shadowjtrev

[shadowjtrev]

A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness.

Robert Frost

[shadowjtrev]

The way our fingers intertwine feels so natural and right; as if our hands hold memories of meeting in a thousand other lifetimes.

— John Mark Green

[shadowjtrev]

a little self love for the day, I am far from perfect, but somedays I am so proud of my body and the things that it can accomplish

#personal

[shadowjtrev]

"understand that you have always done the best you could with your knowledge at the time, don't be too hard on yourself, life doesn't have a rule book"

if I could tell little shadow this, I think it would've helped him a lot in life. cuz even as a kid I always beat myself up for not doing the right thing, or the smart thing, but what's important is that I always learned from my mistakes, big or small.

#personal

[shadowjtrev]

#spotify #music

[shadowjtrev]

I have been writing a lot this week haven't i.. don't mind me, I just don't have anyone to really talk to, all I ever do is work and the one person there that I really could talk to and just distracted me from my own mind doesn't even talk to me or look at me because of some of the things higher ups have complained about and other little rumors spread by co-workers.

but it's moments like those where I realize that I'm just a co-worker in their eyes, and not really a friend, they only ever talked to me or hung out with me out of convenience rather than wanting to cuz as you'd see they've already replaced me with someone else thats more convenient to talk to.. idk, I can ramble on and on about this, but I don't want to, it kinda hurts to talk about it, a little triggering too I guess on a small scale, just the whole situation. so I just stay roaming up and down my department or roam the store looking for customers.

I think to me it hurts that someone you consider a friend, can look or talk to you like if they don't even know you. and I think how I feel is just a product of trauma and some of my top fears being produced by this situation.

#personal

[shadowjtrev]

[shadowjtrev]

eamonsfilm

[shadowjtrev]

Bernd Webler

#art

[shadowjtrev]

horror_xram

[shadowjtrev]

[shadowjtrev]

Sunshine and leaves~

[shadowjtrev]

it's always those late night car rides home, maybe it's because it's the end of the day snd I'm exhausted so all my barriers are down, I'm vulnerable, the streets are empty, and my mind just wanders and wanders as the music guides it..

there was so many thoughts, moments, and memories just running in my head. but at the end of all of them, all I really wanted to do was to just get taken back to 2 years ago.. late evening drives, with one destination in my mind, and one woman in mind.. Whether it was kissing her, holding her hand, hugging her, or just talking, I absolutely couldnt wait to be by her side. she was someone that just made every season of the year have meaning, it excited me to no end.. and it's moments like that where I can't help but miss her, especially our car rides, just the evening or night breeze flowing into the car, listening to music, hand in hand, our little chats here and there, it was so simple but I loved it..

I got home though, safe and sound, I collected myself, washed my face, stuck to my work out routine, showered, and had a snack while I watched some of my favorite youtubers.. I need to remember that it's important to always take care of yourself, no matter how you feel, and little by little I reach my goals. unfortunately I have 6 day work week ahead of me and I am absolutely not looking forward to it, but I got this..

#personal

[shadowjtrev]

song of the day apparently, can't tell you how many times it popped up

Ask me why my heart's inside my throat

I've never been in love, I've been alone

Feel like I've been living life asleep

Love so strong it makes me feel so weak

Are you lonely? (Are you lonely?)

Our fingers dancing when they meet

You seem so lonely (are you lonely?)

I'll be the only dream you seek

So if you're lonely, no need to show me

If you're lonely, come be lonely with me

Lonely (are you lonely?)

Passion is crashing as we speak

You seem so lonely (are you lonely?)

You're the ground my feet won't reach

So if you're lonely, darling you're glowing

If you're lonely, come be lonely with me

Underneath the pale moonlight

Dreaming of a circus life

Carousels and Ferris heights

I'll be yours if you'll be mine

'Cause I'm lonely, I'm so lonely

If you hold me, I'll be your only

Are you lonely? (Are you lonely?)

Our fingers dancing when they meet

You seem so lonely (are you lonely?)

I'll be the only dream you seek

So if you're lonely, no need to show me

If you're lonely, come be lonely with me

Are you lonely?

Passion is crashing as we speak

You seem so lonely

You're the ground my feet won't reach

So if you're lonely

Darling, you're glowing

If you're lonely, come be lonely with me

#music

[shadowjtrev]

I would love to just know you again.

[shadowjtrev]

I think that's what it is, my whole life I have always done for others, I was always serving someone, I did as I was told especially when I ventured off and I was always worried of disappointing the people around me.

every little thing I did til now was always for someone else, even if it was directly towards them or just in the thought of them. but now, every little thing, every decision, all of it, I do for me, I am no longer bound to those around me, to my family, anyone.. just me..

and I've been finding it so strange, it's been nearly a year and I still haven't gotten used to it. I know im doing much better though, doing for myself, even if it comes down to just buying myself something I really like, I'm still being responsible for my own happiness, and measuring my own happiness but what I do for myself and not for others.

just like right now, my brain is just firing in all directions that I need to be getting dressed and heading out and to do my normal routine before work, but sometimes I need to remind myself that it's okay to just lay here, to just relax.

the other day was different because well, I felt very depressed, and I knew I was on the edge of just spending an entire day in bed if I didn't move. but right now, I need to remind myself that it's okay to stay in bed a little while longer to just collect myself before work.

I do feel.. incredibly empty though and it's been that way for awhile now, everytime I wake up..

#personal

[shadowjtrev]