schlongus-journey

[schlongus-journey]

still not able to cum

Do you have sensation though? Even though ur not able to climax

I get a sharp and unpleasant sensation at the base where my clit used to be when my penis is stimulated.

I know that ppl with the same surgeon have not had this problem.

[schlongus-journey]

Do you have sensation though? Even though ur not able to climax

I get a sharp and unpleasant sensation at the base where my clit used to be when my penis is stimulated.

I know that ppl with the same surgeon have not had this problem.

#phalloplasty #phallo #nonbinary #transgender #bottom surgery #Nsfw

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I haven't been able to cum since before surgery and I'm really upset about that. From what I can tell, most ppl with phallos don't have this issue.

F

#phalloplasty #phallo #nonbinary #transgender #bottom surgery #nsfw

[schlongus-journey]

recovering well! i had my last post-op yesterday. they said i’m healing perfectly. the next thing up is glansplasty in 3 months, and they’re gonna schedule a pre-op for a month before (so 2 months from now). it will be a separate surgery but should be covered.

i can sleep on my side now

i can walk around the house entirely without a cane and even dance around a little bit (by that i mean, move my weight from foot to foot in time to a beat)

i can go down the stairs very slowly the “normal way” ie one foot after the other down each stair, instead of moving my good foot to one stair, bringing my bad foot to the same stair, then moving my good foot to the next stair. i still need my cane for this because it’s stiff but i’m getting better

i’ve gone out multiple times to the city, to the library, etc. i need the cane for energy (my surgeon does not want me using it in 2 months though, which i think i can manage).

post-op depression is pretty much gone (seasonal depression very much here though)

bought some lion’s mane supplements to hopefully help with phallus nerve growth? we’ll see!

the big scab on my graft site is gone, there’s just some scabs from the blisters that appeared when i tried to put an oil emulsion pad on the graft site -_- but otherwise it’s lightening up and becoming a bit less itchy

donor site looks amazing frankly and way less like ham. there’s no open bleedy spots at all anymore and the skin is pink and tough. surgeon said i could put normal lotion on it instead of aquafor, but definitely emphasized that i should put lotion on both it and the graft site.

wrapping my schlongus with coban nowadays. the underside is like 97% healed, and everything else including all stitches along the “seams” and base are healed up.

i got some actual men’s pants made for schlongs and they fit really nice. i may wear these out until they’re threadbare tbh. they were $50 though, they’d better be able to handle it. i also need underwear with an actual pouch...

my husband and i have continued to have piv sex and nothing has gone horribly wrong. yay!

#phallo #phalloplasty #transgender #trans joy #transgender surgery #nonbinary #bottom surgery

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thing i could not have predicted

tmi, body fluids

something i’ve noticed recently is that my urine stream is angled more forward than before, like before phallo it would just go downward at like a idk 10 degree angle from straight down, but now it’s more like a 60 degree angle and i have to sit farther back or tilt my pelvis back to make sure it doesn’t like...splatter...

i was wondering why this was because the swelling from surgery has pretty much gone down around my junk area, but then i realized:

i got clitoral burial without urethral lengthening

my clit is not near my urethra anymore

for my entire life, my clit was apparently blocking the angle of my piss stream so it wouldn’t just spray around willy-nilly

and now it’s not!

#phalloplasty #phallo #nonbinary #trans surgery #transgender #aw man i don't want to have to tag this pee #uhhh ask to tag #hehe willy

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i think the penile transplant is an interesting possibility and i’m happy to see its future development & practice. at the same time, the fictional One True Penis (penile transplant) as something that will address Every Single Qualm people have with bottom surgery options (and dare i say penile construction in general, even penises in their entirety) is predicated on a lot of incoherent rhetoric.

let’s break it down, what is generally understood that the penile transplant will “fix” is the following - aesthetic, erectile capabilities, ejaculatory capabilities, & reproductive capabilities, and surgical recovery

regarding aesthetic, there’s a lot of deliberate muddiness surrounding what this means In Practice. the desire for a “cis looking penis” is fundamentally understandable; no one wants the spotlight suddenly turned on them metal gear solid ! “enemy spotted” style. but what it means to have a “passing” penis varies so much with the situation. What does it mean to have a “passing” penis while fully clothed, while in underwear/swimwear, while having sex with a stranger, while having sex with a potential partner, while sending dick pics, while undergoing Penis Inspection Day. the aesthetic “need” is not static.

but then again aesthetics could refer to size & shape. people fundamentally want to feel comfortable in their bodies. conceptually, one could specify the exact size shape capabilities of the transplant penis that would make one “comfortable” & post surgery it would be so. by contrast, what is outside of those specifications is “uncomfortable”. however, i’d like to posit that many cis men (using cis men as the basis of this rhetoric, not to imply penis = cis man, untrue) are then living in “uncomfortable” bodies. and to that point, ~50% of cis men struggle with genital-based anxieties. is it big/long/etc enough? additionally, how are the boundaries of “comfortable” penile aesthetic created? can it be uncoupled from societal expectations & social messaging that designate a “Good Penis” from a “Bad Penis” (or Body in general? this is oversimplified of course, because the boundaries of a “Good/Bad Penis” are co-created with race, gender (non)conformity, masculinity, gay male sexuality, sex, and other factors. but suffice to say, due to social messaging, many men struggle with seeing their own penises as “enough” when the expectations of “Good Body” are wrapped up in often uncontrollable factors like penile size, shape, color, and function. in that case, would any man struggling with this anxiety (via dysphoria or otherwise) benefit from penile transplant surgery? perhaps. but that doesn’t make it a mora Bad or Good. rather, im posing the question of what makes one penis inherently more “comfortable” than another, to what extent that is flexible. to what extent does The Penile Transplant (in all its nebulousness) inherently guarantee the aesthetic requirements of the patient?

i’ll probably revisit this because i’m lethargic from surgery recovery, but i will say leaning into the natural human variety of experience, in this case Penis Experience, is really phascinating as someone who is post-phalloplasty.

[schlongus-journey]

Hows it going? Still alive?

Still alive! Happy new year!

Quick updates before I go to sleep:

The openings are like 80% healed over now, yay!

I can walk around decently around the house without a cane, though I still need it for stairs

My donor leg can be at a 90° angle without aching after 20 minutes (I can sit at tables now) and my doc told me to stretch it more

Picked out my remaining stitches like a DUMMY but doc said they're not infected, just don't pick more

Absentmindedly scratched further at my graft site like a DUMMY which I'm sad about because it had been healing really beautifully but now there's some bleedy spots. It's so itchy again and it's maddening. Every so often I'll jolt awake in the night realizing I was scratching at it.

Went to a fun party tonight in another city! It's the most social, out, and active I've been in months. I might sleep through all of new year's day.

Also me and J fucked piv (his p, my v) for the first time since the surgery when we got home which...my surgeon had advised to wait 3 months, it has been 1.5. Oops. It was fine though (at least at the time?? fingers crossed no complications happen due to it). It was very good and very missed.

#phalloplasty #phallo #nonbinary #transgender #bottom surgery #gender affirming surgery #just trans things #Sex

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I had another post-op this past Wednesday. Luckily it wasn't a disaster to have had my leg uncovered and the surgeon (Dr. Viviano, who did my graft) actually recommended I keep it and the other wounds uncovered to try and dry out the rash. He also took every other non-dissolving stitch out from the penis base which was not fun at all.

The rash has been looking a little better, though it's turned purpleish for some reason? The penis base openings are also apparently healing (according to the doc at least) though it's hard to tell (one of them has scabbed but the underside still is bleeding a bit). Graft site I thought was just discolored normal skin but it's unfortunately way thinner and fresher than I had fully processed...I scratched it idly a bit which was a bad idea and led to some blood. Not too much though. And the donor site has dried out due to keeping it uncovered, which worried me so I just slathered more aquafor on.

I'm able to walk around-ish without a cane, though I still use it for balance and energy-saving. I went on an outing to the store, even. It's not uncomfortable to let my penis hang without propping or holding it at this point, depending on the position. It feels like a little miracle how much has changed in a month and a half.

Merry Christmas Eve and/or 7th night of Hannukah for those who celebrate, btw. It's cold out and I can't wait to go out until next year.

#phalloplasty #phallo #nonbinary #transgender #bottom surgery #gender affirming surgery

[schlongus-journey]

Wish me luck...

While my donor site has been healing well, the skin around it has been looking angrier and angrier and I don't know why. I've put lotion on and it doesn't seem to help. I thought maybe I was allergic to the aquafor, oil emulsion, or abd pads, but it doesn't really add up as far as I can tell? The most I can figure is my skin doesn't like being wrapped up constantly in a moist environment.

I'm going to just keep the leg out and uncovered/undressed tonight, I hope it's not a mistake...

[schlongus-journey]

Week 5

Healing's been going well except for the pernicious open part at the underside of my phallus. I just bought medihoney and applied it today, hopefully that will have more of an effect?

Phallus is shrinking as swelling goes down from the Coban wrap. It's about 6.75 inches in girth and 5ish inches in length while sitting (6" while standing and it's stretched due to gravity). It's less uncomfortable to walk around without holding it, but not entirely.

Yesterday I walked to the corner store to get food which was exciting (though J had to drive me back). I've been having a higher pain day today on the donor leg because of that, unfortunately, but it was still cool to be able to do it! The donor site pain is a dull ache with very rare nerve sparks. I still need to keep it propped up horizontally most of the time as having it down at a 90° sitting angle really aches. I slather it in aquafor every day and the lattice structure is looking shallower (thus less unnerving) with each dressing change, as the skin grows underneath. It's also changing from the raw red color to a purpleish.

Graft site is healing fine, the pain and burning are gone replaced by a maddening itch. I peeled off all of the yellow scabbish tape today (which was slowly coming off naturally), some of it a bit prematurely I think, but not ridiculously early. The parts that weren't necessarily ready to be exposed are stinging more now :( oops. The skin looks splotchy pink, again like a sunburn of sorts, and has some scant flakes of dead skin, but otherwise has no difference in appearance than the rest of my normal skin.

My cane is less necessary for walking around the house, but still very needed for stairs. It's good for balance and saving energy on longer walks.

And for all the suffering I've gone through, it's nice to have something between my legs. That feels right.

#phalloplasty #phallo #nonbinary #transgender #bottom surgery #gender affirming surgery

[schlongus-journey]

Monthiversary

It's been a month, and to celebrate, I took my first shower since the night before surgery.

Technically I was cleared to shower in the interim between my drains being taken out and the graft surgery, but I was too leery of doing so with the wound vac on. You're supposed to disconnect it and trust that the waterproof tape covering the area will stay sealed, but I didn't want to do either of those things. So it was just wiping myself down with bath wipes occasionally and using dry shampoo. Needless to say, I've felt disgusting.

Now that the wound vac is off and the graft is air drying, I've been once again cleared for showering, with instructions to take off my dressings (except for the yellow scab stuff on the graft site), let the soapy water run down my legs (as opposed to washing the sites directly), and pat dry when done.

In the shower I laughed a few times and sighed from relief. Absolutely surreal to feel clean water on me for the first time in a literal month. I brought my cane into the shower, but because of how the shower was built, I didn't need the cane too much and could lean on the walls if needed.

Afterward I lotioned the other parts of my very dry skin while J changed the sheets. I changed my clothes and even managed to clip my toenails - with great difficulty for the right leg, which still only bends about 40 degrees, but I still did it.

My left leg actually looks and feels a lot better after the shower, with a lot of the blood under the yellow bandage washing away and it now having 90% of its mobility and strength back. The skin still feels tight and burning if I stretch my leg wrong, but in the way that it might if I tanned too long at the beach and got a mild sunburn.

My right leg continues to look gross, but already a bit better than yesterday when they took the vac off. I slathered a thick, thick coat of aquafor on it, the oil emulsion pads, three abd pads, and the thigh brace (which is way easier than the ace wrap!) It aches when I walk, but that stiff ache like I pulled a muscle exercising. I feel like I should try to bend it more than 40 degrees? But then it *hurts* and doesn't seem to get any more flexible, so I haven't really pushed it too hard.

#phallo #phalloplasty #gonna try new tags lol #trans joy #gender affirming surgery #I'm not transmasc but this is a transmasc surgery #Transmasc #transmasc stuff #Cw medical

[schlongus-journey]

Day 29

The wound vac is off and the donor site's new skin has been revealed now. Finally, no more farting from Mrs. Toots (the vac).

The skin looks...unnerving. It's definitely skin, but indented into a tight lattice structure, not organic in the slightest. Apparently that's the pattern that comes out of "the machine they put the graft skin through"?? 😬 It's also spotted with blood. Still, the doctors and nurses as soon as they glanced at it said "Perfect!" The lattice should go away over time as new skin rises through.

They took staples out of the area around the graft, which was mostly only psychically painful rather than physically since the nerve is gone (there were two sharp pulls near the top of the leg, but that's it). Then they wrapped it with Aquafor-covered oil emulsion pads, ABD pads, and an ace wrap. I'll have to do this daily.

As well, they put silver nitrate on my two open wounds around the base because there was granulation...stuff? that they wanted to break up and cauterize.

Aaand now my left leg is once again the strong leg because despite the burning, it's more flexible. The right leg feels achey and stiff as if I pulled a muscle exercising too hard. But the difference between the two is not so bad anymore.

#phalloplasty #nonbinary #phallo #transgender #bottom surgery #gender affirming surgery #trans surgery #cw graphic

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wow you had your surgery literally a day after mine!

I'm officially nearing 4 weeks post stage 1 phalloplasty and it's still hard to believe I've actually had this surgery. I'm most likely going to be posting some more in depth recounts of the early days after surgery but right now I'm still in the midst of healing. Right now my arm is proving to be the hardest to deal with but in due time things will get better.

I'm looking forward to being another month or two out because that's when life starts to return to normal

[schlongus-journey]

day 28

It’s almost been a month, I can’t believe it. I thought I’d have a bigger update today because I was supposed to have the post-op for my graft (and get my wound vac off forever), but that was postponed until tomorrow.

In the meantime, I got propping underwear from fundiesshop dot com yesterday, and they’re really cute and useful except i wish I had them weeks ago when I needed to prop my penis up the most?

The new stitches stopped hurting and the graft site only burns like 10%, or I guess a 2 on the pain scale, when reclining rather than 130% (pain scale 8??) like before. People have said that it stops being so agonizingly bad after 1-2 days, for me it was uh. Almost a week, but, y’know, sensitive baby pain tolerance. Walking hurts, burning about 20% (4-5 on the pain scale), but I am getting up to the pace I was before the graft surgery (as in, still slow and needing a cane, but not unbearably slow). Basically I just need to mentally adjust to the leg burning and then I can go at a slightly faster pace.

Still, various parts of the phallus base seem determined to open up and bleed at staggered intervals. The new stitches have stayed put, but there was an old hole on the underside that they couldn’t put stitches in on account of it being my vulva area (maybe too much plumbing down there?) and the skin has decided to widen and pull back to reveal a shallow bleedy surface, which is for whatever reason getting worse?? And some old stitches on the right-ish side have also pulled apart to reveal shallow open bleedy flesh (though a much much smaller and shallower hole).

It’s irritating. There is one spot on my penis that has healed perfectly and seamlessly, it is my favorite part, and I am sad that the other parts can’t be more like it. C’mon, shape up skin.

#Phalloplasty #phallo #trans #nonbinary #gender affirming surgery #bottom surgery #cw graphic

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Graft bandages off

I've been getting a modicum more mobile on my graft leg in the past day or so, able to struggle to the bathroom independently, but today I had to take my graft bandages off as instructed and holy bejeezus. Probably back to being immobile again for a bit.

I peeled the ace wrap off (not so bad), the abd pads (a little worse, but not horrid), and finally the oil emulsion pads (horrid). the yellow scab-like layer kept wanting to peel off so I put on gloves and gingerly held it down.

The whole area is bloody, but a coagulated, jelly-like blood. I tried patting it down with a gauze to soak up the streaks and pools, but it came up mostly dry. Very weird!

The doc told me to let it air out. Stings like crazy unless I lay perfectly still.

I'm cleared to take ibuprofen (you have to wait 48 hrs after surgery because it's a blood thinner); that + the norco they prescribed are actually helping unlike the percocet (which I cancelled all other prescriptions for).

Can't wait for this to dry out, but my friend is coming in a few hours, not sure how to hide it, lol.

#phalloplasty #nonbinary #phallo #transgender #bottom surgery #cw graphic

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How does your husband seem to be dealing with your journey?

He supports my gender and transition journey 100% and has been here every step of the way. Driving me to and from my appointments, dressing my wounds, dragging me out of bed to piss. I couldn't ask for a better partner and husband.

However- if you've ever done it- taking care of a whole other adult is very hard, especially when that other adult is in severe pain and in a bad state of mind. It's been very, very difficult for him to balance taking care of me and working his job to financially support both of us, not to mention any time he should have for himself.

I've been trying to be there for him as much as I can, but when neither of us have spoons for ourselves, it's hard to give spoons to each other.

We love each other though. That won't change. And it's not all misery. Sometimes he farts really loudly right as the wound vac rips a fart of its own, and declares it "stereo farting". That's pretty great.

#phalloplasty #nonbinary #phallo #transgender #bottom surgery

[schlongus-journey]

So the graft surgery along with the stitches on the base are an awful combo.

I don't know how people recover from this surgery alone. I need my husband to literally lift me out of bed to go to the bathroom (something I dread now) and lift me back in. Walking the short distance to the bathroom and back is agonizing, and makes me lightheaded and so faint that my ears can't hear properly.

Maybe I'm just a little baby, I dunno.

#phalloplasty #nonbinary #phallo #transgender #bottom surgery