scarlettgauthor

[scarlettgauthor]

Casually asks ‘who domesticated grain in your fantasy world?’ but while ripping her shirt off with a WWE stage and a roaring crowd just behind and slightly to the left. 

[scarlettgauthor]

[scarlettgauthor]

The point of fiction is actually to put that guy in a situation™️, and he might try to tell you the point is to then get him out of the situation, WRONG, second situation

[scarlettgauthor]

I don't know what tenth circle of hell my YouTube algorithm fell into, but I really wish it would stop showing me videos of 5 a.m. morning writing routines.

[scarlettgauthor]

You, a heroic paladin have successfully slain a fearsome dragon. But the dragon warns you that death is but a door, and dragons don’t die, they reincarnate. You paid it no mind….until your son was born with golden, slitted eyes.

[scarlettgauthor]

historical accuracy in fics is so funny to me. googling if they had grapefruit spoons in 1845 but also letting two men get married. fuck homophobia, tell me about cutlery.

[scarlettgauthor]

People tend to throw out the phrase "extremely specific kinks" as though that inherently implies something transgressive, but in my experience, the overwhelming majority of extremely specific kinks are so innocuous that you could see them in public and not even clock them. For every person who can only get off to having their nipples electrocuted, there are a dozen who are volcanically aroused by seeing their partner wearing one specific pair of socks.

[scarlettgauthor]

something really beautiful about finding some extremely taboo piece of erotica & recognizing that the author is like, a person with aesthetic tastes? like they put jokes in, they're horny but they have a story to tell, something something the indominable spirit of the artist

[scarlettgauthor]

Following horny people and opening tumblr in public is the path to true strength. Scrolling quickly through porn trains your [Warrior’s Reflexes], and calmly moving past it trains your [Warrior’s Resolve].

[scarlettgauthor]

i love living in western washington. i can literally just get on the ferry

[scarlettgauthor]

Yaaaaas 😍

[scarlettgauthor]

Listen. I do love weird looking monster cocks as much as the next guy, but I genuinely barely see any love for bizarre vagina biology on monsters. Whenever I see monster cunt it's always basically just human, and what's with that?

Hear me out. Here are some suggestions:

Insect monsters whose chitinous underbellies you have to rub and caress to get to their slits/gonopores.

Transmasc werewolves whose bottom growth is exagerrated while transformed, allowing for easy penetration. Knotted tdicks anyone?

Monsters who have claspers in their cunts to keep you locked inside of them while you cum.

Monsters whose wetness has an aphrodisiac quality, making it hard to think of anything but keeping your face and tongue buried inside of them to get more.

Reptile monsters with hemiclitori to make pleasure even more intense as you eat them out.

Monsters with vaginal canals they can restrict and shift around independently, allowing them to form fit themselves perfectly to your fingers or cock.

Robots with slits that vibrate as you grind against or fuck them.

Hyena monster women with pseudo-penises.

PUSSY TENTACLES!!

Idk man like monster cocks are neat but I need to eat out weird monster pussy okay?

[scarlettgauthor]

[scarlettgauthor]

characters cleaning blood off their partner's face is just PEAK romance actually. bonus points if it's someone else's blood

[scarlettgauthor]

the self care industry will sell you face masks and teas and whatnot so i'm here to remind you not to forget the most important self care activity which is masturbation

[scarlettgauthor]

The devastating difference between how much time it takes to write something vs how fast people read it lol

[scarlettgauthor]

newbie fic authors, shooting themselves in the foot: This fic is bad haha I suck at writing lol I am being mean to myself in the hopes that you will be nice to me but actually am dissuading anyone from even clicking on my fic because all I have done to advertise it is tell you why you shouldn't read it

me: I am King Big Dick of Fanfic Mountain and I have arrived in your fandom with the Express Intention of writing my Very Favorite Fics, which I will generously allow you to read. You're welcome.