ravegore

[ravegore]

My numbness grows

#the pair doesnt do much for me really #sighs

[ravegore]

I still feel like such a child grasping for stimulation and resisting every toxic urge burned into me

[ravegore]

so much history and connection lost.

#who even am i now without them

[ravegore]

Why didn't you take my pain seriously.

[ravegore]

And still I yearn

#i miss their humor their energy #why did it have to come with such toxicity #i never want to go back. #im tired of mourning friendships #at least it stings less.

[ravegore]

all this shit with me and yet your partner is the same and there's nothing. Kay why ess

#or there is improvement im not seeing behind the scenes #sure doesnt seem like it though with how they childishly vagued me a while ago #ugh. the anger returns.

[ravegore]

i guess the fact im reacting like this speaks for itself huh.

#but where do i even go from here what do yoy even want me to do #i just want to die #i domt know which one of us is right anymore im just tired im just tired.

[ravegore]

ah right. but me saying "not doing well" is fucking nothing anyway!

#killing myself

[ravegore]

time to take another period of being offline that nobody will notice and will not last past a few hours until i inevitably hit the drug again of social interaction

#whh is it that id rather go quiet ajd wait someone to ask to say im not doing well #than to just say im not doinf well #...oh right. its because they would see it. #but i dont want to announve it in the server either i feel fucking embarrassing. #dont know if what i said was too much.

[ravegore]

who cares anymore. tell all my friends how bad i am and how you should leave. whatever nobody likes me that much anyway nobody feels close enough with me to care

[ravegore]

i hate you and i hate me and i wish i could disappear

[ravegore]

god i really am a terrible person aren't i

[ravegore]

thanks for telling the audience im chronically online glad we all have that in our minds

#i hate myself

[ravegore]

look idk why I feel like a child all the time but maybe just maybe i need to shut up and maybe stop exaggerating my problems i fucking guess. back to 2017 boys

[ravegore]

never talking about my problems ever again it is just overwhelmingly confirmed for me that i indeed just live in cycles and inducting others into them will cause net harm and no gain

[ravegore]

i need to stop giving advice it all just sucks

[ravegore]

everything i say feels poisoned and dark. maybe i should be silent forever.

#'but raaave you're just proving the point that you dont want to get better!' whatever #nobody cares anyway and nobody should #i might as well keep my theatrics to myself where it wont hurt anybody