sadmistergeek

[sadmistergeek]

Take it in

2023 has been cool so far. I have managed to get pretty good at my job and a restructured commission payout at work has me living a life I dreamed of. It is not where I want to ultimately be but it is something I am checking off my “bucket list”. I am proud of the fact that I have done it mostly without a mentor or guidance from family or friends that have done it before. We will see what the next few years hold but I am excited to see where it may go. For now, this year, I am just locked in on traveling and enjoying the fruits of my labor. I am also enjoying the presence of a duck that I found. I think this may become a life long ducky but as with everything else, just taking it a day at a time and enjoying each moment. People die everyday, you could be next up so live life like you want to today. I heard a saying, “tomorrow is a mystery and yesterday is history so all we can do is live for now” imma do that for this year..

6/25/23

#livinglife

[sadmistergeek]

hiatus is over

Niggga!!!!!!

Todays date is 11/7/21 

Life going 100000mph. 

My grandma made her transition 

I worked a shit hole job renting cars for a year and became an insurance agent for a bit and both those was trash. Finally doing some shit I can picture myself doing long term and my company actually fucks with people of color and openly. N

ot like the bullshit fake woke companies from the late George Floyd. I got a chick I been with for almost 2 years now but when I tell you this broad will test my patience. Sometimes I be wondering if I should be like the og who came to barber school when I was locked up talking bout all his trips with the boys with his wife at home but smashing side chicks all over but keeping his wife straight finally.. lol what more can they ask for. 

Idk.. fucking covid-19 literally changed the way the world functions, prices have gone up and people are affected by mass hysteria and tricked into doing shit they normally wouldn’t. 

Imma continue to skip the group think and think for myself but it’s getting pretty wild out here, not gonna lie. My day one broski is getting married in Hawaii with the bachelors trip and wedding in the coming months. Vegas and then Hawaii.. I used to dream about shit like this. I’m definitely FAR from rich but I’m def not having to whip the civic around the city making deliveries, thrifting, flipping phones, taking shifts at the baba and all the other shit to make ends meet. I can use pto and fuck off with the boys in Vegas.. I think at this point, I just wanna make sure my mom and dad are good and try to nurture my relationship the best I can from my end. Seems like it won’t last.

 But I’m not tripping, life goes on, as they say. Can stress on what isn’t meant for me. It’s hard to let go though, for a multitude of reasons I haven’t pulled the trigger on quitting for good.  I’m also thankful as fuck to be alive rip to all those lose during Covid it just in a daily basis. Every day we wake up is a gift and a blessing.. I be trying to be more giving/thankful/able to show/give gratitude when I can. 

My thoughts on this are so fucking random, sometimes i wonder if I have so undiagnosed mental illness from that but then again I smoke all day everyday legit, and can get ALOT of shit done. I just got promoted at my new job and have expectations within myself to perform and reach my next promotion within 6 months. We will see if that actually happened but I feel like if I continue to get better at it everyday and always be open to learning the potential is limitless. On some super random shit crypto’s and nfts are the wave and a lot of people will get left behind.. I actually need to do more research on nfts and start making moves bc they’re here to stay!!! 

 Travis Scott concert incident was contrived and evil in every sense. Demonic music and sacrifice most def. I am boycotting his music along with Drake. That shit is disgusting. We will see when I post on here again. I still appreciate my solitude and me time. That shit becomes a thing of the past when you move in with your significant other. Has many pros but that’s like the biggest neg for me.. Feel like my wings been clipped. I also needa read more books!!! Or audio books cos a mf be lazy af when it comes to books but either way. They used to say books would be taken away but these days, for me they be drowned out by useless info on social media *sigh.. millennial generation baby

[sadmistergeek]

Next Chapter

The time has finally come.. have done a post in a while.. but I also haven’t had free time in a minute. Took my last final of college yesterday and boyyyy did that shit feel nice. I looked back on my most recent post and that Shit couldn’t be any more accurate. I was onto something then and now, I feel no qualms about it. Upon distancing myself from a decent bit of folks I grew up with, whispers about me being “too good” for people or crazy after I moved out of my roommate situation with a manipulative fuck I grew up with and used to consider a brother. For me, I don’t want/need any drama.. just peace, love and happiness. If it doesn’t come with ease I’m not trying to keep the company around. No bridges being burnt but as many relationships have plateaued, I would prefer to leave them be and just work on what I have with those that mean a lot to me. They know who they are. I cannot believe this shit has finally arrived.. 2 years ago when I decided to go back to school after being back in Denver for a year, I was leery about my abilities and if I could actually get a business degree. Crazy what doubts and negativity can do, but on the flip side it’s quite remarkable what positivity and the power of it can do for you. Tunnel vision.. sticking to the mission when times get rough or speed bumps or whatever arise and you gotta adjust the plans on the fly and keep going. Working full-time to make ends meet without health insurance and living paycheck to paycheck was ass but that shit has taught me plenty resiliency, heart and fortitude.. lol weed was really the equalizer that got me through it all. Big shouts to a few friends who were truly with me along the entire way of this journey. When I think about my future, for the first time.. really ever, I feel excited and hopeful about the doors that i now have the ability to open.. but as this all comes full circle, everything isn’t all smiles. I may lose a childhood friend to brain cancer and he’s my age.. life never makes sense and idk that I can believe the sentiment “everything happens for a reason” .. God doesn’t make mistakes but this shit is hard to fathom.. I don’t know how to deal with such delicacy.. I have never quite lost anyone that close.. and don’t really know how to console him or his family. Just support in any way and pray.. but growing up, that kind of shit is something never considered.. it is crazy to think about.. like as kids we would talk about kids, marriage, houses, cars, etc. but never death. Never losing a homie to something that doesn’t make any sense. Living his life right, supporting the fam and grinding to provide and God strikes you with glioblastoma.. like what the fuck. But we will fight the fight til there is nothing left.. I know my boy is a warrior with the heart of a lion.. 3 surgeries in with a 4th tomorrow and all I could really think about is how precious life truly is as the homie is fighting endlessly to preserve his own. If nothing else. The situation taught me to go after whatever you covet in this life bc Gods plans will always supersede anything you have lined up.. each day I wake up, I feel blessed. I feel like I could do almost anything and the hardest part will always be starting. Getting over any hurdles of doubt, fear or laziness. Crazy as it seems, but when Nip died.. it like further exacerbated my urgency to get my shit together and do something in my life. To continue staying solid to who I am along the way, they’ll respect you more if ur true to who you are despite any differences in backgrounds or whatever the case my be.. haha another rant but things are coming together.. started an internship at enterprise back in October and it has been swell.. the social capital they carry em for their training programs is priceless. I applied with Charles Schwab and plan to do the same with Oracle. Fingers crossed and prayers up to finding wherever I’m supposed to be. Honestly still hope for something abroad, I just want to continue to explore while I have no responsibilities or anything keeping me anchored down. I’ll try to post more

[sadmistergeek]

Play on, playa

I think about the times when we would hoop at the rec, mac on the ladies at the rec, parties, the movies, swimming pools, classes together, etc with the kids I grew up with. Ain’t had no worries.. minimal egos.. where you were at each other’s throats over some sports but nothing more, nothing less. These days, it doesn’t feel like anything that it used to. The sentiment has changed.. Camaraderie is nice and we are social creatures who thrive on social interaction; however, how long can one go through the motions of life feeling superficially connected and be content? As a kid, it’s nice to feel love, even if you are unable to discern what is real vs fake, it is nice. You feel valued, you fit in, you feel accepted.. not a worry in the world.. but when you begin to grow into an adult and ur ways of thinking change, and you begin to search for purpose, meaning, fulfillment, one starts to become in tune with the energies that we all radiate amongst each other. At 26, I just want good energy, honest, genuine energy. As I get older and continue to strive for a better life and create a new identity, there are many who would rather I stay the same.. essentially plateau and be reliant upon them for moral support/happiness. I cannot find any validation from anybody but myself. I’ve experienced far too many times... people who don’t really care about you. On the surface, it is real but beneath it breeds manipulation, envy, resentment, wraith. The thought of entertaining such energy is repulsive and yet I find myself having to do so quite frequently.. it’s like many of us started off close but nowadays we ain’t brothers. Pride and society divided us.. I be thinking how did it come to this? But that is none of my business. If I gave a damn about why others act the way they act or feel the way they feel about me, I would not be where I am today(still a ways to go). This is not to say I don’t think about it and wonder why they feel how they feel.. This isn’t to say it’s a time of burning bridges, but rather building new ones and cultivating other existing ones that show promise. Life continues to pass us by, the older we get, the faster it seems to go.. I live with regret for many of the decisions I have made in my life and I know enough to know I still don’t know shit, nor have I experienced a whole lot like I think I have. There will be many more peaks and valleys.. but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I would rather have ups and downs chasing after what means the most to me (my independence, my goals, my dreams, being vulnerable enough to exchange experiences in life (good bad and ugly), unconditional love, genuine relationships) than playing it safe doing what I know how in a place that is familiar with people who can relate.. The thought of complacency... mediocrity... fitting in (as an adult) for me personally is unconscionable.. it is understandable that most prefer to be comfortable with having familiarity — but I almost feel as though I am not comfortable if I’m comfortable.. I yearn for change. I yearn to grow, I yearn to discover new ideas, interests, hobbies, goals. I yearn to continue exploring... maybe it is because I haven’t found a place that feels familiar. I wonder how my sentiment will be if I do. When I’m not working toward something I feel like I’m dying inside.. it feels like my existence is meaningless. I can’t help but feel like my destiny/path is different from most in that the ways that I think and the things that I value are somewhat of an anomaly in comparison to my peers. I aspire to obtain honor, integrity, trust, humility, prosperity, happiness, meaning, quality experiences that could never be quantified through a picture or even words but something that you must experience first hand.. idk. Stay focused and let em talk.. damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Misery loves company..

[sadmistergeek]

I have reached a point of contentment.

I have realized that the only person I need to make me happy is me.

The only person who can validate who I am is me.

Not the clothes I wear, not the car I drive or the people I hand out with.

Not the way I am perceived by others.

Not for the love of money.

Not by finding my wife and starting a family.

Not by any outside source.

The only person that will always, no matter the circumstances have my back is me.

The only person who will always look out for my best interests is me.

Trying to hold onto trivial friendships that have managed to stay alive merely because of the time I have known somebody is no more.

Coming to that realization was shitty.. some of the homies i grew up with have veered down their own path embarking on theirs life’s journey. I cannot be mad at anyone for living their life the way they want.

I have lost more friends this year than any in the past.

Sitting in a cell never broke my spirit, as I’ve always enjoyed being alone, but the feeling of being unworthy to others who I felt were important took its toll.

2018 has been a time of grooming who I truly wish to be. Embracing that it won’t happen over night or with the assistance of anyone.

Like anybody else, I have dealt with many trials and tribulations up to this point in my life.

Recently, my father was diagnosed with multiple myeloma.

My grandmother has been fighting dementia but continues to get worse.

I solidified a few friendships with people that I know will have my back until I no longer exist.

I have severed ties with individuals that I knew never truly cared, nor would they ever.

I have entertained friendships that I know plateaued in terms of depth or true friendship long ago.

But most importantly I have continued my most challenging endeavor thus far in my life — that being finishing my undergrad. While there are a multitude of ways to be successful, I have strongly felt that my best option for sustained success would live&die by earning a degree. The only stability I have been able to maintain since high school is through myself. I don’t expect anything from anybody. With the constant support from myself, I know that in spite of whatever the obstacle may be, I can conquer it with my own courage. I am my own hero. I know that no matter how low I have been, I will always manage to bounce back. I have gone through a lot by myself. The same way I came into this world and the same way I will leave. I know that the love I have to give is free. It does not come with any strings attached. It does not require reciprocation. It cannot be bought or measured by how long I have known you. It cannot be faked. The love that I share for those I care about will always be genuine and free. It is given to give, not for anything I return. It is genuine. I don’t know why I continue to write on this mf, but it’s cool to see my self-progression. I doubt myself a lot and assume the worst on most shit. Stemming from how I was raised, life experiences, etc. but the tide is turning. I’m making my way toward who I wish to be in this world. Brick by brick, step by step, this foundation cannot be broken by any outside source. I don’t want anything worldly.. riches or power. I just want to fulfill Gods purpose for my existence. Sure I want the finer things for myself and those around me but they do not dictate my actions nor will they ever hinder my ability to do what is good or just.

[sadmistergeek]

Oblivion

I couldn’t tell you the last time I felt important. They always talk about bills and taxes, responsibility, freedom, etc when you’re a kid growing up but one thing they forget to mention is nourishment. Feeling important. Stability. Lol never thought I’d have to worry about anything like that as a kid but life wears on you quick w/o an outlet. For the longest it’s been ganja but idk.. I kind of don’t want to use that as a crutch anymore. It has limited my growth while providing stability that I don’t feel with anyone. You get older and it’s just kind of an assumption that you will figure out how to take care of yourself and make it in this world. I make it through the basics is paying bills and such but I always feel alone. Trying to convey this to others just comes off as whiney and I try not to be a burden on anybody. Nobody likes to bitch. Nobody wants to hear somebody else bitch. There just isn’t much of a place in this world to bitch. Gotta grind even if you struggle to get to where you’re going. Once I left my parents/guardians nest, it was cool for a while. Being away at college with the ability to come home was nice. At times when you could be inundated with endless shit, it’s nice to go home where you can find solace w the folks you know that have your back, right or wrong, no matter what. I haven’t felt that in a while. I try to look out for all my friends and somewhat fam and be what I would hope to get in return. Seldom is that the case but that is fine. I don’t show love for the hope and expectation of receiving the same in return. I do it cos I care. I used to think friendships and relationships in general were solidified w time, but that means little to nothing to me anymore. All I care about these days is if it’s genuine. I don’t really know what tf this post was gonna be about except that I feel like nothing or nobody. Sometimes is it hard to keep pushing when you’re your own biggest cheerleader.. but what other option do you have. It will pay off someday, right?

[sadmistergeek]

[sadmistergeek]

“It baffles me that our protest is still being misconstrued as disrespectful to the country, flag and military personnel. We chose it because it’s exactly the opposite. It has always been my understanding that the brave men and women who fought and died for our country did so to ensure that we could live in a free and fair society, which includes the right to speak out in protest. It should go without saying that I’m proud to be an American. But, to quote James Baldwin, ‘exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually’.” - Eric Reid, former teammate of Colin Kaepernick, who originally took a knee alongside him.

instagram.com/purehoop

[sadmistergeek]

Slow and steady wins the race.. I’m taking my time to really perfect this shit I been cooking up. It’s crazy how the universe puts you where exactly where you need to be when you set your intentions. I been at this idea for a little over a year now. Whether it be doodling my own drawings even though I’m a novice or constantly conceptualizing my brand and ideas by things that inspire me everyday; and slowly beginning to curate these ideas into my brand. I’m way down in the trenches rn struggling to even pay my rent.. but when life come at your with lemons, make some mf lemonade and handle that shit. Ain’t no other option. Keep working.. it’s not a sprint. It’s a marathon. With that being said, s/o to one of my favorite artists, nipsey hussle. One of my inspirations for why I’m chasing after this. One day at a time.. I’m getting closer. Just wait on it..

[sadmistergeek]

Word

[sadmistergeek]

Nate Dogg and Kurupt in the studio , Los Angeles, 1995. Shot by Chi Modu

[sadmistergeek]

[sadmistergeek]

[sadmistergeek]

[sadmistergeek]

[sadmistergeek]

Bitch Niggas

Why you gotta be such a bitch?

[sadmistergeek]

For the greater good?

Technology has allowed us to reach unimaginable heights. Call a cab in a few taps. Buy a shirt. Like a post. Check the stock market. Read the news. Research with ease. It’s helped circulate ideas among the streetwear industry more fluidly but at what price? Effort toward bootleg immitation in hopes of duplication is where technology has taken streetwear. By no means am I knocking the next mans hustle. But you can tell when somebody has taken their time, and really perfected their craft for ideas; curate and maximize the potential for that concept. You can appreciate their signature, homegrown touch. When it’s a ploy, You can simply read through the bullshit. You can tell when they’re really about that life. Respect the come up. Respect the originality.