rush1940-blog

[rush1940-blog]

BLINDSISED

So while I was depressed I met this girl online, and we got into a relationship, and her phone got taken away cuz she was caught doing drugs( which I did not know), she was from mangalore , so she used to come online from her aunts phone to talk to me, like she used to sneak her into her aunts room in the nights and stuff, like once or twice a week, so through out my depression I was waiting for her to get her phone back, ciz I was eager to talk to her everyday, but when she got her phone back she blocked me, so I text her friend thinking something happened to her, for two weeks I was dying with anxiety, which I already had, that nust got worse with her blocking me for no reason, I thought something happend to her and I just created havoc at home, where my mother almost killed Herself cuz she couldn't see me like this, two weeks letter, her friend got annoyed that I kept texting him asking for her so he just made a group, and that added my exes new insta, thats when I realized my fam and I went through two weeks of torture by worrying about what happened to her, and she did not even have the remorse to inform a person suffering from depression and anxiety that she got her phone back, and then on Instagram she tells me stuff like I was just a sympathy to her, she never really liked me, she just wanted to help me and stuff, she said all that in a mean way, and she knew I was struggling with depression and she still said that, and when I sent her an screenshot of our old , she was like lol what happened to me, that is the part that hurt me the most, when she disregarded the persona that was helping me to live, and It was so easy for her to say such things, asif it was all a time pass for her, where on the other end I waited day night through my depression for her to come online from her aunts phone, where I waited day and night for her to get her phone back so I could talk to her, I thought she was waiting to get her phone back so she could talk to me too, but she just threw me into trash, she was fine till the minute she got her phone back, and when she did, she hurt me knowing that j was already struggling with depression, fine if she wanted to end it, then why make waif till she got her phone back? I would have been much better if she ended it in a kind manner, but the one person who was the kindest to me, who was helping me through my depression ended up being the rudest person I've ever met, when she did that, my depression got even worse, at a time I started to heal that happened and now I'm lower than ever, and I love cinema, it's my life, its just my pain is too much that it consumes all the energy, so I cannot focus on my college stuff or filmmaking as of now, I just want to know why she changed as soon as she got her phone back, but I think it's best to let go, well my depression started cuz of chemical imbalances in my brain, it started in November , but after this traumatic break up it got much worse, the irony is the one person who was helping me through my depression was that person who ended up making it worse, the fact that she did not mind saying such hurtful stuff knowing situation I was in in hurts me, if she ended in a sweeter way I would have taken it better, but in the end all she did was increase my pain, and in the end she said stuff like I need to be thankful towards her cuz she tried to help me. I wouldn't mind if she wanted to leave me, what hurts me the most is she did not mind being mean and cold knowing that I was already suffering from depression, she knew it would make things worse for me, at least a little kindness in the end from her side would have been better.