sansajonquil

[sansajonquil]

'this is what it means to swim in the tide,' mike says to me, as he sees me wandering the aisle at bunnings, i looking for a door stopper for my clanging balcony where i lived with my twin at her apartment. he sees how anxious i have been, singing a funny song about anxiety to me to alleviate my consciousness. 'to walk the earth, and feel it touch your feet.' he had been a shy boy at high school, screaming his pain in the streets. 'this is what it means to be alive.'

i hear michael say this, as i reminiscence about our hanging out at blacktown, we chatting about northcott. he thought i had suffered a lot, with experiencing alien invasion. the aliens were big, dripping slime, and had cavernous sharp teethed mouths, i wave 'hi' to him, as i see him while searching for door stopper in bunnings, he working near my university.

he was a prominent worker in this store, he wearing a red shirt and pants, with green apron. he recognises my drowning in unconsciousness, thoughts jumping like a mermaid, as he had experienced social anxiety, and feeling people hated him. he shows me some door stoppers hanging on silver hooks in the white dotted wall, as well as alkaline batteries. they also sold items like flower leis and hats for hawaiian vacations. 'thank you,' i say. 'did you see me drown in worry?' i ask, while knowing he did. he nods, after speaking about swimming in the tide. he was becoming more brave in speaking his pain, while also still suspicious of his surroundings. he remembered me when i had been last to his house for birthday, and i gave him a present of a stephen king book about a circus, at my start of university.

#personal

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             BOOK STARTERS VOL.56    CIRCE    MADELINE MILLER

❛ But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. ❜

❛ He showed me his scars, and in return he let me pretend that I had none. ❜

❛ Humbling women seems to me a chief pastime of poets. As if there can be no story unless we crawl and weep. ❜

❛ It is a common saying that women are delicate creatures, flowers, eggs, anything that may be crushed in a moment’s carelessness.  ❜

❛ If I had ever believed it, I no longer do. ❜

❛ I thought once that gods are the opposite of death, but I see now they are more dead than anything, for they are unchanging, and can hold nothing in their hands. ❜

❛ I cannot bear this world a moment longer. ❜

❛ I have a better idea. I will do as I please. ❜

❛ All my life has been murk and depths, but I am not a part of that dark water. I am a creature within it. ❜

❛ You cannot know how frightened gods are of pain. There is nothing more foreign to them, and so nothing they ache more deeply to see. ❜

❛ When we are young, we think ourselves the first to have each feeling in the world. ❜

❛ When I was born, the word for what I was did not exist. ❜

❛ But perhaps no parent can truly see their child. When we look we see only the mirror of our own faults. ❜

❛ I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. ❜

❛ This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what it means to be alive. ❜

❛ You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you. ❜

❛ Yet because I knew nothing, nothing was beneath me. ❜

❛ If now I am wise, it is only because I have been fool enough for a hundred lifetimes. ❜

❛ You can teach a viper to eat from your hands, but you cannot take away how much it likes to bite. ❜

❛ Give me the blade. Some things are worth spilling blood for. ❜

❛ I have been old and stern for so long, carved with regrets and years like a monolith. But that is only a shape I’ve been poured into. I do not have to keep it. ❜

❛ I wake sometimes in the dark terrified by my life’s precariousness, its thready breath. ❜

❛ Understanding the world is a matter of keeping very still and showing no emotions, leaving room for others to reveal themselves. ❜

❛ Beneath the smooth, familiar face of things is another that waits to tear the world in two. ❜

❛ The truth is, men make terrible pigs. ❜

❛ My father has never been able to imagine the world without himself in it. ❜

❛ This is the grief that makes our kind choose to be stones and trees rather than flesh. ❜

❛ Witches are not so delicate. ❜

❛ Those who fight against prophecy only draw it more tightly around their throats. ❜

❛ I learned that I could bend the world to my will, as a bow is bent for an arrow. I would have done that toil a thousand times to keep such power in my hands. ❜

#meme

[sansajonquil]

i am working on magic the gathering story package with amy. we are in the classroom in university, where we worked in. we went up the stairs to where it was. margot said, 'welcome back' to me, she recognising me from last semester class.

i thought andrew was very nice and cute, he and a friend were the only ones that were cool for us to interview, i tapping the shoulder of another gamer, and he said a little meanly, 'not now, i'm busy.'

they chatted to us a bit about what we were doing at university, she saying we are doing a story package for journalism.

#personal

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i am searching for jobs in northcott at the light brown table, typing on a laptop from the black trolley. i had been relieved to know i could spend another year here, as i was sad i only started to make friends this year, knowing them properly for a single year.

i had felt quite sad a few minutes before, when at lunchtime, i looked in the courtyard, and my friends had went to lunch without me. as lunch was nearing to an end, chris came by and said 'hi' to me, he noticing i was crying, and said concernedly if i was okay. i said 'yes.' we then talked a bit about league of legends. he says he liked katarina. then we went inside the sliding doors in the entrance to the room, i going to the bathroom and crying in the toilet, and then drying my tears.

he now says hi to me, as i type on a laptop with my usb plugged in, seeing what good bookstore jobs to apply for, as he wheels a trolley of books of where he was working at the small reference library here. he felt i was the only one he could really talk to now, he feeling people didn't like him anymore because of his breakup with his girlfriend and he suffering in turmoil. i hearing him shout in a meeting room where he was with a staff member.

#personal

[sansajonquil]

I’m still artblocked so here’s a pirate Rapunzel from my silly ROTBTD AU. Merida would probably outlaw corsets on board (except for drunken evenings when they all squeeze a passed-out Hiccup into one and tie him to the mast for a laugh).

#rapunzel on hms wayfarer ship.

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Rapunzel’s Flower by ~Mlle-Dreamer

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white-shirted, tatted boy you can find him in the kitchen trying to make conversation over little spinach lugging out the scraps of onion skins , banana peels , garlic shells , & dying flowers to the compost bin across the dark yards he holds a heart too heavy in the chest it bulges , like a half-sliced orange between a fist , sopping all sweet & wet he knows love too well , but it can't escape his lips it just sounds like the light coming on , a touch against a sleeping body , the pitter-pattering just outside the door , a love letter written with only a name & scrawled heart right now , all time is colliding memory & experience & destiny & he sits in bed against the february seeping through the windowpanes he's just trying to find his breath amidst the headlights , red , gold , & white shooting-starring down the same old highway he's a star , a sun , flaring ever so quietly warming his voice so he can sing love songs when the urge of love flushes against his neck , & there's nothing left in holding back

#r. quotes #indie fragile bird boy.

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some animation works i made recently! :D

instagram | shop | commission info

#; typewriter keyboard

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louis hofmann as jonas kahnwald in dark (2017 -2020)

#; jonas #watching this netflix show in english dub. #may watch in german too. #may write some german in writing drabbles. #as I understand dark more in watching. #I liked this actor in centre of my world. #X | a fragile strength in yellow coat

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#she is at the florist ; smelling the sunflowers in bloom. #it is a summer snow ; hot in temperature. #so she is wearing a purple and white street top. #fitting the bones of her ribcage. #the florist is at her university ; a store in the grey cement asphalt. #she eats lunch at the boilerhouse. #stepping in ; she sees an ominous metal asylum. #eating lunch of asian cuisine ; bok choy and shi-fern and noodles and rice. #with sweet and sour pork.

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will is drinking coffee, while at the table. he was a professor at a university, recently having given a lecture on his forensic work. he was quite tired, yet peaceful in his own way.

he lives with abigail hobbs, a girl who was okay now from he rescuing her from her father garrett - the infamous shrike in minnesota. he smiles in seeing her this morning, she taking a break from school, to do writing. he had said to her in the hospital, that may help with the nightmares.

he is wearing blue plaid shirt, a serene blue with white patching, as he sees her. "hello, abigail."

she smiles at seeing him, waving at him. she has draped on a purple cardigan and flower gif skirt, which works well on her. will was a good friend to her. she says, "hi" to him.

she had been in hannibal's house for a while, she says, while will is perusing a book. as he had been wondering where she was, he having seen her ear in the sink after nearly choking on it. she says that she and hannibal went hunting together.

he nods at hearing that.

he is wearing a green jumper, with woolliness in its texture, as he sits at the sofa - abigail sitting across from him. eponine, his dog is with him too. she is sleeping on the sofa, when abigail sat on her. apologising to eponine, she says to will she has never gone fishing before.

"it is quite peaceful," he says.

#personal

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#r. clary fray