reclaimingthewildsoul

[reclaimingthewildsoul]

Tree

A tree doesn’t ask anything of me

It doesn’t need me or want me to perform for it

A tree never tries to influence me or criticize me or tell me how to live my life

A tree isn’t trying to convince me to buy something

A tree never speaks badly of others or judges anyone

A tree never lets me down or disappoints me

A tree doesn’t compete with others or think it’s more special or important than others

A tree never needs to be right all the time

A tree doesn’t get defensive and argumentative

A tree doesn’t project its mood and ruin the day

A tree doesn’t get jealous or needy

A tree never forces its will on me

A tree doesn’t make me feel guilty

A tree doesn’t compare itself and seek praise

A tree stands tall and strong alone , alongside other trees, its roots in the earth and its branches reaching for the sky and light

A tree exists in this way until it dies

I think I will hang out with trees

[reclaimingthewildsoul]

New Chapter

Today feels like the first day of this next and new chapter.

Life has changed and continues to change.

Life without Lizzie ... filling these huge spaces with other things that are meaningful to me.

Moving into some form of semi-retirement ... more spaces to fill with what I value .

Today I begin - after the aftermath of the loss and grief of loosing Lizzie, then my mother in law, then my Grandson's 8th birthday party, then Christmas and New Years.

Today feels like Day 1

Today I begin 2 new exercise programs, Yoga Burn and SOAR for 24; my art class begins again; I begin guitar lessons; and I once again return to mindful healthy eating with the Gina Livy program.

Still waiting for my heart to let me know in what way I want to have horses in my life now. It will never be "Lizzie", but maybe I will find some way to love and care for another horse.

My cat Mishu still warms my heart each day, and I have wonderful friends who I plan to remain in close contact with as much as possible

[reclaimingthewildsoul]

The Body Speaks

This has always been one of my favourite quotes.

People say all kinds of things, promises, excuses, platitudes ..... but when the chips are down, who really shows up?

The body speaks.

Sometimes we are surprised by who shows up and who doesn't, in person, by phone by email or text.

When things are tough you see who your true friends are. Who is there for you when you need help or some love. Who isn't .....

We are born alone and we die alone, but along the way we encounter, and share the Journey for awhile with, many people and animals. As it is said, some for a Reason, some for a Season and some for a Lifetime.

[reclaimingthewildsoul]

Live like you were Dying

The title of this song by Tim McGraw says it all!

I was recently introduced to blogging by a good friend who is currently and knowingly dying, dealing with ALS. He has a blog which I always enjoy reading because it is so real and raw and the insights and perceptions of life are so powerful. In a blog post of his I read just now, he tells the story of how he went from being an active fully engaged person to now being in an electric wheelchair and looking his own mortality straight in the eye.

Our discussions are always of the most meaningful kind because there is no time for anything else! However, I must say, for as long as I have known him, maybe 20 + years, he has been this way. This is largely why we became such good friends. We used to share "Quotes that take my breath away" with each other. We both loved to delve into deep conversations about Life and Meaning etc. Because, why not ..... what else is worth discussing .... lol

In this post of his i just read, he mentioned the song by Tim McGraw titled "Live Like You Were Dying". So of course I listened to it. It touched my heart in a deep way and brought tears to my eyes. Not tears of sadness so much as tears of recognition of a TRUTH, and the beauty of knowing that I still have this day, this moment.

What we forget is that we are all dying, we just don't know WHEN. We must live each moment as if it is our last. Each moment is the only moment. Why waste any of them.

As the Buddha is said to have reminded us, "The Problem is you think you have Time".

Why wait? Why put off anything? Why not tell that person how you truly feel? Why not take that risk? Why not go Skydiving and climb mountains as the Tim McGraw song mentions.

Enlightenment rests on this realization..... Be Here Now, Live Now, Appreciate All, Live Fully ....... because one day you won't be able to.

[reclaimingthewildsoul]

Enough

Is it ever enough?

All my life I have aimed to be enough, to be accepted, to be loved, to be wanted.

Some false concept of there actually being some perfect state of value, that if I could just attain it I’d be good enough; good enough that my mother wouldn’t have died; good enough that my father wouldn’t have said that he pitied the man who ended up with me; good enough that my sisters would like me.

To live with a sense of being somehow “eternally flawed”, and yet to never be told exactly what it is that is wrong with you, is pure torture and crazy making. This has been my life.

[reclaimingthewildsoul]

Why do I love the show "Ted Lasso" so much?

I love this show because it deals with people who have real issues and who all eventually face their fears and demons and become who they truly are.

The show has many threads and storylines involving all the characters, and often falls back on the deep message of “BELIEVE”, and also vulnerability, forgiveness, kindness and being part of a team. The focus is on working together for the betterment of the whole, being kind and not judgmental.

It presents a refreshing look at the world for me. I have watched the entire 3 seasons, 34 episodes, many times and will most likely continue to watch because every time I watch an episode I still get something out of it that I hadn’t before.

Here are some of my most favourite quotes from the show

1. "Be curious, not judgmental"

2. "Doing the right thing is never the wrong thing."

3. "I have a really tricky time hearing folks that don’t believe in themselves."

4. “Change Isn’t About Trying To Be Perfect. Perfection Sucks. Perfect Is Boring.”

5. "You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It's a goldfish. It has a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish."

6. "For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It's about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field."

7. "I think that if you care about someone and you got a little love in your heart, there ain't nothing you can't get through together."

8. “I think that you might be so sure that you’re one in a million that sometimes you forget that out there, you’re just one of 11.” 

9. "Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn't it? If you're comfortable while you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong."

10. "I promise you there is something worse out there than being sad, and that's being alone and being sad. Ain't no one in this room alone.

11. “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less”.

12. “I hope that none of us are judged by the actions of our weakest moments; but rather by the strength we show when and if we are given a second chance”

13. “Gezellig”

14. "Find out before you flip out"

15. “You know, Rupert, guys have underestimated me my entire life. And for years, I never understood why. It used to really bother me. But then one day, I was driving my little boy to school and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman and it was painted on the wall there. It said, Be curious, not judgmental. I like that. So I get back in my car and I'm driving to work, and all of a sudden it hits me. All them fellas that used to belittle me, not a single one of them were curious. You know, they thought they had everything all figured out. So they judged everything, and they judged everyone. And I realized that they're underestimating me... who I was had nothing to do with it, cause  if they were curious, they would've asked questions. You know? Questions like, "Have you played a lot of darts, Ted?" To which I would've answered, "Yes, sir. Every Sunday afternoon at a sports bar with my father, from age ten till I was 16, when he passed away". Barbecue sauce

And if you haven’t watched the show these quotes, especially the last one, may not mean much to you, but if you have, you will remember the power of the words.

[reclaimingthewildsoul]

There is a difference between people who involve themselves in caring for something or someone beyond themself and those who are only self oriented. This might be feeding the birds, brushing a cat, watering plants, caring for children, grandchildren, or any loved one.

The attention is on something outside the Self and it’s possible that such action takes us into a different state.

Neither is "right" or "wrong" or "better", but there is a difference and the effect on others is different.

Zoom in, Obsess, Zoom out, Observe

[reclaimingthewildsoul]

Boundaries

We cannot allow any one else to treat us in ways that show disrespect, unkindness, abuse, ingratitude or just plain rudeness. It’s easy to sometimes wonder afterwards why we “let that happen”, or “let that other person speak to us or treat us as they did”. It’s called “Enabling”.

Wanting to be accepted, loved, fit in or just plain be “needed” or “wanted” can often be at the core of why we don’t speak up and set our boundaries sooner, or immediately.

Whatever we might “lose” by setting and maintaining healthy boundaries can never match the self respect, self love and confidence that we gain by doing so.

The world will treat you as you let it treat you. We are not victims and there is never a good reason to allow someone to not treat you well.

If someone doesn’t like you because you said “Don’t treat me like shit”, they don’t deserve your attention, time, or concern.

As Ted Lasso says, “What’s the happiest animal on earth? A goldfish, because they only have a 10 second memory. Be a Goldfish”

[reclaimingthewildsoul]

The Creative Act: A Way of Being

This is the title of a book that I just finished reading. It was recommended to me by a good friend who I have always felt represented "Creativity". She constantly pursues new adventures with lustre and relish, and I would always joke that she would most definitely receive AAA+ in effort for everything she engaged in, right down to her almost trip to Mars!

This book is written by Rick Rubin, and he apparently is so at peace with himself that nowhere in the book is there even a mention of who he is or what he has accomplished in his life and his own multiple acts of Creativity.

Having been raised in a way which taught me that there was always a "Right Way" to do things or a "Best Way", I have not felt so free in expressing my Creative Acts. Doing things right, or well, was highly praised and linked to being loved and accepted in my world, so reading the words of Rick Rubin has been freeing and enlightening.

He speaks of how being Creative is just being absolutely connected to the Energy of Life that flows through everything, and expressing our own experience of that Connection. Such creativity can include, but not be exclusive to, anything from music, painting, architecture, writing, composing, singing, relationships with others, planning, cooking, organizing ...... and anything else that we feel free to express ourselves through.

This is a completely different take on creativity for me, and one that I can't wait to delve into.

How often are we limited and restrained in our expression of Self? Often due to earlier experiences of rejection or ridicule, we stop our free and total expression of Self. We see such open joy and carefree abandonment in young children, until such time as they become "socialized", or "mature", or "reasonable", or "good", or "successful". I've heard many stories of small children who still "See" things or "Hear" things that we no longer are aware of. Is it that we are born still aware of the constant and total connection to the "flow of energy" that connects all and everything? Then one day that small child often just stops being able to directly experience that connection and their "visions" and "insights" stop?

In Rick Rubin's book he describes the many ways in which we can begin once again to open to this flow of life energy and seek to be present and express our own creativity in anything and everything that we do.

I find this description to fit well with my own philosophical leanings and the teachings I have been exposed to in my life. I have always been interested in what I term "Eastern ways of thinking", and I have studied Marital Arts for over 20 years and learned and practiced Meditation and Mindfulness throughout. The phrase "Be and Artist of Life" was one I learned in these practices and it has always stuck with me. Nature and our connection to it has always been my sacred place and my solace.

My Shangri-la, my safe place of refuge, has always been the property and cottage that my family has owned since I was 13 years old. It was first just a wonderful piece of peaceful northern land on a lake all by itself. It has always been "off the grid", and is only accessible by boat, though not an island. It is 187 acres of untouched beauty in the Parry Sound District and it has always been my place to get away from it all. It was purchased in 1967 by my parents for $3,000 and for the first 3 years we camped there. Then in 1970 while my family was in Australia for my father's Sabbatical from teaching at McMaster University, he hired someone to build a 4 bedroom cedar Pan Abode cottage on the land, on a granite hill overlooking the beautiful lake.

In 2013 this magical cottage somehow, unknown to any of us, burned to the ground, leaving only the stone fireplace standing like a monument to survival. We spent the next two summers rebuilding it ourselves and my connection to the land and the cottage only increased.

[reclaimingthewildsoul]

Reflections

As I wait between chapters, my mind cannot help but wander back to all the paths that led to here. How I became who I am and all that I have done, create the legacy of my life.

Loss often makes us reflect on what has been, sometimes with sadness or regret and sometimes with fondness and joy. However I got here, I am now here. I feel very much between .... who I have been and who I will move into being .... what defined me then and what will define me in the future.

The loss of my horse, Lizzie has created a huge chasm in my soul. She occupied parts of every day of my life for the past 27 years. She grew with me through raising my 3 kids, enduring then leaving a marriage of 23 years, starting again alone at 50, building a business and a career, marrying again and now thinking about what form of "retirement" is good for me. I have made adjustments all along the way, as we must do to survive.

Being a full time mother brought me so much Joy for all the years my kids needed me. Now they are all grown up with children of their own and their "need" for me has changed. As I always say to others, "a good parent raises their children to NOT need them". So I succeeded. I know they love me and will always be there for me, but they don't "need" me as they once did. My self purpose changed as they grew up and moved on to living their own lives.

I am grateful for all the good friends who I have met and who have walked alongside me for a time through the years. It is at times like these that I am so glad for the valuable insights and support they give me. Being seen, known and accepted by another is a crucial part of finding solace on the Journey and helping when times are not so easy.

In my reflecting I am aware of how often I did for others or did what I felt I "should" do rather than make choices that I might now call "free". As I now see the end getting closer, and never knowing how many sunrises, sunsets, full moons or Christmas celebrations with family are left for me, I am prepared to dig and find that "wild Soul" that may have called and not been heard or listened to.

[reclaimingthewildsoul]

And Life Goes On ....

This is the beginning of a new Chapter for me. So many changes and life stages.

This photo, taken recently at the last barn my horse and I belonged to, speaks to me and seems to represent some of how I am currently feeling. It has obviously lived a good long time and it's branches appear to be strong and reaching for the sky, and yet the core, it's heart is hollow. Or to reframe that into something more positive, I was recently reminded by a good friend of an old teaching that tells us that in order to make room for the new we must empty our cup .....

[reclaimingthewildsoul]