sadgirlsandboys

[sadgirlsandboys]

I think I might literally just be a dumbass

[sadgirlsandboys]

he just wants to use me

[sadgirlsandboys]

One way drama

[sadgirlsandboys]

im just gonna stop talking because i know i said something wrong i just dont know what

[sadgirlsandboys]

i dont get it

[sadgirlsandboys]

i just make things awkward

[sadgirlsandboys]

i have absolutely nothing going for me

[sadgirlsandboys]

i sabotage myself because

i dont want to be a pity friend

[sadgirlsandboys]

i like to pretend that i dont know why

people dont like me

why people dont talk to me

when the truth is i know exactly why

[sadgirlsandboys]

i think the most disappointing thing

is that deep down i know

that i will never change.

i will always be like this.

[sadgirlsandboys]

i just want someone to ask me if im alright

i know ill say im fine

[sadgirlsandboys]

reaching my limit

[sadgirlsandboys]

attention seeker

i say i do it for the attention

because when i am in the shower

trying to hide my sobs and even my breaths

while they are laughing in their room

i can only think

how would they react?

would they ask what is wrong?

would they hug me?

would they feel bad for me?

while i am in the shower

crying and pitying myself

i  want them to hear my pain

i want to cry to them 

about how i wish i was different

about how i wish i was normal

about how i wish i wasnt so alone

about how i wish

about how i wish 

about how i wish

i am always the lisener

i am always the one that consoles

but for once

i want to be the one listened to

i want to be the one consoled

i say i do it for attention

and yet they do not ask me what is wrong

and yet the do no hug me

and yet the do not feel bad for me

because in the end

i dont want to be an attention seeker

because the thought of them knowing

makes me shake

makes me scared

makes me ashamed

makes me panic

so i force my mind to different things

so i bite my lip 

so i rinse my face

so i shake out my arms

so i take a deep breath

in

out

and when i step out of the bathroom

it is as if nothing has happened

[sadgirlsandboys]

I just want to go home

[sadgirlsandboys]

if i could find a place

where i could go

and scream

and sob

and yell

until my voice is gone

and my head is pounding

without anyone hearing

without anyone questioning

i dont think i would

i dont think i could

ever stop screaming

[sadgirlsandboys]

why cant i get it out of my head

you look so sad

why do i keep thinking about it

sitting there

why am i letting it bother me

all alone

[sadgirlsandboys]

i wish i could go back and unhear it