realjohnnysilverhand - Tumblr blog

realjohnnysilverhand · 2 months

Text

A taste of my writing style- This is my main blog, so I'll follow you from here.

Finding A Way

Johnny Silverhand x V

A quick hurt & comfort fic because I had a night and I gotta get my emotions out. First fic I've posted on tumblr in years but I can't stop thinking about this pairing

!!! TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE !!!

It had only been a week since Night City's most notorious terrorist had taken his parasitic residence inside your head, but it felt like it had been years. You really get to know someone once they're physically unable to leave your side; and despite your frequent spats over trivial things like cigarettes and which gun is better, you've slowly grown fond of Silverhand. Despite the fact that his engram was slowly deteriorating your neurons, you had quickly gotten to the point where you didn't know what life would be like without the sarcastic asshole constantly by your side for his own version of moral support. Some could argue that he was a bad influence, but in the loneliest city in the New United States of America, any company was company worth having. And despite his cynical attitude, you could tell he was growing fond of you too. Perhaps it was your personalities merging as the engram slowly consumed your brain, but it had become easier to find common ground in the struggle of existing together. Maybe it was also pity from Silverhand's perspective that had made him more agreeable, as the side effects of losing yourself became more obvious.

It had started with the migraines, blurry vision, similar to the neural viruses you had experienced working as a merc. Over time though, your mental awareness began to wane. You often found yourself staring at nothing in particular, unable to gather your thoughts or make the witty responses you were known for. Forgetting things was another common side effect, and recently the people once important to you had also begun to fade from your mind. You felt slower, as if twenty pound weights were being added to your body with each day that passed. Your whole body had begun to ache, and neural shocks seizing your body had only grown more common place. As the hopelessness of your situation continued to sink in, it felt like your body had begun to check out; and the jolting pain as your own nerves were burned out of your brain by the biochip was a constant reminder of your impending fate.

Sitting atop Misty's Esoterica in the shitty plastic chairs she had introduced you to, you look out to the bright lights and take a long drag of your cigarette. You cough as the chemicals fill your lungs, closing your eyes tight to try and bring back memories of a happier time. Your parents, what did they look like? You remember looking up to them, but their faces were just an unrecognizable blur. It hurt that even the people who brought you into this world were no longer anything but a fading relic, and so you fill your lungs with more smoke to distract yourself from the haze filling your brain. You stand from the chair, flicking your cigarette into the half filled ashtray and walking to the ledge to lean against it and take in the views. You peer over the edge, trying to spot Jackie's motorcycle parked on the pavement below. As you bring your gaze upward, you feel another jolt from your brain travel down your body- making your twitch and cry out in pain and frustration. The shocks were growing more intense and frequent with every hour, and you could feel your window of opportunity towards recovery from the damage quickly closing. Fighting through the pain was getting harder to the point where you questioned if your life was worth the effort. After all, you still blamed yourself for Jackie's death, what did it matter if you joined him in whatever came afterwards? You take another look off the edge, leaning over the concrete barrier and letting yourself tip forward slightly to judge the distance of the fall. It would surely be enough, wouldn't it?

"I know what you're thinking, don't do it V."

"Of course you know what I'm thinking, you're in my brain jackass"

"Just going to give up now? We got some promising leads, Rogue managed to-"

"We got leads, but we don't have time, Johnny.... it hurts. It's getting worse, and I don't want to die in the middle of a gun fight and leave her stranded."

You sigh and look to your left, where Silverhand sits with his gaze averted from yours. He takes his glasses off and folds them, tucking them into his vest and sliding his digital hand towards your arm without turning to face you. You look at the metal hand, that glitches in and out of your perception- a stark reminder that even your closest friend isn't even truly there with you.

"C'mon V, we can go-"

"No." You cut him off, gripping onto the concrete ledge and hoisting yourself to stand on it. You feel the wind blow through your hair as you once again look down into the empty parking lot outside Misty's, and your body sways back and forth as you gather your courage.

"There's no point in putting anyone else in any more danger Johnny, I can't do it. It's fucking hopeless anyways, I won't-" you find yourself choking over your words, your usual stoicism crumbled as you face the end.

"I won't risk losing anyone else trying to save my life."

"V-"

You manage to bring your gaze back to Johnny, who's now looking directly into your eyes with a hand out stretched towards you. Silverhand had never shown much emotion, but you could feel the weight of your shared sadness. He seemed at a loss for words as well, and for a moment, you just stared at each other.

"Please." Johnny chokes out, screwing his eyes shut to try and hide the tears welling up. It catches you by surprise- he's never said please, much less cried in front of you.

"I don't- I can't let you go. Not like this." He murmurs, attempting to grab you with his synthetic hand. You can almost feel the cool metal brush against your skin as he brings himself to stand next to you.

"It'd be over... I wouldn't have to put up with any of this shit anymore." You whisper, feeling your own eyes fill with tears and quickly blinking them away. "Johnny, I don't want to do this anymore."

"I know. Can't imagine how shitty it is to lose yourself like this. But V- I'm not going anywhere." You feel his presence merge with yours, and you notice your hand reaching up to caress your cheek. You lean into the touch, shakily exhaling as Johnny wraps your other arm around your body to bring yourself into a hug.

"We can't end it like this- a stain on the fucking pavement. You're the better me V, the me I wish I could've been. And I won't let you go." You squeeze yourself tighter, unsure who is in control of your arms but knowing that Johnny is trying his hardest to hold you still.

You stand there in silence, allowing Johnny to slide your own hands gently up and down your body. You can't remember the last time you got a hug from someone else, but you knew it felt something like this. Johnny's voice now echoes through your thoughts:

"I've never been good at the sappy shit- but meeting you is the best fucking thing that's happened to me. And if I could rip myself out of your head right now to save you, I would."

"But you can't, Johnny. We both know how this is going to end- the biochip is going to overwrite my mind and leave you with my broken fucked up body to deal with."

"You know, I've come to like your body. Sure, nerves might be a little shot, but it's got you in it, and that's pretty damn great."

You let a couple tears escape your closed eyes, chuckling to yourself at the absurdity of the situation you've found yourself in. You know he isn't there with you physically, but you can feel his soul wrapped around yours, cradling your psyche with his spirit.

"V- no matter what happens, I'll be with you. Even if we fail miserably, I'm not giving up on you, or letting you give up on yourself."

You open your eyes and find that you've stepped down from the edge, still holding yourself in your arms.

"Well.... at least I know that when I finally kick the bucket, I'll have given it my best shot." You manage to curl your lips into a small smile, feeling Johnny reciprocate the smile from inside your mind.

"We'll save you yet, V. I promised you I'd do anything to save your life, didn't I?"

You release yourself from your hold to touch the dog tags dangling around your neck, letting your fingers run along the chain. Underneath that necklace is the bullet- resting against your chest as a constant reminder of the second chance you've been given.

"You already have saved my life, Johnny. Just did it again."

"Third times the charm. Let's go V, maybe grab a bite to eat. I'm hankering for a good slice of pizza right now."

You take another step back from the edge and turn to head towards the elevator, still holding on to the dog tags. Johnny leans against the wall next to the door, a softness in his eyes that you haven't noticed before. You give your arm one more tight squeeze, this time as a message to Johnny.

"Sounds like a plan. Just don't make me put that fake pineapple shit on it"

"Wouldn't dream of it, V."

#cyberpunk fanfic #silverv #cyberpunk rp

11 notes · View notes