shadowside-thoughts

[shadowside-thoughts]

please make sure that wherever you’re at in life, you don’t treat it like a transitory period. don’t waste your college years wishing to already be graduated & have a job. don’t waste your single years wishing for someone to be in love with. if/when those things come, they will come in due time and they will be good. but there is nothing like looking back and feeling empty because you wasted literal years ignoring what you had because you were hoping for something better. while it’s important to better yourself and reach for your goals, don’t neglect the present because that’s where you are now and it’s your now that determines your future. 

#remember #self reminder

[shadowside-thoughts]

be healthily sensitive. tell them you're hurt when you're hurt. describe what hurt you. no silent treatment and passive aggressiveness. be honest. don't compromise your emotion. don't bottle it up. weigh the issue. understand and maybe, forgive.

#i did this actually and they never took me seriously #i'm tired now #this post is back in 2020 and i realized a similar thing in 2020 too #fr i'm done with them #i'm stuck in this bad corner

[shadowside-thoughts]

kahilakon na gud ko sa true lang

[shadowside-thoughts]

I think it's an unrecognized practice to allow yourself to outgrow and shed versions of yourself that were more socially successful than who you want or need to be now. Not every new chapter is bigger and bolder and hotter, I think that's a very modern social media "glow up" mindset and doesn't actually have any room for what real transformation looks like. Sometimes we change exactly as we need to and it's not what anyone else was hoping for and that's part of it being important and true.

#self reminder #remember

[shadowside-thoughts]

"Hobbies don't have to be shared"

unsa man angmga hobbies nako na di ko need i-share? maminaw og music. medyo ginashare diay nako na. dapat for the self lang jud.

[shadowside-thoughts]

#the anthropocene reviewed #remember #self reminder #do your own best

[shadowside-thoughts]

I don't got it anymore :<

as in wala na jud ni. simple na essay lang dili na gud nako maisip agad. naunsa naman ko oy. :< gusto sad ko mag-absent karon na iskoka na event.

[shadowside-thoughts]

Things that take time & many tries to get right:

learning to be a good friend/partner

healing from depression, failures or heartbreak

becoming amazing at an art or skill

overcoming anxiety, insecurities and low body image

overcoming the need to isolate yourself

changing self-hating thoughts to kinder ones

making a real connection with someone

overcoming self-defeating and self-sabotaging thoughts

learning how to study effectively

finding a sense of stability and calmness at your core

quitting habits or addictions

leaving people and behaviours that turn you into the worst version of yourself

getting used to healthier coping mechanisms & mindsets that feel fake

treating yourself like you truly care about yourself

becoming the person you always wanted to be

#self reminder #remember

[shadowside-thoughts]

who are you when you are not watching tv or movies? when you aren't playing video games or reading a book or fanfiction or listening to music or whatever other kind of media that you engage with? who are you when your mind isn't in another world or story, when you are forced to sit with yourself and the only experience you have is your own sensorial life? can you define yourself outside of what you consume? who is that person? do you like them? can you bear it? can you bear it?

#well that's the thing. I don't know and I'm not sure if I like myself out of that. but she can be improved.

[shadowside-thoughts]

I’m gonna be real honest with y’all, but like no intelligence is as important as emotional and interpersonal intelligence like I don’t care if you don’t know the difference between a softball and a volleyball but if you know how to treat people like basic human beings and understand others have complex feelings and how to approach that with kindness and genuine empathy then I fucking love you with my whole fucking heart the end

[shadowside-thoughts]

2nd yr 1st sem

"I don't want to study anymore."

what makes me not like school anymore? what are the things that make it uncomfortable?

my clothes

my posture

my hair

my english speaking skills when reporting

my attractiveness (lmao not necessary right but idk it's bothering me now i hate it)

#boogsh

[shadowside-thoughts]

I am thinking about my endangered scholarship, again.

#boogsh

[shadowside-thoughts]

When I was growing up, I had a horse. Stormy. She was my everything. My escape from this wicked, controlling Jehovah’s witness world I was trying to forge my own path through. She let me feel in control when nothing was in my control, I guess. Our relationship was special; it’s hard to explain. I wasn’t allowed to go many places but I always had to go to the stables to feed the horses at dusk so it was one place I was allowed to be on my own. It was like half a mile from my house. Sometimes I could stay late without my parents caring and we would go night riding out in this big field behind the stables. And we would always stop and look at the moon together. She would even lay down sometimes, which horses rarelyyyy do. Those were the best nights. Just the two of us under the biggest full moon. One of those nights is the last memory I have with her. After she passed away… I don’t know. In jehovah’s witness faith, animals don’t go anywhere. They just die. There’s no heaven or resurrection for animals. In my head, I just always told her that when she was gone, she was going straight to the moon, and I promised I’d always look up for her. I know horses don’t go to the moon when they die. I know she isn’t actually there. But it’s comforting. I feel in control when I look up there.

#ex jw #moon #stormy

[shadowside-thoughts]

Therapist: So are you religious or spiritual at all?

Me: Not really, I avoid religion because I grew up a Jehovah's Witness.

Therapist: *writes something down* That tells me a lot all ready.

#ex jw #this is really me fr #now I can't trust any religion because jw teaching kinda convinced me alreayd that none of them are true #i have huge distrust in almost all philosophies and ideas and whatevers #i seek guidance from the world but i can't trust the world

[shadowside-thoughts]

I do not have to engage in toxic positivity; that will only hurt me.

- user neuroticboyfriend

[shadowside-thoughts]

As an adult still living with their abusive parent, I often find that affirmations meant to empower me are unhelpful at best. They often feel like they're overstating the amount of agency I have as an adult; I've spent my entire life being abused. It's all I know and I have a lifetime of conditioning and nervous system damage to show for it.

All that doesn't just go away now that I'm older than 18, and neither do the material circumstances that keep me here. Even though I have more legal rights and have grown since I was younger, I am still not in control by the very nature of being the victim in an abusive relationship. So, for those who relate, here are some affirmations that might hit different:

My abuser does not have my best interests in mind, even if they think they do.

I am my own person; my mind and body belong to me.

My feelings are justified, and I deserve to feel and express them.

I am doing what I need to survive, and that is all I need to do.

I am doing my best given the knowledge, resources, and support I have.

I am the only person who can decide what is best for me.

My situation is unfair and wrong. I deserve to be happy and safe.

I do not have to engage in toxic positivity; that will only hurt me.

As long as I am alive, there is something good in this life for me - no matter how small.

I have inherent rights just because I exist.

I shouldn't have to deal with this on my own; I deserve support and protection.

Everything I need is something I deserve. Everything I deserve is something I need.

If any of these don't resonate, feel free to discard them. Everyone finds comfort and empowerment differently.

#self reminder #thanks I really need this

[shadowside-thoughts]

A very recent bubbline drawing that I like