sarayu-sunrays

[sarayu-sunrays]

I am just a girl.

[sarayu-sunrays]

I am the eldest daughter, which is to say that I am a sponge that absorbs all the trauma of the household. Life is spilt milk and I am a kitchen cloth burnt at the edges. I am falling apart at the corners, threads coming away, rips and ripples like I am torn and trembling in an ocean of nothingness. I am the eldest daughter, which is to say that I emphasize with everyone. The love of my life marries someone else, and I find myself hoping that he loves her the same. My brother wishes death upon me and I toss and turn in my sleep over the tears I saw in his eyes. Life is an accidental fire and I am water. I attempt to stop a tragedy I did not start, to go blindly into a catastrophe that I cannot halt. I am the eldest daughter, which is to say that I am silent in my needs. My father asks me what I'd like to eat and I say that I am not hungry. I will chew on my guilt and swallow my pride before I even think of asking for anything. I buy myself a sweet and nothing tastes as bitter as it. Life is a metaphor for debt and I am drowning in the desire to be as insignificant as possible. I demand nothing and nothing demands me.

[sarayu-sunrays]

Peace be upon the daughter who helped her parents grow up. Accepted their cold shoulder, excused their anger, pardoned their mistakes, taught them how to be human. Peace be upon the sister who paid the price of rebellion. Screaming to her fullest, shaking like a leaf but standing tall, never letting the dictatorship go without a fight, paving the path for her siblings to breathe easier. Peace be upon the first child of an immigrant father. Aching to find their own purpose in life, firm in their own beliefs, contradicting generations and generations of cultural values. Peace be upon the girl who shouldered her mother's trauma. Swindled it into her own, morphed herself into an image of the womb she once resided in, immersed herself into troubles that weren't even hers, covered up scars that she couldn't even recognize. Peace be upon the woman who forgot who she was. So determined to be the savior of everyone, to fix her family, to nurture and love everyone around her. So deeply lost that she forgot she's just as worthy of love. Peace be upon you.

[sarayu-sunrays]

a canon event for every oldest daughter is being told “you would be a good lawyer”

[sarayu-sunrays]

nothing to ask, just loved your intro :)

wow hi anon, thank you so much! i really appreciate it :)) hope u can stick around! feel free to dm me if u wanna chat, i always have timw for my moots ,<3

#lovely anon #sweetest anons ever #sarayu answers anons

[sarayu-sunrays]

#poems #found poem #found poetry #quote poem #quote poetry #collected quotes #im back #well not really #but kind of

[sarayu-sunrays]

[sarayu-sunrays]

if this happens to yall then SIT DOW but if you cant heres some tips

DO NOT LOCK YOUR KNEES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Keep them knee joints BENT

Wiggle ur toes every now and then

DO NOT LEAN. STOP LEANING yOU wiLL FALL

do y'all ever feel like you're gonna pass out/vomit/start sobbing if you stand up for longer than 20 minutes (without breaks) cause I feel very pathetic

#go forth and conquer

[sarayu-sunrays]

@dancing-with-stars i know this isnt how this is meant to be done but i couldnt resist:

sparkleeee, mrow, light blue, and pink (im so sad we've never met irl)

all of u r wrong Actually so i made a new ask game!

#queen of the universe fr (vanu)

[sarayu-sunrays]

happiness is through a phone screen with you <3

having online friends is sooooo crazy because it starts by sending ridiculous memes and then one day it’s like omg. home is a person I’ve never physically met

[sarayu-sunrays]

hiiiiiii !!!

we haven’t talked in a while so i wanted to check up on u !!! sending u lots of love and happiness i hope ur doing okay !!!

here take this :

*ships boxes of love to u*

📦📦📦💛💙🖤💞💞💚💚💓🧡🧡🤍🤎❤️❤️💜💜💜💛💙💛🤎🧡🧡💜🧡💜💛💜

hii im sooooo sorry i havent been active at all recently!! thanks for checking in on me <3 ive got tons of exams and stuff going on rn, as well as that my family and i are traveling so i havent had much time to check Tumblr :(( sorry again! ill check and reply 2 ur messages asap

#fav mutuals #queen of the universe fr (vanu)

[sarayu-sunrays]

If you receive this, you make somebody happy! Go on anon and send this to 10 of your followers who make you happy or somebody you think needs cheering up. If you get one back, even better ✨

djdhsjsjdha thanks anon omg

#sweetest anons ever

[sarayu-sunrays]

rb and put in the tags your username without using the middle row of the keyboard

#ryu-unry

[sarayu-sunrays]

there is a trans boy at my school.

his name is from a gemstone.

he has long wild laughter and short choppy hair.

his cheeks have baby fat, apple red.

he is so young.

he is just a child.

he dyes his hair often - brown, black, blond.

he vapes.

he listens to k-pop.

he is so kind. .

he hangs out with the wrong sort of people.

they aren't cruel, not exactly, but they don't make the right choices.

he gets pulled out of classes.

he is so kind.

his parents don't know.

there is something fragile in his eyes.

i am scared of what goes on in his mind.

i am scared of the people that 'care' about him.

i say hi to him, every morning.

i wish i could show him that i love him.

he is loved. he is liked. he is cared for.

there is a trans boy in my class.

he is so kind.

for trans day of remembrance, im remembering corei williams. he died in october and while i never knew him, i talked to his mom a few times on twitter. she suffered relentless abuse after making a post to inform family and friends of his death and didnt expect her post to make any traction. i almost went out like corei did when i was his age and im lucky i didnt.

to every trans teenager: you are valuable, you are beautiful, and you are loved. dont let anyone take that from you.

#this isnt really a poem but this is about a real person

[sarayu-sunrays]

girls playing in courtyards, braiding grass.

boys playing in courtyards, running on grass.

both have bruised knees and patchy green stains.

women in white, flowery dresses.

men on motorcycles.

they are clay on the wheel, shaped into form.

seperate seperate seperate

light airy cream cannot mix with hard gray rock to make something even mildly digestible.

one or the other, it’s always one or the other.

what if i welded metal and played with gasoline?

what if i watched the grass burn?

what if i did it all while wearing a white, flowery dress?

[sarayu-sunrays]

[sarayu-sunrays]

@dancing-with-stars 🫵🏽🫵🏽🫵🏽

having someone you can talk about how your day went and them genuinely caring hits differently

#queen of the universe fr (vanu)