. This affected him very much and I do believe he has trauma. Although he attended therapy, his real outlet was soccer. He worked hard, practicing everyday, giving his all and pouring his heart into the game. Eric became a remarkable soccer player eventually playing on scholarship for college, becoming the first Freshman to ever play varsity soccer at his college and becoming the first sophomore ever, and still till this day, to be a varsity team captain. He took pride in his athletic career, which got him through an extremely onerous time. It must have been very difficult when Eric’s father left his family and never came back, however, he took that anger and put it towards glory. That makes me look up to him so much. Especially since I picture myself so weak at that time in my life.
Eric and I are individually very different. Our family's values are similar because we are Jewish, and Judaism is very much a culture then a religion to us. However, our families are especially different in morals and ethics, which is most likely a huge variable in each of our coping methods and behaviors.
I am very much looking forward to diving deeper into psychoanalysis and learning the skills taught to manage stressors. Although I feel that I have come a long way in my journey, therapy is an ongoing process and I intend to use what I learn to make myself even better!
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Persona: Am I authentic?
My mom used to always say, "There is a time and a place." I knew when she said this that I was not acting "accordingly" to her standards. As a young child, I "acted accordingly,” until I didn't. I was a happy child, always smiling and laughing. I was also a people pleaser and my parents would always tell me how perfect, pretty and smart I was. They placed me on a pedestal and showed me off, "Look how "perfect" my daughter is."
As a young child, I soaked it up. Wow, look how beautiful and smart I am. After many years of “being perfect,” it became difficult to keep up the persona. Trying to please everyone, making sure everyone around me was happy, walking on eggshells to make sure I said the right thing and not upset anyone, is exhausting and eventually detrimental. As a child, I thought that I was supposed to always be perfect, beautiful and smart. I was supposed to always be helpful and never too loud!
When I became a teenager, all hell broke loose. I realized the mask that I had been wearing wasn't really me. I wasn't perfect, I wasn't different from everyone else. The mask was slipping, I wasn't the smartest, prettiest and funniest, how could this be!? It was quite a rude awakening. I tried on several masks, spending my teenage years full of confusion and frustration. I became angry and covered it up with a smile and proved to everyone how smart I was with my straight A's, it was a total façade. Inside, I had no idea who I was and fought everything society expected of me.
As I grew older, I learned to appreciate and respect my quirks. I recognized that we are all human together and no one is better than another, nor is anyone perfect. We do not always have to be pretty, smart and pleasing. We do not always have to go out in public looking our best, with a full face of makeup.
It took a lot of growth, maturity and therapy, but today I wear an authentic mask. I have self-awareness and individualization, however, self-awareness is an ongoing process.
There are so many personas that a person can take on. People can wear many personas throughout their life, even throughout the day! The mask we wear at home is not the same mask that we wear at work. The mask we wear at work and home, probably isn't the same mask we use in the gym. It appears that we can make ourselves into really anybody we want to be by just pretending to be someone we are not.
However, a persona can be just as beneficial as it is detrimental. The expression, “Fake it till you make it,” is exactly what Jung meant by persona. What an interesting concept!
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Today I opened my eyes, and I am grateful
Today I woke up and I heard the birds singing. I think about at one time I didn’t think I would hear the birds sing again. Me. Happy. Go lucky. Me. The one with a smile on her face all the time. But that wasn’t always the case. There were very dark days. Days that the birds didn’t sing. And the sun didn’t rise. And I thank god everyday when I open my eyes that I hear a bird chirping. Bc then.. I know I’m alive.
What a beautiful life I lived. Rolling green hills. Beautiful flowing willow trees with big thick barks growing all over the property. My room was perfect. I remember how my wall paper matched my comforter, sheets and pillow cases. All Laura Ashley, always the most expensive. Always the best. My Ethan Allen furniture with their gold handles lined up perfectly against the wall facing my queen size princess bed. With gold bed frames fit for Queens daughter. Nothing less than the best for my mother.
As an adult I see my mom in a very different light, but as a child I expected more. I don’t know what I expected from her. I guess I expected her to be invincible. Not have feelings. And give and love unconditionally. I know now, as a mother myself, that’s impossible. I can give my child all the love in the world, but his demands are sometimes unattainable and unrealistic. At some point though, it is my place to crush those unrealistic expectations.. and I don’t think my mother could do that. My head was too big... I was invincible and no one could stop me.
Everything seemed like the all American family. My mom, dad, older sister, younger brother and me, living happily in our bubble in our fancy town and big huge house down the street from famous Yankee Players. (Or was it a Mets Player) my mom would build luxury residential homes for a living so it was nothing new when Bernard King from the Washington Bullets came to look at our humble abode.
Then one day it all changed... the bubble burst. Mom told me she wanted to go for a walk. I was 10. We were watching my big sister play tennis and she took me for a walk and said “I need to tell you something, it’s a secret and I don’t want you to tell your brother because it will only upset him. Promise?” And of course the perfect pleasing daughter I was, I promised. “Daddy made a mistake and he has to go away for a little while. Your daddy walked into a bank and saw some money on the counter. It wasn’t his money, but he took it. And now he needs to go away.” I don’t remember anything else from that point. All I remember is the railroad tracks. After that my dad use to leave at night and take his toothbrush. If I ever mention it today, my mom says I made it up. Maybe I did...
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Today i am grateful
Did you ever wonder where you could have been if (fill in the blank) didn’t happen… I think about this all the time, almost obsessively actually. I think about it because until the last five or so years, my life was nothing but chaos. There were smidgens of what they call sex drugs and rock and roll (except i didn't meet any celebrities along the way). It wasn’t until I was among the low of the low that I told myself I never wanted to be “like that.”
Today I have a life. A life that i am so incredibly grateful for.
It took a long time to see through the fog that was once my essence, to figure out what really mattered. They tell you not to regret, I fight that. I think about how i should feel shameful, feel guilty, but my mind and heart don’t let me. When I was at my low, there was something always there stopping me from going over the edge. Something that told me I would regret this. Call it a conscious, call it an angel, whatever it was, it’s been there for me when i needed it most.
So, why did i feel like that was ok, why did i not think about hurting myself and my family. Everyday I get stronger and everyday the past becomes more distant. But i don’t forget. I don’t forget what made me who i am today.
Life is different now. My outlook is different. What matters to me is different. I have found truce and i am grateful.
Everyday is a battle of some sort and i still have issues - issues that I can see clearly in the building clutter within my home. But, I’ll take a little clutter around the house if it replaces the chaos and unruliness inside my head.
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Lessons in Mother-In-Law
The day I met my husband my first thought was not, "Will I like his mother?"
They say you don't choose who you love, I beg to differ. I love my husband with all my heart and soul, but it's not because the day I met him I fell head over heels in love and couldn't live without him. That's not what happened at all... However, I did know that he was "the one" right away...
I chose my husband because he is the kindest, most generous, easy going person I know. (Exactly the opposite of me. And if you ask my mother, the opposite of my father, but that's another post.) He not only takes care of us by providing everything we need, (well, i could use another Louis Vuitton purse... but) he helps around the house, cleans the dishes (because I do not), takes out the garbage and deals with the recycling without being asked, takes over the evening baby shift cause I cant keep my eyes open from being up since 4 am... he is the sexiest, most handsome guy I know. Please, don't get me wrong, I can also give you a list of what he doesn't do, and unfortunately, what he didn't do - is stick up for himself when it came to his mother.
Both of us are very close with our families. There was a time in my life, i believe it was in my very late twenties, that i turned to my mom and dad and said, "I'm an adult, please treat me like one and stop yelling at me all the time." I think it was a turning point in our relationship, because they indeed began, or at least tried, to treat me as the adult I wasn't. But the more they treated me like an adult, mistakes and all, the more i grew and became a smart and independent woman.
When i met my husband he wasn't there with his mother yet. He would rather lie and cheat then to be honest and upfront with his mother about what he wanted or needed from her! It was quite sad to watch. I knew the moment she yelled at us in public and my husband began shaking, literally, that I had what some call - a mama's boy - on my hands. Oh, I was not having that. No way were we going to be yelled at, in public, especially by his mother! I FREAKED! I did my typical feet stomping and over the top meltdown, refusing to go to dinner, I even called my mother crying! However, after an hour, of course, we cooled down and I reluctantly went to dinner with his parents, swearing that I would call a shrink in the morning for an emergency appointment. I knew I needed a mediator to get through this, and it was NOT going to be my mother chirping in my ear, "You know you don't just marry him, you marry the mother too!" That started years of marital therapy, almost always focused on his mother, and our reactions to her and each other. Of course there were days that we discussed other important topics, you know like the dog barking too much or the dog drinking too loudly. But overall, our therapy focused on his mother.
Therapy definitely helped our relationship. We communicate, and fight, much better, however, it was not until we had our son that I think SHE got it. Take into consideration that these are recent events, so who knows what the future holds for us. But I finally took matters into my own hands. Between postpartum hormones, years of built up frustration and adrenaline, I told my mother-in-law exactly how i felt. I didn't leave a droplet out. I wasn't mean, but I sure as hell wasn't nice.
I started off by telling her that she did a wonderful job with her son and thanked her. I then went on to say that he is a man, a husband and a father and she needs to recognize that and treat him as such. I sternly advised her that he is not a baby or a teenager and he is not to be told what to do or how to do it as her reign was over, mine had just begun. I think I even went as far as telling her to cut the umbilical cord already it's embarrassing. She chirped in a few times, defending her actions over the years, however, I stood my ground and told her that I loved her son, but i refuse to fight with him about his mother and I will divorce him and leave him and he can blame that on her. (A bit harsh I know, did I mention the postpartum hormones?)
To date, i have to say, yes it was awkward at first, but she slipped right into her place. I wasn't rude, in fact I was more than pleasant, feeling almost cathartic, when I saw her shortly after. I think she recognized that she didn't want to spend the next decade fighting with me and if she wanted to be invited to family occasions then she needed to make an effort to be nice. I wasn't going to tolerate the negativity in our lives moving forward. I also do not think anyone has ever bluntly told her the naked truth, which can be eye opening.
I'll keep you posted on what our progress is. But today, I think the lesson learned is "be honest but respectful." Just because someone is your elder, doesn't make them right. As an adult we make our own decisions, we seek advice from family and friends, but in the end, we need to make our own mistakes to grow, become independent and be the best man woman, husband wife and father mother we can be!
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How to be a classy drunk ... To funny so true It is sometimes necessary to have a little bit of fun, and more times than not, this involves getting drunk. However, if you want to keep your dignity, it is crucial to know the difference between being “drunk” and being “shit-faced”. Some of us are better at this than others. For those of you who often find yourself on the bathroom floor after a night of drinking, here are a few tips and pointers to keep that from happening again, especially at a special event, such as a wedding, where this type of behavior may be considered displeasing. 1. First, consider your drink of choice. If you are wearing clothes, stay away from Red wine, Bloody Mary’s, or any other drink with color. Nothing says “boozer” more than your drink trailing down the front of your shirt. If you really want to avoid any type of obvious spillage, just plan ahead and wear black. This is what all experienced drinkers do – It’s the dipsomaniac’s color of choice. 2. Martini glasses take a little more skill and care to achieve, so I’d steer clear of those, too. This type of glass seems to produce what I call, hole-in-the-lip syndrome. It’s a very serious condition that seems to get worse with increased alcohol consumption. 3. Some people think that drinking wine can give you the illusion of being elegant or sophisticated. They are right. It does. You will look superior to all of the other drunks around you. They will think you are very cultured and dignified, incapable of becoming sloshed and stupid. They are clearly wrong about your character, but we are only going for appearances here, therefor creating this illusion is all that matters. If you really want to impress, order something off of the menu that is hard to pronounce (perhaps something French or Italian). Even if you don’t pronounce it correctly, if you say it with confidence, they will assume that you did. 4. If you start to find yourself with that intoxicated feeling, chances are, your brain-to-mouth filter is no longer functioning, so consider keeping your words to a minimum. And, only use words that you have used often in the past; this helps to disguise the slurring of your speech. Use words like “thank you” or “excuse me” often. Your politeness will distract people from the fact that you’re hammered. 5. Although I didn’t put this first, this is probably one of the most important rules of being drunk: only pee in a toilet. You heard me. Unless you are wearing a diaper, any other place that seems like a good option at the time, probably isn’t. You do not have the coordination required to master peeing on a wall, in a shrub, or in a bottle, no matter how well you think you can do this without peeing on yourself or exposing your bush. Just don’t do it. Always be aware of where the closest and most convenient bathroom of your own gender is located. (There are some instances where the sink may be used as a toilet, but these circumstances are very rare, so use your best judgement.) 6. Unless you are being chased by the police, do NOT run. Walking has worked for many centuries in getting humans to their destination. There really isn’t a need to do anything at a fast pace when you’re trashed. Doing so only increases your chances of adding to the scars on your knees. I have friends who are famous for this, and it usually has to do with the unnecessary fast pace in which they think their feet must move. 7. Eat something. Eating will slow down the rate at which your body absorbs alcohol. Although this seems to completely defeat the purpose, it will help in a bind, like when you think you may be exiting the “classy drunk” stage and entering into offensive territory. 8. If you’ve come to the unfortunate realization that the food you’ve eaten may be exiting your face, try to find a conspicuous spot to let this happen – far, far away from your friends or anyone else who can see, hear, or smell. I have never seen anyone look admirable or graceful while spewing. Now that you are an adult, drunken excuses are no longer as tolerated. Fortunately, with these tips, you can still get plastered while appearing to be reasonably clear-headed. As with anything, being a classy drunk just takes practice, so get out there and put your new wisdom into action. http://www.weddingsbylilly.com/wedding-ideas-inspiration/how-to-be-a-classy-drunk/
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Tradition vs Reality. How sweet it... Isn't.
The wedding plans are coming along but in my stomach I wonder if spending $20K on one night is the right thing to do. Well.. Whose judging? Should i make a list? I know my family wants the best for Eric and me. And we do not have this kind of money. But his family is traditional and they want a wedding. My side of the family wants us to buy a house and save for the unexpected. So maybe a brunch would be the better option. We will have to see. Time will tell. It's just so FUN to plan a wedding!
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My first blog. Like writing in my journal when I was 12 but not so private. I'm not sure anyone will ever see my blog so I'm gonna use it as my sounding board. My space. So now I ask myself, who am I. What are my goals and how am I getting there...
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