things in the avengers game that feels straight out of 2012 fanfic:
tony and kamala are currently in a prank war
natasha has taken kamala’s side
so has kate
clint is too, but mostly because if he helps tony, nat will never talk to him again
hulk really wants to help, but clint says he’s not stealthy enough
pretty much no one is on tony’s side except tony.
thor borrows hair ties from natasha
both he and clint are confused by the midguardian obsession with manbuns
tony looks up inspirational quotes sometimes. he is deeply embarrassed by this fact.
tony has rented an apartment in the building clint owns.
t’challa hugs lucky and says he knows he’s really the one in charge.
the avengers used to have wheelie chair races
until tony crashed into cap
clint has a special place somewhere in the helicarrier to go for some peace and quiet now that kate has taken over his quarters.
thor wants to know where it is. not so he can use it, but so he can protect it and make sure clint can always use it without being bothered by anyone
nat seems to threaten to shoot clint whenever he gets on her nerves.
cap can’t cook
cap is so bad at cooking that clint bought him a gift certificate for cooking classes.
which steve very much appreciates after his terrible cooking showed up in kamala’s fanfiction.
clint is an amazing gift giver. he says its because he listens.
tony says its because he’s obviously a secret psychic.
thor loves pineapple on pizza
steve is disgusted by this fact.
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AS SAID BY GARRUS VAKARIAN, updated version
* assorted dialogue from the mass effect trilogy, adjust as necessary
i can't find any hard evidence.
good luck, [name]. maybe they'll listen to you.
i'm coming with you.
sometimes it feels like the rules are only there to stop me from doing my work.
i just couldn't take it anymore.
maybe i can get the job done my way for a change.
if you're wrong, we'll pay for it. but if you're right, and we did nothing, i think we'd regret it a whole lot more.
i thought you were dead.
it sure is good to see a friendly face.
at least it's not hard to find criminals here. all i have to do is point my gun and shoot.
my feelings got in the way of my better judgement.
i'll make you a deal. you get me out of here alive, and i'll tell you the whole damn thing.
nobody would give me a mirror. how bad is it?
don't make me laugh, damn it.
some women find facial scars attractive.
i'm fit for duty whenever you need me.
when i got to the meeting point, no one was there.
kill you? no. but i don't mind slowing you down a little.
what do you want from me, [name]?
i know you want to talk about this... but i don't. not yet.
it's so much easier to see the world in black and white. gray... i don't know what to do with gray.
my instincts are what got me into this mess.
never knew you had a weakness for men with scars.
well, why the hell not? there's nobody in this galaxy i respect more than you.
if we can figure out a way to make it work, then... yeah. definitely.
you're about the only friend i've got left in this screwed-up galaxy.
you don't ever have to worry about making me uncomfortable. nervous, yes... but never uncomfortable.
i brought wine.
your hair looks... good. and your waist is... very supportive.
hopefully that's not offensive in human culture.
i want something to go right. just once.
think you can win this thing, [name]?
i'm pretty sure we'll still need giant guns... and lots of them.
so... is this the part where we shake hands?
the scars are starting to fade. i remember they drove you wild.
i've been doing some more research on human customs.
glad to know my romantic skills made an impression.
let's not go there.
i can afford the good stuff.
what about you? i'm starting to see some wear and tear.
don't forget to come up for air. and not just because all these people need you. because i need you.
if you're suggesting i'm scared... game on.
still trying to make me blush, huh?
i'd be lying if i said i didn't hope it would inspire a certain... mood.
it seemed like you needed time to... figure us out.
the worst part about the galaxy going to hell would've been never getting to see you again.
not saying you don't know how to handle a gun. just saying some of us know how to make it dance.
i've actually seen you dance. no comment.
i know there are other things you're good at.
probably not a lot of air in here. an hour if we're lucky.
so tell me. think a girl would fall for that?
it gets even better when you try it in bed.
you don't lack for places to get lost.
did we break anything last night?
you'll find a way to win. and when this is over, i'll be waiting for you.
if this thing goes sideways and we both end up there... meet me at the bar. i'm buying.
forgive the insubordination, but your boyfriend has an order for you.
come back alive. it'd be an awfully empty galaxy without you.
we're in this 'til the end.
we didn’t kill these people. and we’re going to shut down the bastards who did.
looks like we’ve got a siege on our hand.
if anyone needs fresh clips or a bathroom break, now’s the time.
oh crap!
guess he didn’t like the food.
looks like we got the jump.
pretty extreme, but those were desperate times.
we won’t get a second chance.
that was me, sorry.
nothing like being stranded.
we’ll do more than that.
just the usual minor flesh wound.
what would these people have done if we hadn’t shown up?
i was there when you two had your thing, remember? just get a room and work it out.
stay angry. we’ll need it to get through this.
drinks will be on me.
one of my favorite places to fight!
i’m hard to kill. you should know that.
it’s gonna be bad all over.
for whatever it’s worth, i’m with you.
you’ve waited long enough for this day.
just wait ‘til this war is over.
you came along and warmed my heart with your winning personality.
maybe you’d like to go work for them instead?
how do i not have one of those?
surprise on our side for once. i like it.
brutal, but it makes a certain kind of sense.
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“Well… that’s actually pretty impressive.” It probably wasn't the best thing to say at a time like that, but comments like that just slipped through. Then she opened her eyes wide and pointed at the image.“Look, it’s you!” That wasn’t good.
He was just in the background, but still. He was there. “Aw dad, if uncle Bucky is watching this, he’ll totally spot you in there. He’s probably gonna text you, any minute now.”
"Yep, I was completely on my own." Clint confirmed, still scowling at the TV. "Aw TV no."
Maybe he'd get lucky, and Natasha or anyone else who knew him wouldn't spot him in the background of the footage.
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