retailhorrors

[retailhorrors]

#me at work

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Things’s you’ll get used to thinking as a Cashier/Retail worked

What a bitch

Fuck this person

Fuck

Fuck me

Fuck this

Why am I here?

The human race disappoints me

Please shower.

Ew.

Is this your idea of presentable?

Stop flirting….Please stop flirting…PLEASE.

I’m old enough to be your grandchild.

What time is it?….Fuck.

I’m in literal hell right now.

How are people this dumb?

We really need to put up arrows that guide customers to the bathroom.

How does a human like you even exist? How do you function in the real world?

Banana’s = 4011

I. DON’T. CONTROL. THE. PRICES. OF. THE. STORE. 

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HR: if they work 40 hours a week u have to give them benefits

Big company: hmm okay. They shall work 39

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it’s so difficult not being able to use milennial humor in a corporate setting. like i made a mistake today and i wanted to tell my supervisor it’s because i suffer from Dumb Bitch Disease, but do you think that would fly?? fuck no. i gotta say shit like, “sorry for the misunderstanding!” i can’t wait till the workforce is made up entirely of millennials and i can say “sorry i drank idiot juice for breakfast this morning” and my coworkers will be like “oh worm.”

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Me: “How can I help you today, ma'am?” Client: “Is e-mail internet”? Me: “I beg your pardon?” Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?” Me: “Well yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.” Client: “Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.” Me: “Well, let’s see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?” Client: “Open what?” Me: “Your browser, can you open up your browser?” Client: “My…my…?” Me: “What you click on when you want to browse the internet?” Client: “I don’t use anything, I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.” Me: “Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?” Client: “You mean I have to start writing letters again?” Me: “I’m…what, I’m sorry?” Client: “I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.” Me: “No, ma'am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?” Client: “Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?” Me: “We…okay, ma'am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?” Client: “My what?” Me: “The little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - it’s most likely near your computer?”

Client: “Lights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.

Me: “My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?” Client: “It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.” Me: “An error message?” Client: “No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.” Me: “…Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?” Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Move it for me.” Client: “Move it?” Me: “Yes. Move it.” Client: “My e-mail!”

[retailhorrors]

My typical work day in retail/food service as described by Megamind quotes:

“So what’s the plan?” “Well, it mainly involves not dying.” “I like that plan!”

“Could this day get any more funtastic?”

“I’m not allowed to insult guests directly.” (fave)

“Ugh, girls, girls, you’re both pretty. Can I go home now?”

*when there’s a rush of people* “GET BACK YOU SAVAGES!”

*when someone tells me what a good job I’m doing* “And I love you, random citizen!”

Co-worker who’s leaving: Good luck, fellas! me: *laughs* We’re gonna die! Co-worker who’s not leaving: …Wait, what?

*leaving for the day* “WE WON WE WON WE WON!”

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In case anyone has been wondering why i’ve dropped off the face of the earth.

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When I can’t understand a customer’s order because there are so many things making noise behind the counter

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Convo #10

Me: *bringing food to table*

Me: so we have the beef dinner plate? And the other chicken dinner plate?

Customers:

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working in retail

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me: hi how are you?

customer: im returning this

me: *slaps my ass loud enough to deafen them* i said how are you

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Me: *takes their order*

Me: *makes their order*

Me: *tops and sets their order*

Customer who watched me the entire time: uh i wanted no onions and it was to go

Me:

If it werent for the laws of this company i would have slaughtered you by now

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Me: *putting their order in a tray for here*

Customer who never said it was to go: ITS TO GO

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was ringing up a customer and added his coupons, he was surprised it took off so much off the total and i accidentally said “well tits the season!” instead of tis the season but he let out a very long and powerful “Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell yeah”