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Hobie... Hobie Brown you're so cool!!!

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GYAAATT????????

thinking about this comic panel:]

#hobie brown #spider punk #hobie #atsv #hobie across the spiderverse #hobie spiderverse #spiderman #across the spiderverse #atsv hobie #hobie brown x reader

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hobie brown using a smartphone (part 1??)

imagine buying hobie the iphone 15 right—

i know he’d never use it but indulge me for a bit

like—

him trying to use facetime okay

and the camera’s off on his side

and he’s like “why can’t i see my face”

“hobie, hun, the camera is—“

“it’s called fuckin facetime and i can’t even see my face???”

he’s trying to send you pictures and the live camera thing is on

and all his pictures are blurry

and he’s lowkey getting pissed cuz he wants to get this cool pic of a slug for u and it’s not even taking a FUCKING picture correctly.

and you just have messages FULL of blurry and off shot pictures of a slug on a sidewalk lmao

THE FUCKING FACETIME FILTERS

he finally gets his camera on and ur messing with the filters

and he’s watching as ur face is suddenly a fucking shark head.

live reaction of hobie brown watching as he sees ur pretty face turn into a shark.

“what the fuck.”

#hobie brown #hobie spiderverse #spiderman #across the spiderverse #spider punk #atsv hobie #hobie brown x reader #sage’s yapping🫧 #atsv headcanons #earth 138

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from the river to the see.

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Hugging Hobie Brown for four hours straight would fix me. Hobie giving me a forehead smooch would fix me. I'm so sure of it. I'm gonna scream

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Hobie's 'Phone' -

Everytime a fic be like 'Hobie pulled out his phone' I hope y'all know I'm imagining this and not this cause there's no way in hell he'd have the one on the right and not the one on the left.

An iPhone 14 is 700 dollars and they guard them shits like nuclear bombs plus Siri is a little narc snitch and if he wanted to be backtalked and condescended to by a little sassy AI he'd ask Lyla and get it over with

'pulled his phone from his vest pocket' how!

his big ass hands can barely fit up in there!!

Y'all like 'he texted' I imagine him there either with a brick phone typing out on the number pad or with a busted ass bright pink Sidekick he found in a dumpster behind a Nando's chicken spot with a tamogachi attached to it and it looks like this

The first time Gwen tells him that her Siri listens for her voice the look Hobie have her was one of pure dread.

Cause NAH how are they okay with this??? HOW??

He's like 'When's it listening?'

She's like 'Only when the phones on.'

'When's the phone usually on?'

'All the time.'

Then Pavis like mine too, Auntie has Alexa also. Then even Miles is like yeah my phone does too all phones so that Hobie

And it dawns on Hobies they're all okay and fine and dandy with this cause they get to play Subway Surfers and show him TikToks edits that feel more like flashbangs than videos

He's like 'Can it call the cops?'

They're like '... Yes.'

So he just goes 'Gwendy, can I talk to your Siri for a second? *takes phone*...Oi, listen you little grass, rat, snitching cunt-'

They're like TAKE THE PHONE TAKE THE PHONE

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ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ★ spider-punk

like or reblog if you save.

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“Hobie would only listen to punk and hard rock music!!!”

Hobie after listening to To Pimp A Butterfly and DAMN by Kendrick Lamar:

#hobie brown #hobie spiderverse #spiderman #across the spiderverse #spider punk #atsv hobie #hobie brown x reader #sage’s yapping🫧 #atsv headcanons #earth 138

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reblog if you are ok with mass booping

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WHAT THE FUCK?????

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS PANEL IM—?

#hobie brown #hobie spiderverse #spiderman #across the spiderverse #spider punk #atsv hobie #hobie brown x reader #sage’s yapping🫧 #atsv headcanons #earth 138

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IM GONAN FUCKING SOB I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

@clowningaroundmars I love Hobie so much 😭

I get so sad when people write them like they're mean!!!!

The post these tags are from

#hobie brown #atsv #spiderpunk #gifs #gif #my post #hobie spiderverse #spiderman #across the spiderverse #spider punk #sage’s yapping🫧

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HC the only reason Miguel gave Hobie a watch in the first place is because he genuinely doesn't know what Punk is

Miguel most likely thinks Punk is just some really old Boomer style that Hobie is WAY too into.

Cause like let's be real, he's from 2099 - he probably can't tell a punk from a greaser from a grunge person from an emo. To Miguel

He probably looks at Hobie the way WE look at Noir.

He probably can't even understand Hobie.

Pop Quiz!! If you met someone from like 1915 RIGHT NOW would you know if they had electricity and phones and photos and radios yet? Were they still using telegraphs? Could women vote yet??

I don't know!!!!!! Couldn't tell ya!!!!!!

Now apply that to Hobie and Miguel

The thought of Hobie being able to reverse engineer his watch didn't even pass his mind cause Miguel's most likely like 'When are you from? 1978? I'm surprised you even know what a computer is. Did you all even have electricity then? Cars? Don't look at me like that - I'm a geneticist not a historian, Brown.'

All he knows is that in Hobies world cars don't fly and therefore he is Ancient and Old™️

We all see Noir as like an old geezer regardless of age but no one ever suggests that how Miguel sees Hobie vjhoohchvoh

Like Miguel completely disregarding Hobie cause he's like 'Hobie? That Boomer? Sure. His generation can't even send an email without downloading a virus. What the hell is he going to do? Put my calculations on a CD-ROM? A floppy-disc?? Lyla, be realistic.'

SO REAL. Cause let's be honest HOW ELSE IS HOBIES STORING ALL HIS DATA 😭😭 He has no SD cards!! Only these!! Floppy Disks!!!

Thousands upon thousands of these

Like what other explanation is there 😭😭 HUH??? Why else would Miguel disregard him so hard!!

Everytime Hobie talks instead of being like 'this snotnose kid-' Miguel's more like 'sure like imma take pointers on how to run a society from a fucking Boomer yeah right I saw what you all did to the economy'

Hobie probably be playing punk music and to Miguel it sounds like old show tunes coming out a vintage tin radio

Hobies music is so old it's 'classical' now 😔

Miguel has absolutely no idea what punk is and tbh???? He doesn't fucking care. Why? Cause that's some old people shit.

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when the headcanon’s are so true they nearly make you burst into tears. (i have no chance w him)

My Unpopular Hobie Brown Opinions (& Headcanons) - [Part 1/??????]

Excuse me excuse me i got some shit to say that needs to be said cause this just what i be thinking when i be thinking too hard cause i be doing that sometimes (photo is of me when i be thinking cause i be doing that)

_______________________________________________________

First of all - Hobie doesn't have a smart phone.

Those little fake text yall be making? Where Hobie has a blue bubble? Nah bro not happening.

You think Hobie Brown is walking around with Siri in his pocket?? Siri who listens in on you and responds to the things you're saying while storing your info?

He isn't.

And he's not on twitter either so you can put those fake tweets in the basket too

He's not scrolling on the bird app giving Elon Musk revenue and engagement

Hobie seem like the type to walk in your house and start bad mouthing your Alexa. Be in your kitchen like 'Hey Google, kill yourself'

He has never opened or witnessed Tiktok and he never will

AT MOST he has a burner flip phone like a plug. And even then you have to pray he buys minutes. Voicemail? FULL.

Hobie is not a player.

He's from the 70's - the strongest time for HARDCORE second-wave feminism. Like bra-burning. Plus he's in the punk scene. He knows better than to say some slick shit or pull anything

BUT if ya'll make it clear it's casual and you catch feelings.. damn that sucks for you

Also, Hobie Brown doesn't get jealous. Lets stop the cap right now.

Mans doesn't even believe in private property and you think he'd feel comfortable being possessive over his partner

ESPECIALLY if they're a woman?

And secondly what insecurities does he even have to make him jealous? Can YOU , right now ,even imagine a man that would make Hobie Brown insecure/jealous?

I'll wait.

Realistically speaking, if you're not punk he's not into you most likely.

You don't have to listen to the music or 'dress the part' he doesn't care about that i mean like politically if you aren't in the movement good luck

Like if you turn down going to protests, or organizing,

or you don't wanna do community service with him he's not gonna feel it.

And he'd most likely be into people educated and into thinks like communism, socialism, anarchism, etc. If you can't hold a conversation about the immoralism behind being a landlord, then yeah there might be some awkward silences

Also can't believe I have to say this but ACAB and I mean that.

If you fuck with cops, Hobie doesn't fuck with you. Unless they're your family and even then they're on thin fucking ice.

Hobie has one-on-one interacts with fascists cops on the regular. The actively know who Spider-man is and target him.

Of course he's gonna hate them, or vent about them. The same way his one good experience with Gwen doesnt make him like the Society, having one good theoretical experience with a cop wouldn't make Hobie not hate cops.

In addition, Hobie has canonically killed people and is willing to kill again any day of the week if he has to. He stays ready.

He's done it with his guitar and he'll probably do it again in the future

And if you're with him you'd genuinely have to be comfortable and okay with that.

What are you gonna do? Defend a fascist? Exactly

So if he comes home with blood on him that isn't his, how you react is on you-

He's still gonna sleep good as hell at night

Hobie isn't very romantic. Like at all.

He's not buying you flowers - that's a sexist trope. He's not taking you to the movies because fuck the studio execs. He's not celebrating Valentine's Day because it's literally made up and he'll only celebrate anniversaries if you REALLY want to

He probably isn't chivalrous at all because he doesn't think to be - it's outplayed. So he's not opening doors and pulling out chairs or nothing

I feel like he's the type that if you got mad about it he'd be genuinely surprised because it just doesn't occur to him to be romantic

He'd be like 'why the fuck do you need roses?? i mean i love you i can knick you some if u want??'

He'd probably feel like all that is superficial as hell, and show his love in other ways

like stressing that you text him when you get home or always asking if you've eaten

he'd be like 'had any scran' or 'you've eaten right?' and if you havent hed immediately turn and go looking for the nearest food to give you (food insecurity does that to you)

Oh and he is not getting married not even a hippie wedding

cause Hobies not buying a ring (gold mining causes suffering anyway) and he's not proposing and if his partner proposed I feel like he'd be shocked in a slightly uncomfortable way

I could absolutely see him being poly. Like either being in a thruple, but most likely just having multiple seperate partners who also have partners

i can see Hobie being a baby daddy. Not in the bad way. In the good way. But not in the Peter B. way.

Not elaborating on that last part it just is what it is

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okay ill leave this here before it gets long also no proofreading oop - but tell me what you think id love to hear your thoughts! What you agree with or disagree with and why :) im chill and nice and not a twitter person i promise lol

but also, I said what I said <3

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THEM LIL AH JEANS BE SERIOUS MY NIGGA

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this is so real man.

I'm so glad Hobie isn't real cuz if I knew him and I confessed my feelings and he rejected me...I would actually lose my goddamn mind and end it all

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@/upstreampodcast