ru2ya

[ru2ya]

A Satirical Response to the Problem Self-Help Has With Women by Samia Osner

PREFACE

This blog entry was inspired by one of my roommate’s experiences at a Tony Robbins workshop. The Dickens Process, based on Scrooge from “A Christmas Carol'', is a technique where individuals visualize what their futures will look like if they continue engaging with a bad habit or behavior. To clarify, it is a satirical piece critiquing the burden society places on women to be in a relationship.

The entry begins with a narrative experience on when I, as a self-help author, came to the realization that I was “painfully single”. Including this helps readers validate their problems, as I’m sure many readers would have experienced something slightly similar. Grodin highlights the importance of connecting with strangers by validating their problems, stating, “Knowing that countless others share your problem, on some level, seems to suggest to many readers that there is an overwhelming social basis for a problem” (1991, p. 413). My authority as a qualified writer is weak. I only mention that I “cured my singleness”, have worked with countless single women, and imply that I “know women” and therefore should be trusted. This weakness solidifies Salerno’s point of view that the Self-Help and Actualization movement is a SHAM. It also aligns with Salerno’s critique that authors of self-help nowadays make readers believe that they are experts, when in reality, they are not (2005, p. 19).

My solution promises to be individual based, low-cost, easily completed, comfort invoking and for all types of women. These characteristics all emphasize Rimke’s hypothesis that self-help is popular because of the agency it gives readers (2017, p. 4). It was important to explicitly mention that the solution works for all types of women, because Fiske understood that popular texts are structured to appeal to both the dominant and subordinated classes (2000, p. 5).

To be clear, the proposed solution to the “problem” of singleness is supposed to be bogus, borderline quackery. It emphasizes Grodin’s feminist critique that self-help categorizes a woman’s cultural experience as an illness (1991, p. 407). Women’s issues are defined as purely personal in self-help; there is never a blame to be placed on the political or cultural climate (p. 406). My solution pokes fun at Amy Cuddy’s research behind the power pose and illuminates its critiques (Dominus, 2017). The solution also satirizes the Pavlok watch, which utilizes the harmful principle of negative reinforcement to get people to stop engaging in bad habits (as cited in Reagle, 2016, p. 11). I hope that this light satirical read stimulates people’s opinions on absurd societal expectations that women are expected to adhere to.

BELIEVE IN LOVE AGAIN: AN EASY FIX FOR THE PAINFULLY SINGLE WOMAN

I was diagnosed as painfully single last summer, while attending my cousin’s graduation. Aside from the graduation, there was much to celebrate. One of my other cousins had just revealed that she was set to get married within the next year. I was so happy for my cousin, but my face turned sour when my aunt asked me aggressively, “When is it your turn?” I responded quietly, “I’m single”. Met with headshakes and low murmurs of disappointment, my singleness became blatantly apparent. At that moment, it hit me that being single had been dangerously affecting my life! It was making me bitter, selfish, high-maintenance and most of all– incapable of displaying affection to anyone.

I went through a long process to heal my singleness. I went through it so you don’t have to. As a result of conquering singless, I am extremely qualified to provide an easy, low-cost and comforting solution. I have worked with hundreds of single women, so I’ve developed extensive knowledge on every single (pun intended) type of woman that exists. This solution is groundbreaking because it can be utilized by women of all sexualities, ethnicities, religions and upbringings who want to stop being single. I call it the Think Pose Fear Feel method, or TPFF.

Here’s exactly what I want you to do: think about your triggers. Whenever you find yourself choosing to stay home instead of socializing to find a partner, being too picky with potential suitors, or considering fostering a new cat, call yourself out on it. As soon as you experience the dreadful feeling in your stomach when you think about dying alone, I need you to find the mirror closest to you. Once you get to that mirror, face it, and place your palm onto the mirror. After doing so, look yourself in the eyes and say the following phrase: “I do not want to die alone.” Say this three times, placing special emphasis on the words “do not” and “die”. While you repeat this phrase, pay attention to the physical reaction your body has. Common reactions include fear, dread, anxiety, heart pounding and occasionally, nausea. This might feel overwhelming, but it is all part of the process! The point of this exercise is to make you intensely feel these negative emotions, so you are encouraged to find a perfect partner.

This solution works! It works because of the connection you build to your better self. When you first look into your eyes as you look in the mirror, the connection to your better self is elevated. The pose of placing your palm to the mirror symbolizes the connection to the woman you want to be. Research has shown that posing in specific ways influences the way we feel about ourselves. The solution also uses the principles of negative reinforcement identified by psychologist BF Skinner. Negative reinforcement is being highly modernized these days, with products like the Pavlok, a watch that emits tiny shocks when you engage in bad habits.

This solution has changed the lives of countless painful single women. Becky is a middle aged recently divorced middle school teacher. After her husband left her, Becky wanted nothing to do with love. She wrote me a personalized letter after reading my previously published articles on TPFF.

I felt awful one Friday morning, when one of my students remarked loudly to the class, “Ms. DeAngelo, when are you going to find a husband?” When this 12 year old called me out, I felt humiliated. It reminded me of my painful singleness. I began reading your articles on TPFF after this incident. I started practicing this technique and at first, repeating the statement “I do not want to die alone” felt hurtful, harsh, and a little bit agonizing. Over time, I started to value the feeling that came after the fear. Now I repeat this technique at least three times a day, and am proud to say that I recently got engaged. TPFF cured my painful singleness!

I get letters like these all the time. To practice the TPFF technique, all you must do is 1) Think about triggers, 2) Pose by looking yourself in the eye and placing your palm to the mirror, 3) Fear your singleness momentarily by repeating the phrase, “I do not want to die alone” and 4) Feel the deep feelings of shame, humiliation, despair, depression and anxiety that arise.  Practice TPFF today, and join the community of tens of women who have cured their painful singleness!

CITATIONS:

 Dominus. (2017). When the Revolution Came for Amy Cuddy.(Magazine Desk). The New York Times Magazine, 29–.

Fiske, J. (2000). Understanding popular culture. Reading the popular (pp. 1-12). Routledge.

Grodin, D. (1991). The Interpreting Audience: The Therapeutics of Self-Help Book Reading. Critical Studies in Mass Communication, 404–420.

Reagle, J. (2019). Chapter 3: Hacking Time. In Hacking Life (1st ed.). Retrieved from https://hackinglife.mitpress.mit.edu/pub/npc7g21v

Rimke, H. (2017). Self-Help Ideology. The SAGE Encyclopedia of Political Behavior, 734–737. https://doi.org/http://dx.doi.org/10.4135/9781483391144.n337

 Salerno. (2005). SHAM : how the self-help movement made America helpless (1st ed.). Crown Publishers.