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shadowysaladbouquetlove-blog · 7 years

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Dear best friend, I’m breaking up with you.

Tomorrow I'm going to call you, and I'm going to ask you to not be my maid of honor. I don't know if you'll be sad, mad, relieved, or even happy, but I know you'll be surprised. I know you'll be surprised because you are a victim in my life that can do no wrong and quite frankly you don't think I'll have the balls to do it. It's a task I know our relationship cannot handle. You'll be surprised because I'm about to shatter 12 years of friendship when we've already been through so much together. This will be the shittiest thing I might ever do to a person I care about but it needs to happen, I would be lying to both of us if I said I wanted you to be apart of my wedding day much less the most important part of it. You should know why this is happening but you'll be surprised anyway. So I've decided to take a trip down memory lane to tell my side of this story and the events that have lead up to the demise of our relationship, so make a cup of coffee, go to your garage, and make sure you have an entire pack of cigarettes because you will want them. All.

You know the story of how we met, and our versions of that day are the same. It was the first day of my 8th grade year and you were the new 7th grader, we were put into a group project together and we were inseparable ever since. Until we weren't of course, but that will happen later. You and I were the definition of best friends, we did everything together, talked about everything and everyone, and you even introduced me to my first boyfriend (which ended fabulously, and you tried getting him to hook up with another one of your friends, but you were 13 and I forgive you). My sophomore year of high school I had another friend that encouraged me to get my high school diploma through our local community college, but being the self centered girl you are, got mad and talked me out of it. That was the only time I felt you held me back in life. I could've had an associates degree by the time I was 18 but you wanted to go through high school together so I stayed right where the fuck I was. So we went to homecomings and proms, had classes together when we could, got our drivers licenses a week apart from each other, and talked a whole lot of crap about people we knew and pretended to be friends with. Both of us got into our first "serious" relationships in high school and both of us almost ended our friendship with those embarrassing tales. As with most people, our first "loves" consume every part of our waking moments, and I was no exception to that. I truly do apologize for how I acted when I met that fool, I put all my eggs in his basket and regretted it for a long time. As life goes people never realize they're making a mistake until it's past and for some, the mistake itself is enough to learn from and you move on. For you however, best friend of mine, you keep repeating this mistake and it has cost you your only friend.

When you turned 18 you moved out of your mothers house and in with your brother. I had made it through the hardest part of my trade school and so we partied every weekend all weekend. This time in our lives was supposed to be carefree and full of doing nothing together while we figure out what we're going to do with the rest of our lives. But you got a boyfriend. At first it was okay, I didn't mind being a third wheel because when me and you were together your boyfriend was more like the third wheel. But there's always a but. Slowly you began spending all your time with him. Slowly you began ditching me and cancelling our plans for no reason. I take that back, there was a reason, it was that you were doing everything with your new boy. You lived on your own, didn't work for an entire summer and we didn't hangout but one time. Here it is I'm bringing it up for the thousandth time because this story really sets the theme for the remainder of our years together. Picture it, middle of summer, I had no car and no life. You called me one Saturday asking me if I wanted to go to the mall, I asked when you could pick me up and we agreed to be ready in about an hour. I've always been faster at getting ready and you've always been late so I gave you a little over an hour and I called you. You said you were on your way. Another hour goes by, and another, and another. I stood in front of my living room window watching for your car to pull into my driveway, called you at least three times and you just ignored me. Late in the afternoon you finally called me back and informed me that you had already gone to the mall with your boyfriend. No apology. No remorse. That was when I realized I couldn't count on you anymore.

Even though you insist I am a selfish bitch, I believe myself to be a forgiving person. I think anyone who was treated like shit by their best friend over a guy would just write them off but not me! Not yet anyways. So when your relationship took a turn for the worse I was there for you. That fucking asshole cheated on you, you didn't deserve it, none of what he did to you. But I hate you for not listening to me, not letting me help you, for going from a strong independent woman to the weak little victim you turned yourself into. Less than a year into that wretched relationship you got video proof from the girl he cheated on you with, I remember you balling your eyes out in your kitchen, I remember you going to his work and telling him it was over, and I also remember you staying with him for three years after that. I don't need to go over the gory details of how fucked up that relationship was because you know. What I do need to go over is how it affected you and I. Because of the shitty relationship you kept yourself in you became jealous of the one I was just getting into. 6 months into my new relationship you went around taking a poll of sorts asking our boyfriends friends if they thought me and my boyfriend would last then proceeded to say you didn't think we would. You don't know that I know this, I never confronted you about it because it didn't matter what the fuck you thought. Still, why would you do that?

The next two years were filled with hate towards each other. We hung out a lot more once your relationship turned south but you took that as an opportunity to chisel away the love I once had for you. These were just a few of the things said about me in those two years "She won't make it on her own" "She's a bitch" "She's in love with me and jealous I'm in a relationship" "She's selfish" "She spends all her boyfriends money". There were so many awful, jaw dropping things I heard from the grapevine that originated in your mouth. I excused most of it, and have forgotten most details, but I remember it was a constant stream of people telling me the things my best friend thought of me.

It finally happened, you cut the ties you had with your piece of shit and began to move on. You seemed happier, started to gain your independence, and actually apologized to me for the disgusting things you did to me. The apology didn't matter though, I got it and appreciated it, but I wanted my best friend back, not a handful of words that could or could not be genuine. The cracks were still there, and they were too deep, I couldn't fully forgive you yet. I thought they could be mended with a little time and a little effort. They might have, but you got a boyfriend.

This new guy seems nice, he seems to treat you well enough, and you seem happy. But I wouldn't know first hand because once again I have been thrown to the back burner. I saw you one time this last summer, and it wasn't because we made plans. You blamed me for the fact that we never saw each other over and over again. You planted the seed in my head and I thought maybe you were right, I wasn't trying hard enough to mend our friendship so I made more of an effort, I dropped by your house once a week and called a little more. Then, like the scientist I am, conducted an experiment. I stopped making the extra effort and things went back to normal and we didn't see one another after that. Sure, by me putting in a little effort we could hangout like best friends should, but I'm not the one who needs redemption here.

When I had my oral surgery you got irritated that you had to come to my house to drop off flea meds to my dogs, in fact you made me walk to your car and get them all the while I'm doped up on pain meds, my mouth is still bleeding, and my face was still swelling. You didn't stop by my house to check on my recovery one time. Earlier that year I went to your house the day you got your wisdom teeth pulled. You wanted to go to Vegas for your birthday in a few months, and you decided to go on a Mexican cruise with your boyfriend and his friends without extending an invitation my way, without even informing me we weren't going to Vegas anymore. Earlier that year we had a Vegas trip planned with some of our friends, but everyone backed out a month before, so I figured I'd give you the option of either still going to Vegas or you, my boyfriend, and I could go on a California road trip like you've always talked about. We went on the road trip. We had plans to go to our local bar a couple days before your birthday but you said you weren't feeling well so I stopped by your house and we hung out for a few hours. Two days later you went out with your boyfriend and his friends, you never got sick. The two Saturdays following the return of your cruise you declined plans I tried to make. You showed up an hour and a half late to my tiny birthday celebration because at the last minute you had to house sit. Before I went on a road trip you said you were going to bring over your new puppy, but you just didn't. You had talked about going to Seattle in a few weeks for some bullshit your boyfriend was dragging you to. My fiancé lived in Seattle so we talked about going up there together, we could drive up there do a few things together, I could hangout with my fiancé while you do your girlfriend duties of pretending to be interested in what your boyfriend is interested in. You were going to get back to me about the dates. Low and behold you went without any word to me about dates. All of this has had me thinking about kicking you out of my wedding for six months. I've even looked up stories of girls who have had a close experience to me. I've wanted to talk to you about it for at least four months, but you head is up your boyfriends ass and I haven't fucking seen you. I got back from my road trip and you had asked if you could come over around 4 o'clock in the afternoon, I said yes, but I wasn't holding my breath. As I predicted you didn't show up, you waited until 7 o'clock to even get in touch with me, and asked if I wanted to go to the bar with you. Of course I said no. And I've heard nothing. Radio silence. That is the straw that broke the camels back. I should've seen it coming, but I thought you learned from your first mistake.

As for the comments you've made about my wedding day... When I first told you I wanted all the bridesmaids to be wearing nude flats you said "You really want to stand out don't you". Earth to best friend! It's MY wedding. Of course I want to fucking stand out I'm 5'1" and my shortest bridesmaids is 5'7". When I told you I didn't care what anyones dress looked like as long as they were all a specific color you said "That's so weird". I'm sorry, I thought I was being nice since you all have different body types and I want you all to be comfortable and maybe have a chance to wear said dress again. Whenever you get married you can do what you think is "normal" but until then alls you have to do is support me. One night you got drunk and said "I'm going to be the hottest one at your wedding". I thought that was my job? And when I brought up having my bachelorette party in Vegas you said "I want to stay in a house". Well why don't you ask me and the rest of my bridesmaids what we think? I've barely even planned anything and you've been a pain in my ass and have done nothing but criticize and made my wedding about you. That's not your job. As maid of honor you just need to keep me calm throughout the process and make sure I make it down the isle.

You've done a lot for me best friend, you made me strong, more confident, calmed my mind when I needed it. Our friendship wasn't always bad, in fact, in those early years it was a thing people wrote books about. I just can't take it anymore. I'm tired of fighting with you. I'm tired of seeing your oh so public snap stories of you going out with friends and quickly noticing I never got the invite. I'm tired of seeing the instagram pictures of you and your boyfriend because it is a friendly reminder that yet again you chose a guy over your best friend. Again. I have told you straight to your face that you're doing it. I've told you you're up your boyfriends ass, and we don't hang out, but you either deny it or shrug it off and I'm tired of that as well. So I'm going to take the initiative and finally shatter our fragile friendship. You've proven to me you don't need a best friend and in turn I realized I don't want you to be my best friend. When all you have left is your boyfriend and his friends with no personal identity of your own and you come to me asking for help, I will not respond. To make up for all the times you did the same for me. And please don't be surprised.

Sincerely, Your ex best friend.

#dearbestfriend exbestfriends

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